10 Tips for Great Doctor Appointments 4 Your Senior

Info on how to prepare for doctor appointments for you or your senior. by francy Dickinson

George on his weekly out and about.

Dear Francy: Mother was complaining for two weeks on how she was having bowel problems and a soreness in her rib cage…I made the doctor appointment. We go…then she says nothing! He asks her how she is and she says; “FINE”  I am so frustrated and mad that I wasted a day off work for an empty doctor appointment. HELP!

Hello!  Are you sure you are not living my life? I have been there and done that so many times that I sat down and went over all the steps that would give me quality time with busy doctors. We all can get scattered and forget, or not really ‘think’ about our body and what to ask the doctor. So here is a listing to help you never again feel cheated at a doctor’s office.

George is going to his memory clinic on Friday. We have had three appointments that have had to be cancelled, due to all sorts of things, so this time…we need to really go and hit the nail on the head. I am taking time to do all of these steps this week with George. I know this will help you. It has made my time at doctor’s offices go smooth and easy.I have even had doctors “thank me” for being so informative.

10 TIPS TO HELP YOU MAKE THAT DOCTOR APPOINTMENT INFORMATIVE:

1. Quiet yourself and think about you/or your senior’s body. What has changed since the last time you were at the doctor’s office? Even if the doctor you are seeing is a foot specialist…write down your whole body changes. Doctors diagnose with detailed information. They are best when they know the most. Give them a list: slightly dizzy when I get up to go to the bathroom at night – gained 10 pounds and feel like candy is my best friend – allergy headaches that really bother me – my mouth is dry all the time, lately – my nails are breaking a lot – my hair is getting thinner. Go ahead. Sit and think about this, talk it over with your senior or spouse and write it down. Do not be afraid or embarrassed to share the information…this list could save a life.
2. Write a letter to the doctor about your care giving elder. Just let the doctor know. I have written my letter for my husband’s friday memory clinic appointment. I have taken time to be quiet with myself and just write down his changes with his Alzheimer’s. I have had to insist on him getting out of bed, he only feels safe there. I have forced him to walk 10 min. in the hall – twice a day. His shuffling is so bad that I am very worried over him not walking at all and I would lose the ability to care for him. I even did a short video to show him on our tablet. I am not sleeping (see I talk about me too) I find my temper is getting short over the silly things he does. Now you go ahead do your letter and let it all flow out. Let the doctor know the things your senior has told you during the last couple of months. Write it down and give it to the check-in desk and ask the doctor to read it before he comes into the appointment. The doctor will be so grateful.
3. Keep a list of things you hear on the radio, from friends or read online about the special medical problems you or your senior may have at this time. Maybe you heard a tip on supplements to help diabetes, or a special test on a new drug, or a place to go and join an experimental test. Write it down, so you can remember to ask the opinion of your own doctor before you proceed. Use his opinion to help you make your “own informed decision”  about treatment.
4. Walk in the doctor’s office with an updated list of your medications. Keep this list on the computer or ask the doctor to print if off for you. You need to know each name of the medication, the amount, the time to take it, if it is taken with or without food, and what the medication is doing in your body. If you don’t know those things take a trip to the pharmacy and talk to them. You need to take pills that make sense to you and understand the reason you take them. That way you will be taking them on time, in a a daily manner. Many medications simply stop working if you take them 2 -5 times a week. So you may “pay” for a medication and then not take them properly or not understand that one medication may assist another. This is serious stuff. If you do not take your medications…then open your mouth and tell your doctor. He is assuming that you are taking it. So each time you walk in the door, he is trying to diagnosis you and if you do not have his prescriptions in your body chemistry…he is unknowingly making a mistake.
   This is important. KNOW YOUR MEDICATIONS AND TAKE THEM PROPERLY. If you forget to take them…find a way to remind yourself. There are cell phone apps that will do just that, or ask your care giver or family to call you…but take your medications!
5. Be informed. I often go to the doctor with my sister because she tends to blank out when she is faced with the doctor’s answers to her questions or diagnosis.  I go and take notes. But now, we all have cell phones with recording buttons. When the doctor is starting to tell you what is wrong with you or how to treat it…have your record button ready…let the doctor know you are taping and push the button. Then you can play the information back for yourself or your family to review.
6. Dress for success. OK you are going to the doctor, wear something that is easy to remove and put back on. Wear shoes that are not the heaviest you own because you will be weighted-in. Take off your coat before you get weighed and take note of your weight at the doctor’s office so you can go home and adjust your own scale. Also write down your blood pressure, if it is high you can then take it a few times at home to make sure that it does not stay in a high range. Blood pressure is best taken at lunch time…relaxed and repeated so the doctor can see the time frame of the numbers. Same with weight…weigh in the morning, twice a week and write it down in a notebook. When you go to the doctor you can show him your progress up or down over a time period so he can look for glues.
7. Seasonal issues. Keep a green marker for your calendar journal to mark seasonal problems. Maybe you gain weight around the holidays…write it down. Maybe you have spring or fall allergies, write it down. So the next year…you can look at it and know that it is repeated and needs to be talked about with your doctor. Allergy medications have changed a lot in the last few years. Ask for help, runny noses may not be life threats, but they do keep you from going on walks for your health. Medications change and update…always ‘ask’ the doctor about new medications and if you can drop some that you are taking. All medications are changed just one at a time…so the doctor and you actually know what the reactions are for that one drug. Then you can make another change…so be patient. Maybe your weight has gone down and your diabetes pills or water pills are no longer needed. Do not marry your medications…think of them as fluid and up-datable. There is always a doctor that will give out medications just to keep you quiet…so make sure you “ask” why you are getting a medication and then do a little homework online to make sure it is something that you need and you are prepared for the side effects if they show.
8. Can you relate to your doctor? If you are going to a doctor that does not talk to you, or you do not understand. Tell him, or change doctors. Your own, or your senior’s health is what life is about. You need to understand..that exercise is needed to help your knee or maybe you need to stay off of it…or cold not hot must be used. If you do not understand then you are not healing and it could effect the way you walk for the rest of your life. Its a big deal! Do not be afraid to make a change of a doctor, or to speak up!
9. Use a calendar on the wall to remind you of all medical appointments. I like to cluster them. I have George do his appointments in the spring and the fall. So, in one month we see all his specialist doctors. Then the rest of the time…we only go to the doctor if he is unwell and needs extra help. This way I am not trying to take him around to appointments every month…or twice a week. My mother got too weak for doctor appointments…so I found a local doctor that would come and visit her at home. Working with a nurse practitioner is also a wonderful way to check-in quick with questions and not have to wait for appointments with a busy doctor.
   REMEMBER: ER visits are to be avoided. You can catch germs, get overly tired and they are expensive.  Make appointments and keep them. That way the flow of your life will be calmer.
10. If you have come to a point in your life, or your senior’s life — that fighting a physical or extreme dementia condition- is simply too overwhelming. Then you need to tell your doctor that too. The doctor will discuss palliative care. That is where you are treated to keep you pain free and comfortable. You will be assigned a Hospice Care Team that will come to you and allow you to relax and adjust to the end of life journey. There is no reason to drag elders around to doctor appointments if they have issues that are beyond a medical cure. No matter what your income..Hospice is there for you. You or your senior deserves to have a wonderful team of caring nurses and helpers come to you…to keep your needs met and the pain or worry level down. It is always hard to make that decision, but once made the Hospice team really knows how to take over and keep the elder in-care…comforted and given good palliative care.
    NOTE: Medicare and insurance bill either your regular doctor or Hospice. So you do have to make an appointment and have a good truthful decision with your doctor for this change of care situation. You need to also remember to ask for a disability sticker for your car and understand the doctor needs to sign a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ agreement. I always try to remind you to get a Health Care Directive Form, signed and agreed on right away while the senior understands the issues.

I hope this will all be of help to you. Since I have kept my medication listing and added in the allergies that George has and his needs if he is put into the hospital on that same page….the doctor visits have been great. I express myself before the appointment and then the information is turned into the nurse at the check-in desk to attach to the file. The doctor then walks in the door, knowing what is going on and directs his attention and knowledge to help me and George make changes for the good in our daily lives. Some times there is no change, some times there is a medication change — other times there is just advice in how to make changes in our daily life to keep George as strong as he can be. Maybe we go to the Physical Therapist to help him get strong, maybe we have a respite to give me a break. All of the information that I share with the doctor, helps him make sound decisions that are based on our reality of life. I once told the doctor that a medication he prescribed was to hard for me to give four times a day. George has no memory and I can do morning and evening meds…but to add a few more during the day…means I have to remember things for me and for him. It was too much. The doctor said that was fine, he would change the medication to one that had a time release. You see how being honest helps everyone?

REVIEW:
*  Take time to review the body functions of yourself or your senior
*  Write down the information or changes
*  Be prepared with a list of medications that is complied from all the different doctors that prescribe to you
*  Be honest with yourself and the doctor

Thank you again for giving your time and love to your senior. Its a lonely world out there for care-givers. I appreciate you taking your time to share with me. I am here for you. Send me your questions and I will do my best to help. OH, I would really appreciate you signing up for this blog post…it will email it to you. I am doing less blogging because George’s Alzheimer’s is getting in advance stages and he needs more care. So the ups and down of my writing is easier for you if you just recieve the update in your email. Please add your email to the side bar and you will hear from me each time I write a posting….Thank you…and Blessings, francy

The Secret; Care Givers are the ‘Silent’ Boss

How care givers can handle the frustrations that dementia and other senior health problems can manifest! Staying sane, while you give them care. by Francy Dickinson

Anger and upset from seniors in care…how to help calm this and give their days peace and enjoyment

Dear Francy; It’s the nasty looks, the angry words and the refusal to even move when I ask him to! This has driven me to the edge. How do I keep going; when I have only been caring for dad a month and I’m out of my mind? 

Well, my idea is to remember; who is the senior in care? And who is the care giver? The care giver is the boss…but the hard part? You have to do it silently.

I want you to think of your senior as a young child. Now this is not to demean a senior adult. They are full-grown and with or without dementia they have lived a life that is to be honored. NO, do not demean them. You simply think of them as emotionally equal to a young person of 3-6 years. When there is a problem to handle…you ask yourself what would I do if I was caring for a younger person?

EXAMPLE:

Your dad is still trying to wear cargo pants during the day and his favorite shirt all week-long. He has trouble getting to the bathroom on time and then dealing with taking down his pants is adding to the constant accidents. Even if he does a morning clean up…his clothing is starting to smell.  (Does that sound familiar  Have you ever seen a 5-year-old that will not get out of his Spiderman pajamas and cape?) So, what you do is lay out two outfits for the next day and take his clothes and clean them. In the morning he has two tops and two pants (hopefully comfortable around the house sweats) to choose from. The other clothes are in the wash. He may be upset…but you have given him two choices and he has the feeling of freedom. Now that means that you have to sort through his clothes and get rid of a lot of things he no longer can safely or sanely wear. But once you get the routine down, the senior feels the honor of choice – even when the choices have been designed for the senior’s better good.

EXAMPLE

Your senior, is a sugar girl. But she has (diabetes, bad teeth, over-weight, or sugar highs at night) so you have to control the intake of sugar. Find a glass candy dish with a lid. Then find a few things that will hit her sweet tooth. Maybe a couple of cookies, a couple of sugar-free gummys, a mint, raisins, etc. Put two or three each in the dish each day. I would place it on her TV side table around 3PM. Let her chose and she gets to eat it fast or slow through the evening. You let her know…”This is your sweet dish for the day, remember this has to last”

Make sure you remove all signs of the sweets in her kitchen area…or your kitchen area. Keep them put away in a large plastic storage bin. So you have to hand out, but just like a young child…you only give them out in small quantities  (Do you remember small baggies of goldfish or Cheerios for your toddler? This is the same idea…a treat, but not over-doing it)

PS/ Diabetic sweet products use sweeteners that can give the senior ‘the runs’ – it is very important that they only eat a small amount of the “candy style– sugar substitute” in those snacks. Keep an eye on this so you can learn to judge the amount your senior can handle.

What I am talking about is to think ahead to the day. What time does the senior have to eat or sleep to have a day that is calm? Have you been in the grocery store around 11′ish and heard a few children crying and carrying on? Why?…they are getting tired…they are getting hungry. The mother’s has miscalculated the time issue…they think a quick trip to the store and then take them to lunch. Wrong…the kids are on the edge of no return at that time. Children and seniors need to stay on a daily routine to give them a sense of security and well-being.

If you want to take a senior out. Make sure you have a cheese stick in your purse and water bottle ready for them to take a pill or just drink. Make sure you stop for food and insist they get home in time to nap. DO NOT MAKE MULTI-STOPS. Go to a doctor appointment and to lunch–then home. Another day, you go out and go for a walk around a store and then get ice cream. Another day you take them to a movie and make sure you feed them lunch and they go to the bathroom before they go into the theatre. “Thinking ahead” that is the job of the care-giver.

Your senior needs just the basics. They need a good bed that is comfortable and easy to get in and out of for night time bathroom runs. They need a good day comfort chair by the TV with a side-table. The side-table needs one or two drawers to keep their things in to keep them from a lot of ups and downs. Example: tuck in a nail file  small scissor, pens, notebook, hand cream…those are just ideas to keep the need to constantly be asking you “to bring” them things..is reduced.

Plan, to give the senior their space…but you MUST check on them every 12-20 minutes. All mothers have this time frame in their minds; when they’re raising young children. You know that quiet can be good…or can mean the child is getting into trouble. So a check-in every few minutes means you are staying in contact with your senior’s needs, changing moods, and bathroom trips.

This means that you need to learn to plan your actions around the house to that time frame. It may seem overwhelming, but it works. You will get used to it. Then once you are on the same program as your senior…you know to take in their afternoon coffee or tea–or, to ask them to fold the clothes in the morning when they have energy. To keep the house quiet after lunch so they can nap. Not to mention; you can invite them to walk to the mailbox with you — to get their exercise in before 4PM when their energy naturally dips.

Most arguments and bad behavior is a sign of the senior wanting to be the BOSS. The senior is feeling that they are loosing personal power and they want to get it back. You are the person around for them to push buttons and try to be the boss. So when you change your thought pattern around…it allows them to ‘think’ they are making the decisions. The resistance goes down and the upsets depart. YOU, are the boss…and you have to keep the movement of the day and choices of the senior ‘pre-planned’. You do not find grade school teachers just walking into their classroom with 30 children – without a daily lesson plan. So think of your care-giving as a time to be prepared. The daily rituals will fall into place and you can then repeat the weekly plans with small changes. Both you and your senior will feel calmer.

After lunch each day…when the house is quiet and your senior is napping. Sit down and make a plan of action for your day and week. Then you can construct it to give the senior time to rest, play, eat and be calm. You can make time for yourself with visits to relatives  senior centers and invite others to your place to give you a ‘time-out’. You can do it…it does take energy…it takes pre-planning–but you can do it. Once you have the rhythm down…it truly can be quieter in the life of both you and your senior.

If your senior continues to be really difficult — remember to write down examples and take them into the doctor the next trip. Let the health care team know you are on the edge and you need help…and they can advise a medication that can help lessen the stress for the senior. *** When I told the doctor and he gave George his medications for emotional stress…it made such a huge difference that I can not believe it took me so long to share the personal upset I had been fighting. Now, George feels calmer and every small issue is not a debate. 

You are very kind to be sharing your patience, love and attention with your senior. Give yourself breaks. While the senior is watching their favorite TV shows…you walk out the door and go around the block…or just sit on the porch and breath a little. If your senior refuses baths–hire a bath person. If your senior has been in a snit all week, call a friend, cousin or sibling and ask them to come and give you a break. When they do…go out. Get in the car and drive to the store and just walk around. Or drive to the park and just relax…or drive to the coffee shop and give yourself a quiet treat. These little re-news…will make a huge difference in your ability to cope with rising stress levels.

Do not forget that music is your friend. Learn how to use a light tone in the morning….to get the day going…a quiet tone in the afternoon and early evening…and then a quicker tone when you want the senior to have dinner and be up in energy. Then tone the music down again in the later evening to prepare the senior for the quiet of the night. Music will lift you up and will calm you down…so keep it close and use it often.

Blessings on all that you do…francy
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Alzheimer’s “Taking a Break” for Care Giving Spouse

How to go about taking a break from care giving for spouses and family…giving the Alzheimer’s senior a safe resting spot and a break from building stress at home. by francy Dickinson

It takes a family to give care to a senior and keep their spouse/care giver rested !

Dear Francy; My dad called and he is giving up on care giving for mom. He has had a cold for two months, is tired, frustrated and just feels she needs more care than he can give. I don’t think its time, yet. Even though her dementia is nutty; she is still able to carry on a conversation, do personal chores when guided and even cooks once a day. How can I get this situation ironed out? I just need to have direction. Thank you, Katy

Katy I get it! I gave myself a mini break today. So I understand the worry and the stress and the need to just throw up your hands and make it go away. Your Dad is the best…how caring he is to give her care in the first place. Here are some ideas to guide you:

ALERT–> TAKING BREAKS FROM FULL TIME CARE GIVING:

1. Mini breaks; are days that the care giver does very little for the senior. It can be done with a day of giving the senior a chance to see how their skill level really is holding out. Or, it can be that you just do the minimum to keep things going. It’s good to do this once a week, so if the care giver is not feeling well…or is extra tired…there is still a slight break for them.
   It is a one day routine, not done more than one day in a week. You will go back to full-time care giving the next day after the break. This is a good routine to understand, because there are days the spouse care giver is unwell, tired or injured and they need to only do a minimum of care. You will still bring the senior food and medications and do the basics needed. Then you just spend the day in another room or outside on the porch. You check in on the senior every 20 minutes – but you do not fuss over them. 
2. Today, I gave a day back to George to check on his Alzheimer’s progress. He said he would get up and get his own breakfast of a bagel. He does this about twice a week…all other meals and snacks are given to him by me — on a tray or at the table. 
   What did George do today? He failed his day….he did not get out of bed for food or water. He did not walk or exercise, he only went from the bed to the bathroom and watched TV. I checked on him during the day, asking him to get up and do a walk and get his food…he responded that he would, but never did. I took a break from a day of being pushy and raising my voice and controlling the time frame for his care. At 5:30PM – I came into the bedroom and we chatted about his in-ability to do the tasks for the day. He did not clean up, no tooth brushing, no hair, no nothing. I think it puts the point into my mind, just where he is in his care. He is in need of an attendant at all times. He can not do for his own self any longer. Some times you need to do this test to really see what the senior can do without care. And take note on how much care you actually give to your senior each and every day 24/7. 
   How did I take care of it ? At my 5:30 check-in…I took control back and had him get up, brush his teeth…walk up and down the hall four times and then he came into the kitchen for a light supper and his evening pills. (He had not taken his morning pills, because he did not have his breakfast) We talked about this progress and he was surprised that I was unhappy. He said he could do it if he wanted, he was just tired. I know that is not true…it is just what he is now telling his own mind. But, it showed me that my husband needs me full-time. It is hard to understand that when you give care everyday; all day and all night the care giving starts to creep-up…and you don’t realize the extent of the care needed and the amount of care you give, each and every day…until you step back and take a look. 
3. Mini-out and about breaks. I have breaks from my Georgie, when I go out to grocery shop and then take a coffee-house break before I come home. I take time to quietly garden in the back yard for 1-2 hour breaks. I take an early morning walk with my dogs, break. I leave George in the front room with the big TV and settle-in, I go into  our bedroom with a smaller old fashion TV and my computer or Kindle Fire. I take time to read, to listen to Pandora and to write notes to my friends on Twitter and FaceBook. I stay connected to my friends via Internet so I am not isolated.
4. Taking sleep breaks. When you give care…it’s important to set a daily schedule that is yours not your senior’s time. I set the day and then I can set my own time around it. One of the things I do – is to give George a good lunch, then walk him up and down the hall…give him a bathroom break and then he settles into his chair and naps. I then force myself to lay-down.  I may just cuddle with the dogs or listen to music. But I rest, and if I sleep and take a real nap — I applaud myself. I deserve rest and getting it where ever I can, is important for me to do.
5. I eat differently than George. I am overweight. After many years of care giving and eating poorly, I have now trained myself to eat on my own food program. When I do this I get more energy and I have a plan to my day. I eat protein and low carb. George does not. He eats a full meal with proper nutrition but not low carbs. So that means that I cook two different meals? NO, actually that is not true. I cook a meal with meat and veggies and for George I add a starch and dessert. It is a one meal deal, with two different ways to serve it. If I did not have a weekly meal plan, I would be really overweight. I make a meal plan, I have food prepared for both of us and treats for George. I stick to it and we both stay healthy and within our weight range. Eating well keeps my personal energy up and I do not get drained down.
6. Supplement are a must! If you think you can do a job like care giving and not take extra vitamins and mineral with supplements –YOU ARE NUTS. I take so many different supplements, but they keep me strong and help me with extra energy. They keep me healthier and they help me get over any bugs that come along the way. How do you start. Make it simple…just add a good quality of multi vitamin and 2,000 units of vitamin C to keep you up and going everyday. Then do some self-study online and find supplements that will fit your personal needs. If you do this your health will stay strong. All to many spouse allow their own health to fail as they give all the love and care to their spouse…foolish. Care givers need to be the pillar of strength that the family revolves around…not fall apart and need to be given care or lose their own health and life after they lose their spouse. I am determined to live through my love for George after he makes the full journey through the end of his life.
7. Staying on a time plan, means that I can have my own time plan. Once again; giving care to someone is not a throw the senior in front of a TV day plan. You have to decide what each day brings. If you want to be in the yard working…then you take the senior and get them situated int he shade with music and a newspaper. If you want to be on your computer you find movies to tape so they can be on demand for your senior’s viewing. If you want to bake all day…then your senior needs to be a the kitchen table with a newspaper, a project to do or a TV to watch. You bring the senior along with your daily schedule and then you both feel that life moves and changes and you get things done.
8. Neighbors n friends that come and sit w the senior are gems. I found a couple of senior neighbors that have told me they are fine with coming over for an hour or two and watching TV or playing cards with George. That means I can take a nap, go to the store, meet my sister for a quick-lunch out. If someone says…call me I will help. CALL THEM! It takes a village is not a joke…it does take a lot people do small things to make the care givers life ‘do-able’
9. Senior Day Care centers, senior centers, faith centers…there are various places that will take seniors for a fee, or for free for a few hours. This is a gem of a service. They understand that spouse care givers need a break…so they make different activities available for the senior. Many of the activities that George likes are usually seasonal. It helps him feel the change the season and enjoy…an egg painting class. A turkey walk or a New Years bird watch….line dancing, chair yoga…the list goes on and on. If you do not search out and find these services you will never know how the change can give your senior a boost and you an escape from the pressure of care.
10. Rest-time-out. We use the Veterans’ system and they have a yearly service of 30 days of an ‘in-care facility’ available for each veteran with dementia. I can use it one week at a time, all at once, or on a day by day basis at a Alzheimer’s day care center. These rest-pit care services are covered by many of the insurance companies….call them and ask. Ask your primary doctor for any knowledge he has of services in your area. This is a way for me to take a full week off and maybe get out-of-town, or stay with my sister, or simply sleep well without George waking me all night. What a great gift to care givers to have this service available.
11. IN-HOME CARE…there are so many ways to use in-home care. You can have a family member come each week to visit, you can run an ad in Craigslist or the paper and hire someone (who is trained and has a background check) to come into the home for a few hours each day, you can hire a professional bath lady, or my favorite– is a wonderful in-home care company that will come out and give you a review of what is needed and price quote. If you can not afford the whole package they suggest for you– then pick and choose what services would help you out. These service companies are bonded and licensed so you do not have to worry about their care givers coming into your home. Safety; is never to be under rated for you and your senior.
12. When the choice to move a senior in to a facility is made…you want to really review the different choices you have in your area. Do not make any facility (no matter how great) a long drive. The family will have a hard time to visit. Now with Alzheimer’s you think a senior will forget and adjust. Trust me; memory is a strange thing…everyone needs to feel loved and attended to…even when they seem to be lost inside their head. A person needs spouse and family love….for a reason to move through their day, live for tomorrow. If you were trapped inside your own mind…would you not want your loved ones to be there and hug you and bring you treats? YES…everyone wants to be loved. So the facility needs to be close to home.
13. Check it out. Each facility has to be checked by the state department of health. Ask the facility to show you their book. The inspector goes over things and writes it down in a book that is available to the public. You can see if they are clean and have nothing to hide. Then go to the facility in the day and the evening to just walk around and see how the seniors are being treated, fed and if the air smells clean. Ask friends and family for ideas about facilities in the area. Go online and read about the facility and see if you can find reviews. Join the family support group that the facility should provide. This way you get ideas of how to keep giving support and love to your own senior as they go through the down stages of their health.
14. Get into your mind how the end of the life with your senior will be. Then make it so. What I mean is; If there are things that your spouse has said they want to do…make sure they do them, soon. Don’t put it off. Georgie wanted to visit his parent’s grave site…so I drove up to Seattle to make sure he had that experience and I took a picture of him by the grave stones. He looks a that picture often. I have talked to him about care and what he wants me to do as he needs more care and procedures and how he envisions his memorial.
    This is never a fun thing to do for anyone…but once it is said and done…the family can comply and keep the senior happy when the senior gets to a point that they can not express their wants or needs. You, as the spouse, have a lot of decisions to make. So when you have had this chat, you will feel your decisions are not made alone…but are made with the spirit of the senior and their desires on your mind.
15. Dementia and other extended health fights…mean an elongated journey through grief. It may seem odd to think I am grieving and George is still sitting in the living room.  But little bits and pieces of my George die every day. Some times, I just really feel the loss. I will ask your family to understand that grief can be a long ride and to support the care giver if they are going through a hard time. I fight depression and exhaustion on a daily basis…that is what care givers do…they work through the pressures and sadness.
    One day I think I am ready to face life without George and then a week later, when I ask him to help me with some small chore and he can no longer give me that help…I will fall apart in sorrow over what seems like a small thing.  Spouse or full-time care-givers need to understand this grief. Family, friends or other health care providers…need to take note of the emotional ride that is taken when a person is in a journey to the end of their life.

Your dad is the boss of him…..so if he feels he has nothing left to give to your mom –take that as a sign that he is stressed and totally void of energy. Don’t try to change his mind…take a turn at full-time care and give him a week break to be with other family members and recharge. When he returns; if he still feels the same way, then it is time to add in-home care staff or move your mother to a care facility that is appropriate. I hope the ideas will help you and your dad.

I give you both a hug…for being there for your mother. Care giving is a very hard time of life. I honor anyone who does it for love of family…or as a profession. Blessings on your senior in care…may they open up and see the love that is being given to them. Francy

Would you sign up for the update of my blog…it will just let you know when I have a new one for you to read or share. And would you be kind and let others know that senior care ideas are here for them…I have a few years of blogs for them to review and enjoy…Thanks!

Christmas Gift Ideas for Seniors

Family Pictures make a hit on Xmas Trees

Ideas for Senior n Elder Christmas gifts that will be enjoyed all year-long. by Francy Dickinson

Dear Francy; What do I get mom and dad…they have everything…their house is loaded to the ceiling…and I still have to figure out something they will enjoy???? HELP!

You got it…I have ideas that will help your seniors and give them joy all year-long ;O

IDEAS FOR SENIORS THAT WILL HELP THEM ALL YEAR-LONG

1. Health…its always a shock to hear that a senior dies because they got the flu or a cold. It means their immune system was just too low to help them heal. So what if you make a difference? Gift them an Auto Ship of a quality full spectrum vitamin and mineral supplement. I like the ones that HSN features by Andrew Lessman. His ‘Complete’ vitamins would be a great start. You just ask them for the auto-ship and your gift is in the bag…and your seniors are in business with quality daily vitamins that they do not have to budget for or worry about. NICE
2. Merry Maids…is the name of our local house cleaning service. What is your’s?  Seniors that stay in their homes need to keep the house clean…but scrubbing bathrooms and kitchens are often just not in the picture when they age. So, gifting your senior a house-clean, bi-monthly or monthly – is a dream come true for them. You tell your local maid company (that is bonded and safe to be in the home) to clean up the kitchen and baths…so you can all feel fresh, clean and safe
3. Roof and Gutter Clean This is a great gift for seniors in their homes…a good roof clean off…gutter clean…maybe even a chimney sweep. If you want your seniors to stay in their homes…this is the one chore that will help. You and your teens could gift this to your seniors…and make a day of it. Easy, cheap and loving gift that keeps your senior without worry.
4. New space heater They make great space heaters that are safe and work well..they can make a difference in the monthly heating bill. If seniors spend their time in one room, they can keep the main heat on low, close off the spare bedroom vents and just add extra heat in their living area. It’s a gift that will give them less stress over high winter utilities.
5. Whirlwind decor So you plan ahead. Get a wreath, a table arrangement and a tree. I would suggest using artificial so there is no worry over needles. Get a theme going and then hit the house the weekend after Thanksgiving. Take the kids and everyone hits the floor running. Clean-up the front walk and door area and hang the wreath. Dust and vacuum the house and put up the tree, making sure there is an easy way to turn the tree-lights on and off. Clean out the dining area and put up the center table display. When you leave…the house is clean, decorated and ready for your senior to enjoy until the 2nd weekend in January when you come back and repeat the process and remove, pack in plastic bins and store the decor for next year!
6. Senior in care center? Arrive at the care center with a yard display to put outside your senior’s window so they can see the deer or lighted tree at night. The whole center is able to enjoy your gift…then retrieve it and store it at your place for next year.(Ask first, use LED so the light bill does not go up because of your display)
7. Monthly Fruit Delivery. NO kidding- seniors love fruit and because the price is now high…they would really enjoy a nice box of fruit each month. Do your research many on the online companies do a nice monthly fruit delivery. I personally adore the chocolate dipped strawberries…Oh My…they are so good
8. Easy stuff? Re-new the house…new throw pillows can really perk up the living room. New sleeping pillows can bring clean and fluffy dreams. New kitchen towels or easy non-stick pans or a new microwave…those can give the senior a great boost
9. Hearing Loss? TV Ears can save the household from wearing cotton in their ears when a senior is trying to hear TV. Change the TV to ‘caption’ and buy the TV Ears. OR do as our dear friend Bob did for us…get them a good surround sound. The levels of sound allow most seniors to hear clear and able the TV to keep on a lower volume…NICE
10. Add a senior onto your own Cell Phone family plans. A smart phone for a senior means you can have them a part of your Internet options. They can text, get pictures of family on their own FaceBook page. Add the safety of connection to 911 and you…and its a winner. Any time you give a gift that is technical in any way…take time to explain and have the senior use the features in front of you…they absorb the info in a different way then your kids…take time…make the gift easy to use.

Thank you for all you do for your seniors…know that giving time, as well as your money…is an investment that means the most. George is going to get a couple of technical gifts this year…but I will show him how to use them over and over again, because his Alzheimer’s takes the immediate memory away. His excitement and hours of enjoyment will be worth my time …..Blessings, and Happy Holidays, francy

My Georgie in 1996 w our dear Standard Schnauzer Ralph…Memories

Routine gives Alzheimer’s n Elders Good Home Care

George’s Routine -Daily exercise with me ;O

Ideas to give Elders and Dementia/Alzheimer’s seniors good care with routines..by francy Dickinson

Dear Francy; Dad moved in two months ago and stays in bed all day. What can I do to get him up and out? 

Good Care Secret? ROUTINE

Many people lose their routines when they retire or suffer a loss of a spouse or a health change. It is a normal for them to react…they just cope. So, if you are unable to get them professional care…then YOU have to be the care giver with the mostest….and that means YOU return the senior to ‘a routine’. You might remember back to when you were raising or helping others raise their children…children respond to life so much stronger with a routine in place….well…this is just like that…the more you pre-program the day with activities that are repeated…the more secure the senior feels and the more they respond in kind.

I say this with love…because it means that YOUR own life is changed…you, have to live for another and it is very challenging…trust me — I live it. But here are the rules:

RULES FOR DAILY ROUTINE:

1. You will do the routine for two days and then take a break. So we have two days on and one day off. That off day means you can sleep in or do your own morning routine. 
2. You will have an up attitude, even when you are down, sick or tired. That is what it means when you ‘give care’ You are giving not taking.
3. You will think through a routine and write it down and then make it your own.

FRANCY’S ROUTINE WITH GEORGE:

George hates to get up in the morning. So I do not pressure that…I allow him to rest. He has Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s so there are loads of issues for him. But what to remember is that everyday…is a new day in his mind…so it has to be a new day in my mind too.

I bring him breakfast and tell him that he has to get up in 1/2 hour and then I take note of the time. I either rest, or go and get things done in the house while he is eating and then return at the set time for him to get up. I make sure he has taken his meds then I get him up and bring him into the bathroom. Usually, he has already gone to the toilet…so I begin with him sitting on his bath bench facing out into the bathroom – or facing me standing right next to him. It is a good height and easy for him to get up and down from this sitting position.

I start him by asking him to remove his upper clothes and as he does that I go and get his clean clothes for the day. I always put out an under shirt and a thermo-shirt and then a flannel shirt or nice sweat shirt (sometimes with an added vest.) <Why so much? Seniors often have a problem with feeling cold and to keep the house temp in order…I layer his clothing>

Once he is undressed on top: I then get warm water and give him a wash cloth and he does his personal wash up, then deodorant  Twice a week we do a bath; the other days it is this procedure instead. <Many elders become worried about water and a bath is hard to get them to do…so this is a short clean, if the problem with the bath continues, then hire a bath person to come once a week and you do the clean up ea day in-between>

Then I help him dress with his undershirt, his thermo-shirt and have him stay seated.(I do not add the rest of the tops until he is done with all of his clean up and ready to exit the bathroom) Still in his sitting position: I then have him do his leg exercises that keep his calves strong. <This exercise keeps the falling down to a min. The calves are the point that helps us stay up and balanced> He will sit and lift one leg out straight and then do flex and point of his foot for a 20 count. Keeping the leg out and straight the whole time. Then we change to the other leg. I do the flex and point with a slow (one-and two- and three…so the point is on the number and the flex is on the and count- up to 20) You can do this a round of one or two…depending on how strong the legs are and if they have fallen within the last month. If so, repeat the 20 count routine on both sides.

He stays in a sitting position and we take off his socks. I let him do it and he bends down and then takes off his pajamas and his Depends…he then cleans up with a fresh wash cloth, just like we did with his torso and then sits back down. I make sure his feet are done and I help him with this so he can be steady. I then apply a moisturizer for his legs and feet and he has to rub it in. It will require him to bend over; so I stay close and hold his shoulders so he does not fall while he rubs in the moisturizer all over his lower leg & feet. If there is fungus on his toes we do the drops at this time. The skin there gets very flaky and we want it healthy, clean and moist. <This is when you notice if there are any sore spots or red spots. If so you talk to the doctor right away by phone and get guidance  Any sores on legs or feet are serious and hard to heal…get help —fast>

I then (while in a sitting position) have him put on his new Depends to the knees and add his sweatpants to his knees and then he stands and we pull them up. He sits down and we add his socks and slippers. He then gets up and goes to the sink and I have him do his shaving on his own. Then I remind him of his mouthwash, his floss and then he sits back down to do his Sonicare. Now you may or may not have a Sonicare…but I feel they have saved our teeth. They are an investment, but they do such a good job when you are unable to move your arms well to do your teeth. <Obviously if using false teeth you would have them soaking while you did the body clean and rinse and put the teeth in fresh and ready to go. You never brush false teeth they are made of material that is to be cleaned with a Polident-type of soaking once a day to keep the mouth fresh and you would  have your senior rinse their mouth with mouthwash before the teeth are put in again.>

Now he is back standing at the sink:  I have him use a wash cloth and get it very warm water and let George go over his face. Then I use a sugar scrub…it is designed for the face. Or you can use a cleanser for the face with beads in it to remove the dead skin on the face and leave it looking fresh and healthy. George moves and scrubs the scub all over his face up into his brow and hairline and his eye brows. Then he takes the hot wet wash cloth and cleans it off the scrub…rinsing and cleaning until the scrub is gone. Then he puts on Oil of Olay. <Any moisturizer is good, this one is easy for a guy to use and It is designed as a nice face moisturizer and it goes all over the skin of the face and ears and chin. it has SPF in it so the sun will be kept away from delicate facial skin and ears.  Now he is clean and ready to leave the bathroom.

I remove all his clothing that has to be washed and put it in the closet in a large clothes hamper and do a load twice a week of his clothes alone. < It is “SO-OOO” important to keep the bathroom and clothes clean, the bed linens and towels clean too! The ability to have bed sores and infections in small cuts and scraps are very high – when a person is older and their body is not as healthy as it used to be. Clean everything…be a freak…or hire it done. Its your choice.>

George then goes out to the living room. Where I have a straight back chair. I put a small pillow on the chair for his comfort and he sits down. From here he does his exercises. He will first do a stand – squat – stand and slowly sit. This is an exercise that allows his thighs and bum to learn how to sit and stand from a chair, again. I use the term stand as (solider with his straight arms down to his side – I say squat and he does and I move my arms to the front so he remembers that he has to balance his body with his arms. Then I say solider again and he goes into the straight standing position with his arms straight down to his side and then I use my voice “Slowly down” for him to sit in a slow motion….then it is repeated for at least 10 times. If we do this 4 times a week…his body responds well…if we do it less…he forgets the routine and his muscles get weak again. That is when he begins to fall and it goes down from there…

I have learned that his routine is really ‘my routine’ and the more we are able to stick to it..the better his body and muscles respond.  

From there I do arm exercises and I will do a little video for you to use if you like. I will add it in to this blog when I get it done.

After we are through I help him back into his chair and have him do 3 really deep breaths to load up his brain with oxygen. Breathing-in with the nose and out with the mouth. The is the beginning of his day…from here he rests and we do what ever our day holds. But I do this as often as I can. YES…it is a pain — NO he is not always nice to me while we do it — YES I have to push him each time — NO he does not remember the exercises or the toilet routine —YES it does make a difference in the quality of his day forward.

It’s a routine that takes about 1 hour and 30 minutes because he is slow. But it sets the tone for a full day of healthy, happier emotions and the attention makes him feel wanted and I always give him a full cheer-leading routine as he is going through is paces.

I know you can do it. It would be done like this at a professional care facility…so I think doing it at home makes the ability of the senior to stay in good health and strong all the longer. I feel that Alzheimer’s is going to take over George…but we can hold it off by keeping him fit and clean and happy in his day

Blessings on all that you do each day for your senior. Francy

How to enjoy being a Senior and still think YOUNG!

Enjoy being a senior and still feeling and thinking YOUNG! by francy Dickinson

George and I taking a coffee break at our local Black Bear Yogurt n Coffee shop..reading newspapers to keep current

Dear Francy; My husband is requiring more and more of my time to care for him…I feel like I am aging by the minute…can you help with some tips…to keep me at least “feeling” a bit younger at heart?

 

OH boy, do I relate to you and your feelings that you would like to keep in shape and keep feeling young–even when your lifestyle is pulling down and getting closer to home…here are some ideas to give you a kick-start on youth ;O

Body Shape: For all too many reasons all of us tend to spread as we age. When I started to care for my mother in my early fifties, I started making really bad eating choices. I had little time and I would eat standing up, on the run. I gained a lot of weight and now I am trying hard to slim down to a healthy weight again. Either the Weight Watcher’s plan or the low carb (Atkins style) will be your best bet. The key is that you have a plan that can work with what your husband is eating. I do Atkins and I simply add potato or rice to his meals and then we eat the meat and veggie. He gets the desserts and I get the de-caf tea. It is not that hard. I am now addicted to the Atkins’s Shakes each morning when I take my supplements- it gets me up and going with a kick. Then I move…I started just walking around the house making sure I take 1,000 steps ( I used a pedometer) and keep on going. If you find that difficult, you can do exercise sitting in a chair with the PBS ‘Sit and Be Fit’ program. Remember any taped exercise program can be found at your local library and enjoyed in the privacy of your own home.

All seniors should enjoy a pedicure instead of a trip to a foot doctor for nail cutting

Feet! When you hit mid-fifties many of us start having feet problems. The padding on your feet starts to change and the actual muscle and bone starts to ache. We have a wonderful solution…you do not have to go and get expensive shoes from a doctor…you can buy gel insoles and enjoy your favorite shoes with cushion from the pain. I love my insoles and wear them, even inside my house slippers. You will find many different ones at the drug store, give a couple of types a try. I use the ones that support the arch and heal, they have made such a difference. No more ache or pain. Here is the perfect cream to keep your feet feeling soft Jergens Crème in Deep-Conditioning Oatmeal, $6 (in Drugstores)

Nails  Always hard to believe when you are young that you will get so sore that your toe nails will be hard to cut and keep short. Instead of going to a podiatrist every few months. Go and get a good pedicure from a Nail Shop. This process is so relaxing, they soak your feet…cut your nails with precision, then they massage your feet, ankles and calves…OH, it is heaven. You can add a color polish or just have them natural. They will remove the callous and they will check for any problems with your skin. This is just what you need every 5-8 weeks you go to a local Nail Shop and get pampered, male or female…you will enjoy it. Price is from $15-$20 with a $5 tip. Well worth the investment in your feet. Do not worry if you have fungus, they will have clean ways to deal with it and will offer ideas for you to find help with the condition…don’t be embarrassed about your feet. Just let them take over, its their job and they raise their families on their income…so spread your money around to a local nail shop and give them a nice tip. I always take in a big coffee or tea drink for myself and I have my earphones on and listen to my favorite music as I soak, massage and relax!!

FACE: Even if you rarely go out the door…or if you are out and about every day…your face needs help to stay looking and feeling good. Try a daily cleanser that will defoliate your skin and leave you looking younger with just a good daily wash cloth. Aveeno Cleanser daily with beads – Called: Positively Ageless Beauty Cleanser $8.99 (in Drugstores)  Then you want to moisturize your skin…now you can go for expensive products but an easy one to begin to wear every day…with or without makeup that has SPF15 for sun protection & a little wrinkle fighting too: L’Oreal Paris Youth Code BB Cream, $17 (in Drugstores) lasts a very long time and this is perfect with or without makeup.

A different style is easy to do and will make a huge change in how young you can look, no matter what your age

HAIR: Lots of people tend to lose hair as they age. It can be upsetting. So what to do? First you can use products that help you voluminize what you have like Aussie Aussome Volume shampoos and conditioners. These products plump up your hair and they smell great. $3.25 ea (in Drugstores)
Then you can change your hair style. Men may want to cut their hair shorter and woman may want to do a different hair cut that will fluff the hair. Remember getting your hair reversed color…so the gray is toned down a bit will help you look and feel younger. Beauty schools have great prices and your hair color is done every two months. You can go one month for a cut and the next month for a cut and color…it makes you feel so good to look fresh and up to date with your hair.

Quacker Factory featured on QVC.com

Fashion: Something new with fashion is in your future  If you are not going out much and you have changed your pattern in life. Its time to update what you wear. You want to make sure you get new clothes each year. A few pieces in the Spring and few pieces in the fall will let you feel “in fashion’. Comfort can be the new ‘Yoga Pants’ that are so comfy and yet, updated. Nice casual tee tops with fun designs like you find in Jean Brice’s – ‘Quacker Factory’ found on QVC.com. Comfort and fun…now that is fashion that we all love. And the prices are great too. The men need to think about how often they go to the bathroom. After years of shirts, ties, jackets and slacks; my Georgie is now happily wearing easy pull up sweat pants and nice warm tops from Walmart. I keep them fresh and get new ones each year. When we go out of the house he wears chinos pants and warm jackets…but in the house, its comfort, but with a nice palette of colors and warmth. Every season there is something that you can buy to express the current fashions…I love the very long scarves…I have a couple of new ones to wear over my coat or sweaters and it makes me feel ‘Updated’ without a big investment or change in the rest of my clothing.

Music n TV  You know it helps to really take notice of daily talk shows or night-time talk shows. Even if you only watch them once a week, they usually have the latest stars, bands, and fashion as well as current talking points. You may not agree with the guests, but you will keep updated with current thoughts and styles and we all need to keep in the here and now…no matter what our age.

Stay updated and tuned into new ideas and people!

Computers and Cell phones: I have talked to all too many seniors that simply refuse to be a part of the computer changes in the world. They all have fancy words to tell me how silly technical life is and they are perfectly fine without it. Well that is ‘old biddy’ talk of old people. We all need to keep current. I remember when the microwaves came out how many people said they would never get one. My mother was the first out the door, she thought anything that made cooking faster…was GREAT!  Please; the world changes and anyone alive needs to figure out how to be a part of that change. NO you do not have to buy every gadget, but YES you do need to be online and learn how to shop and pay bills.

I remember when my mother would go to the bank get cash and then walk to the drug store and pay her utility bills in the 1950′ and 60′s and then she would walk all the way home. Hello! Now, we all go online and pay our bills, buy products and get lower prices — do not tell me it is not worth your time to save money! The Internet also has a wonderful service to all product sites, REVIEWS. You can go and look up an item and there will be 10 to 100′s of reviews about that product. Before your money is spent; you can read what other people have experienced after they purchased the product. Wow, this alone has changed the way I shop…I no longer get a product and get disappointed…I know ahead what it will do. If I don’t like something that I buy online or if it does not fit–I can easily return it.  Like the slippers I ordered for George from Land’s End. I just call them and they are sent back (free shipping) and the new size is sent out to me…1-2-3! If you are afraid to learn new things…then buckle yourself up and do it anyway. All senior centers have computer classes and classes in how to use the new tablets and smart cell phones. You can learn and you can join the world of fun.

Age does not stop us from learning or growing…stay in the now. Even if you are in your home more than out and about, these days. Learn new things, talk about the daily news…do not worry about reading newspapers, you can get your world-wide news from the Internet and cable networks…you can SKYPE your grand kids and be a part of their weekly activities. You can exchange pictures of your friends and family via the Internet and you can chat up long-lost friends through Facebook or Twitter. Things that may be overwhelming today, will be fun and bring you joy…tomorrow.

Kindle Fire for reading books n Internet Connection

CHANGE  Keep up your love and caring for your hubbie…but don’t you dare stop searching for new ideas, new products and new ways of enjoying your own life and feel young and in the know. My new thing is a KINDLE/Fire. It is a small touch pad that has books loaded on it for me to read. As I sit with Georgie, spend hours waiting in doctor offices and hospital rooms or long nights without sleep…I can click on my Kindle and check my messages from friends and family…and then just sit and enjoy my book (hundreds of them) right in my hand.Not to mention I can adjust the font size, if I am tired…I up the font so I can see it easier – LOVE THAT.  Kindle has free books to download every day and I have enjoyed that feature so much. I’m a mystery cozy nut…so the more the better. I did not think I needed anything like this Kindle. I am a long time book lover and reader and I always used the library. But then a friend gave me the Kindle/Fire as a gift and now….I am hooked! Its fun, easy and I just had to take a little time to get to know how to use it. Now, I don’t leave the house without it.

Finding fun…is a senior’s job in life. We all have daily challenges  but we have so many more things at our fingertips to keep us involved and interested for a very small amount of money. Life is good…and for all of us that give care to our seniors…life can and will have joy if you just keep moving forward with your own life.

Thank you for all you do for your senior…Blessings, francy

Dealing with a Life Crisis n Alzheimer’s Too! HELP!

How to get through a life crisis and still give care to an Alzheimer’s senior…by francy Dickinson

My Georgie with his great grand daughter, Claire and little Missy

Dear Francy; My mother died 3 months ago and I have a very big problem. My dad has early stages of Alzheimer’s and his emotions and memory loss have blown-up since mother has passed. I am a single mom of three and have no place or money to keep dad and my brother’s wife does not want him in her home. He has his home, paid for and he makes a small income each month, but his life is going down fast and I don’t know how to help him?

Friends are doing a big Auction with lots of items to help us in our move…TY francy
Auction 2 help 

Yes, we have some work to do. First, let’s just have a quick review of the brain for Alzheimer’s from a lay-person. Any person, with any kind of a jolt to their lives is going to have a loss of brain power. If you have a bad fever, a fall, a big argument or a death within your close circle of loved ones – the brain takes a hit. A person that is younger and has full function of their brain, will grow back the brain functions over a short period of time…and although they may feel a little loopy or tired, or experience some feelings of being ‘out of focus’, the repair takes place and the brain will once again function. For a person that is older the brain repair is on ‘slow’, and it will take a few months time to recover all of the brain functions up to par and then move forward. For a person with dementia/Alzheimer’s it really sets them into a ‘swim of things’ and takes a great deal of time for the brain to even  ’try’ to recover.

Auction 2 help bit.ly/QEY6j0 I experienced this early in the Alzheimer’s process with my husband, George. He had pneumonia and it was not diagnosed. So he went in and out of hospital within a one month time frame losing his body’s ability to fight the infection and finally just having a mental check-out. When they found out his problem and gave him medications he was able to  return home from hospital…it took another six months for his mind/brain to recover. Even after that time, he never came back like he was before the onset of pneumonia…it put a quicker movement into his Alzheimer’s decline and it was such a sad thing to have happen.

It took a long talk with George’s neurologist to get an understanding of what was happening to him. So, you need to know that even on a good day of your dad’s Alzheimer’s he is not functioning like he would…he is grieving both the loss of his wife, life partner and friend. He is in the midst of that and that pressure is going to cause him to express his own thoughts in a confused way.

As always; a trip to his neurologist that specializes in Alzheimer’s care should be done right away. The doctors that give this care specialty are very savvy and will be able to help you understand where your dad stands in his Alzheimer’s progression. He can adjust his medications and help him with diets, exercise and social interaction suggestions for you to follow.

I would suggest that you try to keep him in his own home. He can not be alone and be safe…so my suggestion is that you either hire someone to come in during the day to keep him eating and moving and establishing his own routine again. Or you get someone to come in and live, in the house. This is a very common thing to do in the senior care field. You could find an adult student that needs a place to live and is willing to provide simple services for your dad; in return for free rent and food.

Or you could go into the community and look for another senior that would like to be in the home. I would go to the nearest senior community center or faith facility and ask if they know of a senior that needs a place to live and would be open to giving your dad his meals and making sure he takes his medications and gets to his doctor appointments. To be there for him so he can have six months to a year to move through his grieving and re-establish his life. It is worth your time to find just the right person. That will give you and your dad time to adjust and then face a move into an Adult Family Home.

I like the Adult Family Home…they are usually a house that has a few bedrooms that have other folks with Alzheimer’s in each room. The owner is a trained health care professional and provides a more family type of atmosphere for the patients. This place may be their forever home, or a place to stay for a few years and then transition into a care center that will provide more advanced care.

What I like about the live-in help is way to give you and your brother  time to heal and adjust to the huge change in your family dynamics. You can both stay close to keep an eye on things and still afford his care by exchanging a place for the person to live and eat…in turn for their time giving attention and ‘light’ care to your dad. Usually the house work is left to you or an outside person to do once a month. Then, when your dad has the time to repair from his grief and adjust to his mental loss…it will be time to give him more care and protection with an Adult Family Care Facility.

You can hire daily in-home care that is done by professional services…or you can go the private live-in help, which will give you less trained people. If you do this, you will have to set the rules and outline the chores to be done each day to help your dad.

The professional in-home services have their routines all down on paper. The company comes in and does an assessment and then puts a plan of care together with you. It is a very well run organization, but it is pricey. You can often set your budget and then pick and choose the care services he needs the most. The care that is given from the service is bonded and done according to a pre-agreed on program of care.

The private hiring of an in-home resident can also be very pleasing for all around, if they are interviewed and required to provide a reference and any one younger would have a drug test. That way you can know your dad is safe. The point here is – your dad can no longer live safely on his own. He needs to be cared for and if you can not do it…you will have to get someone to step-in. Keeping your dad in a stable situation is what will allow him to extend his mental abilities as long as possible without a big drop in his functions. If you allow him to just be on his own, and he is unable to remember his medications, eat well or interact or exercise…he will be in a downward spiral that will not be able to be repaired. His mind is not going to heal it will only go downhill…so this is a must..you have to keep him as calm and comforted as you can — as soon as you can…or he will take a dip.

The sale of your father’s home will pay for care in an Adult Family home…so I would keep that in your mind. As you go forward this next year…be sure to make improvements to his home to get it ready to sell in the near future. You can lay out the landscaping so it can be taken care of with bark and a lawn mowing. If your brother goes over a couple times a month to mow the lawn it will look tidy. The inside of the house will need new paint and cleaning and maybe updates to small things to give the house a good sale position on the market. It is best to do a little of this prep work each month…so the expenses can be budgeted during the year. Then when the time comes that your dad is in need of more care, the sale of the house will go easier.

You do need to take over his doctor visits. You need to be in the office with your dad to hear the doctors and understand the medications, food and exercise needed to keep your dad’s brain functioning at its peak performance. That performance will be a slow dip but good care can keep your dad in a bubble of calm and love for a long time.

Once again, if you can not do any care for him…then an Adult Family Home from day one is your goal. But I think with the help of you and your brother, hiring a service or a live-in help would be the best answer. This could keep your dad in his home and allow him to adjust to a new type of life for a year or so…then as he changes his routine’s a move into an Adult Family Home would be easier for him to make and not cause him a total melt down.

I understand the upset that a big change can make to an Alzheimer’s senior. We have to move out of our family home. We have lost it and will need to find a new place to live. I am really trying hard to absorb all the sadness and fuss myself…to keep my husband in a protected bubble. My husband’s Alzheimer’s is moving ahead and I do not want him to go into a severe decline over the move. So, this is a very hard time on me. I am asking friends to help and making plans to keep him calm and protected with a family member during the move. It takes a lot of planning to keep the pressures away from my husband, but in the end…we will be in a new place and he will have his things around him and he will feel safe.

I appreciate all you are doing for your dad…I know how hard it is to make these decisions for your parent. It’s an odd thing to be a child/daughter one day and a comforting care giving daughter the next. You have my appreciation for your love and time that you are giving to your dad. I understand that being a single parent on top of it all…is quite the undertaking…but you can do it! Blessings, francy

If you are saying, “Oh, I forgot” then get an Alzheimer’s Check!

How to fight Alzheimer’s before it hits hard. by francy Dickinson

Dear Francy; It’s  me this week…I wanted to ask you all to really take note of your forgetfulness. If you find you are simply having more than simple ‘senior moments’ then get a memory check. Get a ‘Monty’ test from your doctor or memory clinic. This will give you a baseline of your memory and mind skills…so, as you go forward your doctor can see what changes are taking place. Everyone has moments of memory loss….but when it is more than a few…get checked!

If you think forgetting means “Alzheimer’s” and you are afraid to have anyone know, or to even know yourself ~ if you do have dementia in your life….re-think that decision!!!

Alzheimer’s is a combination of memory, cognitive skills, conversational skills, emotional responses and normal age changes…all rolled together. So, thinking that simple forgetfulness is your problem is only a tiny part of the Alzheimer’s family.

Low blood sugar and high blood sugar can really work on memory loss and confusion. So easy to control with proper diet routines, your blood sugar level is a quiet rumble in your life. You could be living with it everyday and not know….so get a blood sugar test…be in the know about your body. What if; just the way you eat….could change your mind’s health for the best? How easy is that fix?

Thyroid, boy, this is a problem that so many people have and so many people live without knowing it’s out-of-order. The thyroid can be low or high and your body will react in really nasty ways. Like gaining weight or causing other health problems to break-out as a result of faulty thyroid. To check your Thyroid you take your temp as you wake –in bed…in a resting position for three days in a row. If your temp is below the normal level let’s say 96 degrees…then you want to go into your doctor and talk about the thyroid. You will need to do a good deal of study about Thyroid if it is out of kilter…because ‘natural’ thyroid medications are essential to treating this condition properly. The thyroid can and will affect your emotions and your memory…so you need to check it if you find the signs are there. Do a few hours of work on the Internet and read about all the treatments around thyroid and get knowledgeable. Then write down your questions and go into the doctor with your questions in hand. That way…you are in-charge of your treatment and your lifestyle changes. The medication is not the only change you make with thyroid disorder, you have to make nutrition changes too…so be in the know.

Then there is stress…that will take your memory away from you for short or long periods of time. There is the low but constant stress…like what you would have if you were a teacher. You have the daily stress of children, class energy, noise and such…most teachers tune it out and do not think they are suffering from stress…but they are…and they often show it. Then there is the high stress…that is what I find I have giving care to my Georgie…never knowing when I will find him on the floor from a fall…or acting out in a highly emotional way. My day will be quiet and then the ultra stress hits. Stress is really important…so if you find that you are the middle of this type of lifestyle, you need to know that breathing in oxygen is your ticket. You simply have to train yourself to take deep breathing time a few times a day. I do it in the morning right after I get up, I repeat it at 11AM–1PM–3PM–6PM–then before bed. Or if I am in the middle of an ‘event’ with George I will do my breathing as I am helping him cope and have him do the breathing to re-oxygenation his brain.

Stress has a lot of side issues that can be high blood pressure and such. So once again, getting those check-ups for simple signs of body changes are the answer to change your stress into controlled life issues. Meditation, yoga, just resting with feet lifted above the heart…you name it…it will make a difference on both the stress and your memory.

Food. Choosing a life style of eating…vegetarian, vegan, low carb, low sugar, low salt, low fat…they are all choices we go through in our lives. But that does not mean our bodies work well on those choices. That is why you need to keep up with your simple testing of protein levels, sugar levels and blood pressure –not to mention cholesterol. Those tests are a once a year thing…they are done with a blood draw and urine test. They are no big deal. If you are 30 or 70 you need to know what is happening with your own body. To say; ” I only eat vegetarian” and think that means you are healthy is a dangerous road to follow. Your body responds to food intake on its own terms and you need to make sure you are choosing the right nutrition for your body, your age, and your activity level. Protein intake has to be high as you age. I have already added a nutritional drink to my diet every day. I take it in the morning and it starts my day with a boost of protein so I can get through what ever awaits me with my care giving. I am 62 and according to my tests I’m in good and even health. But, I know my care giving stress is taking its toll so I am trying hard to be good about my nutritional needs.

Exercise. It’s hard to believe just because we spend our day in an office and walk around the house and do chores that we could be ‘in bad shape’. The truth is in your own daily movement. If you are not walking more than around your home…more like walking each day around the block or doing some sort of ‘extra’ exercise your body is going downhill. It may be a slow or fast slide…but you have to control it. I know that I have gained way to much weight being at home and eating through stress. I now have to move and watch my eating with a low carb diet. I can tell the difference, not the way I look…but how I feel. When I am on my low carb I have energy and can think and be creative. If I start to munch too much, I just start to feel aches and pains and get emotional and forgetful. I feel the change in my body. Do you?

Supplements. I know so many people who do not take any nutritional supplements. There is no law about it…but in my mind, it’s nuts. We all live such busy lives…to not take at least added minerals or vitamins is living on the edge. Eating well and healthy enough to give us good nutrition takes time and money…do you prepare all your food and eat healthy each day? If not, think of adding supplements that will enhance what you already do in your daily food intake.

I live without health insurance. I simply do not have the means to pay for it. So, I just have to live with the idea that I need to keep my body as strong as I can. It makes me crazy worrying that I might have a big health issue…and my doctor visits are $200+ but I still go in once a year.  I am so aware of it, that I have done a lot of study about my own personal needs. I take supplements and minerals and so does George.

I have interacted with so many dementia/ senior and Alzheimer’s care givers that we all share different supplements that help our seniors in-care. So George has quite the list of things he takes each day along with his Alzheimer’s medication. I feel they help him. I encourage you to do your own study. I know this is all time, time to study, time to look things up, time to find a good price on supplements and such. But it is an investment in your own physical and mental health. If you are worried about your memory…the place to start is with at least reading about good food, supplements, movement, breathing and taking these simple medical tests each year.

I wish you all health and good brain power. I also wish you the courage to face your health with honesty and listen to what your body is telling you. There is no reason to ignore memory loss or any other feeling you have about your own mind or body. Face it, today there are answers and solutions…be active, don’t wait till there is no answer and no way to make a change.

Thank you for all you do for your seniors. Giving Care is a lonely and hard journey for us all… it takes love and a kind spirit to stand by the side of a senior facing a difficult health journey. Just being there is a gift…Blessings, francy

HOT DAYS MEAN COOL SMOOTHIE RECIPE for Seniors!

Great Protein Drink Recipe for seniors in care, during the hot days of summer. by Francy Dickinson (the opening picture is our wedding photo ~ we will be married 30 yrs in September)

Great Coffee Smoothie for Seniors

From Dear Francy: Did you know that many of the medications that seniors take will make them ‘feel’ cold? That is why we have such a problem with them wanting to be dressed warm on a hot summer day. I make sure that George knows the outside temp, everyday…and when it hits around 80+…I change his lunch into a smoothie. It gives him something different and it helps me pack in protein. Win ~ Win!

Georgie fell in love with a local coffee shop’s fancy coffee smoothie drink and it costs over $5 –Now, I make one myself at home. He gets the treat once a week. He is always a happy camper when its smoothie day. YES, you can always make a smoothie with ice cream, but George is now a little overweight and I don’t want to boost the drink with extra empty calories. This is great for a diabetic and any senior that is watching his intake but loves sweets!

Since George is not supposed to drink a lot of coffee, I only

Serve the drink with a straw for easy sipping

have ‘instant decaf’ on the shelf. When I make this drink I pour a half coffee cup (6oz) of hot water into the mug, then add an extra big scoop of coffee and two sweeteners and stir, then I add that to the blender drink…as you will see below. The combo of caramel, chocolate and coffee is so yummy that George is up for this smoothie every day. But I keep it as a special treat once a week. His diet has been going very well…I am just cutting down on sugar and replacing more fruits. Summer is so easy to give good fruits. If the fruits get over-ripe for hand eating…I just pop them into a smoothie drink. I would make them the same as below without the chocolate or caramel flavoring…just let the fruit do the talking.

Coffee Smoothie – Easy Recipe – Use a Blender

4 ice cubes in bottom of blender
Add 1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (I use Designer Whey with 18 grams of protein per scoop and only 100 calories)
2 Tbsp of sugar free Caramel flavoring syrup (made for coffee drinks)
1 Tbsp of sugar free chocolate syrup (Hershey’s)
2 packets of sweetener ( I like Splenda )
3/4 cup of 2% milk
1/2 coffee cup or 6 oz of strong coffee

Blend on high till the cubes are mixed with the liquids and serve in a large glass with a straw! Easy Treat for Seniors in Care…you can always top it with a whip topping if you like. Hope your senior enjoys it as much as my Georgie does!

As always I thank you for your kindness that you give your senior in care. Care givers make the difference from making it through a day…or a senior having a great quality of life…Blessings, francy

PS: Please click on the SIGN ME UP button that you will find on the right hand side menu and we will send you an alert when a new blog is out for you to enjoy. And please leave me a ‘comment’ at the bottom of this posting, I always enjoy hearing how you are caring for your senior…f.

He Looks Great ~ He Must Not Be Sick!

Looks and awareness are still there, even when Alzheimer’s is chopping away at the brain. Opening Photo is our wedding…our 30th anniversary is this September by francy Dickinson

George w his Great Grand Daughter Claire n little Missy

Dear Francy; It was mother’s 84th birthday. I bought her a dress, had her long time hair dresser (my dear friend) come over to do mom’s hair and ‘makeup’ . I spent two days reminding her of family names with picture flash cards. We had a nice gathering, a cake and she sat enjoying the day completely. But, the next day I got three, count them three phone calls, to ask me about her dementia. They thought I was over exaggerating her condition because she looked so good at her birthday and talked ‘just like she always did’. What is with people? Mother was in bed for three days after her birthday – recovering and she has not had a friend or family member visit for two weeks. I get so frustrated sometimes! Amy, Detroit 

ME TOO! George’s family came to visit. I spent time reminding him of the names and cutting his hair, doing a good mask on his face to help his extra dry skin and bought him a new shirt.I made sure he was calm for the whole day before and got him up early with his pills so he could be ‘present’ when they arrived.  He looked so good…no one even asked about his health condition.

I get it. I get the frustration and I can top it…so can every other care giver. There are stages to dementia and Alzheimer’s and through those stages there are peak days and down days. But only the care givers see those down days. It does make it hard on the care giver, because it looks like we are making up tales about the loved one. That is just how it is. We are the only ones to see through the smile and know inside the mind there is a blur…and that day the senior looks good and acts relaxed because we have given them good care before the event.

Family and friends just do not know what to say or do. They do not understand the many layers of care that are required. They come over and the senior boosts up their energy and ‘acts’ the part –then the next day they die back down and we have to scoop up the remains and start to rebuild. There is no answer to this. As your mom gets worse, the family and friends will simply drift away…that is what people do. So try not to get too upset over the situation. Accept it. If you find that you can no longer give care…then look around for a place that is within your budget to help your mom. We can not see the future…maybe we can care for them forever…or maybe we have to give the care away to another for the good of our self and our loved one…taking a day at a time is all we can do. I know it’s hard to do…I live it every day too!

Here is a listing of what my day as a care giver is like with George in the upper middle of his Alzheimer’s decent:

1. Early rise to clear up the clutter in the house. This allows George’s brain to see through the house and not get upset or nervous. It’s amazing how confusing a bunch of newspapers and dirty dishes are to a senior with dementia.
2. Light breakfast so George can take his pills with food. Served in bed, he does not want to get up early he is too tired in the morning rises around 11′ish, if I am lucky.
3. Do my outside work with watering and any clean up, then off to the computer in the kitchen so I can work on my senior site and do my writing. I stay close while G is in bed in case he is in need of anything.
4. Time for G to rise. I get his clothes ready and place them in the bathroom. He takes a shower with the tub bench for easy use 1-2 times a week depending on his mood. Other days it’s a sink clean-up…with me reminding him of his teeth and face. I have problems with his skin being really dry, so he wears Olay with sunscreen everyday after he washes his face. His ears are getting sores and his skin is so thin…I have to be very careful. His teeth are getting bad so I have to remind him to brush and use mouth wash for dry mouth.
5. He walks to his lift chair and gets down and watches TV. I have to start the TV, get the remote in order for his day of TV and then he is able to use the up arrows to turn the channels.
6. Phone begins with calls and I pick up the kitchen and do light housework until noon’ish. Then its time for a light lunch for George. I get him a protein drink early afternoon. I make him walk to the kitchen to get his decaf tea. I keep a quick heat tea-pot and he makes his own tea. It is an easy task and I encourage him to do a few things like that and folding his clothes during the day. As well as have the dogs in his lap so he interacts.
7. I try to get him to do his exercises (very light ones) or walk up and down the hall. It is always a chore, he says his back hurts. He is getting weaker in the legs and I am trying hard to keep him mobile. I make sure he has doctor appoints on the community calendar posted on the wall in the kitchen and I order all his med’s and keep them filled properly.
8. Afternoon I get him to go with me to the mailbox, or to sit on the porch or roof terrace for some sun in the summer, in the winter…I just have him come out in the kitchen for a while to chat with me while I bake or get the dinner going.
9. There are always chores for me to do; George’s accidents mean more washing that usual and then there is a home to simply keep in shape. There is food to prepare, because good food it a key to health of any kind. I bake and I do projects. I check on George every 15-20 minutes to help him with getting up or down, or TV or re-charing the MP3 player. Not to mention reload Kleenex, little things by his chair etc. There are things to do around a home to keep it in shape and I do that each day. I’m also paring down things. We have been in our home for 30+ years. If we have to move, I need to know that I can pack without all the sorting. So, I do a room at a time and try to let things go to a charity or family that want them. Since most Alzheimer’s seniors are older…it is simply reality they will have to move, or have care and eventually pass on. Their personal and family things have to find new homes. So, I do address this issue and I am trying to sort through George’s pictures and such for his children to have for the family heritage. There is no putting it off…sooner or later, the home will have to be sold and move on…so its best to do it a little bit at a time so it’s not so overwhelming for you or the senior.
10. I write as often as I can and about two times a week I go out to shop. When I leave the house; I have a small white board that I write down where I went and how to call me and I put the phone down next to it. I am not gone more than 1.30min and I call him twice.  I leave my number written out each time, because he gets confused with automatic numbers in the phone now. That little white board is a great tip I got from a good friend  George does not wander, but I tell him that I want him to say in the living room…do not answer the door or the phone unless it’s me. I have two small dogs and they do a great job keeping him protected in his chair.
11. I often have to make sure he is going to the bathroom or ask him if he has any personal problems. He tends to cover them up and not talk about them…so I need to know. I can help with diarrhea or with constipation– but only if I know he has it. He has just recently gone onto using Depends and he finds them helpful. But, the transfer of using Depends was very emotional for him and it took a few days for him to settle down and use them properly. I worry about falls, so the changing of Depends means I get him very easy to wear clothing. Sweats so they just pull down and up easy for him. I am constantly reminding him to sit down to get dressed, his mind will just not accept that fact.
12. The dogs go out and in – during the day, they are small and we have a back yard. The house has levels and we have to take them down the stairs to get to the back yard. I do not allow George to do that anymore…he can fall on the stairs. He is very unstable these days.
13. George uses a cane, the walker is simply left behind him…so I am looking for the cane all day. He leaves it everywhere. He puts it in any room he visits and then leaves without it in his hand. So that means he is very unstable and often falls. Most of the time the falls are into a chair or he catches his self and is able to pull up. But often I’m called to help him regain his stand and get moving again.
14. Everyday around 4′ish I make sure he has tea and a treat…it raises his sugar level and keeps him in a better mood. ‘Sundowners’ is a condition that many seniors face and it means a sour afternoon and evening if you don’t address it right away. I do not plan visits at that early evening time of day…we try to do anything important from 11-3PM.
15. On some days there is a quiet time and I can get loads of work done. On other days; George sees something that bothers him and he tries to fix it. He will go out to the garage and get lost looking for a tool. He will take something apart and not be able to get it back together again. He will tumble while he is trying to fix something on a lower level…the days are always a mixture of ‘what is going to happen today?’
16. If George has to go out, it takes a village. I get him up earlier, which makes him angry. I push him to hurry in the bathroom, which drives him wild. Then we get him in the car and off we go. I have a backpack with snacks,protein drink, his MP3 player, a special ID tag that he wears around his neck, extra depends and such in case of emergency. If the day is long, he will get very spacey and you have to lead him around and make sure he does not fall. In public we use his walker, or get a motorized chair. He loves to zoom around Walmart in a motorized chair…he feels free. (with me running after him…sad but true ;O )
17. Nite- time he wants to watch TV. His TV choices have changed with his ability to understand words and story lines. Now, he watches current news shows and documentary type programs…he is engaged at the moment but can not remember long story lines. The Olympics were great…now we are stuck with summer re-runs.
18. I do evening online meetings with my work friends and get things done in that fashion and then I am cleaning up and ready for bed. I go to bed around 10′ish but I do the computer, watch the news and listen to Coast2CoastAM on the radio till quite late in the bedroom. I call George into the bedroom around 11′ish and he often says he has to finish a program. But no later than 11:30PM he is in bed and listens to his MP3 player. He loves to listen to audio books, they keep his mind going. He says he hears too much background noise if he tries to be quiet. I guess his brain is unable to stop processing.
19. His latest thing is narrating his dreams out loud. So, I have been having a hard time going to and staying asleep. He talks about his dreams and is asleep…and the dreams are disjointed and strange…so its always a hard thing for me to cope with late at night. Not to mention he does not get a real rest..but Alzheimer’s has that brain activity attached to it — so it will not be changing any time soon.
20. Next morning it starts all over again.

Don’t think we do not have bad days. Days when George is in a mood and will not move, or his takes a fall and can not move. I can get sick and often really tired and we have to change our plans for the day. I try not to worry over going off our plans…life happens. I just keep on mission and try to keep George as calm as I can. I suppose I spoil him, but if he is calm…my life is calmer…so its just as important for me, as it is for him.

Blessings on all you do for your family….giving care can be hard and lonely…I want to make sure you understand that your senior cares about you…even if they do not put it into words. You are keeping them in a safe home and making their day filled with love…THANK YOU, francy.

Seniors Love Reading WWII Books!

World War II photo book and how it came from Kitty’s dad to you…by Kitty Kirwin

My Georgie opening his book at his  81st birthday. He was so excited and had to leave the table and go and read it –right away

Dear Francy: I have been friends with Kitty for a few years and have heard about her father’s photos. I was there while she was going through them one by one and trying to get the best out of the film. Film, from the WWII era…finally coming to life. To many of you that adore the war and all that it represents…you need to order this book! I ordered a copy for my Georgie on his birthday and he flipped over the ‘up close and personal’ views of the war photographed by an airman that was there on the ground and in the air! He loved it…it has been re-read over and over again. Kitty Kirwin has written many other novels and is a very talented person. I am very pleased she took time to be my guest writer. 

I am so pleased to present a lovely lady who writes from her heart. I know you will enjoy her work. How important it is for us as care givers to remember that the old memories are still in place in many of our elders. George’s Alzhiemer’s has taken his immediate memory away…but he still has his old memories of being a young boy during the war and following the war detail after detail. He used to mark a map, that he kept on the wall above his bed,  as Europe was taken back by the ‘Good Guys’. The book brought back a lot of memories for him…I know you will enjoy it too!

____________________________________________

I am K. F. Kirwin and was recently asked to write about my latest book ‘My Dad’s Pictures From WWII’. Twelve years ago, Dad gave me twelve rolls of film strips. He had stored them poorly with rubber bands and paperclips, that had rusted! At the time, I was an art teacher and was teaching Photography so Dad thought I could do something with them.

Gwenie, Kitty Kirwin’s beautiful corgi that helps her write all her works

The filmstrips were in very bad shape. There should of been over 300 pictures but because the film was gun film, which was used in WWII, it crumbled as it was unrolled. After a lot of patience, I managed to save close to 200 pictures. I printed them all up for him and I asked who all the people were in the shots. He did not remember and with his eyes losing their ability to focus well– he could not see them close enough to identify the people or places.

Dad was in the Army Air Corp and these pictures were from his time at the end of WWII. He was stationed at Orly, France. The pictures are of the airfield and Paris at the end of the war. After many hours of time sorting the pictures and picking the best ones I took them to the Pima Air Museum, in Tucson. They helped me identify many of the pictures. I decided to sort and gather the best and put them into a photo book of WWII.

My Dad would have loved this book. Hope you do too!

I wish I knew who the people were in the pictures maybe even know about their stories. My book ‘My Dad’s Pictures From WWII’ is in need of identification of many of the shots. Do you have an idea of who or where the photos were taken? I have an email address in the back for anyone who buys the book and knows someone. I will happily get them a copy of the picture so they can inspect it and enjoy.

This year after a few very bad health issues, my son said; “Mum please put together that book of Grandpa’s photos.”  He felt many of those that lived through the war or now, dive into the study of the details of World War II, would really enjoy seeing them. I would appreciate your purchase.  I know there are many seniors out there that really get a kick out of mementoes from the war era. Francy has told me that George has a whole bookcase filled with WWII themed books…so I hope this one will hit the spot for you or your family members. Some of the profits on the book will go towards my son’s Grad school education… for his support of my time creating the book.

Thank you, Francy. I so wish I had your blog to use the tips before my Dad passed away. I spoke to him in the last 20 hours before he passed. I am glad I could and this book is a tip of the hat to his life and his time of defending our country.

Cheers all! Kitty

Kitty F. Kirwin, author of “Haunted Bedtime Stories” and other books

Please come and visit my author site and enjoy all of my books.

The Amazon link. http://amzn.to/QkhLYN

e is for Escape

Dear Francy is a surprise today: Escape for seniors in care and their Care Givers…a guest post by a very wise lady. Rachelle Reese writes wonderful books and is an extraordinary woman. I know you will enjoy her post.  I am in hopes you will try her books and fall in love with them too! 

Senior reading an ebook like   “The Reunion” on a reader

I have always been an avid reader. I love the look of the words on a page, the feel of paper beneath my fingertips, but most of all, I love the way a book can carry me away from my own troubles into an alternate universe. While recovering from surgery several years ago, I devoured every book I could get my hands on. Books were my relief from the boredom of laying around, unable to do anything. And while I read, even my pain did not seem as bad. Unfortunately, this meant that my husband had to locate and bring me books. The smaller books, I went through too fast. The larger books were heavy and cumbersome to hold. Plus, books are expensive.

Fortunately, today readers have more choices. eBook readers are light and hold a large number of books. For example, the 6″ Kindle weighs under 6 ounces. There is a huge selection of eBooks available, at various prices and even free. Best of all, you can browse through the titles, select the books you want to read, and have them delivered to your device immediately. This is an ideal solution for a homebound senior.

When choosing an e-Reader, it is best to visit a store where you can hold it. The e-Reader should feel as comfortable in your hand as a book. Use the controls to make sure you will be comfortable using it. Some e-Readers have a touch screen. Others have buttons.

If you don’t want to purchase, or can’t afford, an e-Reader, you can still read eBooks on your PC, tablet, or smartphone. Both Kindle and Nook have players that allow you to read eBooks on a variety of devices.

Another advantage of eBooks is price. Some authors offer their eBooks at a lower price than a paperback. If you have a Kindle, you can subscribe to Amazon Prime, which allows you to borrow books for free through the Kindle Owners’ Lending Library. And many authors promote their eBooks by offering free giveaways. For example, we are offering the Kindle edition latest book in our Dime Store Novel series, The Reunion, free through Monday July 16th.  If you’re not sure whether you’d like an eBook, download it for free and give it a whirl.

Rachelle Reese is the coauthor of the Dime Store Novel series and two short story collections: Bones of the Woods and Mind of a Mad Man. She lives deep in the woods with her husband, a bunch of dogs, three cats, a herd of cows, three donkeys, and a guinea hen.  Their Dime Store Novel characters blog at http://dimestorenovel.blogspot.com.

Note from francy: Amazon is featuring Rachelle Reese’s book  ’TheReunion’ on their page and if you hurry you will get it FREE. She and her work are favorites of mine. Don’t be afraid to try new things…if your dimes are low, ask your kids for a reader. I love the way you can adjust the vision of the fonts up and down…at the end of a busy day I make my fonts BIG and my tired eyes can see again! Embrace the good changes in life. eBooks are a wonderful way to carry your own personal library around with you in a small size. If you go to a doctor’s office and have to wait, out the reader comes and you can relax and enjoy a chapter of your book. I adore mysteries and I have dozens of them on my Kindle to read at moment’s notice. If you enjoy the bible…you will really adore the eBook readers…you can take notes and highlight places that you want to come back to again and again. Just click here to see Rachelle’s book CLICK

francy Dickinson with her Bichon, Missy

As usual, I bless you on your continued care of your loved one. I understand that thank you’s are few and far between…but giving to them when are unable to care for their own needs is such a kind and loving thing to do. Be sure to Click on Click to see Rachelle’s book…and click on Sign UP with me on the right side of the screen so you can be notified when I update you with a new blog…francy

SENIORS And HEAT – IT’S DEADLY

Visist your seniors today and check for heat stroke signs

Ideas for keeping seniors cool in the warmer weather months…by francy Dickinson

When I began caring for my mother in her 90′s with heart problems, I was shocked at the extent of her feeling ‘of being cold’. She wore layers of clothing all year long…she had her space heater on in the summer and wanted me to give her heating pads. Why? I would be so confused and wanted her to be outside in the sunshine…but she was too cold there.

I talked to the doctor about this and he said, it was her medications. Many medications fool the body into believing that it is cold. Even though the seniors temperature is normal, they ‘feel cold’ . So, that made sense to me and I tried to help her with year round flannel sheets and a good electric blanket on her bed. I would serve her tea warm not cold in the summer and I would give her a hat and sweater when we sat outside in the middle of a heat wave. Lucky for us, we live in the Seattle area and our summers are very moderate. But, all along…I would push her drinking juice and water.

ELDERS DO NOT DRINK WATER….LIKE WE DO!

I don’t know when we all started to drink so much water. But older folks did not grow up with water bottles. They had drinking fountains and drank when they were thirsty…so it is very hard for them to drink water, on our demand. Mother and my husband George…would drink water with pills –but just enough to take the pills. So, I have learned to give  fruits like grapes and watermelon, fruit drinks watered down…and as much decaf tea and coffee as I can get in them during the day.

Water is not only important for reduction of heat stroke, but also for good bowel movements and kidney functions. It’s not just water for thirst, its water for a body to function well and stay healthy and working. Many seniors take water pills to help their hearts clear out the water in the body….that alone will drain the system of liquids. So the seniors have to keep intake of water up…and up…and they have to do it in the summer even more.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN IT IS HOT AND THE SENIOR THINKS THEY ARE COLD?

This is so important. You simply have to ‘remind’ them over and over again to drink…to keep the room cool with a fan or AC and if not — you have to take them to a ‘Cool Center’ in hot weather. Each summer we have waves of extra hot weather..and with it waves of seniors that lose their lives to heat stroke and dehydration. As neighbors, family, spouses and simply caring people…we have to be as observant of our elders as we are of our small babies.

If you know a senior that is alone during this heat wave…please check on them over and over again. Seniors do not want others to fuss over them…so they will say; “Oh, I’m fine here -everything is OK at my place.” Do not take that as an answer…go and check…see if they have the temperature in order and there are signs of drinking liquids.

IDEAS FOR KEEPING SENIORS COOL:

1. Cooling Centers are set up all over your area. They can be at high schools, churches, senior centers. Just ask, call your local library and ask them to locate a senior cooling center for your own senior. Those librarians are always a wonderful source of information…please use them!
2. Time for a movie…or a walk over at the mall. If you just want to get your senior out and about…find a movie they will enjoy and know they will have a couple of hours in a cool spot. If their apartment is extra hot, call the local fire department (on their business line, not the 911) and ask them if an air conditioner is available for a senior that is bed bound. If the senior is on Hospice, ask Hospice to check on the temperature in their home. There are many avenues of community help out there…get creative and find someone who will step forward and give you help.
3. Not only can you give your senior liquids, but fruits such as watermelon, grapes, apples and always bananas for their potassium. Ice cream is a senior favorite, but Popsicle are golden. Sherbet and Popsicle are really easy for seniors to have two to three times a day. You can buy a big bunch of Popsicle at any box store for very little price. If you are going to check on a senior that you do not know well…arrive with a box of Popsicle and ask them to enjoy them a few times a day to stay cool and keep their body hydrated.
4. Bed clothes are way to warm at night. Add flannel sheets to keep the senior feeling warm — but remove the electric blanket and layers of heavy blankets during the summer heat.
5. Change the senior’s clothes. Layers are fine, but make it layers of underwear, tee-shirt type of material and then a sweater or shawl. They do not get to wear winter warm clothing in summer. I actually change the closet in the hot and cold weather to make the dressing choices easier for the senior. So flannel shirts go out the door to the storage closet and the polo shirts and short sleeve shirts hang in the closet. Adding a light jacket, sweater or sweat shirt is fine…but keep the selection of clothing tilting towards the cool side in the summer. Remember: Mumu’s were invented for one reason…comfort in the heat
6. Most seniors shower. As you age using a tub for a bath becomes harder and the risk of falls increases. Showers are the best way to cool down each day…a moderate temp shower on the cooler than normal side will reduce the body temp and ease the skin. ALWAYS HAVE A BENCH OR SEAT IN THE SHOWER AREA WITH A GOOD WALL MOUNT HANDLE FOR SAFETY!! You know; senior skin gets thinner and it makes it very sensitive. So you will have to keep moisturizer handy for the senior to use in the summer. A Spitzer bottle of water will also provide the skin and face with moisture in the heat.
7. PERSONAL: (Cover your ears.) Body parts are body parts…so women that are older have hot spots under their breasts, on the high thigh or hips where the stomach skin slouches down and other personal spots. Men are the same with even their penis effected with the skin shrinking down and the area becoming moist. So, ask your doctor 4 help here…or just get some cream that you would use on baby bottoms to fight diaper rash. That cream will go on, in those sensitive areas and keep them from rash and infection in extreme heat. (OK, you can uncover your ears now)
8. Cool clothes or small zip lock bags with ice inside held under the arm pits –on the neck, or lower back, will cool the body fast. NOTE TO SELF: Check to see that the senior has ice available.
9. Fans should be kept on in the sleeping area…maybe the senior can sleep in a back bedroom instead of their usual bedroom…check the house for the coolest spots and keep the air flowing or the AC on in those areas. Check the internet for less expensive portable AC units. Do your home work and know the investment is always well worth it, when the heat hits.
10. Be creative. I know seniors get stuck in their ways…but take a look at their home or apartment…you can work things out. Then if all else fails…I sit down and get serious. I told my mom– that I loved her and wanted her to be with me as long as possible. Her health was simply the most important thing to me, so how could we keep her body cool and healthy? I made it a joint venture…don’t lose your family, friend, neighbor or spouse in a heat wave…it can be prevented!!
11. My tip for seniors alone…get them a small ice chest to have by their feet, at their favorite chair. Then you can fill it with Boost, water, fruits and sugar treats etc and they only have to reach down and open the lid to get refreshed!

Once again, I thank you for caring for your loved one. Because of you, their life is richer and you have to focus on that. I know that getting thanks from seniors in care is rare. So, take it from me…YOU ARE SPECIAL…francy

PS I have been going through hard times with my husband Georgie, so I have not kept the blog up to date. I am sorry for that…I will try harder. Georgie has Alzheimer’s and is forgetting how to walk. I have had to re teach him to walk on a weekly basis, lately. He also had so many accidents that he is now using Depends….it was a hard thing  for him to do, he was so sad over it. Life is never easy with care giving but, I do want to be here for you and I know you support me. It’s a lonely road when your spouse is failing in their health. Let’s work together to make the road as smooth as it can be for us all…f.

Dementia – Alzheimer’s Spouses Care Tips

Ideas to keep the spouse of dementia and Alzheimer’s seniors strong throughout giving care…by francy Saunders

George enjoying the dogs n keeping calm

Dear Francy; My husband took the car out last night and ran it into the neighber’s rockery. I was making dinner. I left him sitting in front of the TV shouting at a baseball game. Then crash! I feel like my insides are gone…my head is empty, my heart is not even in my body anymore. What do I do?

You keep going on. You keep making dinner and knowing that you are doing what you can with dementia. You tell him it was OK and you bring him in the door and give him sugar to calm him down. You keep his name on the car insurance even though he has not driven in a few years. You get the car fixed or use “Hello Kitty” duck tape to fix it yourself. You are a strong, Pioneer Woman and you can do it!

This letter hit my heart, because I have experienced so many of her feelings. Let’s face it…this is our life. No one else understands but us…we do not come from our house and go somewhere else to rest at the end of the day. 24/7 is no joke for us…it is what we live 365 days a year. I am talking to you, not to the daughter or son or dear friends that help us give care. I am talking to the wife or husband that is the full time care giver, plus the lover of the one that has dementia. YOU and I are the ones on the front line…we understand each other.

Here are some tips to help you cope with your non-stop care giving:

• Never believe that your spouse will stay. Think toddler; they would never be left in a danger spot, you know they will not stay. So use that thought pattern when you are trying to keep your senior safe.
• Never believe that your spouse will take or eat anything you give them. They may even hide it. Keep a check on what you give to them, so you know where they are in protein and sugar. Give up  healthy food ideas…feed them what they will eat and try to slide in a high mineral and vitamin each day with their other meds. Do healthy eating on the sly…if you can make veggies look fun…or serve them with a dip…do it. Just know, intake of food is the goal…adding a supplement drink is great…but will they drink it?
• Hide those keys to the car. Just like you would do if you had a teen in the house that was always asking for the car. Tuck your keys away in a special place that only you know and do it repeatedly. Take the second set of keys and put those in your office, far away from the main house.
• Treat your mate like a toddler when it comes to going out the door. Tell them ice cream, donuts or coffee shop is there treat — if they just stay calm and follow you around while you are out of the house.
• Get new clothes for the senior to wear around the house. The old complicated pants with belts, shoes that tie, tops that button…were yesterday clothes. Now, give them easy to slip on pants, shirts, sweat shirts, and pajamas. You can still buy style; just color and style that is easy on and off.
• Shoes have to be strong. Get them comfort shoes to walk in and easy to take on and off. No shuffling scuffs…slippers have to have a good sole and support their feet. Falls will not only happen, but will be part of the senior’s life. Make their walking as safe as possible. Get the old shoes out the door, so their is no argument about what to wear. NO flip-flops, or sandels, the foot has to be supported.
• Order a full TV schedule. Even if you and your spouse have not been TV people. Get the full cable range. You will never know what the senior will want to watch and something on the big TV channel list will hit them and they will ‘fall into’ the program. Old shows that used to have a plot or jump around in content will no longer interest your senior. They will want to watch history, or food channel, or military, or old movies. Don’t argue, just do it. TV is a way to keep their mind moving and occupied…you can not possibly be the full center of attention for an Alzheimer brain. Cable is an investment in the life of you both.
• Make and keep a full range of doctor appointments. Even though the mind is effected in dementia…their body supports the brain. Keeping the senior well will eliminate the senior’s worry over things. They can get focused on skin sores…so have a skin doctor check each year. They will have problems with their bladder, so get a urologist to keep them on point with meds to help with function. They will have stress, so make sure your neurologist gives them a calming medication. Overall health may seem not important when the senior is going nutty day by day…but you having to care for their body functions or problems on top of mental health…is huge!
• Make bath day twice a week. Water becomes difficult for dementia seniors. Get them a bath chair or bench, put on a hand held shower head and hire a bath lady as soon as you can. Even if they only come once and teach you how to bath a senior fast. This is a big deal with a senior. They have to keep clean, their skin needs attention and their hair needs to be tidy. Learning how to bath them is important. Do not put this off; even if they are in easy stage of dementia – add the bath chair or bench and hand held soon…so they move into the use of it while they are able.
• Change your home; there needs to be a safe room…that means that your family room or living room…needs to tidy up. The dementia mind, needs less stress around it. So remove clutter, remove all the family pictures on the walls…keep it clean so the brain can see order. Take away the foot stool and get a Lazyboy so the spouse can easily get in and out of their favorite chair. Move the TV so watching it is easy and will also give them a view out the window. Many times the mind of a dementia senior will wander out to look at trees for hours.
• Get your bedroom ready for change. Getting in and out of bed has to be easy. OR….OR, YOU will be getting up every time your spouse needs to go to the bathroom – all nite long! So you may have to raise up your bed so the senior can just sit up, turn and step out of bed…not stand up from the bed. Get new pillows that are strong and will wrap your spouse for the night. That will give a feeling of safety.
• Give up the fight. Even thou rules will be broken over and over again. There is no fighting Alzheimer’s anger…you just have to let it flow and then stand your ground. YOU are the one that sets the rules of the house now. NO ONE can break the rules; so there is a lot of being the MEAN SPOUSE, but that is not going to change the fact that you set rules and enforce them for the safety of you and your spouse.
• Eat on time, take drugs on time, take rest on time, take exercise on time….setting a routine. Routines are golden for toddlers and platinum for seniors with dementia. When they are on a daily pattern, they will be calmer inside their mind and that means you are able to relax more. It is not easy to have daily patterns…but you can and will set the routine and stay on it…I know you can do it.
• Tell yourself to take a walk outside, around the house or block. A drive to the store on your own for a shopping trip…will give you a re-boot. You need it. If you have to get a sitter for your spouse…then ask a friend, a family member, a neighbor to come over twice a week for at least 90min and go out the door. Even if you just drive to a park and sit in the car in silence…and breathe.

That is it for this time….I will try to get back to a few more tips as we move along….I always thank you and bless you for all you are doing for your spouse. This is not a fun trip…how many times I want to ‘drive to Hawaii’–but I am here, day after day. I know you are there with your spouse too. Together we can make this journey with our loved one.

I know how strong you are….you are like a rock. Rocks cry….rocks crack, but rocks stay in place throughout time. You can do this, you are doing this…and I thank you for all you do that no one but you…knows you do. Its personal and private, but it also has to be shared. Share…stay well..francy

Alzheimer’s Secret – Highs and Lows

How to help Dementia and Alzheimer’s energy stay moderate not high or low…by francy Dickinson

George up and happy with Mimi’s visit

We just had a great surprise…a long time Twitter friend came to visit! George was up and happy and involved with meeting her and talking to her…but today – he is in bed. Does that sound familiar?

I really wanted to share the Up’s n Down’s syndrome because so many of us have experienced it and it leaves us (as care givers) feeling like we see another person from others.

When George has his family come to visit, he perks up and gives them his attention,  love and laughter. They walk out the door and he takes a crash dive and I have to pick up the pieces. It has happened so many times that I have learned a few tips and I thought I would share them.

You are not going to be able to help others understand that the person they chat with…is the best they can be. The senior is on a high in energy and is performing for them. The visitor sees that person and believes that is how they are on a full time basis. I have often gotten a little lecture about my comments on George’s condition; that they must be exagerated. That is always so hurtful to me.

I want George to be well, to be happy and live a wonderful retirement. I want him to spend time out and about and enjoying his life with his friends and family. But no matter how much I want that for him, it will not happen. George, has Alzheimer’s that means that he has up’s and down’s and I am the one that has to try to keep him within boundaries so his life is as rich as it can be on a daily basis.

As a lay-person, it has been explained to me that each of us lose bits of our working brain each day. If we are healthy those bits are replaced by the body. When a senior has Dementia the replacement of those bits becomes labored and then slows down like molasses. So, if George gets excited and uses up his energy and brain bits on a single event…it takes time for him to recover. He has to restore his body and brain energy and working parts. As the Alzheimer’s moves forward that replacement gets slower and slower and one day, will simply not happen.

That means I have a job…to decide what is worth George having a high and then a few days low. Some times I simply have to say NO, to an event in order to keep him on an even keel.

Here are some ideas to think about when you are making those decisions….should I take George to an event, or have so and so over to visit? Or, should I say NO, and be the bad guy. Thus, giving George a reprieve from a heavy low…that would take days to recover.

TIPS TO HELP YOU MAKE SOLID CARE DECISIONS:

1. Make sure you remove your own feelings in this decision. This is a hard one; as the spouse of a senior with dementia…my life is involved in each decision too. So I try hard to step back and make my care decisions for the best of George…not the ‘best of francy’.
2. Has George been having a solid and calm month? Not, the last few days…but the month. Alzheimer’s has a flow and monthly is the smallest amount of time I use. Maybe he has had a month of falls, or bladder accidents and emotional upsets that have been higher than normal. If that is so, then extra visits, events, or celebrations are put on a low burner.
3. Plan ahead. I have a 4th of July celebration coming up. It is extra important this year because we have lost one family member and gained another. Many of my family is going to be at this celebration and I want George to go. So I am already planning ahead. I am going to make sure he is exercised each day of June.  That he does not miss any of his meds, and has plenty of sleep. I have decided on the day of the celebration I will take things to make sure he can have a mid-afternoon nap and will eat well, with extra sugar to give him energy.  I am planning that far ahead…so he will go through the day with the least amount of stress as possible. If he gets extra tired…I will be ready to leave the event and go home.
4. Visiting at our home or going out? I find that George is getting more and more attached to the ‘safety’ of his own home. It is easier for us to have a visitor here…one or two at a time. I can remind him of the visit a couple of days ahead. I start to talk about it and then he is eased into the idea of excitement. I make sure he is up early that day and gets ready and then has time to be calm before they arrive. I remind him again of who they are and I always serve food to calm him and keep his energy up during the visit. I keep the visit down to no more than two hours. (as time goes on, this time limit will dip down to no more than 20 min.)
5. Events out. I have been surprised lately that George does not do well going out to dinner. He does well out at lunch. But dinner upsets him, he is bothered by all the people, the noise and thinks the food is bad…so why take him out? Because I want to keep his mind feeling that going out is ‘safe’ and normal. I have decided that I will only take him out to lunch from no on. The stress of after ’4PM out the door’ is too much for him. I try to think up ‘out of home’ visits weekly – but make them calm and easy on George.
6. If George goes out to my sister’s home and visits, he is fine. He knows the home, the people and he just sits and enjoys his time. It really gives him very little stress. If he goes to his son’s home with family, he is fine. But he goes there less often so the stress is higher. Now if he goes anywhere that he does not know the place, or many of the people are new to him – that is no longer good for him. Even though his life has been very social, he traveled a great deal and loves people— George is not his old self. I have to remember that and work around his fears and upsets…and make his life ‘safe’ as much as I’m able to do.
7. Surprise is not a good thing for George. That is what I try to keep to minimum. If someone is in town and calls to come and say; HI. I ask them to wait a while, so I can approach George with the news and let it sink in. Let him get up and get dressed and not be too rushed. Let him know they are coming and I talk about it with a calm voice and up energy. I ask the visitor to come around 3ish…and to stay for an hour. It can be embarrassing to do this to people…but I have learned that it is worth my discomfort if George can have a nice short visit and still feel well the next day.

The point of the above tips, is to show you how I am now just easing the way for George. I try to keep him in the loop of our daily lives. But I no longer share the heavy stuff. I don’t talk about bills, emergencies like my car needing repair, the chores around the house that need to be done, or the choice of what food to eat for dinner. Those ideas and thoughts would take George into a worry and maybe a depression.

This is where the hard part starts. Because as a spouse, the sharing of daily life is what you do with your spouse. George and I will be married 30 years this September…we have been bestest friends and he had been a business professional. To leave him out of the loop of life’s pressure is totally foreign to me. But I have to ‘man’ up and know that life is now mine to oversee.

What I also have to know inside my mind? That George’s health is important to me. So is my health. That means I have to make decisions that are good for George and are still healthy for me, as the care giver. I often have to say; “I have to come first, in order to have the energy to care for him wisely.”

It’s hard to explain to others, when they just want to stop by and take George out for coffee. Some times its a good thing, some times it’s simply is a NO. Don’t be afraid to be wrong, we all make decsions that turn out to be not the wisest in the book. But do get in the habit of thinking small daily issues through. Take your time; one day of not caring, could mean two weeks of you helping your spouse through a tough recovery. Days of no energy, confusion, anger, depression…that is a hard way to learn that thinking through your daily activity choices is important everyday.

Blessings on all that you do. I wish you well with your decisions. George just had breakfast in bed and I will get him up later to sit in the sunshine for a while. Other than that, he will be resting today…healing after our fun visit with our wandering Twitter friend.  ;)   francy

Keep Seniors Eating with Healthy, Easy Snacks!

The importance of healthy snacks or small meals for seniors and elders in care. by francy Dickinson

Apple Pie Always a Senior Favorite

Dear Francy; My mother is not eating…I am not kidding. She has always been thin, but now, she has no appetite. I have tried every dinner I can think of but nothing works. What can I do to spark her taste buds? Anne

When you get older, and many times when you are on certain medications, you lose your taste buds. The taste of food no longer pulls you in…nor does the smell. So, the best thing to start is to really spice up the meal with low-salt herbal spice mixes like Mrs. Dash. My secret is to simply tell the senior they do not have to eat a meal…just snack. That might sound easy but it means you have to make sure that snacks are easy to grab and easy to chew and swallow. So, this is a little extra work on the family member that over-sees your mom’s care.

Every 2-3 hours the senior needs to have a snack…a protein drink, a piece of cheese ( I love cheese sticks), a slice of good deli meat, veggies with dip, fruit with dip, a piece of chicken, a slice of steak, a baked potato. Keeping that energy level and blood sugar on an even keel is the true key to strength in mind and body. How can you help them with smaller eating all day long? Here are some tips to help them on their way.

It means you have to prepare food ahead and have it ready to go…so I will list ideas that will keep you involved and keep her eating:

Senior Snacks:

1. Chicken is so good….so you have all sorts of ways to serve it in small pieces. Bake or buy a roasted chicken and have it sitting in the fridge for snacks, or pre cut it into small pieces and have it in a zip lock…even easier. OR — buy the large family size chicken thighs and legs and put them into the oven – spice well, put BBQ sauce on a few and bake them all. After they bake and cool…divide them into small zip locks - freeze a few bags and keep a couple in the fridge for easy snacks.
2. Apples are so easy to use…you can peel, cut and slice and put some lemon on them and tuck it into a ziplock for easy grab snack. Serve it with a sweet dip, caramel..or some sour cream mixed with honey and cinnamon. Adding protein, calories is the point. If they dip, its more calories and that is a good thing
3. Another soft dip sauce that is easy is peanut butter with honey and nutmeg…it makes a great dip for fruits and celery –always adding in calories and protein to everything that the senior eats
4. Buy full seed and bran breads and crackers so when they choose to eat, it’s filled with good grains
5. OK-Mok crackers are high in fiber, so are wheat thins – they’re best if you put them into a glass container on the counter – so the senior is tempted to grab a few when they walk by.
6. Visual is so important…so make sure their cupboard is filled with containers not boxes. Buy see- through containers that will keep snacks fresh but let the senior see and grab easily. Do not pile on loads of food, best to do small amounts. If they live alone; buy a box of crackers, put 1/2 box in the container and take the rest home to your own family to enjoy. That way the crackers and snacks stay fresh for grandma and they change types often.
7. Get soft cream cheese that is flavored with something they enjoy…the strawberry cream cheese is delish. I enjoy the salmon one myself. Good things are available in the dairy isle…take a look. They are pre making all sorts of things, including puddings. Remember buy small containers so they do not spoil so fast.
8. Yogurt is great, but many elders do not like it. So introduce them to the Greek style yogurt that is richer and the new trend is putting loads of goodies into the yogurt. You will find it easy for the senior to have a small treat that tastes so rich.
9. Every week, take over another fruit that is fresh. Strawberries; hull them and have them ready to reach in and take a bite. Do not put them into the salad drawer…keep them right out on the shelf so when the fridge door opens they “look” good and ready to eat. Always prep the fruit so the senior will eat it. Pineapple is so good, but only if the senior can take a bite size piece…otherwise it looks like too much for them and they pass over it. Bananas are great…and show grandma she can cut it in half and eat it…then eat the other half the next day. Often seniors say; I can not eat a whole banana…so let them know it’s OK to only eat half
10. Veggies; many elders do not eat raw veggies. It was not popular when they were cooking or growing up. So, entice them with cutting veggies into small pieces and buy the tiny carrots and tomatoes. I buy a larger Rubbermaid container that has a green top. It’s a “fresh” container. If you get the larger one, you can fill it with a mix of little veggies that the senior can grab. It will stay fresh for a couple of weeks and then you can add a few different veggies to the mix. You gotta have “Ranch dip” for the veggies…and a secret? You can add in 2 scoops of vanilla protein mix folded into the ranch dressing. Each time they reach for it…they have more protein with each scoop. Watch the due dates on things and be prepared ‘throw away’ things. Try not to fuss over the waste…its better to have good food available for the senior than force them to eat left overs for days.
11. Soup- I make my soups, cool and put a serving into a small ziplock. I then take it over to the senior. That way they get homemade split pea soup, German potato soup, chicken and broccoli soup– without buying a can and its the family recipe they probably cooked on their own for years. I freeze the soups and always write what it is on the ziplock in permanent ink. They can grab and go with soups in the freezer to the microwave or bag into the boiling water for heating.
12.  Steak is often not eaten by elders with problem teeth. So, I buy small steaks, I slice them into small long slices. I then marinate them for 3 days and put the juice and the steaks in smaller ziplock. This way they can fry the steak in just a few minutes and have thin small size to eat as a snack or dinner. (Easy Marinate:. 1 bottle of Italian dressing into a large ziplock and put in the steak pieces. Place it in the bottom of the cool meat drawer, in fridge and turn it over every day. ) Once again, transfer the meat once it has soaked for three days and put small amounts into ziplocks so Grandma can grab them easy and fry up with an egg for breakfast or a baked potato for dinner.
13. Pies are a perfect meal if you make them with fresh ingredients. A good apple pie can be breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack or dinner.Seniors do not have to think of fresh fruit pies as dessert…they can be just everyday eating. So when you bake or buy a good fresh fruit pie…cut it up and put it into Ziplocks.( I know I use a lot of them and I do buy the off brand of zip bags in bulk.) This way a couple of pieces are in the fridge and a couple more in the freezer. The senior needs smaller pieces and almost everyone loves the taste of fruit pies. They need to place them on the plate and hit them in the microwave for 1 min to warm and that brings out the flavor again
14. Apple sauce and apple butter…both great stuff to have handy. The apple sauce comes in flavors and is in single serve containers…how easy is that one? Apple butter makes a good yummy toast treat on top of a rich grain and nut bread.
15. Old fashioned but yummy: Quick coffee cakes and small one egg cakes work great for seniors. Once again; you leave out a small about; 2 small pieces and then they can add ice cream and have a filling treat. You can buy them at the store and cut it…or make easy cakes on your own.
    Here is my recipe for the one egg cake   http://joyfilledcooking.familyoven.com/
16. Soft cheeses make for good dips and cracker toppings – I like the cheese with herbs and garlic…OH boy YUMM
17. Popcorn may seem like a good snack but seniors can not eat it well, so go to Trader Joe’s and look over their selection of chips and snacks. They even have sweet potato chips, pretzels with peanut butter inside – be creative, it will pay off…the senior will love the new tastes
18. Heritage…this is my trick. I think of the senior and what they ate when they grew up. What recipes were popular in the 1920′s or 30′s? What country is their heritage or are they Jewish or Latino? That means they have flavors that are in-grained in their mind about food. Once you get a feeling for the spices and treats that they enjoyed when they were younger and raising their own children…cooking, entertaining — those are the tastes and smells you want to bring back to them
19. Many seniors love candy…sugar can really boost their brains as well as energy. Old fashioned hard candy like lemon drops, licorice that’s in small pieces and fresh so they can chew it. Do not bother with peanut brittle or taffy…their teeth will not do well with it. Keep a candy dish by them with spice drops, MnMs — It looks festive and tastes so good
20. Add drinks with protein. You have to get your senior into protein drinks. If you have to buy a few and get the taste going…do it. I always chill the drinks, they taste better…there are many chocolate ones and the taste is vastly different between the companies. You can always do a vanilla flavor and ask them to drop in two strawberries and do a quick blend each morning. Work on it, your time will pay off with added intake of calories and protein. Most seniors have one each day and often two or three if they are not eating well

I hope the ideas have helped you thinking in a different direction. For us eating is so easy, we can even do a drive through to get a quick burger. Seniors living alone and elders in care are limited to what is in the house and how easy is it to prepared and eat. That is the key…easy.

Good luck, and thank you for all you do for the seniors in your family. Care giving can be a time-consuming and lonely time, thank you for your gift of love.

Blessings, francy

Would you do me a favor and click the LIKE button and write a comment so I know how to give you some tips to help your life be a little easier…OH, and click the JOIN button and they will send you a notice when I have a new blog for you.

*For all that want to know about George…he is due for this summer memory appointment. I will report back with how it went and what the doctor says about his medications. He is now on a cocktail of Alzheimer’s drugs…to boost his brain…Thank you for your prayers, I always feel them. f.

Loving through Pressure and Stress

How to cope with care giving in the middle of high stress…by francy Dickinson

OK so some days the stress and anger simply hit the screen of life and I have had one of those lately!

1. Pressure building was my husband fighting Alzheimer’s and having more problems with personal accidents and the clean-up that involves
2. Then I added on a nasty fight with spring allergies. My eyes have been swollen shut most of the last two weeks. The itch and worry over my eyes has not made me a happy camper.
3. Worry over money has been a big problem for me and all seniors living on small budgets. Its a daily worry and now that George has lost his ability to understand that problem, it is getting worse. He forgets we can not spend money and often asks for things that are not in our budget and its hard on me to tell him, NO
4. Then the car stopped working in the middle of the road while my friend, Cheryl was driving. She was suck in the middle of traffic and called all worried
5. I was feeling panic over-coming me…I sat down and tried to take the issues into mind and be calm
6. I called AAA car club and renewed our membership so the tow would be covered
7. I called Cheryl and told her help was on the way.
8. I called the car repair place and told them my car was on the way and I would have to OK repairs because of money restrictions
9. I called my sister and asked if she would help me with the repair cost and I would pay her back
10. I called Cheryl again and made sure she was OK…she said that the tow truck was there
11. I called a dear friend and asked her to go and pickup Cheryl and bring her home

All during this problem, my eyes are swollen and I can barely see the screen of the phone to make the calls. George is in the living room yelling at me and telling me how stupid I am and how I should listen to him and let him make the decisions. Bad language is flying in the living room and the people on the phone could certainly hear it. What to do? The stress building and building?

• I took a deep breath and went in to George and told him to calm down and he was not going to speak to me in that way
• I was angry and I expressed my anger…I told him to be quiet while I tried to figure out how to handle all the problems- I kept my voice in a calm tone so I would not push him into any more anger
• I removed myself from the living room…closed the doors to the kitchen to block the noise and I fixed George tea and a sugar treat
• This sugar treat would serve to raise his level of energy and give his brain a boost and usually cools down the anger
• His inability to “fix the problem” was giving him a power problem – he wanted to be the answer man, but could only be angry
• Returning to him with a time out and telling him Cheryl was fine and on her way home and car would be fixed
• George was too angry to accept it as the end of the situation he kept up the ranting for over two hours
• George was then too tired to even walk to the bathroom and had to call for my help
• I put him into bed after the bathroom and turned on the TV with a military channel to take his mind in another direction
• I closed the door and called my sister again to talk about the money and the repair shop to get the news that the fuel pump had died and would need to order the part
• I fixed myself a cup of tea…I went out the front door and walked around my house…even thou I was avoiding pollen, I needed the air
• I came back in to another call from the repair shop that there may be more repairs to come
• I fixed myself some lunch and drank water with an Emergen-cee package of 1,000 vit C
• I took the dogs out to the back yard and swept the walk
• I came back in and cleaned up the kitchen and checked on George, who was now asleep
• High Event was over and George would forget the entire argument when he woke up- but I wouldn’t

No I was not OK….

Yes, it was a nasty ‘Event’

Yes, I kept my mind working on life instead of focused on not having money, or  car problems and care giving problems

I can not change my income at this point in my life…but I can still change my overall thinking process. George is to unwell with Alzheimer’s to correct his outbursts….but I can keep myself from jumping into his anger pool.

I know that the job of a spouse to care for their loved one is a hard job. But I think the anger issue and the lack of the one being cared-for to appreciate the care that is given– is the hardest issue I have at this time. Yes, I often feel badly that I am angry at the way George reacts and his lack of appreciation…but NO, I can not change his frame of mind. I can only do things to give myself – my own feeling of appreciation.

• I made a few calls to friends to hear them say I was OK…and I was a good person, I needed that
• I took a long shower and tried to tend to my face and eyes to relieve the discomfort
• I put on spring clothing so I had brighter colors around me
• I did not go off my diet, I am on a low carb diet and I simply had a special chocolate drink that was low in carbs
• I moved around the house…getting myself filled with movement and listening to music helping my stress dissolve
• I played with my dogs…giving them care and their kisses brought me happiness
• I stayed away from George so my mind was kept calm
• I sat down before I went to bed and wrote out my worries and upset in a journal so my feelings would be honored, but not haunt me all night
• I allowed myself to cry out the upset and I was able to sleep

We may not be able to make life less stressful..but we can face the stress and work through it. I did not fix myself a drink, or take a sleeping pill. I knew that would be an unwise way to escape the pain. I wanted to face the pain and change it…not run from it. Because I am a strong woman that can calm myself down, think through my problems and ask friends to help me come up with answers.

I wanted to share this Event with you…because I know if I’m having a hard time….so are you. Giving care to others is not an easy or fun thing to do. Pretending that spouses giving care is no big deal is a lie. Life hits and family members need to be cared for no matter what is going on in your daily life. I understand the pain you feel, the fear that takes over your heart and the uncertainty of your own future.

Try hard to remember there are thousands of us going through this experience and there is a tomorrow, there will be a happier time ahead and you can catch moments of joy even on days filled with ‘Events’.

Being honest and open with our friends, family and our own self…is the most important action we can take. Just hold on, because I am sending you all prayers of strength…we can do this,we really can and we will rise again to a life that is filled with memories of good times, not bad. Memories of giving our loved ones our love and our all….and knowing their lives were filled with our loving care all through their end of life journey.

Blessings…francy

Waffles for Family Brunch w Seniors

Family time with seniors and how to keep the senior in their own home. by francy Dickinson

Sourdough Waffles for Brunch!

Spring time is a perfect time to visit your seniors and take the makings for a meal. I always think that food breaks down the gap in a diverse family. My favorite meal on Sunday is waffles. I do it the  easy way, with Bisquick, and then I like to add in my sourdough from the crock. The waffles smell so good and are so rich. I always get a special syrup – in our house- its boysenberries. Then I do a quick egg for those that love them and keep it simple for those that just want the yumm of the waffle. If I think ahead I get a basket of strawberries and use those on top of the waffles too! YUMM.

It is usually easier to just take food over to Grandma’s house. The TV can go on and the NASCAR races, basketball or football can be entertaining the family. That leaves you to spend time with Grandma and get her kitchen cleaned as you prepare the waffles. The interaction with your elders on a fun basis, allows you to check out the condition of their kitchen and food pantry. When elders are living on their own- they need to be checked by the family to make sure they are eating well and keeping the house clean.

I always had the breakfast planned the day before, then we would go over to mom’s around 11:30AM so we could sleep in on Sunday. The family would say NO…but when we were all in the car the mood changed and the day was reprogrammed for helping Grandma.

As I cooked, the youngsters would be in the living room with the TV on. They would dust the area and run the vacuum. I would have my husband set the table in the dinning room, so mother could use her sweet china. It made a simple breakfast into a special meal.

I would be clearing out the fridge making sure the dates on the products were current or I would throw them and make a shopping list. I would go over the counters. Older eyes have problems seeing details in the kitchen….so a good counter top clean is easy and helpful. I would use a hot cloth to clean the shelves of the refrigerator and wipe off the stove top.

Making sure her dry pantry was not loaded with products that were ages old. When elders stop cooking or just cut it down to cooking for one…the pantry tends to age. You do not need old flour, cake mixes or canned food. It really takes a very short period of time to review it and clear it out. Once again writing down what should be replaced on the shopping list.

Keeping the conversation uplifted and involving the senior with your projects you will find the few hours you visit go fast and loads gets done.

While the table is being cleared and dishes done. My husband or the younger kids…would go around the house to do Grandma’s “to fix list” . The back yard might need mowing or the lightbulbs changing…what ever it is…you make a quick run through the house to make sure its safe and secure.

Don’t forget to change batteries on the fire alarms, change the filter on her furnace and clear the back porch so she can escape in an emergency.

Once a month, brunch at Grandma’s brings you all a good meal and a feeling of family. This is how we can keep our seniors in their homes. By helping them with the little things that get out of kilter…the things that need to be fixed, replaced and added to the mix to make their aging home stay clean, efficient and safe. Start your monthly visit for the whole family…your youngsters will learn how to gift their time and enjoy the love that their grandparents have for them, too!

HEY…would you click on your right and sign up button. You will then be notified when I share a new blog. And yes my senior care books are coming out…I am very excited about them.

UPDATE: on my Georgie..he has had a very tough month with his Alzheimer’s he is in a very emotional place. He had his meds upated and that helped. It has taken a lot out of me too. As you know the care giver is so involved with the spouse that a bad day for George is a bad day for me. But sharing what I do and how I have learned to cope, helps me get over the humps. Wishing you all a wonderful Spring…Here in Seattle we have had rainy weather day after day…so I am looking forward to the warmth and time in the yard again.

Blessings on you all…francy

High Protein Breakfast for Shut-in Seniors

Dear Francy writes about high protein breakfast and recipes with ideas for care. Francy Dickinson

Getting George out of bed and feeding him breakfast at the table

Dear Francy; My dad refuses to eat anything but fruit loop cereal every day. I know this is not enough for him, what can I do?

Many seniors get into a daily eating pattern. Cereal is a common easy repeat, so is toast, care givers have to learn how to tweek it so the daily habit is healthy. First, do not try to remove their favorite food. Just make a change in a slow way.

Almond milk can be added to the diet in place of regular cow’s milk. Many older seniors grew up with milk and simply love it. They want it at each of their meals, but many seniors find that milk starts to be a problem with their medications, or causing a build-up of mucus. Adding almond milk to the mix is a great way to move them into a different direction. If you have not tried Vanilla Almond Milk…do it! It has a great flavor that is low in carbs and really a wonderful addition to the shut-in diet.

My mother got into Pillsbury, Toaster Strudels. She wanted them for every meal. So what do you do? I said that she could have them for breakfast every other day. She was fine with that. I also gave her strudels, if she was feeling unwell, as a comfort food. She was in her late nineties when I cared for her, so to me, her wishes and likes were always honored. At the same time, I had to make sure she had more protein in her diet.  I would put protein drinks or powder in everything I made for her.

My husband George (who is now fighting Alzheimer’s) loves his bagels with apple butter topping. So, once again, I allow him the bagel, but only twice a week. That way I can get his protein breakfasts in the door and keep his sugar levels on a study stream. **Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients need to keep a higher sugar level to help their emotions. Just the opposite of the diabetes senior that needs to watch their in-take of sugar and of carbs.  NOTE: Carbs, like breads and such, change into sugar as the body absorbs them.

I will use your senior’s favorite as Breakfast A – It does not matter what it is…it’s going to be on our list as B-A: or substatute with a Fruit smoothie for a change of pace.

Your Weekly Breakfast Menu:

Monday Breakfast:
B-A or a Fruit Smoothie (You will find a great recipe on my food/recipe site CLICK HERE)

Tuesday Breakfast:
Hot cereal – with 2tsp of brown sugar or honey in the cooking water/ Sprinkle the –top with flax flakes or Metamucil powder – top it with Vanilla almond milk, or vanilla protein shake.

–>This means the hot cereal is packed with the daily needs of a senior for their bowel functions. Then it is adding in a boost of protein with a topping of the almond or protein milk. If the senior needs to watch their sugar in-take use a sugar substitute.
–>Some Seniors really like oatmeal, others like cream of wheat, then you have the troops that like their regular cereal mixed with hot milk. You judge and serve what feels right and adds nutrients.

Wednesday Breakfast: B-A or a Fruit Smoothie

Thursday Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs n Yogurt
–>Adding in 2 tbp of protein drink or Vanilla almond milk, sprinkle in the flax flakes or Metamucil power, salt n pepper with a drop of Tabasco Sauce. Mix this with a blender, or a whip and really make it fluffy. Pour into your preheated pan (Pam spray if needed) and either stir for scrambled or let heat through for an omelet. Serve with a great flavored yogurt.

–>Ok so this is a great way to get more into eggs, then just eggs. You can always use your Eggbeaters (or egg whites) with this just make sure you whip it so it’s foamy. This makes great eggs and you have everything in the mix to add the bulk and the sugar and the drop of Tabasco…why? Seniors lose their ability to taste. It makes eating so bland and so boring they start to pull away from their food. You do NOT want to add to much spice, it can really upset a stomach…but just a drop (and I mean a tiny drop) will just add to the taste along with the salt and pepper. The yogurt will calm down any heat that it causes in the tummy and add even more protein and helpful things for the intestines. I know I keep harping on bowels. But just trust me; when you are older and in trouble with your health, your bowels go wacky. You need to help seniors keep steady and adding daily Metamucil helps. If their problems are in the opposite direction, you can add a stool softener to their daily morning pills.

Friday Breakfast: B-A or Fruit Smoothie

Saturday Breakfast: Protein from the refrigerator.
This is a Danish treat, an open-face sandwich served for breakfast with different things on top from the left-overs in your refrigerator.  This makes for a change of pace and perks the senior up to see what is on the sandwich.

–>What you want to make sure is that the only bread you buy for a senior is loaded with brans, whole-wheat, seeds and such. It makes great sandwiches and good toast. Take one piece of bread and toast it.
–>Then you will use something to spread on the top. It could be cream cheese, (I like the soft kind with flavors that you can buy in a tub and lasts longer than the brick.) yogurt, apple sauce or apple butter. It’s now time to sprinkle your bran, flax or Metamucil over the spread.
–>Look in the fridge and pull out bits and pieces. Chicken or meats from last night’s dinner are perfect. Paper-thin cut the meat and layer it on the toast that you covered with cream cheese. Add a sprinkle of sliced tomato or cooked veggies from the dinner. Sprinkle it with Mrs.Dash to give it more of a kick and serve. You can serve it as it is, or put it back into the toaster oven and toast the top for a minute or two…either way, its Yummy!  You might want to serve it with V-8 juice; now available in veggie and fruit mixes.

Sunday Breakfast: You have more time today; let’s make it a day for pancakes for the whole family.
–>You can make a larger batch for the gang.  If you are cooking just for your senior, make the batch and then layer the unused cooked pancakes with wax paper and place in a freezer bag. That way you can reach in the freezer and get a couple of pancakes anytime the senior is in need of a calming meal.

–>The only difference with these pancakes would be instead of using the water to mix into the pancake pre-mixture — you add in your protein drink with the same measurement. If the senior is the only one eating the cakes, go ahead and add in the bran, flax or Metamucil in the batter. Cook them like you normally do, the only difference will be that you added more protein to the batter, it will not show in the taste.
–>I like to serve these with fruits and a dollop of yogurt on top. It is so easy to buy frozen berries in the market. They last for ages and you can open them and use a ½ cup for a recipe anytime you like. Perfect to add to a smoothie or other toppings. Not to mention, the yogurt is not just a treat to eat in the whole cup, you can open it and use it, a dollop at a time, during the day in different ways which will sneak-in the added protein.

Cooking for seniors in care is always a challenge.
I try to keep in mind what the nutrition rules are and how I can make things taste good, yet, always add-in good nutrients to their meals. Simple foods? Yes. But, even everyday breakfast can make the day start with a mind that is healthy and food on a tummy that will absorb the many medications that your senior will have to take.

As always, check those medications. You may find one has to be taken “before food” if it does, you want to take that pill to the senior with water as you wake them up or get them going in their morning toilet. You can then go and prepare their meal while the medication dissolves into their system.

Because everyone asks about food, recipes and meal ideas; I am going to try to add more tips in this direction and I have started to put ideas down for a care giving cookbook. In the meantime…good news, my care guides are almost out the door. They will be ready in March…yeah.

Blessings on your care giving…you make a huge difference with the time and love you give to your senior, thank you. francy

New senior care book will be out in March - YEAH! That's mother "Toots" and me with loads of good ideas for care.

Fight Depression in Seniors In-Care

Ideas for keeping a spirit going for a senior in-care by francy Dickinson

Seniors love real plants in bloom

Dear Francy; Mom will hardly stay awake these days…she naps all day and sleeps all night. I try to keep her up but she just has no interest in anything. It’s hard to get her to eat, drink or take her meds. How can I get her back in the grove?

This is so normal…if a senior does not have anything left to live for – they begin to dip. Just take your mind into their mind-set; they have lost friends, spouse, family members and their health. They feel they are making others fuss over them and they feel no longer worth the time or effert that it takes to keep them going. Now, it’s up to you and the staff of any care center to change that mind-set.

There has to be a running calendar, posted front and center, of what the world has to offer them. Put up a large calendar to show the upcoming holidays, the family birthdays and events. I would even put the Passing Days of family that have passed away. Make the calendar the current month and a month ahead. Even if you have to print it out on your computer. Talk about it each day and get the senior in to planning for the future.

• Circle dates that will bring the senior a laugh. If their heritage is Irish, our St. Patrick’s day is a perfect point of interest…and then add in some shamrocks around the room to brighten up their day.
• Easter is always fun for seniors; they can do a bit of online shopping and get those granddaughters a pair of white shoes or gloves. Help them be a part of the celebrations, not just view them.
• It may be February, but the spring bulbs are in bloom…and bringing in a small pot of them from the grocery store will really show the senior that sunshine is on its way.
• There is the first day of baseball practice down in Arizona and NASCAR is a go in the south. You have golf starting now, if not interested in the golf, thenwatch for the lovely courses that they visit all over the US and the world.
• See if there are TV specials to look forward to that week, have a current event rolling on the news channel and talk about it with the senior so they stay involved in the world and happenings.
• How about a daily French Word to spice up the morning? French Word of the Day – Free French Vocabulary Lessons Online http://bit.ly/wfXGEj – you can print it out and walk in the door with a word to share and lift the day a little for senior in-care. You can do the same thing with English with a word and a meaning each day. There is the long adored ‘The Daily Word’ that many seniors enjoy. Daily Word http://bit.ly/w7b55B
• Decorate the room with the theme for the month…ask family and friends to sign in to a wall mounted guest book…so the senior can see that they have had a lot of visitors.
• Put up a bulletin board and put cards and snaps of old family photos and new grandkid pics.
• Ask the senior what day it is…what month it is…what is happening around them that week? Keep them involved and thinking about their involvement in life and the world.  Ask them if they have visited places on the news, or if they have family still in the ‘old country’. Ask them about food that they remember from childhood and how to prepare it.
• Add a new project for them. Spring time is time to clear out clothes and freshen up the sock drawers. Change their favorite chair to the window and move the TV so they get a great view outside and of the TV. Bring in some new throw pillows or a new house coat or slipper. New is good, change is good…small changes make a huge difference. Your ideas will keep the senior attached to life and find enjoyment in a daily sweet spot.

Thank you for your love and time giving to your mother. Care givers rarely get thanked for all they do…know your love makes a difference everyday. Blessings, francy

My new care book is coming out next month...Yeah!

Answers for a Depressed Spouse Care-Giver

Ideas to help those feeling low and helpless with depression over giving care to their spouse 24/7. by francy Dickinson

Family friend, Kathy, giving me a break and caring for mom

Dear Francy; My wife is in late stages of Parkinson’s. She now sleeps a lot and her speech is very impaired. I can not really understand her or what she wants from me. Her ability to be mobile is gone and I have to stay by her side when she moves. She does not eat anything but cookies and drinks only soda pop. The house is a mess, I am tired and mad most days. I know you help others with ideas, but what can you do for me…I’m just angry.

Anger, yes…who would not be angry when the person you have given your heart to for so many years…suddenly needs you the most, but you are unable to really help?

You just have to trust me this frustration and anger is called depression. If you have never had anymore than a few blue days in your life…depression may seem a fussy word for you. But you described just the situation that brings a person down.

See if this fits?

1. You try so hard to care for your spouse that you actually can ‘feel’ their needs. You know when they need to go to the toilet, eat, or what they say when they mumble. You try to think ahead to things that will keep them calm. This is very what mothers do with small infants; the ability to talk, does not mean there is no way to interact with another person.
   But/ if you go to the bathroom yourself, take a step out of a room or just fall asleep in your chair you miss the clue. You then feel like you have let them down. They’re in need, they have fallen, they have had an accident, they are crying from frustration…it feels like your fault.
2. You find that you are sleeping at the top of your sleep…any small noise wakes you up and you feel you have to go and check your spouse. This light sleep makes you feel out of sorts all day.
   Result/ you get very little sleep at all and almost no deep rejuvenating sleep. Therefore, you are just running on fumes most days and your frustration turns to anger towards yourself.
3. You try to  think of things to feed your spouse. As they lose their sense of taste they turn to sweet or sour foods. They eat less, so they are not hungry. They forget how to swallow well and you have to be right by them at all times to keep them from choking. They need water for flushing their pills and the toxins in their body, but they will not drink water. You try but they resist every road you go down.
   Result/ you don’t eat well yourself. You do not want to make a dinner for one, it feels like to much trouble so you grab easy choices to eat. Toast, sandwich, cookies, chips and other easy to eat food. They simply give you sugar highs and lows, upset stomach, weight gain or loss and you counter with more and more caffeine to keep you going.
4. You need to be there to move your spouse from point A to point B. Too unsteady to walk on their own, that means you have to jump up each time your spouse needs to move.
   Result/you have no time to your own self. You get pulled away from doing the washing, making beds, cleaning the house. You can not take time to walk out the door even to retrieve something from the garage. You feel almost trapped in the room with your spouse and your world gets smaller and smaller.
5. People tell you to get out and about. But preparing your spouse is so time-consuming. You have to clean them up, get them dressed, struggle with the upset they have on any change of pace to their day. Then you have to get yourself clean, dressed and ready to go.
   Result/ you forget your grocery store list, you lose your keys, you are late for doctor appointments or if you do go out to eat…the process is so upsetting, you simply find staying at home is safe and easier. Plus; one trip out the door, means 2-3 days of bed rest for your spouse and more work for yourself.
6. TV becomes the focus of the household. It will calm your spouse and give you that ‘white-noise’ in the background to rest your mind.
   Result/ you nod off during the shows and that reduces your night-sleeping ability. You sit in a chair and do not get real exercise so when you jump up to help your spouse you find you have a sore back, or achy feet.
7. When any moment of intimate talk with your spouse does take place, or even quiet time–you look at your spouse and remember old times, memories of places you have gone together, things you used to say to each other. You miss the little jokes you once shared, the songs you sang, the silly talk between you. You start to hate holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and you avoid the thoughts that bring out the pain.
   Result/ you get upset and emotional, then you get mad at yourself for being silly and you get angry. You walk around the house just thinking of what you can do to change things and yet, come up with no answers.
8. You wake up with an idea for your day; maybe you have a household repair that has to be done or a chore that has to be attended too. You have it in your mind, how you will go about the repair, or what tool or part you have to buy to make the repair. Then you start to care for your spouse. The morning personal cleaning of them, their breakfast, their pills, adjusting their chair or couch area, the whole process and then you realize that the day is half over. You have had no time to do the chore or to leave the house to get the tool needed.
   Result/ you get upset with yourself that you are getting nothing done around the house. The place looks messy, dirty, and it is over-whelming.  You start to pull back and force yourself  not to look at the mess, not even think of the repair. You just protect yourself from disappointment by ignoring your surroundings.
9. You have had a stomach upset for a few days, you know you do not feel right. You get so busy helping your spouse and dealing with anyone coming over to help with the house that your own health is coming second.
   Result/you slowly become weaker in your own body. You start to have more problems. You feel allergies, problems with your bathroom habits, your own cleanliness. Everything seems to go downhill. You would go and get yourself checked-up with a doctor but the ability to be free to leave the house is so limited you just put it all on the back burner.
10. Your family or children come over and when they do your spouse rallies up and looks so much better. They see a person that is doing well, maybe in a good mood and wonder what all the fuss is about when you call them.
    Result / your relationship with the family and old friends starts to go down. You call them less, you rarely ask them to help you. You know they are busy and so you simply cope. You feel upset towards others that don’t understand

All of the above things equal a care giver that is burnt out, tired, feeling helpless, angry, upset and that all twirls together into high stress and depression. It does not mean you are a bad person, or that you are not strong, or that you are not doing your best. It means that you need help.

HELP – HOW CAN I GET SOME OF THAT?

• March your bottom into your doctor’s office and tell the doctor you need help. Let them know you are tired, upset, worried and simply have emptied out your energy pool. Let them look you over. Let them see if your weight, blood pressure, sugar levels, energy, strength and emotional issues are understood and treated. That way you can continue to care for your spouse with a renewal of energy and creative ideas to help them. You get strong, so you can be stronger for your spouse.
• Call a ‘family and close friends’ meeting. Explain you need to have some time to breath away from the house. You need help with a few hours here and there to take your mind and body out the door and away from care giving to ‘just be you’. Let them come up with ideas; maybe they will offer to come and help, maybe they will offer to pay for in-home care. No one knows what you are going through until you share. I had to share and when I did I was shocked at how kind and loving my family and friends were to me.
• Call a professional. There are companies that your doctor or friends can recommend to come into your home and help with different chores. If you are on a strict budget, do not worry…the companies that do this work, know all the ways to get paid. They will know how to bill you personally, through your insurance, through a local or state funding, or other means. Give them a call; it will cost nothing for them to come and give you an evaluation. They will tell you what you need and work within your budget. If nothing else get a bath lady to bathe your spouse so that chore can be done fast, professionally and allows you the rest while they do so.
• Ask the doctor to advise you of an elder care social service. This is really nice. They are trained people who know how to find different services in your area that are free. They will help you get things done. They can advise you and you can alway say NO…but to know that there are people out there that will help you is so important. I have personally gone to the local hospital and worked with the social worker there. Hospitals are very community oriented and they want to advise you on services. There is no cost to go and talk to an Elder social worker.
• Call your local Elder social services in your area. They will hook you into things that your state can provide for you. Often there is food, care, energy bill relief and medication money available from your state. It is a wonderful service and your tax money, all the years of your working life, have paid for these services. You are not talking anything from anyone – the state wants their residents to be safe and well cared.
• Let neighbors and your faith community know that things have now gone into over load…do not be quiet. No one can help, if you don’t tell them your efforts and challenges. The help will be for you and your spouse…so speak up. Veteran’s, service organizations like Elks, local community services, fraternal and union orders, there are so many people who are waiting to give you a hand. Reach out…talk – tell them you have needs.
• Hospice is a free service for those who are on a life ending journey. They will come to your home and make an evaluation and give you ideas of how to use their services. If it is not time yet, they will check-in with you every couple of months, if it is they will ease in the door and take over and give you so much more time to yourself. This service is so important and most people call them way to late. When you call they will come and offer food prep, cleaning services, medication, nurse services and the list goes on and on. Know that it is there…to allow you to return to the job you really have…the loving spouse. So you can have quality time during the journey’s end for your loved one.

The key to your situation is being brave enough to reach out for help. To talk, interact with others and to understand your personal strength is the key to good care for your spouse. You need to stay healthy and in a place of peace with your emotions. No one will take away the sadness of your situation, but they will honor it and help you find ways to work through the journey. I thank you for your loving care given to your wife. Blessings, francy

francy Dickinson with Missy

PS I am working on a care giving book for all of you…I’m excited to say it is scheduled for publishing in the next month. Yeah.

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Never Too Old for New Year’s Start-Overs

Ideas to re-boot and review the care for your elder in the New Year. How to get a boost in the care giving routine. by francy Dickinson

Adding Mobility in the New Year

Dear Francy; My dad has had a hard holiday caring for my mother. He feels like his life is fading as fast as my mother’s life. He is worn out and simply feels frustrated with the doctors and medications that have been given to mother. I have asked him to get a new doctor, but he says it’s best not to rock the boat. How do you feel about changing doctors in mid-stream for a Parkinson’s patient?

I feel like you all deserve the best care you can get. If the family doctor is no longer making head way with your mother…then it’s time for a change. If you do not have a neurologist you need to do some research and get one. Get your mother in the door and ask for a review of her symtoms and a re-assestment of all her medications.

The world changes so fast and every year there are new medications. As a patient moves forward in their care they may need to change their general health medications or limit them down. Neurologists are like the geeks of the care world. They love to research the different meds and do an in-depth review of all the chemical compounds in the medications.

Let’s take another step; let’s get your dad thinking positive about his health and his own future. As a care-giver; the emotions of the spouse do make a difference in the quality of care. Depression is very real for those facing the onslaught of a constant down swing in the health of their life-long partners. Here are a few tips I use:

1. Get his own health check-up. Many times women are the ones that keep their husband’s health on track. If she is no longer able to do that sort of thing…it is up to him to make an appointment and get a full check-up in the New Year. Knowing his body is strong, or if a problem is beginning for him….he can add medication or a proceedure to deal with it and give him a feeling of well-being.
2. Depression is not a light issue. I talk about it so often because so many care-givers suffer with depression in silence. The family is concentrating on the care of the sick spouse and the other spouse just seems to slip under the radar. Pay attention to him and make sure he is taking his own medications, that he is eating well and he gets breaks from the 24/7 of care.
3. Freshen up the surroundings. If a home becomes a care place, it often gets very disorganized. That clutter of pills containers, bills, pillows, and care giving things can really get over whelming. Try to help him calm the place down. Many elders use their dining table as a place to put bills…get them into a spot that is sorted and easy to review. Get a spiral notebook so your mother’s care and notes can be kept in one place, not on little pieces of paper. Get the dining table free to be clean and tidy, get the living areas calmed down so the care giving and the patient can feel comforted not distracted.
4. Do phone checks. If you have other siblings have them call in the morning and you call at night. That constant check-in for just a couple of minutes will keep your dad feeling he is not alone and you can judge if he is in a good place day by day.
5.  Get your dad into watching a TV show, or radio program each day. Many times if one has a focus on something simple but distracting it can really lift spirits. It might take you to do a search to find a sports show, and interview show or a game show that your dad would get a kick out of viewing or listening to on a continued basis. This repetitive action gives the days a basis. When you are care giving around the clock…you tend to lose your daily clock. If you can replace that with something enjoyed by your dad…he will look forward to it each day.
6. Exercise for them both. No matter what stage your mother is in her journey, she needs to move. If she can still walk…she needs to do so, if she can only do transfers she can do hand and feet circles and lift small weights. Your dad can take a walk in the back yard for 10 minutes while your mother is napping. That way he is close, but still feels the fresh air and moves his body back and forth. I do this on a daily basis. It may not be a fancy walk in the woods, but it gets me moving, breathing and rests my mind with the quiet of the outdoors in my own backyard.
7. Have your dad change his daily drinking of coffee to one cup a day and then switch to tea. Most older men have problems with prostate issues. They do not understand the way that coffee pulls on their body and if they make this change it will help them. Running back and forth to the bathroom is very exhausting when you are busy giving care. Keeping an eye on this issue is important there are medications that can help and it should be talked about.
8. Watching skin care. Lots of elders tend to stop bathing as much as they used to. It means that the skin can break down and so they need to set a ritual. I have an every other day shower rule for my Georgie. He gets his shower and his legs and arms get a good moisturizer so the skin stays healthy. Then he has the next day off.  Take note of the bathing in the home. If your dad has trouble with bathing your mom…get a ‘Bath-lady’. This in home service is worth its weight in gold, they will come once or twice a week and bath your mother. They are trained to bath and check for any sore spots on the skin. They interact with the elder and do their hair and moisture treatments. They are a great choice of added ‘in-home’ care.
9. Ask family to give your dad an afternoon or evening off each week. Make sure he has plans. No staying home; kick him out the door to go to the store, have coffee, visit a friend or do a hobby. This simple rest from the care giving can save the mental, emotional and physical health of a spouse giving care.
10. Make sure your dad is wearing comfortable, clean and new clothes. Lots of elders tend to stop shopping for new things. All of our minds need to have new things in our lives to keep us feeling good about our self. We need to get our hair done, our face and teeth clean and our clothes looking good. Just because they are in their home most of the time, does not mean they get to ignore their personal appearance. Men often do this and it will affect their emotions.

I think that the beginning of the year is a perfect time for anyone to review what has been working in the past and what has not been working. To share it with family and the health care team they work with and make changes. Your mother deserves quality care; new medications, new supplements, new food intake, more water and other fluids and movement…could change the stage of her health.

Your dad deserves some space to be his own person. Encouraging him to do a hobby or see friends is just as important as his giving care to your mom. He needs to keep his own life pattern so when your mother passes…he will have a reason to live on in peace.

It’s never too late and no one is ever too old to make decisions to empower and improve their lives. Encourage your dad to make some changes this month. Often, the thought of change itself; is hard for someone in the middle of giving care. Help him with your spirit and love…it will make a difference for both of your parents.

Blessings on all you do for your mom and dad…thank you for your care, francy

Francy with her Bichon, Missy

PS My new book on senior care is coming out this winter…I’m excited to start sharing it with you and help with more care giving tips.

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Merry, Merry Ideas for In-home Seniors

Here are some tips for helping elders through the holidays when they are stuck in the house or in-bed…from francy Dickinson

Our Holiday Home in Washington State

Dear Francy: Mother is nearing her end, she is in bed full-time and can only see out to the back yard. This holiday is pretty sad for us. Do you have some ideas for those stuck in their bedrooms?

The end of life journey is never easy…but making it a joy in bits and pieces is something we can all achieve if we give it our creative thoughts. So here are ideas that I have used and the elders have found enjoyable.

IDEAS TO CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY SEASON WITH YOUR ELDERS IN CARE:

1. If a bedroom is by the bathroom, it’s a great place to put the special hospital bed. But if the home has more  activity or a view from the front of the house…move over that sofa and put the hospital bed in that front room.
2. Once a hospital bed is ordered from hospice, it is usually understood that there is a three-month care range for the elder to experience. So, this move of putting the bed into a special room with a view, or a large TV or just where the action is —-is a great choice. You can also move the bed around in the bedroom to face a window so they have a view…when they are bed-bound.
3. Often commodes have to be used anyway…walking to the bathroom is a trip that becomes too long- even if it is within 20 steps. So, don’t worry…just pick a place the elder would feel good to be in during the day and nite.  (If you have to move furniture…do it!  Take it out to the garage or basement area so there is room for the senior to get up and move around to a chair or commode with their walker or wheelchair.)

HOLIDAY DISPLAYS:

Outside Light Show for Elders

• Set up an outside light display for the Elder’s window…so during the day they have a small tree in their room —but at night the lights become a fairyland outside their windows. Seniors often have trouble sleeping nights– with pain and worry–so a lovely outside display really makes it special.
• If you don’t have a holiday light display; ask around, get a friend or a neighbor to share their display of tree, deers, etc with you for this holiday season
• After the holiday add a peanut feeder for the squirrels or a birdfeeder for the birds in a cold winter weather -that way the activity of the window and view gives the senior a way to meditate and rest
• You can leave little fairy lights on after the holiday to go through the cold and snow of the winter. Just a little twinkle lights on a bush or tree by the window adds wonder

TURN OFF THE TV…
AND TURN ON THE HOLIDAY MUSIC

• When you feed the Elder their dinner, or do their night-time procedures—turn on the holiday music. This is a great way of celebrating old memories and holiday traditions, to surround the senior in music. Find a Traditional Holiday Music channel on your Dish or Cable, or find a local radio station that features holiday music through the week before Christmas.
• Ask a friend, or a neighbor to include your senior in their cookie list. So the senior gets the flavor of homemade cookies and each evening has a nice treat to enjoy before bed. Add cocoa in a nice fun Santa mug and peppermint candy cane sticking out the top of their morning coffee.
• Take note of the different holiday traditional programs on the TV. Just like you would with the kids, think of your seniors and make sure they are able to enjoy the specials. The favorite movies would be; Miracle on 32^nd Street, White Christmas and many more. Each year different singers have specials and there are cartoon specials like; “Charlie Brown’s Christmas” that add a happy note to the day.
• Note that ordering a new TV Dish or cable so the senior has a variety of channels to enjoy when they are bed-bound is a caring thing.
• Think about the senior’s heritage. Our family has a Danish Christmas Bread flavored with cardamom and my mother always looked forward to it. There are other traditions of cookies and different dishes that are special for the holidays. Taking time to ask; what is a good memory for the senior???  is a perfect way to add love to the difficult time of illness over holiday time.
• Do not forget those gifts; a pair of slippers, a new robe, a fun hat or throw to keep the senior warm…all of those are usable and kind to give as a healing joy.  Never forget that all seniors love chocolates…and chocolate dipped fruit, or small seedless mandarin oranges or sweet apples.
• Watch things that are hard to chew because most people in pain do not have good teeth

SPECIAL THINGS FOR SPECIAL ELDERS:

• Asking a local church if they would visit with a caroling group, or young people dropping off some soup- or holiday treats…would all be appreciated.
• Family members that are very small could dress up and bring over a nice arrangement of greens so the house smells great and the kids can play in front of Grandma.
• A telephone listing can be made special if someone shares their SKYPE with Grandma and she can ‘SEE’ grandchildren or great grandchildren from a far.
• A scanner can be used in the elder’s living room and pictures placed on a thumb drive so the family has copies of old pictures. Then place the thumb drive in a slide show frame so the elder can see old pictures run through their show —each evening.
• Teens can bring over their laptops or tablets and let grandpa see his old house on Google Earth, or view the lights on Broadway, or pic out a cam-pic from their old village in their parent’s home in Europe or Asia. Even more ideas from those that love their Internet…yeah…fun stuff.

Home bound, bed bound, does not mean…that you cannot open the world of love and memories for the senior in care…give it your creative ideas. You may just make their holiday the best they ever had…blessings, francy

Hey stay tuned for my two new care giving books…they are due out in January…

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Thank you…and Happy Holidays…francy

Care-Givers Giving Care on a Budget

Estimated 30 million families from all over are quietly caring for their seniors without funding from anyone. Finding ways to care within a budget of time and money. by francy Dickinson

Family helping family with loving care

Dear Francy; My parents are fighting my mother’s dementia. They are on a very small budget. Dad has Social Security and $250 in a small pension. Mother has only social security, which is half of dad’s. Dad is so afraid of the future. How can he keep giving her the care she needs, with no money for professionals to help him?

First he needs guidance. The best place to find it is through the Aging Department in their local social services. He needs to go with you and just visit the offices and get a case worker to talk to him. She will guide him to what the state can do and what the local agencies can do. You will be surprised at the many people who are trying to help elders with care. Doing this is never negative, it is real and you will have a good idea of the steps that will need to be taken as the time moves on.

Now, here are some ideas of how to help your parents:

1. If they have a home that is paid in full they can go and get money from the government in a reverse loan. This will give them the house value cash and leave the home for your dad to live in until he is no longer able to do so without a monthly payment.  Yes, some don’t like these loans but they are legal and using a company that you find with good BBB reviews on it, is the ticket. Then your dad would have money for a care giver occasionally. Always ask a professional their advice before you sign the papers, but get someone to come and talk to you about the process. You need to inform yourself as much as you can.
2. If their home has an extra bedroom, they rent it out. But instead of money, the person will give care-giving time.  This is perfect for a college or technical student. This means you need to set rules for the person using the room. They have to have reference letters or names to check and full list of duties has to be in print for them to sign. Kicking them out will happen if they over-step the agreed upon rules.
3. This will give your dad a little free time, even a few hours a day. To get out of the house and let him calm down.
4. He will hire a bath lady. That is a first step in any in-home care. These ladies are trained to be upbeat and caring and will do a bath in no time and have your mom powder fresh and back in her favorite chair with tea in her hand and a smile on her face. To me they are miracle workers.
5. Next your dad will either get his own circle of friends or re-join one. He needs to go out once a week to have coffee with them, or play poker, or golf or whatever is his pleasure. He will either have a family member, his border, or a paid in home worker watch your mom. This will give your dad a mental release and time to vent to others.
6. Keeping your dad well with trips to his doctor so his stress does not affect his heart. Keeping him well feed and involved in the family, not feeling alone.
7. You read and you read about dementia…get your mom into a neurologist so she can get any meds that might help her. Then stop all other doctor visits, its pointless to keep her body healthy when her brain is dying. I know this is hard, but it is what has to be done. Get yourself on a dementia support group online. So you can vent and keep your mind as clear as you can.
8. Ask your family to cover for your dad…make merry. Keep the visits and the home as upbeat as you can. Play calming music, use smiles and keep your mom in a bubble of safety.
9. Feed your mother good food, with sugar treats throughout the day. Keeping the energy and sugar level high can help to keep her calm. Don’t be afraid to ask for sleeping pills for her so your dad can get a good sleep, too.
10. Always ask for help; ask your doctors, your local faith center, your city services, your community center, your senior center, your welfare office. Do not be too proud to get help

Blessings on all that you are doing, I know how hard it is to be one of millions of family members that care for their elders. The amount of seniors tucked away trying to care for loved ones all alone without funding is unbelievable in our country. You simply have to be brave and ask others to guide and help you. You will honor both of your parents by being strong and giving as much as you can and still keeping yourself and your family healthy and safe.
Thank you, for all that you are doing…you are a caring person and if no one has told you lately…. You make a huge difference in this world…your parents are lucky to have you caring for them. Blessings francy

PS Take note that my Senior Care Book is in the editing phase and will be out the door soon…so please click on the right and sign-up and you will be notified of all updated blogs and my book release ….Yeah, I’m excited…it has loads of care giving tips!!

HELP – Senior Parents Need Part-Time Care

How to juggle care giving and your own family life for senior parent care…by francy Dickinson

George carefully stepping down into our living room

Dear Francy; My mom and dad have hit the age that they both need care. Dad is younger than mom but he took a fall and has a very bad back. Mother is suffering from heart condition that really limits her ability to do around the house and go out. She is on oxygen most of the time and is so tired she is unable to care for dad. I have been trying to do things for them, but I have 3 teens at home and I am almost sick from exhaustion. What can I do now?

Well the secret is always in the money isn’t it? If you have money to hire in help or even a limited amount you would be wise to get a house cleaner. At least the house itself would be tidy and you would not have to do that part yourself. Alternatives are getting family members to come and clean for less. We have a young mother with her baby that cleans for my sister. She is her grand-daughter so she pays her a little bit and the cleaning and visiting with grandma is all done together. If your parents have a faith-based life with a community attached, call and see if they have a retired lady or young mother that would be willing to clean each week for a small amount that you can afford. Just remember; it has to be clean. So when you get someone in…tell them what you want them to do. Make a check off list and make sure it is done to your liking. If not explain and see if they can improve or get rid of them. You can not afford to pay someone to sit and talk and have a sandwich instead of washing down the shower and tub. Be strong on any help you bring into your parent’s home.

The next thing, that makes all the difference in the world, is a bath lady. Every single senior will get ticked-off at the thought of having one. But when they come; they will spend hours telling you how wonderful the bath lady is – I can not explain it. But I have seen it so many times. If they come and help your mom with a shower it is done so fast that its like a miracle. The heart patients are so receptive to this because it is exhausting; showering on their own. You find well trained bath ladies at a professional in-home care service. They will come and do a free review of the home and needs…and talk to you about their services. You can use as many services as often as you can afford; but even if you are low on funds…make a bath lady a priority she will add quality to the care being given. (PS she also reports any mark or problem with your parent’s body as she washes them. It helps to know if they have a bad skin spot where they are sitting…or a bruise or an open wound.)

Walk through their home with a good friend of yours. Tell your friend, it has to be a safe and practical for your parents. As you

Putting up handles anywhere that a fall may happen

walk through the family home…think of how to add handles to places that need support if they have to bend down or step up. Take away throw rugs or things on the floor. Remove clutter of newspapers and stacked books or hobby things. Clean it up, make it safe. How are they getting out of bed? Do they need a shower bench or handles in the bathroom? Does their kitchen need to be sorted so the everyday things are at a closer reach. Be strong…make good, wise changes and let your friend use her eyes that are not clouded by years of loving the home and it being ‘your parents’ place’.

Talk to your own family and tell them you need help. What could they do each week? Could they all come over on a Friday after school and get the yard cleaned, the garbage out, the wash carried up or down stairs, the bed changed….you know if you figure out that every Friday…you have a storm of duties and you all work. In two hours you will be free as a bird for the weekend.

Go and fix meals for the week in one night ! Don’t tell me this can not be done, I do it all the time. It just takes planning and saves you so much energy. Stay there for dinner that night and have the family over for dinner. Make it easier for you to be in one place, at one time. Then buy nice Rubbermaid dinner containers and store the dinners for the week. You can freeze a few left over dinners. This way your parents just microwave the meals and eat good home cooking each night. A big soup, a nice slow cooker meal, pasta, a pre-cooked roasted chicken for a couple of meals. Come on, you can do it! They add their fruit and salads, cookies and treats. You get it all done in a swoop of one evening. It may take some thinking, but you will see it is doable and easier than coming over every day.

No matter how smart and bright and gifted your parents are at this time. Take over the care of their medications. This one item could extend their lives. You simply have to gather up all their meds and find out what they are and why they are taking them. You write it all down and take it to the pharmacy where they will explain the medications. Then you list what is needed every day for each. IMPORTANT:  You then add in the supplements that they should both be taking, Vit D – 1,ooo units per day / Multi-vit for seniors / Vit C – 1,ooo units / Joint compound 1-2 pills per day, per person. Ask the pharmacy when you ask about their meds if those supplements are OK to add. Now, once a week you fill up their daily pill containers. They never again worry about what pill when. You handle it all and simply leave the container there for them. Remove their pill bottles to a large bag in the storage room. You will now make the call each month to order the pills and try to buy them for a 90 day amount. Use a pharmacy that has a computer and call back system. Give them your cell phone, they should be able to call you once a month and tell you when they are ready for pick-up. Picking up pills and the worry of doctor OK’ing the Rx is a nasty chore, so make sure the pharmacy is up to date. (I use Walgreens and like their price and their computer program.)  This is a key issue to care for seniors…medications are understood and given on time, every day. Make sure you mark the weekly pill containers with their names (I use nail polish or stickers) This way; medication is given to keep the pain away and keep their body functions going without the ups and downs of missing medications —-bodies feel and act much stronger. If they have to take food with their meds, make sure you get them into the habit of having a yogurt or small apple sauce container before they take their pills.

Don’t be afraid to change oxygen delivery companies. One of the biggest problems with oxygen is poor service or delivery. If your mother needs to use her portable containers…she needs them. For her to wait for them is not acceptable. Make sure the oxygen machine is one that moves up to 10 and adds a little moisture so she keeps feeling strong as long as possible. Medicare pays for this service so make sure the money is spent on a company that is reliable.

To review:

• General cleaning of the house; like kitchen and bath is done weekly or twice a month by another person. Family, friend or professional.
• Bath lady is hired min. once a week to give your mom a good comforting bath.
• A clutter free area for a walker and ease of use is made by you and a friend as you clear up the house. Adding safety touches anywhere that a problem may arise.
• You enlist your own family to help on a weekly basis. You give out chores and they all go to work in a flurry of activity. The yard, the garage, the garbage, the wash, the big items that need repair are all handled and you can relax.
• You choose a day during the week to come and make dinners. You will be shopping for the food, have a menu plan at hand and then hit the kitchen. To make it easier you have your husband and kids join you that evening for dinner at the grandparent’s home. This is the slow cooker meal or the big pasta dinner. Leftovers and other meals are placed into nice storage containers that freeze and chill well. Salad mix, fruit, cookies, nuts, pies whatever their favorite treats are left behind. DONE = a week of meals for them to choose and microwave. Yeah.
• You take over their medications. You know and understand what they are and how they work and what time of day to give them. You buy new and load up the big pill containers for the week and your parents are now safe and snug as bugs in a rug.
• Check the service companies that are providing the oxygen, medications, bladder control or diabetes equipment. Make sure they bill properly to medicare and that they are easy to use. Do not be afraid to change. You may have to have the doctor re-write prescriptions, but this is just done once and then the ease of using a business that is good with their customer care is essential as your parents move into more and more use of medical equipment.

Most of all, caring for parents in their home is done with your schedule not theirs. It is a hard thing to do, but you have to say…here is my time. I am here with you two days a week and an additional evening. I will call you each morning when I get to the office and each evening before dinner. You set the rules, you call and stay on the phone for less than five minutes. Your day is yours, your time is yours to set. Your parents? They adjust and begin to enjoy life without the worry that they are over burdening you.

Blessings on all that you do for your parents. Care giving is not a fun ride, but it just how loving people live their life and honor those in their family.

Thank you…now, do me a favor please. Would you please click the ‘Sign-up’ button and you will receive a notice when I have updated my site…and join me on twitter at @SeniorCareTips I try to add tips and help those that have questions on a daily basis.

Blessings, francy

From Dog-day Sadness to Dad’s Joy

Our Hobo 'Mac'

How a photo can save a dog’s life by francy Dickinson

We lost our little hobo, Mac, in June…after being our sweetie pie for 15 years it was heartbreaking. Every anipal parent understands the loss of a family member..lots of tears are shed. For us; it had another layer of sadness because my husband has Alzheimer’s and any change sends him into confusion and any emotional hurt can actually take away from his brain function. Mac’s passing…was a very bad time.

I wanted to wait…just to catch our breath and think about our little westie/schnauzer mix that we had found on a trip over to my mother’s all those years ago. After a big search his family was not found and we kept him as our adopted hobo. Four years after Mac game to us,  a new little Bichon came into our family. A bouncing six month old Missy…walked in the door and stole all of our hearts, even Mac’s. She was his little sister and he took care of her and told her what to do every day of her life. He would start each day telling her to get up and go to the back yard with him. Then during the day, he would lead her through a long list of play, front door duty, mischief and napping. Always the leader Mac protected her on the one hand and told her to sit and be still on the other. As Missy would always say; “Brothers!”

After his passing ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’  Missy was left alone and very silent. Her quiet personality was stuck in an empty day that melted into another empty day. I was worried. She stopped eating, stopped playing with her toys and would just lay by the front door window and watch for her dear Mac to come back home. Not wanting Missy to be alone and sad and not wanting my husband to be without a lap dog to relax him and give him joy….the hunt for a new dog was on. But where to begin?

I looked around on the net. There’s a lot of pets out there and I was totally confused. Then a dear friend of mine, involved with anipal rescue,  gave me a tip. She said there is a group called “Golden Oldies” a pet rescue that finds older animals (8 yrs +) for older families. Yeah!

My search was now guided in the right direction. I did not want to worry about a young dog with my husband’s condition. No potty training and chewing to go through…I was pleased to learn of the organization and found the different websites to be easy to use. But, I did have a problem with the photos that were placed for the pets. Since I was not able to run around and ‘look’ at the pets that were listed from all over the United States…I had to depend on the photo and the copy to find my next life partner.

Some of the dogs did not even have a photo available and others were so poorly

Mal-Shi 10yrs old Needs Home

taken that you could hardly tell what breed they were. I wanted a small anipal, a boy, over 8 years and below 20#. I am a senior with a back problem and I did not want to have a problem picking up our dog. I love to give hugs and my husband loves to have the dog on his lap – small was key. We also needed a calmer personality in the dog, so I had a few breeds in mind and began my search.

Many of the dogs had physical challenges from nasty homes or advanced age and many of them had personality challenges from losing their family. I was not worried about a challenge but I needed just the right mix. So, when I hit on a website from my own state and found a picture of little dog with a tennis ball in his mouth I was drawn in to look closer.

Looking at the picture the dog had a tennis ball in his mouth and I figured he was about the size of our Bichon, Missy. They would be well matched in size. The description was vague. He was 10 years old and needed a new home, he had some problems with his teeth and loved to play ball. Sounded bouncy and fun…so I called.

It had not been my first call, I had called many of the listed dogs and gotten people that did not know the dog I was calling after, or could not tell me much about their personality or past. I really wanted a dog I knew a bit about so it would fit our family. I did not want a dog that would not fit and have to be ‘tested and returned’. I thought that would be the worst thing to do for a sweet dog that needed loved…to reject them after they had come into the house. So, my calls were made and I was just surprised at the ability of the different services to give me information.

I was somehow pulled tight into the picture of the dog with the tennis ball, inside a play-pen. I felt this was a dog that needed my love. After talking to the adoption people and planning a meet and greet…I was ready. I drove an hour to get to the meeting place and then waited another hour until the dog arrived. I was quite surprised at the size, he was tiny only six pounds. He was a mixture of Mal-Shi. A shy quiet little guy with a strange potty band around his private parts to keep him from squirting. His back left leg had been damaged in a fall and he drug it along as he walked. He had spent his life in a small play- pen during the day and then in the arms of a loving mother after she returned from work. They told me he had nervous pee problem and bad teeth, but they had just been cleaned.

I found out that photo of the tennis ball in the dog’s mouth was a tiny little ball..not a real sized tennis ball. I did not know there was such a thing, nor had I ever had such a small dog. My heart took over and the dog came home with me that day. Little Kirbee was in for a big surprise.

Our home has three floors of stairs and a big fenced backyard. Missy is a playful pup that demands a lot of dollie and ball playing during the day. Potty pads on the floor are fine, but big boys learn to go potty in the back yard and so Kirbee had his work cut out for him.

Changing his food to a full protein mix of Nutro small bits of Lamb n Rice and adding Missing Link would be a must. Missing Link is a supplement that I have always used with my older dogs. It gives them more energy and helps their arthritis pains. Then I added a great supplement called Proden Plaqueoff  that works on reducing plaque build-up on the teeth. We put down a rule of NOT picking up Kirbee before 4PM…he had to move. And move he did…falling in a heap and sleeping after hours of play.

Kirbee his first day in dad's lap

The first week was exhausting for the poor little thing. Hobbling up and down stairs, trying to retrieve small balls and finding brand new toys to squeak and chase. Kirbee used his potty pads well, but started to slowly understand that going outside to potty was regular and often. Slowly week after week, that back leg got stronger. The foot got exercised into more solid footing and before we knew it, he was flying ahead of Missy to go out to the back yard each morning. Now, he is demanding toy time from us…he follows us around with his ball in his mouth and we are expected to keep up with him!

Naps are spent on dad’s lap and daily walkies find Kirbee in dad’s basket of his walker. If you would like to see one of their walks here is a little clip.

Little Missy has found her new brother quiet and easy going. He has cozied up to her side by her favorite front door window to watch the neighborhood activities and share her dollies. With all the dogs that were available for us, we found just the right one and it was all because of that silly photo of a dog with a tennis ball in his mouth.

It was such a great joy to find that a kindred spirit was featured on the “Sunday Morning Show” on CBS.  News Video of Amanda Jones , a professional photographer, was featured with her pet photos. She has started using her talents to take wonderful photos of dogs that are ready for adoption. These photos show the dog in a perfect light, so the pictures can be used on the Internet and bring interested new families into the pal’s life. The amount of dogs adopted from good photos is staggering. Just a simple click. A simple good photo featuring the ‘best side’ of each dog…has made the difference. Each time Amanda snaps her camera… a dog’s life is saved. She personally works with a small adoption organization and she has dramatically raised their adoption rate!

Amanda is now training other photographers to give their time and support to this issue. She is asking them to take up the cause of an animal adoption group and do the photos for them. Photos that show the inner cute, cuddles and love of each anipal. Photos that capture the heart of the family and bring them together for a ‘forever home’- match. Watch this great piece and see what you think.

Are you a person that loves to take pictures? Could you spare an afternoon every couple of weeks to take pictures of anipals that will SAVE THEIR LIVES? If so, go and visit Amanda Jones’s website and find a group of adopted anipals to help. You could change lives just with a click!

Seniors need to have something to hold and love. Loneliness adds to health challenges. Change your life — give your love to a senior pet. Let the senior pet that has no one to care for them, that has been left behind– find a home filled with hugs and love from you. Find out more about Golden Oldies and enjoy a great dog info blog.

We found our little angel…and now we’re blessed with two sweet dogs and days filled with laughter and kisses. Not bad for two old goats like George and I…

Our Kirbee and Sweet Missy

Blessings, francy

Death in a Family- Here Are the Steps to Take

Coping with the death of a family member- step by step of what to do after the death of the loved one – that you have given care…by francy Dickinson

Caring for Parents thru End of LIfe Issues

My kind brother-in-law has just passed and I wanted to share some thoughts about what to do “after” the passing.

You think about the now when you are in the middle of care-giving. You worry about the medications, the water intake, the pain levels, the transitions to the commode, the pillow adjustments. Ice for a dry mouth, cold press for a fever, light message for aches…light music for calm and 20 minute visits from friends. You try to keep down the exhaustion of all-nite care that wakes up to all day care. You make the calls to Hospice; you arrange for bath ladies, cleaning staff, nurse visits. You listen to the oxygen intake and check for the machine PSI levels. You grind up the pills put them in applesauce and encourage the patient to swallow. There is a lot on your plate..out of hours…you are living moment to moment…so when the end comes…you sit back in dis-belief.

Are they gone, you wonder? As the breath is no longer straining…the quiet starts to settle down. The patient’s body is relaxed and the usual noise of the activity is gone. Or maybe you wake up with a start; realizing that you have not checked the patient in 20 minutes and you paddle over to their side to find them unusually quiet. It takes a few moments to have the mind set…that they are gone. Fear may come at first, but really the odd feeling of ending comes over you. You take in your breath, you touch a body that is now simply empty.

That is the odd feeling that comes next…you realize the body that had been so full of life and fight for life…is now empty. If you have not experienced being with a body of a person that has passed, it’s always hard the first time. But I wish I had the words to tell you it is NOT scary, it is very right. You just know; the fight is over and the final breath has been taken and it is time for peace and quiet.

You may think you have to run to the phone and call for help. But its best to just take a deep breath and be calm. You can touch them…they will still feel warm to touch and you will adjust their hair and fold their arms…or close their eyes. If they are in bed you can adjust the bedclothes to be tidy, if they are in a chair you can cover their lap with a blanket like they are just resting. Make them ‘presentable’ is what I think – so the family will see them and feel the experience is not so sad.

Your loved one is gone now, on to their next step through the door that appeared to them in the end. There is no rush to do anything. Caregivers are so tired at the end of life journeys that they need to just take time to regroup their mind before they take actions. You can just sit next to the body for a while, or take a little nap until the time to begin the calls starts. There is no race now, there is no time limit…you move on your own schedule and experience your own feelings in the quiet.

Dying at home, when you use Hospice is considered a normal death. You can call your family and let them know the senior has passed and tell them if they want to view the body, they need to come by within a couple of hours. If it is early in the morning and I find most of the deaths happen very early in the morning from 1-4AM…you can simply wait a few hours before you call and wake up your family. They will be expecting the call..they will react differently each one. You call only your immediate family that would want to view the body before it is removed.

Then you call the funeral home that is going to take care of the body. You ask them to come and pick up your loved one and give them a time. That way your family can come and see the body and then the funeral people will remove it into their care.

The next step is totally individual; I start to move around and clear up the immediate area. I remove all the pills, lotions, salves, patches, oxygen, needles or any other care giving things. I put them into the trash bags. Your next call is to hospice and they will take down the death time and ask you when you would like all the equipment to be removed. It’s best to ask them to pick up the equipment the next day because today will be very busy and you don’t want to miss the truck that will come to load-up the bed, commode, wheelchair, etc. They will also tell you they can not take the pills or other medications back. They have been charged to the Hospice account and paid for and they are yours. But they are very, very dangerous and before you have people coming in and out of your home…you need to remove the medication and put it into a plastic bag.

Here is a website that will explain what to do with the medications: Consumer Updates > How to Dispose of Unused Medicines http://1.usa.gov/pmCfsR

Now the basics have been done:

• You have remained calm and taken your time to inform immediate family of the passing.
• You have cleared the area around the body and adjusted the body for viewing.
• You have called just immediate family members to come and view the body and told them the time range.
• You have called the funeral home and made a time for the body pick-up.
• You have called Hospice and reported the death and time and asked them to schedule a pick up of all the equipment the next day.
• You have cleared out all medications and understand how to carefully dispose of them before others start to come into your home
• You call your own spiritual support, what ever your tradition or faith requires of you to do. If it is cleaning the body; wait to do all of that with those that will join you for the ritual. Don’t over do…you are tired and you need to remain calm and just live the moment of quiet between you and your loved one.

I always find that being busy keeps me calm. So I tend to shuffle around and get the area cleaned of all signs of the care that has been given. I like to make the area feel more like my home again. I just put things in a plastic bag to deal with at a later time.

I have a personal ritual that I find an area by the body, like a side table. I find a picture of my loved one that has just passed and I put it on the table. I put a small tea candle next to it and light it up to bless the passing. I go outside to my yard and pick a few ferns, flowers or leaves to put in a small glass jar. This is my small area of honor for the past loved one. As the guests come to view the body and are in high distress you have given them a visual to concentrate on and allow them to remain calmer. After the body is removed I move my little honor table to a front hall or some place that I pass and each day for a week or as long as I need. I light a candle and just allow the love to flow through me onto the loved one that has passed. It’s my ritual…but I would be pleased to have you share it – in your own way.

The day will be a blur in the end. People will be coming in and out and you will be going over to the funeral home and you need to do that with a family member that you can trust to help you with the decisions you will have to make. A tribute obituary needs to be written and I often ask one of the visiting family members to do that…you can edit it and make it as small as you like. The obituaries can be expensive in the papers these days so be aware of your words. Add a simple picture that will represent your loved one, when they knew the most people. That might be 10-20 years before if they are 80+ . You are trying to bring the old friends and co-workers attention to the passing of their friend…so help them with a picture that looks like they remember.

I will not go into the funeral details now, I have a review of that coming in an eBook. It is too complicated…but I do want you to be ‘of mind’ money is money and spending over your budget can wound you deeply when you are in a state of sadness. Be wise and ask a trusted friend or family member to help you.

You do not have to call anyone else if you need rest. You can ask a family member that has not been doing the care giving and is refreshed and able to make calls to extended family and friends. If your faith requires you to make immediate decisions; then allow someone from your faith family to handle the details of the coming days.

Care-givers give so much to the loved one during the fight at the end of life…that they need to be cared for after the fight is over and the calm of passing comes into light. You need to keep yourself rested, drink water, eat food and try not to talk non-stop. Be gentle with yourself so you can process the passing and experience the grief that all family members feel. When my mother passed, I was her care giver in her last day and hours…it was hard for me to stop that thought pattern…and return to her daughter…that loved her and grieved for her passing. Be gentle on yourself…ask for help. Let others take over the complications and heal your own heart.

I thank you for your service in love to your spouse, family member or dear friend. How loving and kind it was for you to put your own life on hold…to concentrate on another journey to the end of their life. You deserve and will all have my appreciation. When you have taken that journey with someone; you always remember those steps and appreciate others that are taking them at this time.

I send a special love to my family that had surrounded my brother-in-law with so much love and care…and in their brave fight to the end…and the rejoicing of his life and memory that we are sharing now. francy

PS Please know that Hospice has wonderful written booklets to help you with the end of life issues. I so appreciate all that they do and I encourage you to use their services instead of facing the hardship of end of life – all alone. Taking time to read the information in your hospice package may seem overwhelming, but they have been there thousands of times before…use their experience to ease your transition through care giving to death issues. Your journey is always your own…your loved one is always different from anyone else…but certain steps are simply best to be taken to keep the process as gentle for you…as the care giver as it can be. Blessings, francy

Elder Passing with Honor and Hospice

How Hospice gives such help and care, along with Firemen visiting a retiree– as he faces lung cancer’s last days. by francy Dickinson

Firestation 13 visiting an old chum

It is hard to decide when to call for help when you are in the middle of care giving. My brother –in-law was moving downhill with his cancer and the veil of pain and fear were starting to blur. After years of fighting lung cancer, the fight seemed to kick into high gear fast. There was no day/date stamped on him anywhere to know when to call for that extra help that Hospice gives.

The idea of Hospice had taken over my sister and brother-in-law and they felt it was like saying; “the end”. It kept them from the call for help and they suffered alone as the daily tasks of living were beginning to close in around them. As his breathing got more and more difficult, his mind lowering in clarity from reduced oxygen – it was making days, night sleeping and common chores harder and harder to achieve.

Finally, the day came…when there was no ‘feeling better, tomorrow’.  The call was hard for them to make and the first visit of the home nurse was tentative. Did he want a special bed? ‘NO’ Did he need a walker? ‘NO’  Their conversation was rough, short and difficult for all concerned.  The Hospice nurse had been down this road before, she knew the signs and she just told them she was there…it was their choice and they would take baby steps together.

Within just a few days of that first visit; the situation had worsened and another call was made to Hospice. This time the services were really needed and they started to roll in the door. The cancer was making him feel so weak that he was unable to go into the bathroom alone. Walking was impossible and eating had long-lost its appeal. His oxygen levels were so low that he was unable to catch his breath.

The fear and worry that my sister felt, watching him suffer, was overwhelming. Hospice could hear it in her voice as she called them backed and asked how they could help her. This time the flood doors of care suddenly opened.  Out poured professional help that was organized and calming.

Hospital bed loaded down with memory foam mattress and adjustable controls moved into the front room. The home had a fabulous view of the Tacoma harbor and the sun filled every inch as they moved out furniture to make a place of honor for the bed. An ‘over the bed’ table was adjusted in place so it could be used to hold his basket of personal tools. Finally he could sleep in a bed instead of in his chair. His chair was honored with a gel cushion to give his thinning body comfort.

A commode was put into place by the bed during the night and over the toilet during the day to give arms – used to steady and help with standing back up. A wheelchair; small enough to go thru tight places and still hold his tall frame securely was delivered. A new oxygen machine that would dial-up to 10 PCI and add a little water to the mix to keep the nose moist while using the air was set up.

During the next week, a cleaner arrived to scrub down the shower and vacuum any dust away so my sister could concentrate on care of her husband, not the worry of keeping the house clean. The nurse arrived to take down the medications and adjust them for pain relief and put all the pills for the week into a larger daily pill container marked with four times a day. The pills that had once been on every table in the living area were now brought into order and ease of use. No more confusion or missed pain medications, it was all organized to remove the confusion. Very intricate information was written down in a simple and easy to read hand for my sister to administer the morphine at just the right time during the day. A list to write the timing and the result of the dose was established and put in a place that was easy to find and use. Common nursing tips and transfer training were also shared.

Food suggestions and how to’s were left so the small intake of food for my brother-in-law would be productive and comforting. Explanations of how to use ginger ale for stomach gas and calming was added into the mix.  Simple suggestions and easy to do things that made a huge step up in the care giving and comfort level were carefully explained and examples shown.  The change in comfort was immediate and the feeling of panic and worry began to be replaced with confidence.

The bath lady arrived…after first being rejected as a privacy issue…she was now welcomed and able to prove her skills in giving a bath to someone who could hardly move or breathe without great labor. The bath was finished in quick order and a light massage was given. My brother-in-law returned to his chair feeling clean, warm and relaxed.  A simple service that a trained professional gives can lift the spirit. Instead of the worry that their son had gone through when he had changed the shower head and added the support chair. Then he had added his dad and tried to help him with the shower, the discomfort was high and the experience was exhausting. Not now. Now the bath lady has the senior in and out of the shower with time to spare.

A Chaplain showed up on the doorstep; just to introduce herself. Not wanting to intrude on comfort or spiritual issues…she just shared time with my brother-in-law and took in the family dynamics around her.  As she met each family member, she chatted easily and yet expertly with them finding their point of pain and bringing it up into the light.

Each time another issue came to a head, my sister was now able to call and get an RN to return her call and assure her of steps to take to keep the care in a positive mode. As the care became more intense, the time of sleep began to dwindle and the help line to the support system grew.

When talking to my brother-in-law the Hospice team noticed that he was a long time retired fire fighter in the city and they asked what station he worked. One of the team stopped by the Firehouse 13 in the north end of the city. A couple of days later, the large fire truck pulled up in front of the house and out came the young men from his old firehouse. Entering the house and standing around my brother –in-law they gave him support and respect of service.  They chatting about old stories and thanked him again for all of his dedication to his duty ‘in his day’. The view of those young men surrounding my brother-in-law as he carefully worked for each breath of air was so over-powering. Honor; it is so important…emotions and love are so dramatic. My brother-in-law was empowered by the visit – his heart soared high that night.

His adult children that had all planned a weeklong camping trip before the Labor Day holiday now put it on hold. They all rallied to the side of my sister. One stayed over at night; (leaving her family of a husband and two young sons) then returning to her own home to care for family during the day. Then she drove over to her mother’s at night to fix dinner and sleep so she could help with nighttime care.  Their son came over every morning early to prepare a good breakfast, fix anything that needed attention and give his dad help with the daily challenges. The other daughter (with a young infant that was sent to the day care) spends time with her family during the day to keep her Dad’s spirit high as he struggled through the pain.

The journey to life’s end, when you’re fighting cancer,  is never a breeze no matter how brave and how the patient fights. But, it can be easier and calmer when you just reach out and ask for help. Hospice is not the ‘end’— it’s the beginning of care and attention that assists a family and patient through life. It is as important as the highly trained pediatric care team is for newborns. It is just a call away – please make that call. Don’t wait for fear and exhaustion to take over and make the journey even harder.

At this moment, we are all working through the end of life issues with my brother-in-law…but now we are all a part of team that belongs to him. Each of us bringing our skills and special love to his side to ease his days and fill his nights.

Honoring all that served…even if it was a long time ago…serving our country, community and family counts. We thank you for your service and embrace your life’s story.

Here is to Hospice…and here’s to a caring family that understands just giving their time and love makes a difference in the journey towards life’s end.

Thank you, francy

When Your Medical Team Gives Up

When your medical team gives up and you are left alone with your care through a terminal illness or Alzheimer’s. by francy Saunders

George walking with Kirbee

George is still healing from the fall he took two weeks ago. The rib cage is feeling better, but it’s still sore and his bruises have turned to a mud-yellow. It was time to check-in with the physical therapist and the nurse practitioner to review his progress and give us guidance.

Alzheimer’s is a very emotional condition and even though we have doctor appointments that does not mean George wants to get up in the morning. His bed is a safe place from the world of confusion. Everyday is a battle to get him up and going without arguments and upsets.

First, I have to make sure he has an up energy. I start with only positive talk and a strong voice tone. I often take a few deep breaths first so I can pump myself up to hand out the energy to him. A special high protein meal has to be served on a day that he’s going out the door. His medications are given to him early so his dementia pills and Zoloft can kick in and keep him calm. Not to mention his bladder pills that help him from nasty runs to the bathroom all day. Once these pills are given and the meal is taken he already begins to feel better. I also talk to him during that meal. I tell him what we are doing, what is happening in the world and our family. I remind him of a special day or event and talk to him as if we are going on adventure; even if it’s just to the doctor’s office.

Once up and out of bed, I have to be next to him to guide him on his daily groom. He no longer showers without me in the bathroom. His Parkinson’s could kick in at any time and take his balance away so I am there to start the shower and get the water at a comfortable degree. I help him into the tub and then he takes over. When the shower is over; I’m there with a hand to help him out and get dry and attend to his personal needs with a reminder for deodorant and moisturizer cream for his legs.

I have already laid out clothes for the day that fit the situation. George gets very cold these days so even in the summer I have to think of light weight but warmth. Then there is the shaving, the whole teeth clean and another reminder for his face moisturizer with SPF for going outside. As he is grooming; I’m cleaning his glasses and talking to him in an up tone with excitement to keep him interested in his day ahead.

All through this process; he pauses and wants to rest or go back to bed. It’s very important for me to keep focused on his progress and keep him on task in a way that is not pushy – but encouraging. I check how he looks and give his eye brows a trim and choose shoes that are good for walking. Then I get him settled in the living room with the TV news so I can do my own personal groom.

The amount of time it takes to get George ready for an outing is really quite staggering. It leaves very little time for me to get ready and often I skip my own breakfast because the time simply falls away. There is my bag to fill with sugar treats if George gets upset and water for his never-ending thirst because of his medications. Then there is his binder with all his medical notes and ID’s to put into my bag. I must have all of the information because we use the Veteran’s for our health care and they need the numbers and names at a moment’s notice. Then its time to pull out the car and get his walker loaded.

His walker is heavy and really hard for me to get into the back seat. George would want to help me with it if he saw me struggling to get it in the car. I always do it ahead of time so he can get in the car and just relax, not be distracted with anything around him.  I have to remember to have the car cool or warm according to the weather or George gets upset and then I need to be prepared with my map if we are going to a medical office that’s unfamiliar. Luckily, we live very close to our Veteran’s health facility at American Lake. It’s just a short drive with no traffic.

I get George out the door and into the car without using his walker so it takes time to guide him and constantly talk to him to keep him motivated and interested in what we are doing. I give him input on what we will do “after” the appointment so he has something fun to think about, not fuss over the upcoming appointment and wait in the office before we see the doctor.

Once at the parking lot by the medical building I try to park as close to the door as possible so its easy for him to walk. The check-in can be quite complicated and I have to make sure he is seated and calm before I go up to the desk. Then I need to be ready with ID and if I have a letter of review for the doctor it is presented to the staff at this time, to be placed into his file. This way the doctor can pre-read the review of care questions or description of his latest challenges that I want him to address during the appointment.

It was our day for physical therapy appointment and our PT is a very nice man who addressed George with respect and walked him slowly to his office. Once there we reviewed George’s fall and his healing progress. The PT tested him for injuries and gave us a few suggestions for exercises.

This was our second appointment this week and I was busy asking questions of the PT about exercises and what areas I should address in the time coming up. As we finished the appointment, the PT told us that he really could do nothing else and it was up to us to do the exercises and address the physical declines that were coming up. My mind is always clicked into using the time I have with the medical professionals for questions and I was busy checking my notes and then we were walking out the door to the car.

I was getting George tucked into the front seat and trying to get the dumb walker back in the car. My mind running ahead at a stop at the store to get some pre-cooked chicken for dinner and asking George if he wanted an ice cream treat on the way home. I was thinking of getting home to the dogs and making a call to his sister about his appointment results. I was thinking of carefully getting the car backed out of the parking area when I was surrounded by disabled patients all backing out of their parking spots at the same time. I was thinking of the co-pay money and wondering if I had enough to get a few extra things at the store. I was thinking of George being left in the car alone when I ran into the store; did he look like he was calm enough to be left on his own? My mind was going a million miles an hour and I was checking my mirror and getting ready to back out of the parking spot.

George reached over and touched my arm. Reaching for my hand he looked at me and I noticed he had tears in his eyes. I stopped the car, pulled back in the parking space and put on the break and looked at him. He held my hand and squeezed and said. “He could do nothing else, that’s what the doctor said the other day. I think it’s just you and me now, Francy. They have given up on me.”

It hit me. I was so busy with my own mind, my own mental to do list, my own thoughts of the day..that I had forgotten the physical therapist’s wording. He did say he could really not do any thing more. George had heard that and taken it in and it had hit him. I had been so busy thinking and he was busy feeling. I had been worried about the full day and all that I had to do ahead of me and he was “in the moment”. I was busy being in charge of our outing and George was quietly absorbing his surroundings.

George had watched the other Veterans that were clearly in medical stress, and judged his own inability to walk well into the building. Feeling that he did not do well with his physical testing and knowing that there was no medication or treatment that was going to change his Alzheimer’s/Parkinson’s condition. He was coming to the conclusion that his medical team had given up.

We cried together. The loneliness of terminal illness is a very personal time. It hits you in different ways at different times. For George and I its a loss of little bits and pieces of his mind and who George has been in his life. It creeps in the door and sits there in silence until we can absorb it and process it. George was right; the medical staff had nothing else they could do for him.  He was in a decline and there was no stopping it. He had a taken a hard fall and was stunned by the pain of his recent injury when he had been such a strong and athletic all his life. Realizing that his body and his mind simply could not be willed to work…was frightening for him.

His medical team is still there. They are polite and helpful but they have no way to make him well again. All we can do is walk this path together and it does become overwhelming at times. We can  just hold on to each other and feel our way through the hurt. George pulled away and looked out his window. He was ready to go home. So I turned the car back on and began to pull out of the parking space…as I backed up George used a very quiet voice; “I’m glad, I’m not alone, Francy…I need you.”

Don’t let your seniors be alone when their medical team gives up. You may not be able to save the day…but you can save the moment. You can call your parent or family member and give them a giggle. You can stop over and give them a hug. You can put your busy day aside and give them a few minutes of your time. Your senior may know inside that their life’s journey is coming to an end; but they should not have to be on that journey without those that they love and have shared friendship with for years. Go and visit them, give them a reminder that love and friendship never end.

Blessings on you…francy

Shut-In: Senior Energy Fruit Shake…YUMM

Energy shake recipe for seniors – easy to make and tastes like a milkshake treat. by Francy Dickinson

Friday Special Treat Day

Totally Yummy Easy Energy Shake

I am going to try to update you with a Friday Recipe treat each week. I like to do easy recipes for those living alone, shut-ins, and those that are on real tight budgets. So, you will have a lot to choose from as the weeks go by.

George is getting more and more into shakes instead of solid foods for all his meals. He likes his in the mid-day. Alzheimer’s and it various medications can take away the feeling of hunger. That means its extra important to keep him filled with good food at the right times of the day. He has lost his taste and smell…they have gone down to almost nothing…so to give him a treat that tastes good is not easy. This shake has worked so well for him.

A good energy shake has protein. Now I like to keep protein drinks around so he can have something to give him a Boost during the day…but you can have a can of protein powder on your shelf too. The powder is less expensive and you want to buy a small box not one of the giant sizes. (we leave those big boxes of protein powder for the body builders) I suggest you get the Vanilla flavor so you can add fruit or chocolate, or even some coffee to flavor it in your shakes.

The good news about this shake is that it is easy to do with the new frozen fruits. I don’t know what they are doing, but this new flash frozen fruit is really adding high quality to the shakes. I get a medley of berries and use a couple for nite time treats…and add a cup of them to this shake and I have plenty for a few shakes. I find them at Walmart or Winco very inexpensive and it means I can serve the shakes all through the year. The frozen fruit adds to the taste and the feeling of an ice milk shake that George adores. This is a winner.

You will see that I add a few little things like 1/2 container of yogurt (flavor of your choice) for its rich taste and good probiotic. Then I top that off with a hit of Metamucil…it will add a little bulk to your drink and you will never know it was there!

My brother-n-law is loosing his teeth and they are very sore. He is fighting cancer and it’s not the time to dedicate to dental work. So his food needs to be soft and easy. This is a perfect shake to give him the feeling of a treat with nothing but good stuff in it.

Yes, you can use sugar…but I think we can all use a little less of that and a sugar substitute is so easy to use and no worry over diabetes. You can just do what you like and make it your own treat. You can make it and divide it into two for two people or give yourself one in the fridge to grab at night when you are tired.

This shake is perfect for your day time cooler that I like you to have by your TV chair, too. You will see that changing eating habits is not as hard as you think. If you cooked for 6 and now there are only 2 of you…or if you have lost your spouse and have to prepare food for just yourself. This type of thing is just the ticket.

As a caregiver…take a look at the protein in this drink. Different protein powders give you different measurements. Your senior really does need that protein to keep alert and muscle strong. So try to work a shake in at least twice a week, if not once a day. Adding a banana and other fruits is great too…but the frozen fruits to make this like a milk shake.

Here is the connection for the recipe and you can print it off easily from my recipe page. You will find a lot of family recipes and Shut-In recipes on my page too.

Click Here to Visit and Print Recipe

Shut-In:/ Easy Senior Energy Shake Recipe

• You have a choice here choose one:
•    1 Energy drink like Boost (vanilla flavor) OR
•    1 cup low-fat milk, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder
•    Then add to it, in blender:
•    1/4 cup citrus fruit juice of choice (I use lemon)
•    1 small pack of Splenda sweetener
•    1/4 tsp vanilla
•    1 cup frozen mixed berries (this needs frozen ones)
•    1/2 container of vanilla yogurt
•    1 tsp Metamucil (optional but good for you)

Instructions

1. The beauty of this is in the frozen berries. They are flash freezing fruits so they are sooo good now. I get the packages in the frozen foods at Walmart and I use them in shakes so they give it the feeling of a frosted milk shake instead of just a protein drink. Oh boy, these are yumm.
2. You can use your own protein drink that is chilled in frig or you can just get some protein powder and a cup of low-fat milk. Put either one of those (your choice) into your blender, or food processor. Add in the 1/4 cup citrus juice that you like and the sweetener with the vanilla. Then the berries or other frozen fruits (always use 1 cup) use 1/2 of a container of yogurt that matches flavors with your drink, I use berry or vanilla. I like to add the Metamucil to make it even better for George. Then hit the button and swirl until it is thick and rich.
3. Pour it into one of the new large juice cups with lids. I show one in the picture above. These are at all the stores now and have a built-in straw. What I like about them is that you can close the lid and tuck in the straw to sit them on a table or put it in your walker and not worry about it spilling…Its so handy that way. Look for them at the grocery store and get a fun color…I have a red and pink one…George has blue…it makes it easy to spot around the house.
4. Perfect shake to start your morning, for an afternoon snack or a dinner replacement. Some times you just don’t feel like cooking, but you need your protein and a great tasting treat!

Hope this helps with ideas for senior care givers. Feeding “Elders in Care” is a very hard thing to do. You will find more ideas on my recipe page…OH, this shake has no age limit….we can all enjoy it!

Thanks again for all you do for your senior family

PS//Excited about my new book coming out in September called “Guiding Family Care” I will let you know when it hits Amazon…would you click on the right side of the page and sign up for my site updates and leave me a comment…I love comments…OH and if you liked the read…please hit the LIKE button..thanks!  francy

George took a Fall

Out this fall by francy 'Guiding Family Care'

George took a fall and I wanted to update you. by francy Dickinson

I am in the middle of designing my front cover for my ‘Guiding Family Care’ eBook for senior in home care-giving. I am going to have it out by September. So the cover has to be done… I was in the middle of the design process and George took a fall.

He had gone downstairs to let the dogs outside and he went out on his own. He was doing things out there, without a cane or walker. He tripped over the hose,  landed on his hands and Cheryl saw him go down and let out a holler. Gosh that is a scary call.

I raced downstairs and the dogs were hovering over him, he was in shock. I had him stay still for a while to see what was injured and he was able to move. Cheryl and I got him to his knees and then to his feet and over through the downstairs door to her sofa. He sat there for a while saying very little and confused. His Alzheimer’s takes such a hit when anything like this happens.

When he got up he was sore and I had him go up the stairs slowly with our help and then the pain started to hit. His ribs had been cracked and his arm and shoulder were bruised. So for the last three days we have had quite the time of it. I am giving him full care; that means transition, grooming, bathroom transition and bringing him meals. He is in less pain in his recliner chair, but unable to move it without help. He has a whistle that he blows when he needs me. It’s just simple things with care giving, but they all add up to time and energy and added stress when the daily routine is blown apart by a fall.

–> I think George blew the whistle less today…so its been four days and the pain is still there, but getting less. He is learning how to adjust to it and walk with his walker again. I took him out the door and across the street – to get the mail and he walked with more speed today. His Parkinson’s tends to make him shuffle, but he was able to pick up his feet in a better walking stance. I can not let him just sit…he has to keep thinking and moving or he will lose his movement memory.

Just another bump in the road that care givers have to adjust to and think about. I thought I would share it all with you, so you can understand the continued stress of being a care giver…at the same time allowing him to heal slowly and get his mind and his muscles strong. So easy to think that falls are the end of an elder’s life. But that is rarely the case; they just make life more difficult…so I am doing my best to motivate him to move safely and heal strong.

My personal frustration is trying to work in-between the whistle blows…but I am getting there. Leave me a comment if you have a similar challenge. OH, a good friend has done an author page for me, if you would be kind enough to visit I would appreciate it. Just click here. When I get the eBook done I will ask you to spread the news for me. It should be out in a couple of weeks, I’m excited and in hopes that George keeps healing so my writing time can increase. Keep your fingers crossed; I want to get this book out the door and into the hands of families that need care giving help on a budget.

Blessings, francy

Alzheimer’s/Dementia Need to Keep Moving

Fighting dementia’s anger issues, Parkinson’s body muscle breakdown and Alzheimer’s emotional outbreaks with exercise and small chores by francy Dickinson

 

Friends Enjoying Assisted Care

Dear Francy; My in-laws have gone from the sweetest couple in the world to a home with shouting, anger, and total rejection of home cleaning and upkeep. My husband is beside his self and trying so hard to keep them safe and calm. His mom is in her late 70′s and his dad is 82. Once active they are simply now doing nothing, rarely even prepare food. It’s really tearing my husband up and exhausting him trying to keep the plates twirling in the air both here at home and for their home. What can we do?

 

Well the amount of dual diagnosis for couples is rising, I’m afraid. It’s really tough when you have both parents ill or suffering through side issues of emotions or depression. But lets take a few ideas and throw them around. As you know; the first and best idea is to re-locate them into a retirement situation that includes meals and activities. That would give you and your family so much time and energy saved with your parent’s care. On the down side; it would probably take the value of their home for their life care, so there will probably be no big inheritance in your future. Lots of children of elders think that the carrot at the end of their care-giving stick…is inheriting their parent’s home. (trust me, a lot of kids feel this way) If you can say goodbye to that future income; in exchange for the parents being in a place where their life can be relieved of so much stress and just think about their personal and health issues— it would make a huge change for all of you.

But the reason I write this blog is that ‘most’ families can not do that change. The parents may not want to move, their home may not have equity, their income may not allow them to have assisted or retirement care. So what do families do if this is the case? Lets list a few ideas and see if you can take a few of them to help your current situation.

TAKE THE PRESSURE OF CARE AND REDUCE IT WITH THESE TIPS:

• Make the rules. If you are going to care for someone on a long-term scale…you get to have a say in the life style and home rules. Get the legal stuff out-of-the-way from the get-go. Get the power of attorney done and signed by both of them. Get their property in joint names and make sure that the dots and dashes are taken care of from day one. I just insist people take care of this issue, even if there is argument and hurt feelings; it’s the way the world is and business is business. Plus, you would never be able to help them in a doctor’s office if you do not have a Power of Attorney for health care signed and notory stamped. Everyone wants this doctors, hospitals, insurance, banks, and the list goes on. Trust me; get this part done.
• Take time with your own family and set up a calendar for the family and work. See the actual days and times that are free before you try to run over and solve your parent’s problems. If you see that Wednesday is a low family value day…than just make it into a mid-week parent check day. Your husband or you will go over and solve mid-week problems, fix a good meal and spend time with them. Then another in person check can be done on the weekend. Work your own schedule not theirs. If they have a TV show or card club that night…too bad. They will have to tape the show and reschedule the cards; YOUR schedule is current and your own family comes first. That is the rule. Then we move on to care time.
• 
• Buy a large calendar for the parents to put up on their kitchen wall. I have one with three months at a time. You are in charge of the calendar. You put in the month and dates and keep it updated at the end of each month. It’s a reminder calendar, birthdays, dr appt, at least one activity outside of the home each month, general things that you do around a house each month. This is the hub of what you will be doing and what they can do.
• You do things that require a ladder and detail work, they do things that are easy to achieve and safe for them to do. You will have to begin to put down the chore list on a small white board…each time you come, you give them things to finish when you are gone. Laundry or folding and putting it away. Or you do the laundry and bring it to them to fold and put away while you are there. It is how well they are functioning that you judge the chores. If you need to do a reminder and call them during the week…then snap a pic of their chore list on your phone..so you can remember what they need to be doing. Keep repeating the chore listing and asking how it is coming, push, push, push…they need to be doing and the confusion of what to do, and who is to do it and how to do it…is giving them stress and thus the arguments. This clearly defined listing of chores is still done, over and over. Do not cave…keep it up, make the chores easier or more complicated depending on their joint abilities.
• They need to move…so here are some tips. If you have close hands on, turn on the TV for the PBS ‘Sit and Be Fit’ or get DVR’s designed for seniors to move. If they need more supervision then take them to the senior center twice a week. If they can not go out and you are not there to help them…get a student to do it for you. Just like a dog walker; exercise students will come to home and do a 30 minute exercise with them. Seniors always respond to young adults. Visit a gym or college and find students that need to get some experience and hire them for a small amount to keep your parents moving and grooving.
• Walking? If the two of them can still walk, a walking group is a great way to add both movement and socializing to their life. Make a few calls…get creative and find local resources to help you care for them. Senior resources are available in all communities; more things than you can imagine…but they are there for the taking so find them.
• ‘Looking forward’ is a big issue with seniors. Get your kinds or your events up on their calendar to share. Let them look forward to grandson’s music concert this month.  Let them look forward to a family birthday, wedding, shower, swim party. Get them involved in the function. Grandma’s favorite salad should be made and Grandpa can help with putting up the decorations or setting up the tables. Use their skills and keep them busy. Just like the Cruise ship social director that keeps everyone busy on the 7 day cruise…you begin to get the feel for it and keep them involved in their family and community.

YES THIS ALL TAKES YOUR TIME; but the key is to keep them busy, active and thinking. It will reduce down the stress and any household that is organized is much richer. It does nothing to just arrive and try to solve an argument. The idea is to keep your parent’s interaction more positive and show them that aging with health and emotional issues is simply a bumpy ride, not the end of their life. Their life needs to be supervised and that should be your role.

You need to be organized too because for a few years, you will have three jobs. Work, your home, their home…that is a lot on your plate. Doing it with joy is very important so ask for help. If you have siblings…they get to step up to the plate. If they are out-of-town, or too busy to help…a financial help is required. Everyone has a limit; but even a monthly Safeway card with $25 or $50 makes a big difference for seniors and their food bill. Walgreen type of drug store gift cards are also perfect for the little things that all seniors in care need.

Family can help; teenagers can do the lawn work, small children can visit and just read or play in front of the grand parents to keep them happy and busy while you work around the house. Aunts can make a weekly slow-cooker dinner that will be eaten for a few meals. Friends can be scheduled to come and visit once a week.

YES…this takes your time, but it’s not impossible to do and once you get a support group going..your time investment goes down.

Communities are adding more and more services. There are free family movie nights, summer free concerts in the park, local food markets, visiting people of interest that do free lectures, heritage communities have celebrations with free events and faith groups have on going senior gatherings. From libraries to local theatres…there are things to do for seniors. It simply takes time to make the investment of knowledge.

I say it over an over again, if you do not have money…you make up for it with creativity. You talk to people you meet about your care for your parents and listen. I have found so many services from others that are involved with community services, charities and community outreach programs. It is amazing how much is available – even in small towns. I hope this information has helped you with your care.

It is a very long road caring for your parents. I want to thank you for giving them the love and care that they deserve. Care giving is a lonely gift, but taking the journey down the path of aging with your parents will be worthwhile in so many ways. I am happy to say that I have a new Alzheimer’s/Dementia guide coming out in just a couple of months…would you click on the sign up over on your right of the screen. It will put you on my email info lisitng and I will let you know so you can get even more ideas with your care giving. Thank you, and blessings on your family…francy

Worried About Grandma Back Home?

Help for seniors that are left alone in cities without family to care for them. Ideas and tips by francy Dickinson

Living Safe and Living Long

Dear Francy; My Grandmother and Aunt live in my old home town- two states away from me. I have a family of my own and very little time or money to spend on their care. They do not live together but they talk each day. I am getting very worried about their welfare. Their homes need help, their gardens need help and they need help. Both are in their early 80′s and are able to be on their own, but they need an extra eye to look over them. Ideas?

YES! This is a subject that I am asked so often. It’s so hard on family these days with all the travel we do, the jobs and families that we have established away from our old home towns. I understand the worry, I understand your fears and I have a few ideas to help.

1. Try to plan a trip back home once a year or every other year. Do not go home at holiday time…do it in the spring or fall, when life is not so busy. That will allow you to really spend a few days with your older relatives and get a feeling for their health and ability for self-care.
2. If you can not go than ask a relative or old friend from your home town to do a security check. You can reconnect with a highschool chum that would stop in once a month and you send her a thank you note with a Starbucks card inside. Be creative; older folks tend to say; “I’m just fine” when they are not just fine.
3. Get the legal stuff out-of-the-way right from the get go. You need a power of attorney for health issues and they can have each of their names on the POA as back up. That way if they’re in trouble you can call long distance to the hospital and get information. The world and laws have changed, privacy means, NO information will be given out without permission of the patient. If the patient is unable to give permission…you are stuck.
4. Make sure even if you are far away you can call and talk without worry. Add a MagicJack to your computer. That will give you unlimited long distance through the Internet for $25 a year. That way there is no worry about multi calls each day or long calls to them or others in the town to make appointments.
5. Add them both to your family cell phone plan. They will not use many minutes and its a safe way for them to call 911. If you are all on the same cell phone company then your calls to each other are usually free. So they can talk to each other and to you and no minutes show on your billing. Call your service and ask them what a good plan would be for all of you, then make the change. Keep updating your cell services, some companies have special senior plans and it really helps to have that phone in their pocket ( or in their bra- LOL) all day long so they are secure in case of a fall.
6. Think like you would if you were close. Call their doctor and make appointments, they do not care where you live. You make the appointments and keep up with the information as it comes up. If you have lived well into your 80′s and you have low health issues, then keeping life simple and having check ups is the way to keep your seniors living on their own for an extended time. Every year they need to see eye, skin, family doctor, and any specialist that they need for their extra care. Don’t forget teeth, they will start to eat less if they have teeth that are missing or hurt. 
7. If they begin to have health issues; ask them if they would consider living together. They could both sell their homes and put the money in a fund. Then move in together in a retirement situation that would provide care as they age. They would have a community around them and be more involved in their lives – instead of alone.
8. If they want to be where they are for as long as they can….start to set up a group of people who will help them. Get a listing of repair people from the community colleges and tech schools that are inexpensive and help seniors. Get yard people from garden clubs or faith organizations that do a yearly clean up for free.
9. Add on a care service or hire an occasional cleaning person. Even once a month, or every other month. Add a bath person once a week this is really a good way to check their health. The bath person is trained to see if they are losing weight, have bruises from falls, or other medical complaints. I think this should be #1 on your list.
10.  Connect with someone who will pick them up once a week and take them both to the grocery store, get their hair done, and get a pedicure (every 5 wks). They can visit together get a lunch after the shopping and have an enjoyable day. Someone from a faith center will do the job if you simply give a gift to the program. Be creative.
11. Food, if they need help with food then do the local ‘Meals on Wheels’ they will send out food for the week and little treats can be purchased on the side. Do not allow them to go one day without a protein drink. This drink can be covered on their health program if you ask the doctor to give them a prescription for it. Boost and other protein drinks give them vitamins and protein that they may not get each day with small or unbalanced meals.
12. Call the local Senior Center and get them on their mailing list…get them involved with day trips to local sites, card days, lite exercise, movie nites. Senior Centers have lots of extra services and so do the YMCA’s in the area. Tech college that are training in-home care givers also can send students for safety checks and so can the local Red Cross and Senior Care Services.
13. Professional in home services can be done by the hour and you can get a review of what is needed when you call a Senior Care Service in the area. I always find them online and check out the references. These services are varied like bath people, cleaning, food prep, care giving and nursing. You can figure out the amount of money you have in the budget and use them each week or only on occasion. Its good just to talk to them and have an evaluation so they are ready to go when you are in need. Remember Medicare will pay for one month of in-home care after a patient has been in hospital for three days or more. Or Medicare will provide a 30 day stay in a care center to recover from a hospital stay before the senior returns to their own home. Your insurance and local senior services will review what your area covers for in-home care so call and get the idea in your mind and written down, in case you need it.
14. If you feel they are in need of help financially..with food or other things you need a social worker. The best place to begin is with a  trained person that is there for you…you can call the local hospital that is close to them. Ask for the senior social worker and start with that person. They are always in the know and it is a hospital community outreach to help the public.

It will require you to make calls and get your lists ready to go, but once you do. It will be like you are living right next door. Do not depend on relatives, they often say they will do things and then do not follow through. It’s better to have a service help you, pay for it if your seniors have money and/or search for local charity services if you don’t have funds. Once again, the key word is being creative. Think about how you can ask others to help you to give your seniors the best care…even if you are not able to be there for hands on help.

Thank you for being so kind to your seniors. Many elders find their lives closed in to just their own home. They lose their spouses, friends pass, children are out-of-town and who do they have to help them? So good to know that you care enough to be on the other end of the phone. Blessings, francy

Alzheimer’s and Afraid

Alzheimer’s and afraid to leave the house or safety of a room:

Dear Francy; My mother is terrified of leaving the living room…she no longer wants to go to the bathroom or to her bedroom. She feels safe in the living room and she clings onto the chair and I have to pull her out of the room to the bathroom. What can I do to release this fear?

First rule; do not connect with the fear yourself. In other words, do not show worry on your face over her fear..treat your mother with smiles and talk to her in a normal tone of voice. Get her to follow you on a daily tour of the house, maybe have her hold a dust wand or rag while you are touring so she feels the movement of cleaning the home. For instance; “Mother would you come and help me with the laundry for a few minutes?” This everyday routine is soothing and your voice shows no change of character…on a good day she will follow you because she is doing something “for you”. That is how our family responds to us the best…they do things “for us”. Lunch time, you ask her to come make a sandwich for you. If you set up a commode to use; place it at the far end of the living room so she has to walk over to it and be close to leaving the room and then slowly move the commode every few days closer to the bathroom. Taking it easy and slow and using your mild calming voice is the ticket.

Ideas:

• Always remember to review the small and large problems with her doctor so he can adjust her medications to help her through her fears.
• Therapy for dementia and Alzheimer’s is not considered helpful when they go into the moderate and above stages.
• Calming, reassuring and cheerful demeanor is the best treatment to receive positive responses.
• Third party care can release the tension and often kick-start the brain into a different focus. Ask a family friend to visit, get an in-home care person for a couple of hours a few times a week, etc. Change is fearful for the Senior but it also might spark different feelings that can change the atmosphere of the home.
• Use music to change moods. Morning music is upbeat and happy, afternoon is slow and calming, evening is fun music with voice, and nite time music is slow and calming.
• If TV is on all the time; monitor it like you would a young child. The TV voices and noises make a difference in the senior’s mood. Find stations that are of interest and then turn it off for a few hours in afternoon to encourage a rest or nap without noise.
• Ask the doctor about sweets; I find afternoon sweets with tea help the brain to re-energize. I give George cookies with tea at 4PM every day…then make sure his dinner is on time around 6-6:30PM with meds

Dear Francy; My Aunt is not sleeping in her bed, she is sleeping on the couch and it is not a comfortable couch to sleep on. How can I get her to move to the bedroom again?

IDEAS:

• Make sure the bedroom holds comforting things in it and not memories of things that might upset her. Pictures of spouse or relatives that have passed can be overburdening. Move the pictures from the wall and put them somewhere else in the house. Make the room comforting. Update the room in small ways and refresh bedding.
• Take your Aunt into the room while you are there and have a talk on her bed. Allowing her to reset her mind that the room is warm and friendly. Looking through her drawers and have her help you sort them out. Get her re-involved with the room in a positive manner each time you visit. Even having her take a nap, on her bed, while you clean the house or do her chores.
• Put in a night light in the room and in the hallway to the bathroom for ease of night vision
• Make sure there is a phone, emergency button or a cell phone available by her bedside table
• Change the living room furniture so the couch is not as comforting as it has been in the past. Place a TV chair in the prime space of TV viewing. Make sure the chair is comforting and has a table that is easy for her to use for her snacks and other personal behaviors.
• Call her mid-day and make sure she is not napping all day. In order to have good rest, she needs to have exercise and movement during the day hours
• If she is using the TV to keep her mind busy…put a small TV in her room with an under pillow speaker
• If she is responding to time alone, get her a senior rescue anipal. Like a cat, that will fill her day with movement and love. Older animals are easy to adapt to seniors and they mind the senior’s problems like unsteady and forgetful. Cats can stay indoors, use a potty box and eat and drink from a larger bowl that does not have to be replaced during the day. Place a fluffy cat blanket on her bed so she can welcome the cat in the room with her and not feel lonely in bed.

I hope this helps with the everyday issues that all families face with their dementia senior’s care. Thank you, for your gift of care, these are hard issues to face on a daily basis. Keep talking and asking for help…your care has so much value. It is totally understanding that frustration and self doubt will consistently arise while caring for anyone with dementia. Keep strong; your love and kindness do make a difference in this person’s daily routine.  

Clear Your Mind and Your House for Spring

 

Elders need help to clear clutter

Seniors need to keep their homes clean to help calm and clear their minds.

Help them with a plan of action to get their home back in order after living in their house for 20+ years! As we age our minds take in clutter in different ways. Many elders have slight to moderate dementia and clutter around them takes their brain away from relaxing. Even as they sit in their favorite chair and watch TV…they are looking around and telling their self they have to sort this or that pile of newspapers.

Dear Francy; Mother is still in her home; she has fallen twice so we have a helpline service. She has a heart condition and she gets very tired. I go over every other day and do her basic shopping and other needs to keep her in her home. But, she will not let me touch a thing in her house. It is filled with old lady junk and really getting dingy and dirty. How can I get her off the dime and the house clean again?

You know I always have to be the bad guy with this situation…because dirt and junk equals health concerns and falls. You have to sit down and tell her that its just time for spring cleaning. If she wants to stay in her home, she will have to do a clean-up and keep it safe. You cannot go over and watch her sitting in the middle of clutter and worry about her falling.

 Sounds good…but you need a plan. So figure out how you would clean the place before you have your family chat and make the time period for the plan of action after the talk very short. You chat with her on Thursday and show up to clean on Saturday!

I would pre-plan a weekend that family, friends, or hired help can do a complete clean of two to three rooms. I always choose the living room and bedroom first. Then the next cleaning is in a couple of months and is the kitchen and bathroom. When I say the living room…it might be your mother’s family room, it’s the room she lives in the most and has the most stuff to sort and clean out.

Get a group of helpers in line and pick a weekend so they all have it on their calendar. Then call them to remind them, or you’ll be standing there all alone. Do the plan in your mind and keep it on paper so when they arrive you can give everyone a job.

Things you will need to help you:

1. Someone with a truck or van that can take things to the charity shop or dump. It has to go out the door and off the property that day. Give them money for gas even if they say no…gas is too expensive these days.
2. Have some young people to lift and to carry boxes. Get boxes small from the liquor store. You can pack and move them easier than big fancy moving boxes. Since this is just a clean, you don’t have to go way out on the boxes and packing up old things to give away.
3. Have a plan for the recycle. Newspapers and magazines are usually the biggest part of an elder’s out of control home. Know where to take them and have a map of the drop off so the driver can get there and back again.
4. Get water bottles, cold drinks and I a good frozen lasagna to put in the oven and feed the crew. You can have a purchased salad and French bread. Have a box of cookies or cupcakes from the store and just let them munch as they work.  
5. Plan for 3 hours of work for everyone. That’s why you need your notes and to be really organized.
6. Have good, sturdy, plastic bags to use for throw away. Have wipes for the cleaning and take over a good vacuum. Often elders have very old vacuums that will not work to get the dirt out of the house. Get a good duster and a can of furniture polish.

Planning is the key. If you tell yourself you will pack up and carry out the junk one day and then come back the next day and do a steam clean of the carpet…or mop and wax of the floor. That way the job is cut in half and the action is fast and has a real impact over one weekend. And it limits your mother’s fuss and worry over the whole project.

Get a friend, or relative to take your mother for the full day and she will not be there to be nervous and upset over the clean and people in her home.

Be very kind. If you know your mother likes knickknacks, do not think your design style will remove them all. Cleaning them and arranging a few on shelves and tucking the rest in a box for the closet will work. You do not want to give away things that are family treasures to her. Take down the huge collection of grandchildren and great grand uncles. Take the pictures to your home and pick out just a few to re-frame and re-hang.

The magazines, books, catalogs, newspapers and other clutter do go. Old silk flowers can go or be cleaned and rearranged. (They just get a bath and drip dry.) I always tell the senior that “it was all donated to a charity so others can enjoy it.” It will allow her to relax and know they have a home. Take note; if the magazine subscriptions are doubled…be sure to save a few address labels and notify the publisher. Magazine sellers often confuse and take advantage of elders.

Have a special big basket that you will put bills, mail and other paperwork into and take home. At the end of the day, you personally go through it and sort the information. This way you can tell if your mother is still doing well with her paperwork. If so get an expandable file folder and return the information with labels on it. If there are too many old and unpaid bills…keep the information. In the future, you will have to sit down and have a chat with her about her finances. I would wait a few days for her to adjust to the changes in her home before I had a serious talk about her finances.

Furniture that no longer works in the room needs to be given to the local charity. Keep throw rugs out of the room- they are a high fall risk. Furniture that clutters the room and keeps her from walking directly to and from the kitchen and bathroom, should be removed. If she is not now, she will one day have a walker – leave room. Just try as hard as you can to think ahead.

Look at the room ahead of the clean and see what can be done to upgrade it. Can you buy a slipcover for the couch and new throw pillows? Buy it ahead of the clean, so the room is a nice surprise for her.

If your dad used a special chair and he is no longer there, in the home…do not remove it without her knowing about it. That can cross over to a sentimental action that could really put her in a depression over a simple misunderstanding.

If the room looks sad and dirty, plan the next weekend to be the painting weekend. Give the rooms a quick coat of fresh paint. You want the new “green” paint that has a low odor factor. It will let her feel like she has new things. At the same time, she will still have the feeling of safety around her with her things back in their place.

No putting off projects on your part. If you make a commitment to do this project, do it right and on time. Elders need their safe places…don’t leave her without her home in working order.

Her bedroom will need new linen, bedspreads and drapes. Go and buy the “Bed in a Bag” ahead of the clean and give her a nice uplift with new colors and new sheets. Her closet will need new hangers…buy 50 skinny hangers ahead of the clean.

Bedrooms are always two steps to clean:

1. Clean the room and re-dress her bed in new linens and her windows in matching drapes or blinds. Clean the rug or floor. Make sure she does not have a throw rug to trip on, by the bed.
2. Return in the weeks after the clean and sort the closet with your mother. Get it cleared and re-hung on all matching hangers so it looks great when it’s done. (Ready for new clothes, too)

Keep something in your mind as you clean. This home will be up for sale in a few years. If you paint the home use a very neutral tone and if you need to shine the floors do it… they will look good for the future home sale. That is why taking down old drapes and putting up fresh ones…is wise. Your mother will enjoy them now and it will aid in the sale of the home later.

The idea is to go over the process in your mind and have it all scheduled out. That way your mother has little discomfort. Then the next time you come to do the clean for the rest of the house, she will be more relaxed about it

This project may seem like a pointless action that will just get your mother really mad at you. You may be right. But keeping her in her home and safe is your goal…and that requires you to be the strong one sometimes. If you do a good job, she will secretly fall back in love with her house again…and you will wind up the good guy in the end!

Thanks for all you are doing…care giving is a special gift that rarely is appreciated ….

Senior Emergency Tips, Plans and Packs

Your own senior emergency kit

Emergency Kit for Seniors…Ideas
by francy Saunders

Dear Francy; Mom is in a retirement home so I’m not worried about her care in the middle of a small emergency. But after watching Japan and all the sadness, I worry about who would help her in a big emergency?

Katrina, Japan…I think we have all taken note, that it takes at least three days before people are getting help. That is what happens, there is always a time that we are each alone and need to plan on how to make it over the first few days of a big emergency. So I wanted to write down some ideas, I have given classes in Senior Emergency for many years and I will share some notes with you.

These ideas are for anyone but I’m gearing the information for older seniors. Find a backpack…they are easier to grab and take out the door and if you have to walk you can put it on your back. If you are weak, be practical, make the backpack very light and keep only the most important life-sustaining things inside and you can drape the backpack on your walker to carry it, if need be. If you cannot carry anything use a small overnight case with wheels.

Your Emergency Pack;

You can buy a pre made emergency pack at large stores in the sports department. There are simple things put together for your needs. You can then add to it or make your own.

THINK…what would I need with no electricity or if I have to actually leave my home?

1. Light weight slicker/raincoat rolled up in bottom of the pack. Add a Ziploc with 3 pairs of socks, 3 undies, hand cleaner, small plastic cup and a small pack of hand wipes from the dollar store.
2. Clean Ziploc bags; small baby shampoo can be used for hands or hair. Small Toothpaste and new toothbrush. Small Hairbrush. Use small tissues in your pack for toilet paper. If you need bladder control, add in a few pads for that purpose. Gum can clear your mouth and make you feel like you are having food, and if it’s sugar based it will give you a boost. A plastic garbage bag for you to use for many things, folded flat.
3. Rx Ziplock; buy a box (usually 3) face masks, small Sun protector cream, Neosporin tube, a few Band-Aids, aspirin or Advil and chap stick.
4. Meds; Make a copy of your medical ID and insurance and fold it and add to a Ziploc with information. A pair of old glasses in a hard case. A photocopy of your Rx from the doctor (glasses too) and 3-7 days of meds in a Ziploc container. Be able to tell the rescue people the name of the pills you take each day. If you are Diabetic or other health issue…make a large ID for the outside of your backpack and say DIABETIC…Ann Clark. I have one for George that says ALZHEIMER’S GEORGE – that way anyone helping you will see it and understand your needs.
5. Write down a few names for others to connect with to help you. Example for George: Wife; Francy Cell #0000, Sister in Oregon Cell# Email address, Son in Calif Cell# Email#, Dr Name Office phone# — if you’re sick or confused, someone can look at that paper and help you get to family for help.
6. Pair of older tennis shoes, small radio, matches, a can or bottle opener and some sort of small pocket knife, spoon and fork. Large black marker to leave a note on your house about where you went, so your family can find you.
7. Money/10-$1 bills/2-$5 bills / 1-$10 bill  Put that in an envelope and keep in your pack or case. If you need to get a taxi or pay for help you will have a few dollars to do so. Do not put in too much money you do not want to be robbed. Copy the name of your insurance and policy # so you can contact them about your home or renters insurance.
8. Small blankets out of a foil type of cloth can be purchased for your kit. A blow up neck pillow that stores flat and folds up. There are other items that you will find in the hardware stores or large chain stores in the sports section and always look for things at the Dollar store. Once this backpack is prepared put it by the exit door in a place that is easy for you to get to and grab. If the power is off and you have to leave the home, you can crawl to the door to stay safe and pull or push your backpack out the door with you.

In the middle of an emergency:

Seniors need to ask for help, do not stay behind, do not stay alone. Go outside or put a big message in your window with HELP on it so someone comes to help you. Find a young couple to join. You can watch the children while they do the needed chores. They will have the energy to help you.

The world has changed, now messages get out on cell phones, text on cell phones, Internet via Skype, ham radio and satellite phones. So be prepared with the family information in your kit so someone can read it and make a call to your family.

Make a plan ahead of time to connect with family. Say something happens big in your town; make a plan that everyone will go to a certain house, or a certain central place in the city. Or appoint a family member out of your area to be the central hub of information. That way everyone will be on the same plan of action. Red Cross will help you find your relatives so try hard to stay calm and know that when the emergency passes, things will clear and help will come to you.

As a senior you can help make the emergency calm, by telling children stories and re-assuring the other adults. You have years of experience of small emergencies…so during a crisis you’re a valuable help and your caring ways will ease a great deal of tension for others.

1. Take UR marriage certificate to a copy shop and have it reduced so you can put it in your kit. Copy your passport information, if you can not grab your purse or your ID  the emergency – Your backpack will have copies of things to help you. Tuck in a small book of family pictures –so if you have nothing left, your memories would be in place. Remember everything goes into  Ziploc bags to keep dry.
2. Pets/Put an extra lead and/or cat carrier by your backpack. Have a couple of days of food for dog or cat in a Ziploc and a small bowl for food and water. Make sure your animals have ID’s. If you cannot take them with you…let them be free in the backyard, not locked in the house or on a chain. If you love your pets you will leave your home and be safe, you can always get reconnected with your pets in the days after an emergency. Many emergency safe spots will now take animals, no need for you to stay in peril. Your animals will be OK if you think ahead and have a plan.
3. Water is heavy; take a few bottles with you for your own use. At least three small bottles will keep you well for a couple of days. If you can tuck in a couple of Boost or Ensures so you have protein shakes that would be great.
4. Food:/ Take protein bars, they last in your backpack and they are easy to eat and keep you nourished until you are helped with real food. Do not give your food away. Eat privately…you have to keep up your strength. Younger people can go longer without food…seniors cannot. Be sure to have those protein bars well wrapped and in an additional Ziploc for safety.

No matter what the major emergency is… it will be a few days before the services reach you. So just think through what you would do. Where would you go to be safe, ask a neighbor to help you, or know you will sit on your front porch until someone comes to help. Talking about it and knowing that even in a retirement community…you need to be prepared. If there are two of you, make two backpacks the more you have for each other the better. It’s always best to plan to stay close to your home, walking may have been enjoyable on a warm summer day…but not in the middle of a crisis. Just stay low, stay safe and be helpful to others, so they will be helpful to you.

When you think of things when life is good and calm…and plan for an emergency you can then put the thoughts away and go about your life. You will know that no matter what happens you are prepared and ready to face it. Millions of elders have lived through horrid emergencies and have had worthwhile lives and continued to give their family and friends joy for years after. BE PREPARED- you are loved.

For other tips please go to my website www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com

Thanks for all you do for your seniors…francy

Alzheimer’s Valentine Secret Surprise

George's Valentine Surprise

 

It’s a strange road you lead when you’re a full-time caregiver / spouse. The days seem to fill with things that have nothing to do with you…but are so important that you find there is little time left at the end of the day…to be you. That was how it was going after the holidays. It was time for George to start his treks to his various doctor appointments. Getting the appointments getting George ready for and to the appointments and then the regular daily chores seems to blur the months together.

I found that it was Valentine’s Day. I had planned a lunch out with my sister and her husband so George would feel the change in the daily routine. Before I got up…George had left the bedroom early and gone to the kitchen to prepare his tea and bagel. His routine for breakfast has been set for quite some time. I have been pleased that he wakes each morning to remember the routine. But as the months go by the routine has been changed from a breakfast and tea for us both…down to a toaster bagel and tea just for him. I’m fine with that, the doctor has advised he keep doing small chores and the easy breakfast keeps his mind ticking away. Sometimes he leaves the tea on a forgotten counter, or the bagel in the toaster, but it’s the thought process that counts.

So I was happy when he returned with tea in hand and warm bagel wrapped in a paper towel and said; “Happy Valentines Day, Francy.” It was a pleasant surprise that he had remembered the day without my coaching him. I wasn’t feeling well. A small allergy had blown into a sinus infection with swollen itchy eyes…so I was nursing myself and feeling totally off the beam. But the tone of George’s voice brought me back to the blessing that I still have him by my side and he still remembers my name and the extra special day.

Oh, the years that have gone before were so different. George was quite smitten with Valentine’s Day. He would always bring me a sweet piece of jewelry; some years expensive and other years modest…but a remembrance that I still cherish to this day. He would have a fancy card, flowers and usually a dinner out. Sometimes we would go to a special Valentine function or dance and he would dress to the nine’s in his tux or dinner jacket. I remember all those years; I have to remember them because he has forgotten them. So, I often remind him of one of our sweet adventures when he is in a sour mood. And I remind myself when I join him in a particularly difficult day.

I got up that morning and wrapped myself in my robe and grumbled to myself as I scuffed my way down the hall to the kitchen. Thinking of making my own tea and taking a bevy of pills and eye drops to get myself well again. As I rounded the corner and entered the room…there was a large piece of paper propped up on the counter by our fish tank. At first I couldn’t really focus on what it was because my eyes were so swollen and so I had to move closer to view it.

There in front of me was a handmade Valentine card from a man who does not have an ounce of art talent in his body. I cried of course; cried tears that really had more meaning then just the card he had made, the tears were for how even when our life has changed so much…there is still love.

George had asked me to take him out to get a card that week. But my eyes were so bad I did not want to drive. I had told myself to remember to ask Cheryl to help him do a card for me on the computer, but that had also gotten forgotten in the midst of the daily routines. So when George got up that morning he was without a card and decided to take the matter into his own hands. He went up to my office and found some art paper and came down to the kitchen and found an ad flyer on the table with gifts for Valentines on it. He carefully cut out the jewelry from the ad and glued it to the paper and made his own card. I suppose when you read this you think it was a sweet thing to do. But you would not understand the many steps all of this took…it took him a couple of hours to do the project. While I was sleeping he was busy cutting away and pasting. He had to put all the thoughts together, remember the tasks, find the objects to cut, glue, and paste and then put a theme of a card together. It was by far the most complicated task that he had done in months. There were not tears of sadness and loss…for once, there were tears of joy for his creative self that was trying so hard to come to the top of his brain.

I have said it before but I feel my mother put it in words that I shall always relate to; as she aged into her 100th year she said she was becoming so upset with her daily regression. She shared with me; “Remember how a young baby starts to learn things and every day the mother is filled with pride and joy at a new ability the child has added? First it’s the baby’s eyes begin to follow movement, then they turn over, then they hold up their head and start to sit. Then the crawling and walking and talking come and you can barely keep up with the changes. Each new step is a mother’s rejoice. Well I am doing just the opposite. Each day I seem to lose ability. Little by little I can feel my body go backwards, getting weaker and weaker.” That is how it is now with George’s brain, day by day little pieces of his brain retreat and he becomes less of who is was as a person all his life. But this time; he was able to reach down and become something more. It was a joy on a day that like all other days except for its name of St Valentine’s Day. I think somewhere mother is rejoicing in George’s day of creative power…and certainly St Valentine is giving us a wink.

There will be a Valentine’s Day that I will be without George and when that day comes I am not going to remember all the fancy presents, flowers and dances he used to take me to…nope. I am going to remember this card of love that he worked so hard to piece together step by step…so he could reveal his love for me.

How lucky am I?

Please do come and join me with more information on caring for Alzheimer’s and other senior care issues www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com

Thank you for all you do for your own senior in care…francy

George reading while I work in office

HELP- Alzheimer’s Anger Too Hard to Handle Alone

Senior and Alzheimer’s Anger Issues by francy

Dear Francy; I am an only child of two wonderful people. My dad is now in his eighties and has dementia and he is getting so angry and hard for mom and I to take care of– what can we do? We are tired, sad and just in a daze.

Before the Alzheimer's Anger there was Fun

Well blessings on you and your mom. How lucky he is to have you both and don’t be fooled, he loves you and knows you are there to help. But Alzheimer’s and other dementias just take over the brain and you need help to make it easier for your dad and the care givers. So, what I need you to do is to be calm and just take a deep breath and then think like a doctor would think. Because when a body is off kilter, it has to be diagnosed and any possible medication or treatment has to be given to help.

RULE ONE: GET THE RIGHT DOCTOR FOR THE JOB

Now this may seem so simple but if you do not have a full time neurologist you need one right now. Today: ask a few friends, your family doctor or family members that might have used a neurologist in the past and get a name. Or go to your local drug store and ask them for three names of neurologists within a 20 min drive that prescribe for dementia/Alzheimer’s patients. Get a name and immediately call and ask to make an appointment and tell them your father is in great need. If they have a long wait list, ask them to refer you to another neurologist. Get this done.
DO NOT GO TO YOUR USUSAL FAMILY DOCTOR. Please understand that your family doctor is trained for caring for the normal range of body aliments. He/she is not an expert on brain chemistry, medications and treatments for brain ailments. Just as you would go to a heart surgeon for  bi-pass surgery, you will go to a neurologist to have them help your dad with his dementia.

Once you have that appointment. Take your mum out of the house, to a coffee shop and have a notebook with you. Ask her to help you write a list of things that your dad has been doing and try hard to put a range of time on those events.

EXAMPLE NOTES FOR ALZHEIMER’S PATIENTS REVIEW: 

1. Last summer; Dad started getting shorter tempered. At that time we could calm him down and the next day he would be fine.
2. September; Dad just started to be angry on almost a daily basis about small and large things. Nothing we say seems to release him of his anger. We try and try to do things that will help, but he just throws things, and uses terrible language and we are feeling so upset on a daily basis.
3. During the holidays; dad got even worse. He was mad at our attempts to celebrate or to have holiday dinners. He refused to even sit at the table and he did not even eat the pumpkin pie (his favorite)
4. Now on a daily basis; mother and I find our feelings hurt and we still try not to engage in his rants. We are tired and getting personally depressed. We need help.

Can you see the review? It’s simple and to the point– it allows the doctor to see the timing of his decline and to see what you have done to help your dad. Now the next job is to get a list of his medications together for the doctor to review.

EXAMPLE OF MEDICATION LISTING TO TAKE TO DOCTOR ON EACH VISIT:

You will prepare this list only once and type it on the computer. Then you will update it as appropriate and take it into the doctor on each visit. Any doctor needs this list to review. You will also make a copy and keep it in your handbag for Emergency Room visits. This is important for anyone with a brain/emotion illness they will have heavy duty meds and the hospital and all doctors need to know what the medications and supplements are and how to treat any other physical problem around them.

1/ 1,000 unit of vitamin C       morning w/food

1 multiple vitamin       morning w/food

Doxazosin mesylate     4mg     One a day (to relax bladder muscles)/nite

Hydrochlorothiazide 12.5mg per day 1/2 pill  (for blood pressure) /early day

Ok this is just an example- but you want to take time to read all of the pill containers and write down the name of the pill, the amount , what the pill is for and when to take it – plus the w/food.

Now that you have done this…anyone can come and take care of your dad and make sure they give him just the right amount of medications at the right time. This allows you and your mom to relax and know you can add a professional or family member to the care giving list. And your doctor is going to be able to enter the information in their computer and advise you on supplements to add or take away from the list and medications that will enhance your dad’s life at home while you and your mother are giving him care.

TIME TO BE REAL WITH YOURSELF

No one, not even a loving daughter/son or spouse can be with a person that is combative, angry, and demands full time care without breaks. A care giver has to stay strong in order to give care. So, you have to put down a schedule in your notebook with your mum. Talk about it and be real about it. Stick to the schedule and do whatever you can to make it your bible.

EXAMPLE:

Monday: Mother’s day all day and I will call on the way home and see if she needs anything picked up from store.

Tuesday: Mother has morning with dad…then a neighbor, church friend, relative or professional care person comes in around 1PM and stays until 3PM and mother leaves the house. She can shop, she can read quietly at the library, she can go for a walk, or she can just drive somewhere and be quiet in the car. But she is out of the house and is quiet and away from your dad. This way she will feel a release and be calmed and regenerated.  I will call her on my way home and make sure all is well.

Wednesday: Mother is home all day and I will stop over after work. I will help her with any chores around the house and make dinner for her and dad. I will clean up and she will just sit while I chat with her and dad. If there is a situation, I will do my best to relax it and refocus dad. I will make arrangements for my own family to have dinner and an evening – without me at my own home.

Thursday: Dad goes out of the house. Mother takes him shopping, or for a walk at the mall, or drops him off at the senior center for cards or a movie. Thursdays mean out of the house…but the rule is he is well fed before he leaves. A sandwich is taken or a go out to lunch – is planned and a snack (just like you would if you take a toddler out) is tucked into your mother’s purse. Most important he is home by 3’ish…Sundowners will kick in around that time. Sundowners is a syndrome that means the energy in the body/brain dips low as the sun sets and the dementia patient is very prone to this. At home they need a sugar treat with a cuppa tea and quiet for the rest of the day.( This sundowners is experienced each and every day). Outings are done early and should only be 2 hours in length. This will allow the care giver to get out and your dad to get exercise and then be home to crash and nap.

Friday: Mother is once again there in the morning and the family plans to visit in the afternoon. Ask any relative or friend to come and visit on Friday and talk to your dad. This is a visit for him, so an old army buddy, business friend, faith based friend will do nicely. You can also ask a faith organization for a home visit for a male and they will put him on their list for every Friday. Just 20 minutes to 1 hour is needed to keep your dad’s mind up and interested in something new. Your mother is there, but out of the room, so your dad can say anything he likes without hurting her feelings. This is his time…and it then becomes your mother’s release and relax time also. You will call and check on your mom and plan for the weekend.

Saturday or Sunday: should be family day. If there are grand children or cousins, they can come and cut the grass, wash dishes, do windows, vacuum and help the grandparents with the house chores. 2 hours is all that is needed to pick up the house and have fun. They should bring over a dessert so Grandpa has some sugar for his brain and they have something fun to eat. Then it’s time for them to leave. Or if the day is planned to stay together they can make a family dinner and be quiet while Grandpa rests and then enjoy a big meal together. The kids can bring their computer games and such and just understand that it is a visit that is required of family because it is a part of life. This influx of energy with new people during the week is important…it raises the energy level of the home and your dad will be able to react off of others not just you and your mom each day.

The other day of the weekend is spent relaxing for both your mom and dad. Ready to hit Monday rolling along with your weekly plan all over again. This type of routine allows your mother time to rest and look forward to things each week. It allows you to plan your week and your own life and family routine and involves other family, friends, neighbors, faith based friends, or professional care sitters and givers to be involved and allow you and your mother to have a plan. This pre-plan may not go perfectly each week, but it is better than a daily fight of trying to cope with chaos instead of planning peace.

Your listing of weekly time, is yours to make —but making it and then planning appointments around the listing gives you both hope…

CHECK LIST:

1. Dr. appointment – made and ready to go
2. Notebook: writing a review for doctor to be given at check in so he can read it before the appointment
3. Enter all medication listing so the doctor is ready to help your dad with new medications and print out copies for doctor appointments and a copy for your own handbag to have on hand
4. Notebook: the weekly outline of what each of you is going to do every day for yourself and your dad. Asking others to help you, hiring a professional to be an in-home break for your mom and other activities that will help both your parents. This will keep your own mind clear and your emotions steady so you can deal with whatever comes out of your dad. His medications should do the trick of calming him down. And remember to call the doctor if the meds don’t make a difference. There are loads of different medication combinations (or cocktails) that can be done to enhance your father’s life as he declines in his Alzheimer’s

I send you blessings and know that the above is how I deal with my husband’s ever increasing anger and I have an appointment right now to review his decline. It’s a constant sadness for me to live with my husband’s Alzheimer’s…but sharing with others helps me cope.  francy

Please go to my website and sign up for my monthly newsletter so we can support each other  www.seniorcarewithspirit.com

Holidays with Alzheimer’s

Dear francy; My mother and I took my dad (who has early dementia) to Texas to have a family Thanksgiving. It was simply the worst event of my life. Dad was confused from the moment we got in the car. The check- in at the airport was awful. He was mad and angry at the TSA check through. Then on the plane, he simply got rude to the flight attendant and everything went downhill from there. He did not want to be at our relatives, he did not want to eat. Oh my gosh; it was simply one moment of embarrassment after another. Dad had shown little signs of dementia at home, but we had no idea of his decline until we went on this trip. Should we get him into the doctor for a checkup or is this a normal event that we simply missed the signs?

My Georgie at Christmas

 

I think it’s really both. Your doctor should hear that he was so moody and had what they call an “event” on the plane. That is common, the oxygen changes in the plane and it affects the brain. But the doctor needs to know the different things that happened. So, first write it all down in simple terms like an outline. Fax that letter into your doctor or take it with you for the next appointment. Ask for an appointment as soon as possible. Christmas is right around the corner and if the stress of change is beginning to affect him – you need to get it handled.

The doctor will read the letter that you outlined the problem and be able to assist you in a mood type of drug that will help your dad cope with the pressure of change. It will mean that he will be less upset and that is the goal for all of you as a family. These medications are designed to just calm him down, not make him tired or unfeeling. As the dementia progresses; your doctor will increase this medication as needed. This is what your doctor and medications are for so do not feel like you are doing something wrong to report his behavior and ask for help. Doctors are trained to help you and so you will become part of the health team for your dad. You, your mother, the doctors and your dad; all together working to make his dementia progression as slow as possible = Health Team.

Have a talk with your mother and really allow her to express herself. She may be shocked and upset at his behavior, or she may have been looking the other way on all to many occasions when your dad has been moody before this “event”. She has to talk about it, if she is covering for him – as many loyal wives do for their spouses – that has to be talked about. His health means being very open and out there with the different ups and downs of his behavior. He will go downhill on a fast track if he is allowed to just go on emotional upsets without any attention being given to them. So, your mother is the front push of the Health Team. She has to get used to talking to you honestly about the daily ups and downs in your dad’s behavior. Then you both can decide when that behavior is not acceptable and needs to be reported to the doctor. Dementia/Alzheimer’s patients can get angry and not know how to express their needs and will lash out with words and with physical fighting. If that happens; the doctors need to know so they can medicate and keep the patient calmer. Your mother has to be protected from any harm during her care giving. Honesty between you and your mother will be a key to giving your dad good care.

Alzheimer’s/Dementia Spouse care givers have to be giving all the knowledge they can have to understand the steps in the decline of the senior. That way they know how to express their own needs and what to do to keep their own spirit and health intact.

Here are some ideas to help the spouse or the family care giver:

• You may have to make plans for your dad to have a pro care giver brought in once a week to care for him while your mom gets rest or an outing.
• You may need to take him to a day care for dementia patients once or twice a week –  or just a few hours – so he can get some interaction with others and your mother gets a rest.
• Maybe once a week you and your family can come over for a Saturday night movie and bring dinner…so your parents can have family interaction and feel like they are still connected and not alone.
• You may want to call five of your dad’s old friends and ask if they would commit to calling him once a week in the early afternoon, or coming over to visit once a month for no more than 20 minutes. That will give your dad a touch of friendship and connection with others.
• You may want to have a bath lady come and do the personal bath each week. That way your mother does not have to argue about a bath. It keeps dad clean and keeps mom calmer.
• Maybe you can have a neighbor/sibling come over for two hours each week and you take your mom shopping with you. Then stop for a quiet coffee time and then back home. This break means your mother gets a boost of energy from you and your dad gets a separation from routine.
• Make sure your dad gets an out and about at least every other week. Even if he gets uptight. It can be a car ride to get gas and coffee and never really leaving the car. Or a ride to your house for dinner. Keep the event short and simple. Try not to include a big crowd or strangers.
• Sunday services may not be on the list any longer. You can ask the pastor to visit the house each week. Or you can attend a quieter mid-week service. These large crowds of people, even though he knows them well – can set him off to a place of insecurity and that means opening him up for another “event”.

To Review:

1. Get the doctor on board with information and updating medication
2. Make sure the main care giver understands that the senior is changing and they will both need more support
3. Get professional support for just a few hours each week, so the cost is within budget and the spouse has a relief from care
4. Get family and friends to assist you in their own way to keep your dad connected but calm
5. Keep your senior out of the house but within boundaries of their own comfort level
6. Change things around for the senior like heavy holiday stress or large faith or family events into smaller doses to keep comfort level calm
7. Holidays can be any day that has friends and family around the senior with a light dinner. The stress of thinking you have to have a big event with all the trimmings is now going to change. Do not think “This may be his last Christmas for him to remember.” He has already changed, his holiday has to be less of everything, with more love and happy up energy.

This whole adventure through care of loved ones at holiday time– is a bum. I am learning step by step as I go forward with my husband who has Alzheimer’s. Our Thanksgiving was way too much for him and I was to blame. I wanted him to be happy…but I forgot that his happy has changed. A simple good meal and a good movie would have been much better. I have learned and I will not be doing a big push for Christmas. Keeping things down and calm, but still celebrating is the ticket. I guess we are all going through this journey and learning together and I thank you for all you are doing for your parents.

Blessings on your holidays may they be quiet, calm and filled with the real love that you and your family have for each other…

   Francy with Missy  Come and enjoy more info at www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com  

  PS: 

 DONATE: I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know that are caring for seniors — francy 

 

 Join my Newsletter Listing: I just got the new newsletter issue finished…I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You’ll also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. It’s a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. When you click and go to my home page it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  a lot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

NO MORE HOLIDAY DÉCOR?

Keep Senior Happy at Holidays

Seniors Stay Healthy with Holiday Celebrations By francy Dickinson

Dear Francy; Mother lost Dad last April and this is her first holiday without him. She has decided that since it’s just her, in her small home she will not decorate for Christmas this year. She has always been heavy on the holiday decorating so I am surprised and worried it’s a sign of depression. Should I be pushing her into a therapy session?

Any therapy is always good for people to have when they have been through a loss of a close loved one. If you decide to go that route I think a senior support group with folks of similar experience would be wise instead of a heavy duty therapy session. Most seniors will go through all the stages of loss and it may take them longer than younger people…to process. Holidays without spouses are tough…so give her room to grow into the new person she has to now become.

NO MORE DÉCOR? NO WAY

I feel very strongly about décor of any kind for the seasons. Not just Christmas or Halloween, but all the seasons. As we all go through life on a busy highway; days begin to slip away so fast. One day is two weeks, then its three months and then it’s our birthday round again. To keep our minds in the present and to celebrate life’s seasons we need to remind ourselves of the season and the best way to do that is to decorate with touches of spring, summer, fall and winter.

Being alone is no excuse to ignore the celebration of life that goes on around you. There is not a season on our calendar that we do not find a holiday or special birthday or event…to celebrate. This way we make a point of the celebration and have something to look forward to and a way to use our creative side.

This idea that we can change what we eat and stop cooking properly or change how we clean our homes and live among a pile of newspapers — grows with the idea that being alone, means no one cares. WRONG. We have to care; our homes and our lives have to be led as though we are having friends over that evening for cake and coffee. It’s a mindset that needs to be instilled in small children and seniors. Live your life like you are prepared for an upcoming event…and an upcoming event will happen!

My mother lived a very long life in good health and totally busy at all times. She passed at 100 and she had made the most of her full life cycle. She would talk to me about all her girlfriends starting to age more and more. “Francy, she lives in a tiny hole of apartment and has no room for us to play cards.” Or “Francy, she let her hair go gray and instantly started walking so slow she gave up our walks at the mall.”

Mother would share these things with me. She watched others go through their idea of what was accepted as “Getting Old” or being “a Widow” and she never liked what she saw. So, mother kept her home up on a daily basis. She would get up and pick up the small but ample apartment she lived in each morning. She would have her breakfast and then do a little clean-up with dusting and doing her dishes. Then she would settle in and do some reading or her knitting. If the weather was nice she was outside working in the yard for a few hours and if the weather was bad she was meeting a friend for a walk in a covered spot. She got out and about twice a week. She baked pies, cookies and froze them for family a couple of times a week and she had her home ready for the season at all times.

Everyone enjoyed stopping to visit mother. Her home was clean, it smelled delightful, her coffee pot was always brewing fresh coffee and those cookies could be popped in the microwave for heating up at any time. It was always enjoyable.  On her own, she would sit in her living room and enjoy the clean open room and her décor for the upcoming holiday.

YES…the décor was minimal compared to her days of a big home, larger family or when her husband was alive. But the seasonal décor was important to her and she was always finding ways to make small statements that spread the cheer. Her door would have a hanging craft piece that she would find at the local craft fair. Her coffee table would have an arrangement fitting the colors and theme of the season. She would have a small table top tree and a village scene on her dining room table. She found ways to make the joy shout out, even if it was holiday towels in her bathroom or a pretty holiday theme platter or cookie jar on her kitchen counter top. All year long, she found ways of stating the season changes and that made her home special for us to visit…and for her to enjoy her life on her own.

Being inside of life as it moves is so important. If you allow yourself or your senior to sit in the dark and retreat they will begin a downward slide in their mental and physical health. And remember; the argument that, “I really don’t care anymore now that dad is gone” – does not work. First, family and friends are still in place and need the senior. Second; letting ourselves go down does not mean a pretty dying in your sleep. It means you could have a serious heart problem and not be able to breath and have to use oxygen all the time, you could have a stroke and have to drag your legs around or be bed-ridden. Trust me; life is not perfect…so the alternative? Change the outlook in small ways to keep things comforting for the  senior, but in flux. Change is scary, but it’s also exciting.

NO DO NOT MOVE WITHIN A FEW MONTHS OF LOSING YOUR SPOUSE. But make changes. Take their favorite chair out of the living area. Paint the walls, buy new throw pillows. Do things to slightly start to remove them from the home but not leave the spouse with a feeling of loss every day. So, change the décor for Christmas this year; but do not put up the big tree with all the family ornaments. Leave that stuff in a box till next year and then the senior can sort the ornaments and give them to family members for special childhood memory gifts. But this year; buy a new small tree; one that spins or has those lovely laser lights inside that change color. Buy a poinsettia for the cocktail table and a nice fresh wreath for “inside” the front door so the pine scent spreads around the house or apartment. Put up some new holiday towels in the bathroom and ready a spot in the kitchen for the holiday cards. Have your mom take a picture of her and all her grandkids dressed in hats, scarves and gloves and use that as her holiday greeting card. Get her tickets to the local holiday performance of “the Singing Christmas Tree” “Nutcracker” or church play. Allow her to have her calendar filled with weekly things she will do with family and friends or the senior center. Keep her busy. So she can start to restructure what she feels is a happy holiday.

Happiness comes in all sizes and within funny events. It may be helpful to take your senior shopping for small grandkids gifts. It may be best for you to have a teen grandchild come over and do all the wrapping for grandma. It may be best to bring the senior over to your home on the Christmas cookie baking day and have her do the dishes while you whirl around your kitchen. Holidays can be remade and invented for all of us-as we age. But holidays and seasons, make our lives special. To give that up is a step towards being a sad and lonely person.

To change our lives just enough to move us into a new and rewarding future is the key for us all. Making new traditions is not hard, it just takes loving hearts and hands to help the senior see the new sights from a different window.

Blessings on all you do for your mom, francy

   Francy with Missy  Come and enjoy more info at www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com  

  PS: 

 DONATE: I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know that are caring for seniors — francy 

 

 Join my Newsletter Listing: I just got the new newsletter issue finished…I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You’ll also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. It’s a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. When you click and go to my home page it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  a lot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

Living Long, Easy – Living Well, Takes Work

Dear Francy; My parents are in their early nineties and still live in their family home. The house is small and easy for them to keep up with hired help for fix-ups and me for assistance. But, they are now doing less and less…their days are spent watching TV and sleeping. I know that they will face their end times but I want them to stay in their home as long as possible. What can I do to keep them safe and yet home, at such an advanced age?

Uncle Bill & Mom 100+ Yrs of Living

It’s all about quality of their days now…so keeping them moving and thinking – it’s the key

1.  Do they move around during the day? Keeping their legs working and their balance in place is really a hot point.Make sure they move around to go to the bathroom…make them walk around the house or up and down the hall twice each time they go to the bathroom. Their commode goes over the toilet during the day to help them up and down on the toilet seat. Then at night move the commode into their bedroom for ease of use when they are trying not to fall at night. NO Should I ?….this is a must and do not let the senior make decisions that effect their balance and possible fall at nite!



2. Do they eat on trays by the TV all day long? That will keep them from knowing what they are eating and allow them to snack without thought. Have them eat at the kitchen or dining room table not in front of the TV on trays. This is really important to keep their food intake under control. Intake of food in advanced age is very hard. The palate does not taste food and the stomach is not hungry for food. So making food spiced well and served attractively is important. They will concentrate on their eating, chewing and swallowing safely. They will eat a full meal, not piece. They will be able to see each other and be forced to talk to each other to encourage their interaction. If there is a care giver there, ask them to sit and visit with them while they eat. To be there in case of swallowing problems.
3. Do they remember what day it is and talk about things happening in the present? Their minds have to keep working not go on vacation. Keep a wall calendar and put all their appointments on it and add in family events. Grand children’s birthdays that need cards sent or calls to be made – holidays coming up in large print – reminders of voting days and library return days. Keep them in the present as much as you can so they do not simply stop thinking. Order books from the library, they have special “homebound” programs that will send out a few books for them to read and return in a pouch via the mail. FREE… Talk about TV programs that are coming up that have interest for them. PBS has history series that are so well done, they have Masterpiece Mystery and Theater and art programs. These are quality shows that can be easily understood and enjoyed.
4. Are the newspapers piling up around the house and look like they are not being read? You need to keep them thinking and reading. Change the paper to just the weekends. It means less paper to throw away and still is a weekly review of local events. Add a Newsweek or Time subscription so they get the news in detail. If they have trouble listening to news each night, this will do a full in-depth report of major events so they keep up on life around them. Remember those magazines need to be dropped off at the library. Most libraries have a magazine exchange for those that can not afford them. It’s a kind way to stay gifting all through the Sr’s life.
5. Is their surroundings looking dull and like grandma’s house? Everyone enjoys a clean and pretty home especially when they spend all their time in their home. Make a few changes…Add some new throw pillows for color, change the grand children photos and update their selection. Get the family photos on an electronic photo frame that will be changing throughout the day. Ask the family to help you do a weekend of painting and get the kitchen, and living area updated with new paint, clean windows and curtains. It will lift spirits and have to be done when they choose to leave the home and the house goes up for sale. So best done so they can enjoy it.
6. Do they still have friends alive that they can connect with once a month? This is really hard- as you age- you lose your friend base.
   If friends are few and far between now, have them go to a local senior center at least once a month for a card day, or craft day or an exercise class. Let them met some new folks to get their minds going on interaction again. A senior DayCare is around $14 a hour and you can find them in care facilities. Keeping their social skills alive means they will interact with their care givers and family much better, too!
7. Do they have something to take care of or do you do everything for them? Everyone needs to have chores and responsibilities.
   Add a pet to the house. Your local shelter will find an older dog or cat that are small and easier to care. This is an addition that will give them a worry. They will even complain at first…”Oh,NO we don’t want to worry about a pet” Well too bad; older pets need good homes and love..and so do they. This new pet will add a feeling of movement to the home, noise and something to worry over and do for all day long. It will give them a reason to get up and put them out to potty or feed them. It will allow them to pet and stroke the animal and get that tactual interaction that all people need to keep healthy. It could be a bird, it could be fish…but pets are important to older folks and not to be ignored as something to hard to handle.
8. Do they keep clean? Is the home smelling clean?  Many older people simply do less cleaning of their home and their own person. So schedule a bath lady once a week so they have a good supervised bath. Then make sure that the house gets aired out and have a good air cleaner. You can find ozone air filters that will push the air through the house and clean it out for you. Keeping clean is a foundation for a happier disposition. You will find almost all people who are depressed dress poorly and have less personal hygiene. So if you see this in your seniors disposition, take note and remember that depression can hit elders hard and it can be addressed and treated by their family doctor.
9. Are they missing out by not hearing or seeing well? Do not think that someone older does not need to hear or see well.
   The idea that older people do not need to hear or see well is nuts. If you are in your eighties and will live another 4-25 years you need to keep your ears and eyes working. So get them help. Ck ears for wax, get at least one hearing aid. Add TVEars (a great headset) that gives them personal hearing for the TV. This also allows the TV audio to be turned down so you do not hear the TV in every room. Check their eyes, get glasses and updated frames or add magnify sheets so they can see to read and to understand their medications and the TV schedule. Get them to remove their cataracts that will open the world to their eyes again. Keep them thinking that time is moving forward but they deserve to move with it, not get stuck.
10. What if you live to 120? My mother never thought she would live to 100 years. She was shocked as the years moved forward and she kept living on after many physical challenges. So she would say; if I knew I would live this long I would have done more when I was eighty. You see no one thinks about this…they just think they will drop over any time after 80+ so they wait for it to happen. Doctors have answers to many problems that caused early death – now, even something simple like colds can be handled so they don’t turn into pneumonia. Heart attacks can be medicated and life extended. So stop the thinking that your elders will drop over any time now. Start thinking…” If I am going to live another five to ten years what do I need to do?” It does make a difference. Movement will be more important, eating will become something to be involved with and dressing and interactions with others will be fun again. Life can be very long and a quality life is a treasure. Keep thinking ahead as you care for elders. Mother would often say; “All these pills can’t I stop taking some?” I would then go over her pills and ask which one do you want to stop. The pill to help you not get a stroke?- the pills to make your stomach feel better, the pill to help you go to the bathroom eaiser…on and on. She then would say..well I suppose I better just keep taking them. She was right, medications, exercise, food, personal care, friendship, family and social interaction make life worth living. So keep it up, keep them moving and grooving, no excuses…before you know it will be five years down the road and they will still be in their home and happy!

I thank you for all you are doing..francy   Francy with Missy  Come and enjoy more info at www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com  

  PS: 

 DONATE: I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know that are caring for seniors — francy 

 

 Join my Newsletter Listing: I just got the November issue finished…I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You’ll also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. It’s a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. When you click and go to my home page it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  a lot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

My Spouse has Alzheimer’s – Why do I feel Nuts??

George in his work days behind the desk

by francy Saunders   www.SeniorCareWithSpirit 

Dear francy; I’m writing to myself…I have been driving my own self – nuts lately. You see my spouse has Alzheimer’s and all too often I get caught up into his memory holes and attitude mal-adjustments. I started to talk to others that give care to their family members or spouses on a full-time basis and they too…were suffering from the side effects of Alzheimer’s care. So I have been taking notes to give all of us ideas to live better and with less stress as care givers to dementia and Alzheimer’s or terminal care seniors. 

IDEAS TO KEEP THE CARE GIVER ON THE TOP OF THEIR GAME:

1. Two explanations and move into “Just because I said so…” George will repeatedly ask the same question. He might be worried about a family matter and ask me the same question over and over again. The first time I answer with detail and explanation. The second time, I answer in a shorter manner trying to find a memory of our first conversation on the subject. Then by the third time he asks, I give up. I get short in my speech, I get exasperated and by the actual 8-9-10 times…I refuse to even talk about it. Now remember he has the same question, he has forgotten something important to him but I seem to fall into his basket over and over again. So how to change the way I respond? Because as a care giver you must understand that your Alzheimer’s senior is not going to change their point of view, their memory loss or their attitude. I have to be the one that adapts a way to respond by going back to how we handled the terrible two’s. Remember? When the two-year old asks questions all day long, in search of answers to a million questions? You finally are forced to simply state the obvious. “Because I said so, that’s why you will not go out to play in the middle of the night.”
   So, with George I have a two-time rule, I answer the question twice. Then I simply say “politely” I have answered that question in detail before so you will just have to take the “because I said so”. Now you will not get a fun response, but instead of me getting mad and angry…I am able to keep the conversation going, keep the project on track and keep moving ahead. Instead of getting myself upset and ruining the day because I remember the upset…he on the other hand; will forget the encounter and be renewed in no time. This has aided me with reduced frustration.
2. If they take it apart, know that you can fix it on your own. This does not matter if you are the man or the woman care giver for a spouse, life changes and your old ways have to change. George has started to take things apart. If they do not work the way he wants them to work. Now maybe this is based in truth or maybe it is his perception of something not working. We have had remote controls, microwaves, washing machines, and water heaters all taken apart. Can he put them back together…NO.
   Maybe this does not fit your situation, but the point I am trying to make is that you can and will fix it. Or you will and can learn to do a new household task even cooking, if you simply put your mind to it. I purchased a new remote control and have hidden them so he does not use them. I put the parts back into the microwave/stove fan. Now it is used for a stove fan only and I purchased a new small microwave for the counter top. The washing machine was harder, I had to watch a lot of repair videos on youtube.com and a gal friend of mine helped me walk through the idea of how to put the machine back together. It took a few tries, but we have it working again. The hot water heater is an up in the air project at this time.
   You simply have to tell yourself that you can do things you have never done before. If it’s putting oil in your car, or scrubbing down a bathroom from top to bottom. If it’s fixing a broken blind or learning what are weeds to pull and what are plants to keep. Yes, there is a lot of change and Yes you are the one that will be doing the changing. So just breath deep and figure it out. I start by thinking of a friend or family member I can run the problem by. I then ask someone I know to help me or go to the Internet and read about the project. If I had money I would be paying a person to help me and since I don’t have money I usually wind up doing it myself. But I could also do a barter, I could make cookies for a neighbor guy that could check my car fluids. Or you could pay a local neighbor to cook dinners for you and in return give her money for your food and extra.
3. Keep your mind clear. When George is in high gear and in the middle of an EVENT…I can not budge him. So I am now doing different things to release him from the stress and me…from the strain. I have a code word for my friend… “Mama Mia” When I say that word on the phone, in person or any time of day or night, it means I really need help and to be ready to come over. I have talked to a few friends and family – I just told them…there are times when George goes into his highest gear and I can not budge him. I need to calm him down before he does damage to himself or our home. So this Code Word that I have chosen and spoken to others about is my release valve. They know that I either need them to come for me or for him. If you think this will never happen to you…I honor your way of care giving. But I ask you to trust me, you will need to use this code and it is easier to set it up ahead of time, then spend an hour on the phone in the mid-crisis stage trying to make sure your family or friend believe the situation is important.
   People may say they will do anything you need…but when push comes to shove…they tend to disappoint. So this word is my friendship test and I let them know it ahead of time. If they do not help me, they will not be bothered by my call again for ANYTHING. It is that important to me. I have been left all alone in the middle of chaos and all I needed was someone to release my stress and calm down George. They not only did not come but gave me a lecture on how George did not really show any signs of Alzheimer’s. Those folks no longer exist in my life. I need the kind of friend and family that can understand I count - as much as George counts…and my need for support is only asked of them, if it is emergency EVENT.
4. Keep life on paper. This has helped me a lot. I am constantly interrupted from my daily chores, tasks, business making duties and personal care. So now I am writing down a checklist to remind me of what and where I was when I was interrupted and a notebook so I can remember what ever was on the top of my mind when I had to run to George’s aid. I can not yell at him to wait a minute; that would mean that the remote control is then dismantled. So it is easier to jot down a note to myself, like a bookmark on my life tasks. This way I am not always trying to catch up, or feel like I have no control or feel like I can not remember anything myself. I am in charge of my life and when I can return to my task I know where I left off and where to begin.
   I even use paper for George to write down things that he feels are important that I am ignoring. Like he wants me to cut back his pills. When I give him his pill list I ask him to choose the ones he does not want to take. He sees the pills, the reason for taking them and then says well, OK….but then this is repeated in 3-4 days. So now I have him check the pills and if he says OK, I write it down: George OK’d his pills on friday the 13th– and he signs his name to it. So the next time he asks me, I can show him the paper and he is calmed down and goes about his way. Easier on him…easier on me.
5. Medications in proper time make a life change for positive. If you think you can have your Alzheimer’s patient or YOU…forget or be late on their pills….you are living a dream. I find the medications have to be taken with food and on time so they work through the day. If they are late, taken without food or just forgotten all together…I am in big trouble. It means that George will act up for a couple of days, he will be more upset, more forgetful, more out of focus…he may even have a body reaction like a Parkinson’s shuffle or a diarrhea attack. So I try hard to double-check his pills and make sure he takes them when I give them to him. This is different for everyone, but even the supplements that I give George make a difference. Two days without Joint Compound and George will complain of aches in the knees. Six hours after a missed Zoloft he will start showing signs of upset. The day after a night pill has been forgotten he will have the runs. The day after a missed morning med with Zoloft and he will still be having upset. Even if he took his current pills the body is missing the medication from the day before and his personality is touchy.
   I personally take supplements and find that I get tired, have  joint pain and just do not click well- without my pills each day. So I have routines in place that mean we both have breakfast and pills…no matter what the day has before us. We do this if we stay in or go out. I repeat the process for his evening pills…I make sure they are taken after dinner and then give him a treat, dessert. This is a must keeping both of us on the top of our game, not fighting to stay afloat without our meds and supplements.

I hope these tips help. I’m in the process of working out a family problem at this time and I’m so down about it. Do you get down? Do you feel like life is simply overwhelming? We all do you know. So remember if depression is more than a week of low emergy and emotions…be sure to get your doctor’s advice on your own health and need for an emotional boost. Medications are a wonderful way to keep the quality of care giving high during times of difficult behavior. Some folks believe that asking for emotional drugs is wrong, they should just have a stiff upper lip and walk on. That is so yesterday. Drugs have been designed just for those experiencing extreme emotional pressure. It does not have to be a life long medication commitment, it’s just a way to help you through a rough time. Long-term stress reflects back on your heart and any ailment that is floating around in your system. So eat well, take your supplements and get a check-up yourself. YOU are the one holding the stick that keeps all the dishes spinning in the air…get help…those dishes can get heavy all alone! 

Read about my book that can help you with loads of other tips and tricks to keep care giving easier for spouses and family!

 Francy with Missy  Come and enjoy more info at www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com   

  PS: 

 DONATE: I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know that are caring for seniors — francy 

 

 Join my Newsletter Listing: I just got the August issue finished…I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You’ll also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. Its a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. When you click and go to my home page it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  a lot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

Mom’s House is a Mess- Help!

Mother, Toots, me on the left and my sis Merrilee on the right

by francy Dickinson   www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com  

Dear Francy: My mother’s home is such a mess. I go over to care for her and it is just a nasty experience. I just do not even want to be there let alone be there often to care for her. She still is on her own, she hates anything I do for her and its her home. I mean what can I do?  

Make changes…you know the sad news about getting older is that if you need help from others the rules change. What did you do when you became an adult and you were still living in your parent’s home? You wanted to have your own things, you wanted more freedom and you wanted your own time frame. But your parents had home rules and you had to live within them so YOU moved out. That is how the world moves. But now its the opposite. Your mom wants to be in her home and yet she needs you or someone to care for her. She has to change, she can get mad and she can yell and say hurtful things all she wants. But the truth is, her home needs to change. Since you are the girl in charge…you have to make those changes.   

Ask family members or lifelong friends to ease your work by talking to her or becoming a team member and helping you with logical changes to keep your mother safe and well inside her home. Keep her own tastes and habits in mind, but work around them, so she will be safe and able to stay in her home as long as possible. Without change; she will have to go into a care facility and leave her beloved home. There is not a lot of wiggle room for her anymore…so a combined front of family, friends and you…will make the change more productive. Start small but keep pecking away till the job is done.  If your mom has problems with the changes, get her help. There are people that specialize in senior issues and doctors that will medicate so she can relax and not be so upset over change. So here are some ideas of how to begin.  

Check off the ideas you can use and DO IT:

1. Make a list: get a notebook and walk around the house and take notes on what would have to be done to sell your mother’s home. Remember your mother will have to sell that home to go into a retirement, care facility or when she passes. So this is your way to get the project in your mind and begin the process. Go from room to room and treat them like they do on the TV…decide how to update them for a small investment and faster sale. This is your “private list” to work off of as you go along. I just think that the changes have to be made, so why not make them so your mom can enjoy the fresh paint and clean area while she is living in her home. Why wait till she moves to make changes that she could have enjoyed while she lived there?
2. Start with the rooms that your mother uses each day. Her bedroom, her sitting room, her kitchen and her bath. Only think of the rooms that make up her day, not the full home. It will be a small start, but will make a big impact. Start in the bedroom. Take note of this as the main focus for a week or two. Start with sorting the closet. Tell your mom, that you are going to sort through her clothes with her and put the summer and winter ones in two different places so she has more room. Then start the project slowly…do it in a room where she is not involved and take out all clothes that are really unusable. The ones that need care or cleaning and put them into black plastic lawn bags and remove them to the garage or your car. Get rid of them. Then ask her to help you go through each drawer and the closet and slowly tell her the off-season goes into big plastic bins to be brought out when the time is right. Then remove the bins to storage and sort them for old clothes and get rid of those to the charity of your choice. This can be done slowly so each of your visits you do a drawer or two, or you can schedule a weekend to stay with her and just get it done. Now that you have the closet clean and the clothes in order. You do the chest of drawers. Step by step until you have pared down her wardrobe and removed things that simply will never to be used again. That done…go out and buy some new sheets and bedding, possible new pillows and drapes. Then have a family member or another person come in and paint the room. It has to be done in one day…so you need to start as soon as she rises for the day. Think of the future sale and make the room look updated with a neutral paint color and new “bed in a bag” for the bedroom. You will now have one room cleaned and ready to show for a future sale. Your mother will have clean and painted walls, fresh linen and feel good, even if she complains.
3. Go on and do the bathroom…make that an ongoing project over a week of your visits. Go through the drawers and clean them and put fresh Rubermaid drawer liners in them. Buy a few small plastic trays that will fit in the drawers and shelves to keep her make up and personal things handy. This is so important. It will clean the area and make the ease of use for your mother so much easier. Older people forget where they put this or that. When you have cleaned down the many years of bathroom stuff and old pill bottles and tubes of unknown creams and tackled bits and pieces– you will have a room that is now easy to use and ready for the update. Once again, paint the room…change out the vanity light to give it an update look and if you can afford it match new faucets with the light fixture. Get a new shower curtain and put on a hand-held shower spray with a bath chair for your mothers’ use. Go out and buy two large bath towels, four hand towels and a package of white face-clothes (12). Put the face-clothes in a small basket easy for her to reach. Get her a new hand cream and hand soap and allow her to feel and use the two new rooms. Dont forget to place a plastic bin for dirty clothes in the bedroom or bath…clothes are not to be put on the floor for cleanliness with elder care giving.
4. Now that you have hit the two rooms that have the least emotional problems…you are ready to go on to the living room area. She will have seen your work, felt the fun of the result with the paint and update and she will be easier to handle. I think it should take about two days to do the living room. But first look at it closely. Figure out who can help you remove the newspapers and magazines and ask them to come with boxes and be ready to remove them completely. Figure out if you need to add a new sitting chair that is easier for her to use. Get the chore and its steps in your mind and then ask a family or friend to take her out for a day or over the weekend. Clear the room in one day and then paint the room in the next day. Remember, think of how the house will be for sale. Remove all the trivial build-up that has taken place over 20-40 years. Then make what she needs even better. Choose a paint color that will go along with the rest of the house. Replace the many grand children’s pictures with a new family shot that you have blown up big and put in a nice frame. Get new lamp shades to update the lamps and have the floors or carpet cleaned. Add new throw pillows, drapes or blinds. Change out the knickknacks for a few nice collectables. Now the front room should be re-arranged so your mother can easily see the TV and the view out a window as well as get in and out of her chair and walk to the kitchen and bath with ease. The room is ready for her and is ready for the future sale.
5. Now you go on to the kitchen. This is what you do from room to room…so in your mind, it makes the home special for your mother. In the back of your mind you have the future sale all ready to go. You will see that this will mean that your mom is in a cleaner atmosphere and she feels happy about the new paint and cushions and towels and bedding. Its like you trade her anger and possessive behavior for a feeling that she has a new surroundings that are pretty, fresh and still filled with her special things that mean a great deal to her.
6. Just do it: This job is not easy I know. But if you do it right, it will pay off over and over again as you go down the line with your mother’s care. As she gets less able to do things, it will be easier for you to keep it clean and for her to use it without a trip or fall. She will feel refreshed and you will have a home that will easily show well for a future sale.
7. Dont forget to keep up the outside. The street view of the house is the sales point. So ask family to help you cut down the overgrown plants and keep the lawn trimmed and watered. If the house is in need of a cleaning outside or a painting in order to sell it, is best done while your mother is able to write the check for the work. A new coat of exterior paint, even just in the front of the home or the porch area cleaned can make a huge difference in the amount brought in with a sale.
8. Always ask a third-party to be on your side. A friend of your mother’s, another family member, a neighbor. Ask them to back up your actions for your mother and allow her to complain to them. Facing the loss of independence or the end of life…can be huge reasons for anger and the inability to make changes. By showing her you want to change small things to freshen it up for her use - it will calm her down. She does not have to hear you are doing it for the future sale. Reality is important for the care giver, but protecting the senior from unwarranted worry is the kindest way to deal with the situation.
9. The child inside? I find that elders usually respond just like your young children used to do. No they did not want to give away any of their own toys. But when the toys were sorted and cleaned and put aside in a bin and placed in the garage. The end of the month the toys were forgotten and the joy of the new paint, bedding, towels and the place of honor to the new toys - always won out. Your mother will be the same.
10. This simply has to be done. It is much easier when you have a Power of Attorney or Health Care Directive in place. That way you can write a letter to her doctor and ask for help with her emotional issues. This will then be considered and the doctor can add in an Rx that will keep her calm and not so worried over the little things in her life. As always, if you are doing something for your mother’s best care, you are doing it right. But if you over use her funds, or throw out valuables because you don’t like them…that is not care giving, that is acting in your own self-interest and is not acceptable. If you don’t have time to do all of this, then it is time for your mother to go into a retirement care facility where her needs can be met by professionals. The choice is on the table and it will take both of you to make the decision.

Hope you find this helpful. It is so hard to be the care-giver to parents that have had control over their lives and still see you- as a child. But this is a job that has to be done. So putting it off is simply pointless. You will spend more time on this project than you think…but once it’s done…you can relax and know that the future is handled. You and your mother can enjoy a kitchen with a working stove and a new faucet and see the TV without the clutter. It pays off…and your mother will appreciate your time, even if she does not say so. Being a care giver is a very special gift, I thank you for all you are doing.  

Francy with Missy  Come and enjoy more info at www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com  

  PS: 

 DONATE: I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know that are caring for seniors — francy 

 

 Join my Newsletter Listing: I just got the August issue finished…I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You’ll also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. Its a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. When you click and go to my home page it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  alot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

5 Tips For Summer Senior Fun

Free Music Concert in Tacoma area park

by francy Dickinson    www.seniorcarewithspirit.com

Dear Francy; Mom has a broken hip and now is unable to walk on her own, so we do not go out. I find the wheelchair is hard to get in and out of the car. So we seem to be stuck in the house. On hot days and with a full summer ahead, not to mention a hot fall – it does not leave much to be joyful about? Oh boy, we are going to go crazy with each other. I do work during the day and my son is still living at home, in high school…so mom spends lots of time alone. Got suggestions for relief?

5 Tips for Seniors in the Summer

1. Get a walker, not a cane: when a person has issues with possible falls use a walker around the house and a wheelchair outside the home. Sit down and have a face to face with the facts of life for you all. When there is any big problem in the house; all three of you must be in on the discussion. Then go to the medical supply and try the different wheelchairs and take them out to your car and see if you can lift them in and out. Let the people at the supply store help you find a good fit. There are a variety of chairs and with a doctor’s prescription your mother’s insurance and medicare should take care of it. If not, rent. You need that lady mobile- like it or not both of you need to make that wheelchair your friend.
2. Look up freebies. Our local museum is giving a FREE entry with an AARP membership once a month. The two small communities around us are doing FREE concerts in the park, once a week. Our local zoo has a Senior Day each month and the local ball park has family packages for tickets with drinks and hotdogs for $20 ea. The ball park has a special section for wheelchairs with great views. There is so much that can be done for very little investment in anything but your time.
3. FREEbies and Coupons. Nationwide chains are giving two for one coupons a lot this summer. Your different local restaurants will have them too. Go online and look up some of your favorite spots and find the deals. There is a free pie at Sharie’s, there was a Free Slurpee at 7-11 on July 11th, there is a FREE ice cream cone at Costco some time in August and these events just mean you have a simple goal. Go out get a treat, walk around, come home…simple but fun for all.
4. Invite others in to your home. Summer is an easy time to have a BBQ for family and friends. You can have the various grand children or cousins over for watermelon or an ice cream social. You can have a plant exchange with friends or neighbors. You can have sandwiches and ice tea for church friends, or your siblings over for a smores party. you can also meet at a park with friends and family and have a potluck with games for the kids, or a joint game for family. Thinking young and entertaining young often works just right for a senior, too.
5. Senior Centers are a great place for the senior to play cards, do crochet, take a class and best of all? Travel. Many senior centers will have special price day trips that will take the senior, in their wheel chair, to local sites on a van or bus. It’s a fun time for the senior and often a good friend, the destinations are around your state that take an hour or two to drive to and from and many times the senior has not seen the area for a good deal of time. I also like to check for openings. Mom and I went to two different new library openings and we went to a large box store opening. We got freebies and had a fun time with the celebration of the opening and mother felt good she was at the beginning of a new place. Be sure to check with your city online website and see if they have disability tours of the city and special senior events. These are often well planned and enjoyable for the senior. Don’t forget a good movie can be a cool resting place and fun treat – senior prices and online coupons will make the movie easier on your budget too. We have friends that have free outside movies once a week in their residential village…all are welcome.

If the senior is well - doing two outings a week is reasonable. One, may be for fun and the other, for doctor or shopping. Planning ahead and putting the date on a wall calendar and talking about the event is great. It builds up the importance of it like a regular holiday. My husband does not want to miss a free concert in the park. My mother did not want to miss the spring trip to the tulip and daffodil fields. These small outings bring easy enjoyment and the cost and the time involved is quite small.

 Make sure you talk about things that might be keeping the senior from wanting to be out. Bladder problems, pain, confusion any fear can be addressed and figured out if you talk them through. Its the shy quality of senior’s to talk about their personal problems that will hold you back. Once again, be a family talk openly about issues that matter to each of you. Dont let using a “Depends” be an issue to keep your mother in the house instead of at the park with friends.

I remember being in my early 20′s and taking my own Grandmother around town for things. I did not mind at all, as a matter of fact we had fun doing different things together. It seems the age difference goes away when you’re enjoying an event. Since these events were just a ride of less than an hour or two for the most part, the event can be done and still do things for the rest of the family. I know you will think of things far more fun than I have but its the planning and getting out the door - that’s the important part. Days will fade together and summer will be over if you go day to day…make all of life have meaning with small adventures of pleasure.

Dont worry about dressing fancy, having lots of money in your pocket or spending cash on souvenirs. Those things are not required for having fun in the sun around your home area. Hope you enjoy…francy

Francy with Missy  Come and enjoy more info at www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com

 PS: 

 DONATE: I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know are caring for seniors — francy 

 

 Join my Newsletter Listing: I just got the July issue out the door…I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You’ll also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. Its a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. When you click and go to my home page it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  alot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

           

10 Tips To Help a Care-Giver Stay Strong

My Georgie

by francy Dickinson                            www.seniorcarewithspirit.com          

Dear francy: I had a few emails about over stressed and exhaustion from spouse or family member care givers. A young woman with a military-injured quadriplegic husband, 86 yr old woman with diabetes caring for a husband with heart issues, 64-year-old man caring for his 60-year-old wife with Alzheimers…all exhausted, all without ways to lessen their stress. So I wanted to share a few tips that I have used in the many years that I have given care. I hope you will find some of these to use in your daily self-care.          

1. No matter how unwell your family member, spouse or senior is they are not going to get better without you. So to accept your limits is really important. I had to sit down with my mother and tell her the rules of our Health Team effort. I would give her a place to live and assist her as much as I could….but…I could not carry her. I have a problem with my own back so I told her she had to walk, if she stayed with me. It may seem like no big deal but mother had tiny strokes and after each…she would drag herself around to “re-learn” walking all over again. She knew the rules and wanted to stay with me. 
   My husband with Alzheimer’s talked to me and I am here to care for him as long as he does not require heavy assistance or gets so out of whack with his emotions that he is dangerous. Some times dementia does that to the mildest mannered folks. So, I now have to know those are my lines in the sand.
   WHAT ARE YOUR LINES IN THE SAND? Take time to write them down right now. You need to know yourself and so does the senior in your care.
2. If I am strong, my husband will be strong. I am the pivot point…I am the person that counts, without me – he is all alone and unable to care for his own self. So, I have to keep myself strong. I have lost weight because I eat better and fix us both healthy food. I did not eat well with mom’s caregiving. I was tired and just grabbed stuff. Now I take time to cook. I take time to plan meals and my own food. No more eating junk, ordering in or having toast. I have to eat well. And since my day is crazy, I snack with veggies and cheese during the day and only drink water and green tea. I want more, I want soda, coffee and cocoa– I want cookies and chips…but I force myself to stay on track and stay strong.
   I think strong. Yes, George puts me on an emotional rollercoaster. Some Dementia patients are so persistent that they make the care giver feel they are crazy. But I keep reminding myself I am in charge here. I am making the decisions. If George gets mad he is mad, I am doing this for “our” good. Just like how you raise children with NO’s. George gets NO’s. Emotional upset to the max is a big deal with Alzheimer’s seniors. So, it is up to me to stay strong in my mind. I have motivational cards and to do lists. People tell me I am doing a good job. I have breathing exercises and I write in a journal. I can not cure my Georgie’s mind, but I can change my habits and outlook on life and I try hard to do so, often.
3. I need rest. Our brains rule our body functions, so I need to sleep. If I get less than 5 consecutive hours rest I am not replenishing my body. I need to rest, I will take a nap in the afternoon…I will sit down and relax my back. I will have a friend sit with George and walk out the door for peace. I need rest, I have taught myself how to rest on call…and I do not take drugs. But if you need them…get them. Drugs for sleeping have been designed to help people and that is what they do. Get rest…so you can face the day with a smile, not drag through the day with a low energy level.
4. I have a life too, it’s just as important as my partner’s. I need to keep developing my own life even when I give care. Someday George is going to be gone. I am sixty…do I drop over and jump in his grave? NO. I live and if I do not care for my body and mind today, I will not live well. I have to keep up on news, on friends, on the world. I have to daydream, and think of fun things I will personally do someday. I have friends that I have recently made on Twitter @seniorcaretips. I enjoy these folks very much. We share ideas of care giving, recipes, personal issues, and fun things too. So I want to visit them someday. When I am really stressed I think about traveling around the US and visiting a day or two here or there and it fills my mind with good forward thinking thoughts.
   I dress each day. Unless I am personally unwell, I get dressed and think of my day as a day that I need to have clean teeth, clean and moisturizer face, hair in order and clothes that look nice. I don’t have to be a fashion plate but I do have to keep my life together and be the best I can be for myself. I wear my jewelry, I buy myself flowers, I groom my dogs, I feed my cats. I may care for George, but I care for me first. I stay strong.
5. I’m honest with myself about my good side and bad side. I do not try to be perfect. I try to be kind. I do not hide my frustration, but I apologize if I get angry to George. If I get so upset I am blind…I walk out the door and breath and sit on the steps for a few minutes. I have to keep my anger outside not inside. I ask someone to come and give me a break…I take a trip down to a sister-in-law and stay for a couple of days. I release tension that builds inside of me by talking about it, writing about it, exercising, and crying.
   My anger is my anger, I can be angry. I can not be hurtful to another. My crying is my upset and I allow myself to be upset. I let George see I am upset and he reacts to it with gentle kindness. No one, no matter how unwell wants another to be hurt…so we help each other through our pain. I don’t pretend to be perky, happy or up energy. I force myself to learn how to actually be perky, happy and up energy. I find ways to re-charge my batteries…or re-boot my anger. I have to stay strong
6. I drink water till I drop so I am flushing out any toxins from being upset or stress. I am breathing deeply to keep my blood pressure down so my stress does not damage my body. I stretch my body out and lift small weights to keep my body working well. I take my vitamins or Rx if you have it. Who will keep me well if I do not do it?
7. I do things I don’t want or like to do. George fixed our car and checked the fluids, now I have to learn how to do this. George did the taxes now I do them. George did the vacuum so my back was spared. Now, I do it in little chunks so I don’t hurt myself. I have to do things I don’t like, big deal…that is life.
   A friend’s husband did not cook so he brought in food for his cancer ridden wife and it was awful for her. She complained a lot about it. I finally said something to him and he said, “I don’t cook”. I said; “Learn how.”  Another friend said she could not do everything at her mom’s house and come home and do her own home. We’ll then one of the homes needs to have a person to clean every couple of weeks. It has to be done. Everything has to be done, not just the things you like to do. What took two people to do each week, month and year…now will take one doing it all. That is what life is and get to it. There is no way around it unless you are so well to do you hire it all out. that does not mean you can not ask others to help you. A brother-in-law can do the lawn every other time. A niece can come over once a month and help you scrub tubs and toilets. You can get things done with help if you just think it through.
8. I laugh, I dance around the house, I act goofy, I play games with George. I kid him and make him laugh. I will not have days of down behavior. I work hard to keep up. It is not easy, but I do it because depression is easy in care giving. I force myself to find calm and happy thoughts. If I found that I could no longer do this…I would go to a doctor and ask for an Rx that would help me. I expect you to do the same. This idea that its OK for others to suffer from your depression is selfish. Depression is a condition that must be accepted and worked on. Don’t tell me it’s Ok for me to be depressed because I care for an Alzheimer’s husband. That is not a truth…the truth is, I have to work hard to find my emotions and keep them in a place of calm and joy. If I need friends, counselors, doctors or therapy…I have to figure out how to do it. My body will react negatively if I stay in a depression for an extended time. It’s my job to be well and strong-accepting I have a bad back and need to be gentle with myself, or I am exhausted and need to be easy with myself is not wasteful, it is wise. But, there is a thin line between being careful and being lazy…that is the line you have to be honest to yourself about.
9. I have “me” things, they do not get put on the back burner. I go to the free concert in the park and if George is in a bad mood it’s too bad. We both go. I watch a couple of TV shows. George watches TV all day…when it is time for my shows, we watch them. I love to read, if George interrupt me over an over again. I leave the room and find a quiet space because books are my world. I work on my writing each day and need quiet. George and the dogs have to be quiet for that time period. I keep things on schedule but I keep things for me in my life. I do not give up me, for George. I keep both of us together…it is not easy but I work on it. I am strong and I deserve being me. I give to George all day but I can not lose the ME.
10. I face the truth of the future. George is not getting well -ever. He will go downhill mentally and emotionally and I know this and have prepared myself for it. That does not mean I don’t cry over it, it means that I accept it. I make future plans on that basis.
    George’s mom died of colon cancer. So we have been very good about getting him checked  each year. Now, I no longer take those actions. He does not need to take uncomfortable tests for some unknown malady when he is already confused and failing in his mind. When my mother was 89 and not well, the doctor scheduled her for a mammogram. She said no. She told me she had to die of something and if its breast cancer then that is what it would be. You have to accept and work through the situation. Talk about it to your senior and then you make the calls. Your senior will be too unwell, confused or upset to make decisions like that. It’s not fun, but its reality that has to be put on the table and looked at in the light.  The day will come when no more drugs, no more treatment, no more tests, no more extended life decisions will have to be made. The decisions have to be made and you are the loving care giving support and you need to make them in the best interest of your loved one. There is nothing harder, trust me. But, its your job as the loved one, to make a decision on the difficult calls.

I am proud of you. I say that because I am proud of me, too. I am daily bombarded with care giving decisions and tasks that are not enjoyable. But I do them, and I try hard to do them with love in my heart….not a chip on my shoulder. I know that you do the same. At this moment millions of families in our country are being faced with care giving challenges…they are doing it on their own.  Family giving care quietly in little towns and big cities. They are pulled between their own life and the life of the senior and then add in their family and friends. It can be lonely, exhausting and expensive…but it will give you an experience that will be the deepest of your life. When George walks out of this life, I will hold his hand to the last moment. He will not be alone. That is what love means and we are living and loving – together.    You are going to need a great workbook of how to care for your senior at home. I have written one just for you. It will take you step by step through the how to’s of care for your family member or friend that needs assistance. It goes over how to help the senior in their own home and how to care for them in your home or in a care facility. Full time or part-time, the care giver will have answers to questions that constantly come up in the process of caring for dementia, Elder care or terminal care. This is the manual that you will read through and come back to in time of upset to find answers. It has gotten such good reviews that I know you will enjoy it. The workbook is $25 with S&H. Click on the picture to order it from PayPal.                  

Francy with Missy   

 PS: 

 I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know are caring for seniors — francy 

 

 Join my Newsletter Listing: I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You will also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. Its a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. Click on the picture and it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  alot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

           

Frustrated, Alzheimer’s Care Giver Needs Help

by francy Dickinson                               www.SeniorCareWithSpirit.com

If Your Senior Goes to ER – Are YOU Ready?

by francy Dickinson

Mother in Hospital visit by her Pup

There I was standing in mother’s room in our home and she was not doing well. It was time to take her to the hospital. I had been through this before and I was running around her room trying to pack a bag. All of her meds in a plastic ziplock, slippers, her hearing aid case, her eye-glass case, her robe, on and on as I am zipping from one side of the room – pulling open drawers and grabbing what ever my mind said to grab, then darting back to check on her. My husband is coming in the room, getting her up and into her wheelchair and I am covering her with blankets so we can wrap her warm for the drive to the hospital.

Once there she is taken into the ER and I’m asked to fill out papers. I can hear her calling my name. Mother could not hear and she was frightened and needed me but I was filling out paperwork. It was horrible. I vowed not to repeat this mess again with any of us.

I put together a small plastic envelop filled with information that would answer all the questions that the hospital needed and allow me a quick in and out of the check-in with really just a signature. So I could be by the side of my loved one, not answering questions and pushing a pen around. Check and done…I know you will find this helpful. My mother passed at 100 yrs of age. But now my self, my friend Cheryl and my husband Georgie all have info packets that stay in the small desk in our kitchen. We are all ready for the ER and no matter how upset or scattered we are when we leave the house for the Emergency Room…we will now have all the required information in our hip pockets or in our purse.

YOUR EMERGENCY ROOM INFORMATION PACKET:

1. First, I sat down with the bag of mother’s daily medications and read them over and divided them into morning, noon and night. I wrote down the name of the medication, the dose, the amount of daily dose pills, the time to take them and why she was taking them. If I did not know, I called the pharmacy and had them explain it for me. I would ask if it should be taken with food, or before food. Most medications absorb better on a stomach with at least a yogurt or apple sauce taken first, now it was on the paper for me to see and remember.
2. Once they were all written down, I bought a new pill container that fit her schedule and was large enough for all of her meds and supplements. Yes, Mom took supplements. I studied what would help her, then asked the pharmacy person to make sure it would be OK with her prescriptions. Then I separated the supplements to compliment her medications throughout the day. I added the supplements to my listing of pills and the amount in the supplement.
   Example for you:  
   Vit D3 - 500 units -1 pill- morning – w/food  – (energy and emotional support)
   
3. OK, I was now ready. I brought the paper to my computer and started to enter her list of pills and supplements. The top of the page had mothers full name and our phone number. The computer would put down the update date so I could keep it current and correct. I used the outline I had started and did the full listing. As we added or removed medications in times to come, I would just enter the new info into the computer and update the listing. It made the entry easy and fast from that point forward. Trust me so worth the effort when you consider you have to bring the big bag of pills to every doctor appt and now the listing on the paper is updated and easy for the doctor’s staff and you to read and understand. It’s a great thing. Not to mention perfect for travel even if the travel is to visit a close relative for an over night or weekend. 
4. Now I started to think of the questions they asked at ER check in. Does she have allergies to medications? So I typed in the title and put down a list of medication and food allergies. She had no medication allergies, but she did have allergies to peanuts and rose oil. Believe me, even if it seems pointless to state this, you never know what is in medications, or lotions used for back rubs or veggie stir fry in peanut oil…this is big deal.
5. They will ask about history: I put down a short history, 4 children, no miscarriages, eye operation to uncross her eyes, and cataract removal, no other medical history of hospital stays. No history of diabetes, blood pressure or confusion. Then I added the medical history of her family: Mother and dad passed with heart ailments, brother with cancer, brother with stroke, sister with Alzheimer’s. There you go - a quick and easy review for any new doctor to take a glance and see that there was clear relationship to her own heart problems.
6. Now the emotional: Mother is clear of thought, reads even at her advanced age, watches TV and interacts with the news of the day. She does get very upset with her own frail abilities and can get angry in the late afternoons. See? It is stated matter of fact but you get the issues easy and so will the attending physician.
7. Now her abilities: Mother does not hear well and her left ear is her best and has a hearing aid. Right ear is lost with no hearing aid. Her teeth are false and she has uppers and lower bridge. She walks with a walker at all times or she will fall. She has limited strength in her legs. NOTE: In order for mother to live with us she has to be mobile so she works hard to get around with her walker. She uses a bath chair and commode by her bed at night. She rings for me to come and assist her in transitions during the nite. But does them on her own in the day time.
8. Food and Drink; Mother is not on any special diet, she eats well and prefers light food. She drinks one coffee per day and is not able to drink water, so juice mixed with water is her liquid for the day.
9. Her TV habits are easy to understand news with captions or food shows that she can lightly watch and understand.

   Can you see the idea?  All the information that the ER needs, the nurse stations need, the new doctors that are assigned to her called “Hospitalists” need to know……in one place. Easy to read and understand

When I first presented this to the ER hospital check in person she took in a breath and said. “Wow, this is great, thanks I will make a copy and I think everything seems to be here.” KAZZZAMMMM – It worked!

NEXT PAGE: The next page is a listing of doctor and insurance information. I started by going to the copy shop and making a one page filed with mom’s driver lic, her social security, her medicare card and AARP supplement card. It was all there on one page. She could keep her ID in her wallet and I had it in my trusty ER Info Kit.

I then listed her doctors, their speciality, their office phone and fax numbers. I had a small explanation under them:

Dr Anna Kline, General Practice  o/555-222-1234  f/555-233-5678
Mother has been with Dr. Kline for three years and Dr. over sees and does all mother’s prescriptions. We use 90 day Rx and generics when ever possible. Dr. Kline works well with mother and is easy for her to hear and understand.  (Last seen June of 2009)

AT the end of the page: I put a – 

NOTE: I placed my name, relationship and emergency cell phone and stated my place as her Power of Attorney. Her medical information is to be discussed with me before any major change in medication or procedure given.

All of this is in my computer under Mother’s name. I updated it each doctor appointment and it’s printed and ready to go in a clear plastic envelop that I keep in the kitchen. I put a copy of the Power of Attorney in with the above information. That needs to always be presented at the check in for the doctor appointment or the hospital check in.

PLEASE NOTE: Power of Attorney can be done on your own computer. You can buy a great program called Family Lawyer or do a search and the information will be on the Internet. You can buy the paperwork at an office supply store. But the software is really nice to use. Then you sit next to your senior and together answer all the questions that will walk you through the Power of Attorney for Health. (You can also do full Power of Attorney) But the hospital needs this to include you in the informational and decision process for your senior or family member or close friend. By the way the Power of Attorney has to be notary stamped. You can do that free at most banks or real estate offices. This will also require two witnesses. So, I have done it and had mom sign and I wait for two people “unrelated” to come to the house or ask a neighbor. This is a no nothing thing that takes very little time and will pay off as your senior ages and their health diminishes and you are really needed to make decisions in their name. Just as you will need it for a spouse, friend or child. This is an important step in your family health, so taking the time to get this done will rest your mind and be appreciated greatly in times of crisis.

There you go…how cool is that…your packet is done:

 

Emergency Info Kit:

• List of medications and the details of each and supplements
• List of the person information
• List of insurance and ID cards with contact  numbers
• List of doctors and their contact information and how you use the doctors
• Your Power of attorney (copy only needed)
• Name of patient on each page and current date on material that could be unusable if out dated

All of the above are gathered folded and put into your plastic envelop. I used one that had come with an old insurance plan. It worked so handy I looked and found others like it. I slipped in business cards of the hospitals so I would have the call in phone numbers of the nurse’s station. That is it….Gold in an envelop.

OK… so it takes a little while to do the project, but once done you are in order and planned for any emergency. No matter what their age your family members will sooner or later need to go to the doctor or have an emergency. So, do this project and be prepared.You have the information for trips, and everyday crisis that do arise. Your Packet will relieve all the running around when you are in a state of high stress.

Would you like to have other tips to keep your life flowing a little easier? I have a step by step practical home care work book that is perfect for any family. It goes over all the things you ask yourself and wonder about when you’re caring for those that are unwell or elders that need assistance at their home or in yours. I have had such great feed back with my “Senior Care Workbook 101″  that I can say with confidence you will use it with ease.

Thanks for all you do for others…francy

Second Spouse – Now Care Giver

by francy Dickinson

Dear Francy; I am a lady that was widowed six years ago. I then was lucky enough to find a wonderful man and have now been remarried for four years. His first wife is still alive, they divorced. When we married, he had a pre-nup so he could shelter his children’s inheritance and I still have my home that I rent out. Now, he has Alzheimer’s and I am the one to care for him. His family does nothing and I do all his care giving. His Alzheimer’s is fast-moving and he has really pulled back into his past. He talks about his first family as if he is still with his first wife and children are at home. It has bothered me so much. I do adore him, I do know he loved me when we took our vows, but now I feel lonely and sad. How can I keep my mind on our relationship and not feel that I have been lost in his health battle?

Well welcome to the sad world of family/spouse caregiving. It is a hard road and you have so lovingly taken that road with him and I want to thank you for that. I personally fall into the second spouse and now caring for my husband,too. Unlike you I have been with him for 30 years and so we have a long-established relationship. But that does not change the feeling you get when your spouse is talking about his former family on a full-time basis as if his memory was yesterday and you never existed. It is a hard thing to listen to and very hurtful.

I know like myself, you understand that your husband is not thinking in a form of hurting you…nor is he thinking in a logical direction. His mind is moving into a web of thoughts that really have no direction, so what he believes or remembers and talks about is his own focus. How can both you and I stay on the path of care giving with love and spirit if we are constantly hurt by things that our spouses say to us?

I want you to know that I have thought about this very hard and I know that the George that is inside of my husband loved me from our first meeting, he spent years telling me how much he cared for me, supporting me in my endeavors, rejoicing in my up and helping me over my downs. He laid a foundation of love for me to stand on as I make my way – by his side- through Alzheimer’s. So I force myself to remember this basic fact…and as his health diminishes and he forgets our life together in bits and pieces and maybe even when he forgets my own name or face - I will have to be even stronger in my personal belief of love.

I know you have had less time to place down a foundation, but as you said, there was a foundation of love. You came into his life with joy and love and he rejoiced in his new life choice to be with you. You brought him a sense of security and unconditional love and that is a gift that is so special. Now, he slips..and your relationship is tested with health challenges that are so hard. It’s not something that gets better, its something that gets worse…and you are still there giving him love and support. What his family does for him is not your concern, life is like that, very few understand care giving till it’s right in their face. But you can do things to keep your own mind and heart strong.

IDEAS TO KEEP THE SPOUSE CARE GIVER STRONG DURING A JOURNEY WITH ALZHEIMER’S:

1. Start your day with you…even if you are awakened, do not think of that as your start point. Attend to the situation and then regroup and start your day for you. Take a few minutes in or out of bed to breath deep and thank the universe for a day of peace and comfort. Go over a few things in your mind you have to do today for your spouse. Then make a plan of things for you to do for yourself today.
2. Begin new morning rituals, give yourself time to take a shower and get dressed and always do something for your own self. A bit of lipstick, a shave with a razor instead of electric razor, a teeth whitener, a new hair do for both a man or woman.
3. This idea of just coping each day is wrong. Wrong. You do not cope, you stay ahead of the curve with ideas, and creative problem solving. That is the way to make care giving fresh…solve problems. Dont take your spouses downfall that day to heart, think of how to change that downfall. Are they losing strength? Then a light walk in place with 2 cans of pumpkin(1# cans) one in each hand is how to give you and your spouse more muscle mass and usage. Are they stuck in 1964? Then turn on the TV to news and talk about the day’s news and today and what you have in mind for the day. You will bring them back into the present and give them something new to improve their pathways in their brain.
4. Feel and act young. My husband is twenty years my senior and he is now fighting with his Alzheimer’s so I tend to fall into his life, his history, his mind set. But I am not him, I am me. I have my own memories and ideas and I live for today. That is how we age well….we live in the present. So, I am constantly bringing my Georgie into the now. We do a funny little thing and I say Milk was how much in 1975? and he will guess….milk is how much today? and he will guess…he is always amazed at the price changes. See I brought him out to me, there….that is what I do over and over again.
5. I stay strong with my own aging. I have turned sixty. I am on a diet and losing weight, I have added a small exercise routine to recover from an auto accident and I force myself to spend money on my hair every other month. My hair is done with color and style…I don’t go out much…so I guess I am a great looking “at home” lady now. I am proud of how I look and I make sure George looks good too.
6. I have cleared out my husbands closet to make his life today, not yesterday. He no longer wears his suits and ties each day, he has old jeans and old cords and they are out. I bought him newer clothes to give him an updated look of clean and tidy. If his underwear or shirts are looking old…out…and new ones come in the door. Man or woman, your senior in care needs to stay current and that keeps them “feeling” younger. Buy new clothes, get dressed with flair each day. No living in pajamas or house coats. Get your body in clothes that fit well and show off your body, or show you to get back in shape! I also do Georgie’s hair, I do it every six weeks and it is a light color to cover the gray. It makes his skin look healthy and he feels younger….”feels” that is a key here. How does someone feel about their own self? Make sure you and your spouse are keeping current and keeping their personal appearance up. If it takes a go out and get a hair cut and a pedicure it has to go in the budget and on the “out and about” list.
7. Projects. When we work our day is filled with duties of our jobs, then we retire or become unwell and days just begin to melt into each other. OH NO – DO NOT LET YOURSELF THINK RETIRED. Think “what is on the schedule for today?” Have your spouse carry the laundry basket for you or fold for you, or push the vacuum around or dust, or refill the salt and pepper shakers or help you clean out the car, or give YOU a back rub, or neck rub. Ask them to bring you a glass of water, or tea or a banana. Keep your day filled with interaction. Do not take on all things…make your spouse function by keeping them busy with the abilities they have to use.
8. Divide days up in the week and repeat the tasks each week. Monday, is office day for me so George sits up in my office and listens to a new audiobook on his MP3 player. Tuesday, is PT for me and so George gets me my morning tea and toast and I shower and get ready to go. Then he gets ready and before we go I make him do the ck of the front door. Wednesday, is our go to Grocery store day and he helps me with the list and the food and off we go. We take time to have a coffee at a coffee shop and I get him a pedicure for his toe nails or he walks around Radio Shack or Ace Hardware. It is our out and about day. If he is feeling good, we shop and then visit someone. Thursday, is our at home and rest day. He stays down and sleeps and I work around the house and in my office. Friday, is the finish all projects and keep the house clean day. George does the housework with me, he is in charge of vacuum and I do the rest. Saturday, is our wash clothes days and he carries the laundry and folds his own with my help. Sunday, is big breakfast and walk around the block day with a movie that evening and we start all over again. See? Each day has a plan that he is involved with and as he feels unwell we change it slightly but I try hard to stick with the plan…it makes each day special but feeling safe for the spouse in care.
9. Former family day. I have a list of people on a piece of paper and he goes down the list each weekend so he can make calls without time limits on his cell phone. He calls his kids, his old friends, his old work mates and family. He calls 3 each weekend and then works down the list through the month. It gives him a sense of connection and his family a sense of his changing abilities. I do not make the calls, they are on his auto cell phone list and if he misses them, it is his decision. This has been a good program for him and I encourage it each weekend.
10. Big chores, George is not thrilled to work outside or do the garbage, but they are still his chores. I ask him to help me with yard pick up and to empty the waste bins….he does it with a grudge, but he does it and I continue to include him. In between each of these chores is long times of rest for George and that is when I shine. I can get the dinner going, work in my office, make my own calls and stay connected with my own friends.
11. I have friends that make me laugh. The ones that are down and droopy are gone. I only have time to spread my love and joy with a few friends on a quick touch base. So I have friends that listen to me and make me laugh about my life, then I listen to them and make them laugh about their life. I started a close relationship with a few new friends on Twitter. I adore them. Twitter is new to me, but I have friends that I touch base with in short amounts of time. Not half hour phone calls, but ten minute typing a few messages to a few folks and reading funny responses back. This connection is totally different from my past relationships. I have had friends that I traveled with, lunched with, shopped with and partied with…but those days are gone. I am here with George full time…so now I refresh myself with talking to a friend and feel the support. I have adapted my friendship to different terms and it has worked out brilliantly. See Creative Thinking….I just keep sharing it. It is the key to you feeling in powered and your spouse having a high quality of life.
12. Who I am, is a direct reflection of how George is doing that day. If I am sick, he is down. If I am depressed or upset, he responds with anger or confusion. If I am desperate for quiet, he makes noise. But if I stay in charge of my own day and set about my own duties, he also follows my lead and gets involved. If I say, I am off to PT…he asks to go with me. If it is grocery day and I am up and asking him about food choices and where to have our coffee he is up and in the shower to leave with me. I am now the captain of our ship and instead of feeling overwhelmed…I make sure I steer our ship with my own daily plan of action – that way I stay feeling in control of my life…instead of being a care giver that is caught in a web of duties.

I know that you can put away your mind-set with the first family. It is simply a choice- you personally have to keep your mind in the present and know that his life is with you and you are in charge of the day. To refocus a dementia patient on to another thought pattern or action is the most important thing in your bag of care giving tricks. When he talks about the past, ask him questions…what color was that car? What time of year was it?…then take him into those places. Oh, it was Spring, hey what are we going to do for new bulbs this year, or should be think about Easter here for a dinner for the kids? You see you move the conversation around to your thinking and bring his mind with you. You can and You will do it.

I trust in your heart…blessings from a very dizzy blonde that is actually making a difference in her spouses life for the good…
Thank you, francy
Please find me on Twitter @seniorcaretips
Enjoy my recipes: http://joyfilledcooking.familyoven.com/

Seniors Can Eat Well and Enjoy It!

by francy Dickinson   I am working on my website and will have it updated and ready soon…thanks  

Dear Francy; I am giving up, mom will not eat a thing. I have tried food from every place in town plus my own dinners. She nearly drinks energy drinks. She wants to eat, but she is so picky and says her taste buds have left her. What on earth do I do to get her back to eating again?

I know how hard this is, fighting medications, dementia, weakness, upset stomachs…the list goes on and on when you have a senior not eating. But we have to just remember a few rules of the care givers trade and you will find it change for the best. I have added a great French Toast for the Most recipe in the end of the rules. It is always a go to food for me when I am dealing with someone who is beyond eating.  Now remember…eating is all of a person not just food. So, read this and take from it what you feel you can use…good luck!

CARE GIVER RULES FOR SENIORS EATING WELL:

1. As you age and take medications your taste buds start to diminish and it’s very hard to enjoy eating. This added to not feeling well brings out the “I am not hungry”, or” That does not look good to me.” Start with telling the doctor that the senior is not eating well at all. He will do a couple of things: he will give you a medication that can increase hunger, or have you take one of the pills that are already on the senior’s list at a different time of day. He will ask a nutrition person to meet with you and review the diet and see if little tweaks can help add protein. Finally he will professionally tell the patient they “have” to eat. Sometimes a doctor’s word is stronger than family or caregivers.
2. Next buy protein powder and supplement drinks. You can add the protein power to different things, like soups, gravy, milk for cereal, etc. The supplement drinks are for a meal or supplement to low food intake. I always try vanilla and add a flavor to them. The chocolate is good…but remember when they are the meal, using them cold is what makes their taste pop. Keep drinks in fridge and then shake them before you serve in a chilled glass.
3. Make smoothies for mornings. Everyone has to take pills and will drink in the morning. Using a yogurt, and protein powder with milk or a supplement drink and whipping it up in blender (always with one ice cube) will give it foamy drink that tastes good and will really add protein and sugar to the senior’s morning. I always top the drink with a little nutmeg, it gives it a good taste and smell. If you have fresh or frozen fruit, go for it!
4. Dont forget egg nog…I am personally on a low carb diet and I have enjoyed my morning drink. I use vanilla protein power with milk (or vanilla supplement drink) a packet of sugar substitute, 1/2 tsp vanilla, 1/3 tsp nutmeg, an ice cube, one full raw egg, and mix in blender until its fluffy. This is a yummy way to add extra protein it tastes fresh and goes down easy. It really works to fill me up for the morning and I know a senior would find it satisfying too.
5. Add spices. To bump the taste buds you need to add spices a little more aggressively. I love using the low salt mix like Mrs Dash and adding low sodium salt so you can use it without side effects. Sprinkle everything… you use spices as you cook so they are absorbed in the food and then top the food with a lite hand so the smell and the taste pops.
6. Smell goes in elders too…so be sure to serve food hot or cold, they give out more smells than room temp or warm food. Get a microwave plate cover and use it to transport the food on the tray to the senior to keep it hot.
7. Get in habits. Seniors like habits. So you have eggs & bacon or sausage type of meal twice a week, protein smoothie and toast 3 times a week, a good pancake or waffle on weekends and then one day is cereal. Make the plan out for the week and stick to it…so the senior gets good food sprinkled with different tastes and knows what to look forward to each day.
8. Rules, the rules have to be set for seniors that are not eating or eating unwise things. They simply have to eat 1 meal a day and drink 2 protein drinks to keep alive. I sat down with mom and told her that her small strokes were not going to go away, so keeping her body strong was her only hope for a comforting life. It’s so easy to think; “I will stop eating and pass away.”  In reality it usually means you stop eating and your meds don’t work and you wind up in the hospital and/or a lonely high-care nursing facility. If they want to stay at home, or with family…they have to think of eating as their work each day. When they look at it like a duty and a responsibility you will get less stressful complaining.  
9. Food is not just food, if it was you would never pay hundreds of dollars for a dinner at your local best restaurant. So buy a tray that is light and functional for you to bring food to the senior. Buy a few new dish towels that look bright and fun and use them to line the tray. Use a smaller plate (yes buy one) so it looks like their food is big and their eating is full. Have good utensils, if senior has a problem with holding forks or spoons, buy some that are specially designed for that purpose you find them in the medical supply place, or in a medical catalog online. Have a smaller glass for the juice, it will look better to give a 1/2 cup in a small glass instead of a 1/2 cup in a big glass. Make the tray cheery and the plate well done, just like you get when you go out to eat. This is the presentation that makes a difference…they will see the food “looking good” and want to eat it more than just a plate shoved in front of them.
10. Keep salt and pepper by their chair so they can always add a bit, if the taste is to bland. Give them a napkin a real napkin in a ring holder for their meals. It is more sturdy for drips and more enjoyable to feel special instead of a paper napkin or paper towel. It’s all about feeling, seeing and smelling with food. So make it your job to think about how to change the presentation for the better. Your standards of feeding will set the meal for more success and don’t lower them. A simple sandwich can have a sliced pickle or small tomatoes on the plate. You can make a difference by just being creative as you give your daily care.
11. Serve with a smile. Oh how I remember an afternoon that a dear girl friend came to take me to lunch when I was giving 24/7 care to my mother. My sister stayed with mom and I got to “go out”. We went to a local diner and had a simple hamburger meal. The waitress was in a mood and slow and when my food arrived she slid the plate on the table to me and it went into my lap. I was in tears. I know, I over reacted…but you see I had given so much to mom that this lunch was my time to have someone care for me and she just pushed the meal at me. It hurt my feelings and I left without paying or eating. I took that experience in and made sure that no matter how personally tired or upset I was, I did not show it when I fed my mother. I arrived with a tray and a smile. I served the food and talked about something light and left her alone to eat it. I gathered the tray and did not allow myself to be upset if she did not eat one or more of the things I had fixed. Attitude of cheer and happiness and talking about good things and leaving the TV on something light and easy to watch while the senior is eating….it all goes together in a package.
12. When you have children you learn to stick veggies into anything so the child gets good stuff to eat. Well that is what you do for a senior. If you have spaghetti then you put shredded zucchini in the sauce and no one will know. You put protein mix in the gravy. You take the bologna out of the package and put it into the processor with protein powder, mustard, pickle relish and mayo and let the blades bring it down to a simple chopped meat spread for a great sandwich treat with lettuce or sprouts. Be creative and smart…give the senior good food, with little packages of surprise goodies inside.
13. Talking, just let the senior know you are doing your best and you are tired and need their help. You need them to try as hard as they can to eat at least a few bites of the things you bring to them. If they can not finish it, fine, but they need to think of eating as a job and do the very best they can so you can all enjoy life together. You are apart of a health team, you and the senior have to work together to make days filled with good food, exercise and happy thoughts. It can be a challenge, but it is how life is lived to the best each day. I know you can do it, just keep trying and understand that your energy to make them eat good food, has to be matched by their willingness to continue their care with you in their life. If they can not help you, then a change is going to be made. That honesty about your rules of the home and your care giving- given in calm moments not anger….is what has to be done so the senior knows good health can come from good nutrition.

FRENCH TOAST WITH THE MOST

My husband loves French Toast so I do it once a week and I give him much more than what it looks like on the plate. So gather in the ingredients and put this recipe together so the senior gets even more than they know from eating it.

3 Eggs   – 1/4 cup of milk with a scoop of protein powder or use vanilla supplement drink  – 1/2 tsp vanilla – 1/4 tsp cinnamon -
1/2 tsp sugar or 1/2 packet of sugar substitute – 2 slices of good sandwich bread

Mix the egg ingredients in the blender until they are foamy and pour into a pie dish. Prepare a large skillet/grill with spray oil and heat to medium. Have the egg mixture close to the pan and use a good pancake flipper to dunk the bread into the egg mixture. Get both sides of the bread good and moist and then transfer to medium hot pan for browning. Turn the two slices of bread over and when both sides are lightly browned - dunk the bread back into the egg mixture and re-coat. Then put back into the skillet or grill and continue cooking. Repeat this until the egg mixture is all used up and the two pieces of bread are well coated with layers of now cooked eggs. Lower the heat and cover the bread for a minute to puff up slightly.

Serve on plate with a fresh fruit topping, syrup and always sprinkle with a light dusting of powdered sugar for a festive appeal. If you have some whip cream in a can use it, just like in a breakfast diner, make it look as good as it tastes. This is such a yummy meal and it is loaded with extra good things and means that even if they eat one piece they have loads of protein. If your senior loves bacon, use it on the side and if they love a special fruit just buy frozen in the winter.

Hope all of this helps, it has always been successful for me. My seniors always respond in a positive way to my cooking. If you are not a cook…then take time to buy a simple Betty Crocker cookbook and use it as your guide. Don’t be embarrassed to make your skills improve in order to help the senior and your family eat more and eat healthy. Blessings, francy

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Pets and Seniors Need Each Other

by francy Dickinson   (web site is updating – honest, I am working on it

Dear Francy; Mom lost dad two months ago, she is just 80 and still active. Dad did most of the driving and paying bills so she’s a bit lost on her own. She is in a smaller home so I know she can stay there for a while and she is well and dealing with adversities. But she calls me all day long, with the old; ” I don’t know what to do”. I know she should not make any big change decisions, but her coming out of giving full-time care to dad is hard on her. Suggestions?

Yes, I know this time frame is really hard on any spouse, but especially on your mom because your dad did a great deal for her during their time together. She is in withdrawal from all sorts of things. She misses your dad, but she misses his giving and caring for her also. She misses giving to him, he was her daily routine and life structure for a long time. Caregiving is something you do 24/7 and you give up lots of things for yourself to tend to another.  Then the care is over, the spouse passes and you are left alone. Now it’s time for her to slowly become her own self again.

I always suggest a pet. It means that the senior has something to tend to each day. They start their day with a need to clean a kitty box or take a small dog out the door. They know they need to exercise the pet and that keeps them moving. They know they need to feed the pet and that gives them a focus on time to eat for their own needs. They need to give the pet love and this helps to fill the place that their spouse left empty.

You want to be careful with your selection of  a pet…get something small that they can enjoy and make a commitment to them. If they become unwell and unable to care for the pet let them know you will find it a good home. Mean it, the pet deserves a lifelong commitment and that can include more than one family -not a return to the shelter. 

Lots of people will get a cat and if you do so the shelters have wonderful older cats that will be calm and enjoy living inside and having love and hugs. If you or your mom have never had a cat, just talk to the staff and let them help you find one that fits the home, your mom’s personality and the needs of the animal. If your mom already has one think of adding a playful kitty that will add a little snap and pop to the quiet home.

Now days you can hire a high school neighbor to clean out a kitty box and do light chores every other day or buy a cat box that’s self-cleaning. The expense pays off over and over again when a senior does not have to bend over or carry things outside to clean. You want to know what to get the cat…like a large scratching post and little toys and good food. Dry kibble is what a cat will eat and you need to buy the kind that is for indoor cats. A senior can not lift a heavy bag of food or litter. So buy a couple of the big bins with wheels, at the pet store, to store them and let the senior just open the lid and scoop. The bins can be kept safe in the garage, pantry or hall closet.  Then add just a little taste of canned food every few days for the cat to enjoy. This is an easy project for family and the elder senior. The cat in return will snuggle in with the senior and give them hours of enjoyment and a feeling of not being alone.

Going into a senior home that has no animal is always so quiet to me. The TV may be on, but once it is turned off…there is total silence. Add a pet and the silence is absorbed by the love they generate. They fill the place with silly play time and demands that only animals can make. It brings smiles to all seniors.

Even fancy retirement or assisted living places now allow cats and small dogs…so do not be worried about the future. If you make a commitment to give the animal a good life…then it will happen.

I remember talking to a man, years ago, that had lost his wife to Alzheimer’s. He was so lonely and I asked him to get a pet. I told him about a small dog and he thought I was nuts. No small dog, he said. He felt little dogs were barky and wild. NO, I said, they are well-mannered if you make them that way. A big dog takes lots of exercise and with your bad knee and bum hip, you need to keep it small so it can get exercise in the back yard with a ball throw and good romp, each day.

He was not hot on the idea, but as he progressed in his grief and he felt he needed to do something. He was getting very depressed on his own and so he called me again and asked if I would help him find a dog. I brought him into our local shelter and we talked to a lady that worked for Purina, they had a special senior placement program at the time. She reviewed his needs and his home size and talked about other pets he had, had in his past. She came up with a small schnauzer. It took her two months to find one that was older and would make the match. He was so excited when she called and we went in to meet with her and meet the dog. The dog had been with another senior, it was five and it was used to a quieter home.

It was a hassle getting him to understand the needs of a small dog. (He had large dogs that needed little attention and his wife had done more of the pet care than he had.) But with a couple books and getting the right products to help him, it all smoothed out. A month later I returned to visit him. The first thing  I found was the little dog in the window at the front door and the wiggles of delight at meeting a new friend. Then when I entered the house I found a large basket of dog toys that were piled high in the living room. The three (count them three) dog beds were placed throughout the home. The water bowl on the kitchen floor was on a very cute plastic floor guard and the food dish matched the water bowl. The dog had a collar with his name tag and a flashy lead that would stand out on dark nights for short walks. He also had a groomer that had brought his feathers into a very handsome cut.

Then to my amazement, the gentleman picked up the dog and started to talk to it with a high voice and a funny little patter to his words. It made me smile a smile so deep. A man who found a friend, a man who was able to express his inner needs and share it with a dog. A dog that was so filled with love that he had to kiss the guy non stop and a family united in love.

Pets, and seniors not only belong together, its pretty nutty for them to be apart. If allergies exist, there are animals that will work within those challenges, just ask your local shelter to help you find the perfect match. Losing a spouse of many years goes to the top of life’s hardships…but grieving with a small pet by your side, will help healing and keep the senior young in body and heart. 

Blessings on all you do for your mom. I think many forget that giving attention and time to seniors is a gift that keeps on going. Your patience on the phone is helping her find herself again. That is a kind and dear thing to give to a lady that gave so much to you as you grew up. Thank you. francy

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