Shut-In: Senior Energy Fruit Shake…YUMM

Energy shake recipe for seniors – easy to make and tastes like a milkshake treat. by Francy Dickinson

Friday Special Treat Day

Shut-In Energy Shake

Totally Yummy Easy Energy Shake

I am going to try to update you with a Friday Recipe treat each week. I like to do easy recipes for those living alone, shut-ins, and those that are on real tight budgets. So, you will have a lot to choose from as the weeks go by.

George is getting more and more into shakes instead of solid foods for all his meals. He likes his in the mid-day. Alzheimer’s and it various medications can take away the feeling of hunger. That means its extra important to keep him filled with good food at the right times of the day. He has lost his taste and smell…they have gone down to almost nothing…so to give him a treat that tastes good is not easy. This shake has worked so well for him.

A good energy shake has protein. Now I like to keep protein drinks around so he can have something to give him a Boost during the day…but you can have a can of protein powder on your shelf too. The powder is less expensive and you want to buy a small box not one of the giant sizes. (we leave those big boxes of protein powder for the body builders) I suggest you get the Vanilla flavor so you can add fruit or chocolate, or even some coffee to flavor it in your shakes.

The good news about this shake is that it is easy to do with the new frozen fruits. I don’t know what they are doing, but this new flash frozen fruit is really adding high quality to the shakes. I get a medley of berries and use a couple for nite time treats…and add a cup of them to this shake and I have plenty for a few shakes. I find them at Walmart or Winco very inexpensive and it means I can serve the shakes all through the year. The frozen fruit adds to the taste and the feeling of an ice milk shake that George adores. This is a winner.

You will see that I add a few little things like 1/2 container of yogurt (flavor of your choice) for its rich taste and good probiotic. Then I top that off with a hit of Metamucil…it will add a little bulk to your drink and you will never know it was there!

My brother-n-law is loosing his teeth and they are very sore. He is fighting cancer and it’s not the time to dedicate to dental work. So his food needs to be soft and easy. This is a perfect shake to give him the feeling of a treat with nothing but good stuff in it.

Yes, you can use sugar…but I think we can all use a little less of that and a sugar substitute is so easy to use and no worry over diabetes. You can just do what you like and make it your own treat. You can make it and divide it into two for two people or give yourself one in the fridge to grab at night when you are tired.

This shake is perfect for your day time cooler that I like you to have by your TV chair, too. You will see that changing eating habits is not as hard as you think. If you cooked for 6 and now there are only 2 of you…or if you have lost your spouse and have to prepare food for just yourself. This type of thing is just the ticket.

As a caregiver…take a look at the protein in this drink. Different protein powders give you different measurements. Your senior really does need that protein to keep alert and muscle strong. So try to work a shake in at least twice a week, if not once a day. Adding a banana and other fruits is great too…but the frozen fruits to make this like a milk shake.

Here is the connection for the recipe and you can print it off easily from my recipe page. You will find a lot of family recipes and Shut-In recipes on my page too.

Click Here to Visit and Print Recipe

Shut-In:/ Easy Senior Energy Shake Recipe

  • You have a choice here choose one:
  •    1 Energy drink like Boost (vanilla flavor) OR
  •    1 cup low-fat milk, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder
  •    Then add to it, in blender:
  •    1/4 cup citrus fruit juice of choice (I use lemon)
  •    1 small pack of Splenda sweetener
  •    1/4 tsp vanilla
  •    1 cup frozen mixed berries (this needs frozen ones)
  •    1/2 container of vanilla yogurt
  •    1 tsp Metamucil (optional but good for you)


  1. The beauty of this is in the frozen berries. They are flash freezing fruits so they are sooo good now. I get the packages in the frozen foods at Walmart and I use them in shakes so they give it the feeling of a frosted milk shake instead of just a protein drink. Oh boy, these are yumm.
  2. You can use your own protein drink that is chilled in frig or you can just get some protein powder and a cup of low-fat milk. Put either one of those (your choice) into your blender, or food processor. Add in the 1/4 cup citrus juice that you like and the sweetener with the vanilla. Then the berries or other frozen fruits (always use 1 cup) use 1/2 of a container of yogurt that matches flavors with your drink, I use berry or vanilla. I like to add the Metamucil to make it even better for George. Then hit the button and swirl until it is thick and rich.
  3. Pour it into one of the new large juice cups with lids. I show one in the picture above. These are at all the stores now and have a built-in straw. What I like about them is that you can close the lid and tuck in the straw to sit them on a table or put it in your walker and not worry about it spilling…Its so handy that way. Look for them at the grocery store and get a fun color…I have a red and pink one…George has blue…it makes it easy to spot around the house.
  4. Perfect shake to start your morning, for an afternoon snack or a dinner replacement. Some times you just don’t feel like cooking, but you need your protein and a great tasting treat!
Hope this helps with ideas for senior care givers. Feeding “Elders in Care” is a very hard thing to do. You will find more ideas on my recipe page…OH, this shake has no age limit….we can all enjoy it!
Thanks again for all you do for your senior family
PS//Excited about my new book coming out in September called “Guiding Family Care” I will let you know when it hits Amazon…would you click on the right side of the page and sign up for my site updates and leave me a comment…I love comments…OH and if you liked the read…please hit the LIKE button..thanks!  francy

George took a Fall

Guide for families giving care to seniors

Out this fall by francy 'Guiding Family Care'

George took a fall and I wanted to update you. by francy Dickinson

I am in the middle of designing my front cover for my ‘Guiding Family Care’ eBook for senior in home care-giving. I am going to have it out by September. So the cover has to be done… I was in the middle of the design process and George took a fall.

He had gone downstairs to let the dogs outside and he went out on his own. He was doing things out there, without a cane or walker. He tripped over the hose,  landed on his hands and Cheryl saw him go down and let out a holler. Gosh that is a scary call.

I raced downstairs and the dogs were hovering over him, he was in shock. I had him stay still for a while to see what was injured and he was able to move. Cheryl and I got him to his knees and then to his feet and over through the downstairs door to her sofa. He sat there for a while saying very little and confused. His Alzheimer’s takes such a hit when anything like this happens.

When he got up he was sore and I had him go up the stairs slowly with our help and then the pain started to hit. His ribs had been cracked and his arm and shoulder were bruised. So for the last three days we have had quite the time of it. I am giving him full care; that means transition, grooming, bathroom transition and bringing him meals. He is in less pain in his recliner chair, but unable to move it without help. He has a whistle that he blows when he needs me. It’s just simple things with care giving, but they all add up to time and energy and added stress when the daily routine is blown apart by a fall.

–> I think George blew the whistle less today…so its been four days and the pain is still there, but getting less. He is learning how to adjust to it and walk with his walker again. I took him out the door and across the street – to get the mail and he walked with more speed today. His Parkinson’s tends to make him shuffle, but he was able to pick up his feet in a better walking stance. I can not let him just sit…he has to keep thinking and moving or he will lose his movement memory.

Just another bump in the road that care givers have to adjust to and think about. I thought I would share it all with you, so you can understand the continued stress of being a care giver…at the same time allowing him to heal slowly and get his mind and his muscles strong. So easy to think that falls are the end of an elder’s life. But that is rarely the case; they just make life more difficult…so I am doing my best to motivate him to move safely and heal strong.

My personal frustration is trying to work in-between the whistle blows…but I am getting there. Leave me a comment if you have a similar challenge. OH, a good friend has done an author page for me, if you would be kind enough to visit I would appreciate it. Just click here. When I get the eBook done I will ask you to spread the news for me. It should be out in a couple of weeks, I’m excited and in hopes that George keeps healing so my writing time can increase. Keep your fingers crossed; I want to get this book out the door and into the hands of families that need care giving help on a budget.

Blessings, francy

Alzheimer’s and Afraid

Alzheimer’s and afraid to leave the house or safety of a room:

Fears overcome seniors with dementiaDear Francy; My mother is terrified of leaving the living room…she no longer wants to go to the bathroom or to her bedroom. She feels safe in the living room and she clings onto the chair and I have to pull her out of the room to the bathroom. What can I do to release this fear?

First rule; do not connect with the fear yourself. In other words, do not show worry on your face over her fear..treat your mother with smiles and talk to her in a normal tone of voice. Get her to follow you on a daily tour of the house, maybe have her hold a dust wand or rag while you are touring so she feels the movement of cleaning the home. For instance; “Mother would you come and help me with the laundry for a few minutes?” This everyday routine is soothing and your voice shows no change of character…on a good day she will follow you because she is doing something “for you”. That is how our family responds to us the best…they do things “for us”. Lunch time, you ask her to come make a sandwich for you. If you set up a commode to use; place it at the far end of the living room so she has to walk over to it and be close to leaving the room and then slowly move the commode every few days closer to the bathroom. Taking it easy and slow and using your mild calming voice is the ticket.


  • Always remember to review the small and large problems with her doctor so he can adjust her medications to help her through her fears.
  • Therapy for dementia and Alzheimer’s is not considered helpful when they go into the moderate and above stages.
  • Calming, reassuring and cheerful demeanor is the best treatment to receive positive responses.
  • Third party care can release the tension and often kick-start the brain into a different focus. Ask a family friend to visit, get an in-home care person for a couple of hours a few times a week, etc. Change is fearful for the Senior but it also might spark different feelings that can change the atmosphere of the home.
  • Use music to change moods. Morning music is upbeat and happy, afternoon is slow and calming, evening is fun music with voice, and nite time music is slow and calming.
  • If TV is on all the time; monitor it like you would a young child. The TV voices and noises make a difference in the senior’s mood. Find stations that are of interest and then turn it off for a few hours in afternoon to encourage a rest or nap without noise.
  • Ask the doctor about sweets; I find afternoon sweets with tea help the brain to re-energize. I give George cookies with tea at 4PM every day…then make sure his dinner is on time around 6-6:30PM with meds

Dear Francy; My Aunt is not sleeping in her bed, she is sleeping on the couch and it is not a comfortable couch to sleep on. How can I get her to move to the bedroom again?


  • Make sure the bedroom holds comforting things in it and not memories of things that might upset her. Pictures of spouse or relatives that have passed can be overburdening. Move the pictures from the wall and put them somewhere else in the house. Make the room comforting. Update the room in small ways and refresh bedding.
  • Take your Aunt into the room while you are there and have a talk on her bed. Allowing her to reset her mind that the room is warm and friendly. Looking through her drawers and have her help you sort them out. Get her re-involved with the room in a positive manner each time you visit. Even having her take a nap, on her bed, while you clean the house or do her chores.
  • Put in a night light in the room and in the hallway to the bathroom for ease of night vision
  • Make sure there is a phone, emergency button or a cell phone available by her bedside table
  • Change the living room furniture so the couch is not as comforting as it has been in the past. Place a TV chair in the prime space of TV viewing. Make sure the chair is comforting and has a table that is easy for her to use for her snacks and other personal behaviors.
  • Call her mid-day and make sure she is not napping all day. In order to have good rest, she needs to have exercise and movement during the day hours
  • If she is using the TV to keep her mind busy…put a small TV in her room with an under pillow speaker
  • If she is responding to time alone, get her a senior rescue anipal. Like a cat, that will fill her day with movement and love. Older animals are easy to adapt to seniors and they mind the senior’s problems like unsteady and forgetful. Cats can stay indoors, use a potty box and eat and drink from a larger bowl that does not have to be replaced during the day. Place a fluffy cat blanket on her bed so she can welcome the cat in the room with her and not feel lonely in bed.

I hope this helps with the everyday issues that all families face with their dementia senior’s care. Thank you, for your gift of care, these are hard issues to face on a daily basis. Keep talking and asking for help…your care has so much value. It is totally understanding that frustration and self doubt will consistently arise while caring for anyone with dementia. Keep strong; your love and kindness do make a difference in this person’s daily routine.  

Senior Emergency Tips, Plans and Packs

how to make a senior emergency kit

Your own senior emergency kit

Emergency Kit for Seniors…Ideas
by francy Saunders

Dear Francy; Mom is in a retirement home so I’m not worried about her care in the middle of a small emergency. But after watching Japan and all the sadness, I worry about who would help her in a big emergency?

Katrina, Japan…I think we have all taken note, that it takes at least three days before people are getting help. That is what happens, there is always a time that we are each alone and need to plan on how to make it over the first few days of a big emergency. So I wanted to write down some ideas, I have given classes in Senior Emergency for many years and I will share some notes with you.

These ideas are for anyone but I’m gearing the information for older seniors. Find a backpack…they are easier to grab and take out the door and if you have to walk you can put it on your back. If you are weak, be practical, make the backpack very light and keep only the most important life-sustaining things inside and you can drape the backpack on your walker to carry it, if need be. If you cannot carry anything use a small overnight case with wheels.

Your Emergency Pack;

You can buy a pre made emergency pack at large stores in the sports department. There are simple things put together for your needs. You can then add to it or make your own.

THINK…what would I need with no electricity or if I have to actually leave my home?

  1. Light weight slicker/raincoat rolled up in bottom of the pack. Add a Ziploc with 3 pairs of socks, 3 undies, hand cleaner, small plastic cup and a small pack of hand wipes from the dollar store.
  2. Clean Ziploc bags; small baby shampoo can be used for hands or hair. Small Toothpaste and new toothbrush. Small Hairbrush. Use small tissues in your pack for toilet paper. If you need bladder control, add in a few pads for that purpose. Gum can clear your mouth and make you feel like you are having food, and if it’s sugar based it will give you a boost. A plastic garbage bag for you to use for many things, folded flat.
  3. Rx Ziplock; buy a box (usually 3) face masks, small Sun protector cream, Neosporin tube, a few Band-Aids, aspirin or Advil and chap stick.
  4. Meds; Make a copy of your medical ID and insurance and fold it and add to a Ziploc with information. A pair of old glasses in a hard case. A photocopy of your Rx from the doctor (glasses too) and 3-7 days of meds in a Ziploc container. Be able to tell the rescue people the name of the pills you take each day. If you are Diabetic or other health issue…make a large ID for the outside of your backpack and say DIABETIC…Ann Clark. I have one for George that says ALZHEIMER’S GEORGE – that way anyone helping you will see it and understand your needs.
  5. Write down a few names for others to connect with to help you. Example for George: Wife; Francy Cell #0000, Sister in Oregon Cell# Email address, Son in Calif Cell# Email#, Dr Name Office phone# — if you’re sick or confused, someone can look at that paper and help you get to family for help.
  6. Pair of older tennis shoes, small radio, matches, a can or bottle opener and some sort of small pocket knife, spoon and fork. Large black marker to leave a note on your house about where you went, so your family can find you.
  7. Money/10-$1 bills/2-$5 bills / 1-$10 bill  Put that in an envelope and keep in your pack or case. If you need to get a taxi or pay for help you will have a few dollars to do so. Do not put in too much money you do not want to be robbed. Copy the name of your insurance and policy # so you can contact them about your home or renters insurance.
  8. Small blankets out of a foil type of cloth can be purchased for your kit. A blow up neck pillow that stores flat and folds up. There are other items that you will find in the hardware stores or large chain stores in the sports section and always look for things at the Dollar store. Once this backpack is prepared put it by the exit door in a place that is easy for you to get to and grab. If the power is off and you have to leave the home, you can crawl to the door to stay safe and pull or push your backpack out the door with you.

In the middle of an emergency:

Seniors need to ask for help, do not stay behind, do not stay alone. Go outside or put a big message in your window with HELP on it so someone comes to help you. Find a young couple to join. You can watch the children while they do the needed chores. They will have the energy to help you.

The world has changed, now messages get out on cell phones, text on cell phones, Internet via Skype, ham radio and satellite phones. So be prepared with the family information in your kit so someone can read it and make a call to your family.

Make a plan ahead of time to connect with family. Say something happens big in your town; make a plan that everyone will go to a certain house, or a certain central place in the city. Or appoint a family member out of your area to be the central hub of information. That way everyone will be on the same plan of action. Red Cross will help you find your relatives so try hard to stay calm and know that when the emergency passes, things will clear and help will come to you.

As a senior you can help make the emergency calm, by telling children stories and re-assuring the other adults. You have years of experience of small emergencies…so during a crisis you’re a valuable help and your caring ways will ease a great deal of tension for others.

  1. Take UR marriage certificate to a copy shop and have it reduced so you can put it in your kit. Copy your passport information, if you can not grab your purse or your ID  the emergency – Your backpack will have copies of things to help you. Tuck in a small book of family pictures –so if you have nothing left, your memories would be in place. Remember everything goes into  Ziploc bags to keep dry.
  2. Pets/Put an extra lead and/or cat carrier by your backpack. Have a couple of days of food for dog or cat in a Ziploc and a small bowl for food and water. Make sure your animals have ID’s. If you cannot take them with you…let them be free in the backyard, not locked in the house or on a chain. If you love your pets you will leave your home and be safe, you can always get reconnected with your pets in the days after an emergency. Many emergency safe spots will now take animals, no need for you to stay in peril. Your animals will be OK if you think ahead and have a plan.
  3. Water is heavy; take a few bottles with you for your own use. At least three small bottles will keep you well for a couple of days. If you can tuck in a couple of Boost or Ensures so you have protein shakes that would be great.
  4. Food:/ Take protein bars, they last in your backpack and they are easy to eat and keep you nourished until you are helped with real food. Do not give your food away. Eat privately…you have to keep up your strength. Younger people can go longer without food…seniors cannot. Be sure to have those protein bars well wrapped and in an additional Ziploc for safety.

No matter what the major emergency is… it will be a few days before the services reach you. So just think through what you would do. Where would you go to be safe, ask a neighbor to help you, or know you will sit on your front porch until someone comes to help. Talking about it and knowing that even in a retirement community…you need to be prepared. If there are two of you, make two backpacks the more you have for each other the better. It’s always best to plan to stay close to your home, walking may have been enjoyable on a warm summer day…but not in the middle of a crisis. Just stay low, stay safe and be helpful to others, so they will be helpful to you.

When you think of things when life is good and calm…and plan for an emergency you can then put the thoughts away and go about your life. You will know that no matter what happens you are prepared and ready to face it. Millions of elders have lived through horrid emergencies and have had worthwhile lives and continued to give their family and friends joy for years after. BE PREPARED- you are loved.

For other tips please go to my website

Thanks for all you do for your seniors…francy

My Spouse has Alzheimer’s – Why do I feel Nuts??

George in his work days behind the desk

by francy Saunders   www.SeniorCareWithSpirit 

Dear francy; I’m writing to myself…I have been driving my own self – nuts lately. You see my spouse has Alzheimer’s and all too often I get caught up into his memory holes and attitude mal-adjustments. I started to talk to others that give care to their family members or spouses on a full-time basis and they too…were suffering from the side effects of Alzheimer’s care. So I have been taking notes to give all of us ideas to live better and with less stress as care givers to dementia and Alzheimer’s or terminal care seniors. 


  1. Two explanations and move into “Just because I said so…” George will repeatedly ask the same question. He might be worried about a family matter and ask me the same question over and over again. The first time I answer with detail and explanation. The second time, I answer in a shorter manner trying to find a memory of our first conversation on the subject. Then by the third time he asks, I give up. I get short in my speech, I get exasperated and by the actual 8-9-10 times…I refuse to even talk about it. Now remember he has the same question, he has forgotten something important to him but I seem to fall into his basket over and over again. So how to change the way I respond? Because as a care giver you must understand that your Alzheimer’s senior is not going to change their point of view, their memory loss or their attitude. I have to be the one that adapts a way to respond by going back to how we handled the terrible two’s. Remember? When the two-year old asks questions all day long, in search of answers to a million questions? You finally are forced to simply state the obvious. “Because I said so, that’s why you will not go out to play in the middle of the night.”
    So, with George I have a two-time rule, I answer the question twice. Then I simply say “politely” I have answered that question in detail before so you will just have to take the “because I said so”. Now you will not get a fun response, but instead of me getting mad and angry…I am able to keep the conversation going, keep the project on track and keep moving ahead. Instead of getting myself upset and ruining the day because I remember the upset…he on the other hand; will forget the encounter and be renewed in no time. This has aided me with reduced frustration.
  2. If they take it apart, know that you can fix it on your own. This does not matter if you are the man or the woman care giver for a spouse, life changes and your old ways have to change. George has started to take things apart. If they do not work the way he wants them to work. Now maybe this is based in truth or maybe it is his perception of something not working. We have had remote controls, microwaves, washing machines, and water heaters all taken apart. Can he put them back together…NO.
    Maybe this does not fit your situation, but the point I am trying to make is that you can and will fix it. Or you will and can learn to do a new household task even cooking, if you simply put your mind to it. I purchased a new remote control and have hidden them so he does not use them. I put the parts back into the microwave/stove fan. Now it is used for a stove fan only and I purchased a new small microwave for the counter top. The washing machine was harder, I had to watch a lot of repair videos on and a gal friend of mine helped me walk through the idea of how to put the machine back together. It took a few tries, but we have it working again. The hot water heater is an up in the air project at this time.
    You simply have to tell yourself that you can do things you have never done before. If it’s putting oil in your car, or scrubbing down a bathroom from top to bottom. If it’s fixing a broken blind or learning what are weeds to pull and what are plants to keep. Yes, there is a lot of change and Yes you are the one that will be doing the changing. So just breath deep and figure it out. I start by thinking of a friend or family member I can run the problem by. I then ask someone I know to help me or go to the Internet and read about the project. If I had money I would be paying a person to help me and since I don’t have money I usually wind up doing it myself. But I could also do a barter, I could make cookies for a neighbor guy that could check my car fluids. Or you could pay a local neighbor to cook dinners for you and in return give her money for your food and extra.
  3. Keep your mind clear. When George is in high gear and in the middle of an EVENT…I can not budge him. So I am now doing different things to release him from the stress and me…from the strain. I have a code word for my friend… “Mama Mia” When I say that word on the phone, in person or any time of day or night, it means I really need help and to be ready to come over. I have talked to a few friends and family – I just told them…there are times when George goes into his highest gear and I can not budge him. I need to calm him down before he does damage to himself or our home. So this Code Word that I have chosen and spoken to others about is my release valve. They know that I either need them to come for me or for him. If you think this will never happen to you…I honor your way of care giving. But I ask you to trust me, you will need to use this code and it is easier to set it up ahead of time, then spend an hour on the phone in the mid-crisis stage trying to make sure your family or friend believe the situation is important.
    People may say they will do anything you need…but when push comes to shove…they tend to disappoint. So this word is my friendship test and I let them know it ahead of time. If they do not help me, they will not be bothered by my call again for ANYTHING. It is that important to me. I have been left all alone in the middle of chaos and all I needed was someone to release my stress and calm down George. They not only did not come but gave me a lecture on how George did not really show any signs of Alzheimer’s. Those folks no longer exist in my life. I need the kind of friend and family that can understand I count – as much as George counts…and my need for support is only asked of them, if it is emergency EVENT.
  4. Keep life on paper. This has helped me a lot. I am constantly interrupted from my daily chores, tasks, business making duties and personal care. So now I am writing down a checklist to remind me of what and where I was when I was interrupted and a notebook so I can remember what ever was on the top of my mind when I had to run to George’s aid. I can not yell at him to wait a minute; that would mean that the remote control is then dismantled. So it is easier to jot down a note to myself, like a bookmark on my life tasks. This way I am not always trying to catch up, or feel like I have no control or feel like I can not remember anything myself. I am in charge of my life and when I can return to my task I know where I left off and where to begin.
    I even use paper for George to write down things that he feels are important that I am ignoring. Like he wants me to cut back his pills. When I give him his pill list I ask him to choose the ones he does not want to take. He sees the pills, the reason for taking them and then says well, OK….but then this is repeated in 3-4 days. So now I have him check the pills and if he says OK, I write it down: George OK’d his pills on friday the 13th– and he signs his name to it. So the next time he asks me, I can show him the paper and he is calmed down and goes about his way. Easier on him…easier on me.
  5. Medications in proper time make a life change for positive. If you think you can have your Alzheimer’s patient or YOU…forget or be late on their pills….you are living a dream. I find the medications have to be taken with food and on time so they work through the day. If they are late, taken without food or just forgotten all together…I am in big trouble. It means that George will act up for a couple of days, he will be more upset, more forgetful, more out of focus…he may even have a body reaction like a Parkinson’s shuffle or a diarrhea attack. So I try hard to double-check his pills and make sure he takes them when I give them to him. This is different for everyone, but even the supplements that I give George make a difference. Two days without Joint Compound and George will complain of aches in the knees. Six hours after a missed Zoloft he will start showing signs of upset. The day after a night pill has been forgotten he will have the runs. The day after a missed morning med with Zoloft and he will still be having upset. Even if he took his current pills the body is missing the medication from the day before and his personality is touchy.
    I personally take supplements and find that I get tired, have  joint pain and just do not click well- without my pills each day. So I have routines in place that mean we both have breakfast and pills…no matter what the day has before us. We do this if we stay in or go out. I repeat the process for his evening pills…I make sure they are taken after dinner and then give him a treat, dessert. This is a must keeping both of us on the top of our game, not fighting to stay afloat without our meds and supplements.

I hope these tips help. I’m in the process of working out a family problem at this time and I’m so down about it. Do you get down? Do you feel like life is simply overwhelming? We all do you know. So remember if depression is more than a week of low emergy and emotions…be sure to get your doctor’s advice on your own health and need for an emotional boost. Medications are a wonderful way to keep the quality of care giving high during times of difficult behavior. Some folks believe that asking for emotional drugs is wrong, they should just have a stiff upper lip and walk on. That is so yesterday. Drugs have been designed just for those experiencing extreme emotional pressure. It does not have to be a life long medication commitment, it’s just a way to help you through a rough time. Long-term stress reflects back on your heart and any ailment that is floating around in your system. So eat well, take your supplements and get a check-up yourself. YOU are the one holding the stick that keeps all the dishes spinning in the air…get help…those dishes can get heavy all alone! 

Read about my book that can help you with loads of other tips and tricks to keep care giving easier for spouses and family!

 Francy with Missy  Come and enjoy more info at   


 DONATE: I spend time-sharing with hundreds of families all over the US so they can cope with caring for their senior. I’m at home with my husband, George, on a full-time basis and I always appreciate a donation for my time-sharing with you on this site. I thank you for your kindness…and ask that you share my site information with those that you know that are caring for seniors — francy 
 Join my Newsletter Listing: I just got the August issue finished…I send out a newsletter and talk about the behind the scenes of daily care giving with George and clients. You’ll also hear about Missy and my crazy, busy life with joy – in the middle of chaos. Its a more personal look at Alzheimer’s. When you click and go to my home page it will take you through the sign up with your name, city and email and I will send you a small thank you gift Free…for your time. I will hold all your information private. You will receive a monthly newsletter and can remove your name any time from my listing. And once again I would appreciate you spreading the news about my work, there are  a lot of care givers out there that could use someone to talk to and get ideas back. Thanks so much – francy

Second Spouse – Now Care Giver

by francy Dickinson

Dear Francy; I am a lady that was widowed six years ago. I then was lucky enough to find a wonderful man and have now been remarried for four years. His first wife is still alive, they divorced. When we married, he had a pre-nup so he could shelter his children’s inheritance and I still have my home that I rent out. Now, he has Alzheimer’s and I am the one to care for him. His family does nothing and I do all his care giving. His Alzheimer’s is fast-moving and he has really pulled back into his past. He talks about his first family as if he is still with his first wife and children are at home. It has bothered me so much. I do adore him, I do know he loved me when we took our vows, but now I feel lonely and sad. How can I keep my mind on our relationship and not feel that I have been lost in his health battle?

Well welcome to the sad world of family/spouse caregiving. It is a hard road and you have so lovingly taken that road with him and I want to thank you for that. I personally fall into the second spouse and now caring for my husband,too. Unlike you I have been with him for 30 years and so we have a long-established relationship. But that does not change the feeling you get when your spouse is talking about his former family on a full-time basis as if his memory was yesterday and you never existed. It is a hard thing to listen to and very hurtful.

I know like myself, you understand that your husband is not thinking in a form of hurting you…nor is he thinking in a logical direction. His mind is moving into a web of thoughts that really have no direction, so what he believes or remembers and talks about is his own focus. How can both you and I stay on the path of care giving with love and spirit if we are constantly hurt by things that our spouses say to us?

I want you to know that I have thought about this very hard and I know that the George that is inside of my husband loved me from our first meeting, he spent years telling me how much he cared for me, supporting me in my endeavors, rejoicing in my up and helping me over my downs. He laid a foundation of love for me to stand on as I make my way – by his side- through Alzheimer’s. So I force myself to remember this basic fact…and as his health diminishes and he forgets our life together in bits and pieces and maybe even when he forgets my own name or face – I will have to be even stronger in my personal belief of love.

I know you have had less time to place down a foundation, but as you said, there was a foundation of love. You came into his life with joy and love and he rejoiced in his new life choice to be with you. You brought him a sense of security and unconditional love and that is a gift that is so special. Now, he slips..and your relationship is tested with health challenges that are so hard. It’s not something that gets better, its something that gets worse…and you are still there giving him love and support. What his family does for him is not your concern, life is like that, very few understand care giving till it’s right in their face. But you can do things to keep your own mind and heart strong.


  1. Start your day with you…even if you are awakened, do not think of that as your start point. Attend to the situation and then regroup and start your day for you. Take a few minutes in or out of bed to breath deep and thank the universe for a day of peace and comfort. Go over a few things in your mind you have to do today for your spouse. Then make a plan of things for you to do for yourself today.
  2. Begin new morning rituals, give yourself time to take a shower and get dressed and always do something for your own self. A bit of lipstick, a shave with a razor instead of electric razor, a teeth whitener, a new hair do for both a man or woman.
  3. This idea of just coping each day is wrong. Wrong. You do not cope, you stay ahead of the curve with ideas, and creative problem solving. That is the way to make care giving fresh…solve problems. Dont take your spouses downfall that day to heart, think of how to change that downfall. Are they losing strength? Then a light walk in place with 2 cans of pumpkin(1# cans) one in each hand is how to give you and your spouse more muscle mass and usage. Are they stuck in 1964? Then turn on the TV to news and talk about the day’s news and today and what you have in mind for the day. You will bring them back into the present and give them something new to improve their pathways in their brain.
  4. Feel and act young. My husband is twenty years my senior and he is now fighting with his Alzheimer’s so I tend to fall into his life, his history, his mind set. But I am not him, I am me. I have my own memories and ideas and I live for today. That is how we age well….we live in the present. So, I am constantly bringing my Georgie into the now. We do a funny little thing and I say Milk was how much in 1975? and he will guess….milk is how much today? and he will guess…he is always amazed at the price changes. See I brought him out to me, there….that is what I do over and over again.
  5. I stay strong with my own aging. I have turned sixty. I am on a diet and losing weight, I have added a small exercise routine to recover from an auto accident and I force myself to spend money on my hair every other month. My hair is done with color and style…I don’t go out much…so I guess I am a great looking “at home” lady now. I am proud of how I look and I make sure George looks good too.
  6. I have cleared out my husbands closet to make his life today, not yesterday. He no longer wears his suits and ties each day, he has old jeans and old cords and they are out. I bought him newer clothes to give him an updated look of clean and tidy. If his underwear or shirts are looking old…out…and new ones come in the door. Man or woman, your senior in care needs to stay current and that keeps them “feeling” younger. Buy new clothes, get dressed with flair each day. No living in pajamas or house coats. Get your body in clothes that fit well and show off your body, or show you to get back in shape! I also do Georgie’s hair, I do it every six weeks and it is a light color to cover the gray. It makes his skin look healthy and he feels younger….”feels” that is a key here. How does someone feel about their own self? Make sure you and your spouse are keeping current and keeping their personal appearance up. If it takes a go out and get a hair cut and a pedicure it has to go in the budget and on the “out and about” list.
  7. Projects. When we work our day is filled with duties of our jobs, then we retire or become unwell and days just begin to melt into each other. OH NO – DO NOT LET YOURSELF THINK RETIRED. Think “what is on the schedule for today?” Have your spouse carry the laundry basket for you or fold for you, or push the vacuum around or dust, or refill the salt and pepper shakers or help you clean out the car, or give YOU a back rub, or neck rub. Ask them to bring you a glass of water, or tea or a banana. Keep your day filled with interaction. Do not take on all things…make your spouse function by keeping them busy with the abilities they have to use.
  8. Divide days up in the week and repeat the tasks each week. Monday, is office day for me so George sits up in my office and listens to a new audiobook on his MP3 player. Tuesday, is PT for me and so George gets me my morning tea and toast and I shower and get ready to go. Then he gets ready and before we go I make him do the ck of the front door. Wednesday, is our go to Grocery store day and he helps me with the list and the food and off we go. We take time to have a coffee at a coffee shop and I get him a pedicure for his toe nails or he walks around Radio Shack or Ace Hardware. It is our out and about day. If he is feeling good, we shop and then visit someone. Thursday, is our at home and rest day. He stays down and sleeps and I work around the house and in my office. Friday, is the finish all projects and keep the house clean day. George does the housework with me, he is in charge of vacuum and I do the rest. Saturday, is our wash clothes days and he carries the laundry and folds his own with my help. Sunday, is big breakfast and walk around the block day with a movie that evening and we start all over again. See? Each day has a plan that he is involved with and as he feels unwell we change it slightly but I try hard to stick with the plan…it makes each day special but feeling safe for the spouse in care.
  9. Former family day. I have a list of people on a piece of paper and he goes down the list each weekend so he can make calls without time limits on his cell phone. He calls his kids, his old friends, his old work mates and family. He calls 3 each weekend and then works down the list through the month. It gives him a sense of connection and his family a sense of his changing abilities. I do not make the calls, they are on his auto cell phone list and if he misses them, it is his decision. This has been a good program for him and I encourage it each weekend.
  10. Big chores, George is not thrilled to work outside or do the garbage, but they are still his chores. I ask him to help me with yard pick up and to empty the waste bins….he does it with a grudge, but he does it and I continue to include him. In between each of these chores is long times of rest for George and that is when I shine. I can get the dinner going, work in my office, make my own calls and stay connected with my own friends.
  11. I have friends that make me laugh. The ones that are down and droopy are gone. I only have time to spread my love and joy with a few friends on a quick touch base. So I have friends that listen to me and make me laugh about my life, then I listen to them and make them laugh about their life. I started a close relationship with a few new friends on Twitter. I adore them. Twitter is new to me, but I have friends that I touch base with in short amounts of time. Not half hour phone calls, but ten minute typing a few messages to a few folks and reading funny responses back. This connection is totally different from my past relationships. I have had friends that I traveled with, lunched with, shopped with and partied with…but those days are gone. I am here with George full time…so now I refresh myself with talking to a friend and feel the support. I have adapted my friendship to different terms and it has worked out brilliantly. See Creative Thinking….I just keep sharing it. It is the key to you feeling in powered and your spouse having a high quality of life.
  12. Who I am, is a direct reflection of how George is doing that day. If I am sick, he is down. If I am depressed or upset, he responds with anger or confusion. If I am desperate for quiet, he makes noise. But if I stay in charge of my own day and set about my own duties, he also follows my lead and gets involved. If I say, I am off to PT…he asks to go with me. If it is grocery day and I am up and asking him about food choices and where to have our coffee he is up and in the shower to leave with me. I am now the captain of our ship and instead of feeling overwhelmed…I make sure I steer our ship with my own daily plan of action – that way I stay feeling in control of my life…instead of being a care giver that is caught in a web of duties.

I know that you can put away your mind-set with the first family. It is simply a choice- you personally have to keep your mind in the present and know that his life is with you and you are in charge of the day. To refocus a dementia patient on to another thought pattern or action is the most important thing in your bag of care giving tricks. When he talks about the past, ask him questions…what color was that car? What time of year was it?…then take him into those places. Oh, it was Spring, hey what are we going to do for new bulbs this year, or should be think about Easter here for a dinner for the kids? You see you move the conversation around to your thinking and bring his mind with you. You can and You will do it.

I trust in your heart…blessings from a very dizzy blonde that is actually making a difference in her spouses life for the good…
Thank you, francy
Please find me on Twitter @seniorcaretips
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Seniors Can Eat Well and Enjoy It!

by francy Dickinson   🙂 I am working on my website and will have it updated and ready soon…thanks  

Dear Francy; I am giving up, mom will not eat a thing. I have tried food from every place in town plus my own dinners. She nearly drinks energy drinks. She wants to eat, but she is so picky and says her taste buds have left her. What on earth do I do to get her back to eating again?

I know how hard this is, fighting medications, dementia, weakness, upset stomachs…the list goes on and on when you have a senior not eating. But we have to just remember a few rules of the care givers trade and you will find it change for the best. I have added a great French Toast for the Most recipe in the end of the rules. It is always a go to food for me when I am dealing with someone who is beyond eating.  Now remember…eating is all of a person not just food. So, read this and take from it what you feel you can use…good luck!


  1. As you age and take medications your taste buds start to diminish and it’s very hard to enjoy eating. This added to not feeling well brings out the “I am not hungry”, or” That does not look good to me.” Start with telling the doctor that the senior is not eating well at all. He will do a couple of things: he will give you a medication that can increase hunger, or have you take one of the pills that are already on the senior’s list at a different time of day. He will ask a nutrition person to meet with you and review the diet and see if little tweaks can help add protein. Finally he will professionally tell the patient they “have” to eat. Sometimes a doctor’s word is stronger than family or caregivers.
  2. Next buy protein powder and supplement drinks. You can add the protein power to different things, like soups, gravy, milk for cereal, etc. The supplement drinks are for a meal or supplement to low food intake. I always try vanilla and add a flavor to them. The chocolate is good…but remember when they are the meal, using them cold is what makes their taste pop. Keep drinks in fridge and then shake them before you serve in a chilled glass.
  3. Make smoothies for mornings. Everyone has to take pills and will drink in the morning. Using a yogurt, and protein powder with milk or a supplement drink and whipping it up in blender (always with one ice cube) will give it foamy drink that tastes good and will really add protein and sugar to the senior’s morning. I always top the drink with a little nutmeg, it gives it a good taste and smell. If you have fresh or frozen fruit, go for it!
  4. Dont forget egg nog…I am personally on a low carb diet and I have enjoyed my morning drink. I use vanilla protein power with milk (or vanilla supplement drink) a packet of sugar substitute, 1/2 tsp vanilla, 1/3 tsp nutmeg, an ice cube, one full raw egg, and mix in blender until its fluffy. This is a yummy way to add extra protein it tastes fresh and goes down easy. It really works to fill me up for the morning and I know a senior would find it satisfying too.
  5. Add spices. To bump the taste buds you need to add spices a little more aggressively. I love using the low salt mix like Mrs Dash and adding low sodium salt so you can use it without side effects. Sprinkle everything… you use spices as you cook so they are absorbed in the food and then top the food with a lite hand so the smell and the taste pops.
  6. Smell goes in elders too…so be sure to serve food hot or cold, they give out more smells than room temp or warm food. Get a microwave plate cover and use it to transport the food on the tray to the senior to keep it hot.
  7. Get in habits. Seniors like habits. So you have eggs & bacon or sausage type of meal twice a week, protein smoothie and toast 3 times a week, a good pancake or waffle on weekends and then one day is cereal. Make the plan out for the week and stick to it…so the senior gets good food sprinkled with different tastes and knows what to look forward to each day.
  8. Rules, the rules have to be set for seniors that are not eating or eating unwise things. They simply have to eat 1 meal a day and drink 2 protein drinks to keep alive. I sat down with mom and told her that her small strokes were not going to go away, so keeping her body strong was her only hope for a comforting life. It’s so easy to think; “I will stop eating and pass away.”  In reality it usually means you stop eating and your meds don’t work and you wind up in the hospital and/or a lonely high-care nursing facility. If they want to stay at home, or with family…they have to think of eating as their work each day. When they look at it like a duty and a responsibility you will get less stressful complaining.  
  9. Food is not just food, if it was you would never pay hundreds of dollars for a dinner at your local best restaurant. So buy a tray that is light and functional for you to bring food to the senior. Buy a few new dish towels that look bright and fun and use them to line the tray. Use a smaller plate (yes buy one) so it looks like their food is big and their eating is full. Have good utensils, if senior has a problem with holding forks or spoons, buy some that are specially designed for that purpose you find them in the medical supply place, or in a medical catalog online. Have a smaller glass for the juice, it will look better to give a 1/2 cup in a small glass instead of a 1/2 cup in a big glass. Make the tray cheery and the plate well done, just like you get when you go out to eat. This is the presentation that makes a difference…they will see the food “looking good” and want to eat it more than just a plate shoved in front of them.
  10. Keep salt and pepper by their chair so they can always add a bit, if the taste is to bland. Give them a napkin a real napkin in a ring holder for their meals. It is more sturdy for drips and more enjoyable to feel special instead of a paper napkin or paper towel. It’s all about feeling, seeing and smelling with food. So make it your job to think about how to change the presentation for the better. Your standards of feeding will set the meal for more success and don’t lower them. A simple sandwich can have a sliced pickle or small tomatoes on the plate. You can make a difference by just being creative as you give your daily care.
  11. Serve with a smile. Oh how I remember an afternoon that a dear girl friend came to take me to lunch when I was giving 24/7 care to my mother. My sister stayed with mom and I got to “go out”. We went to a local diner and had a simple hamburger meal. The waitress was in a mood and slow and when my food arrived she slid the plate on the table to me and it went into my lap. I was in tears. I know, I over reacted…but you see I had given so much to mom that this lunch was my time to have someone care for me and she just pushed the meal at me. It hurt my feelings and I left without paying or eating. I took that experience in and made sure that no matter how personally tired or upset I was, I did not show it when I fed my mother. I arrived with a tray and a smile. I served the food and talked about something light and left her alone to eat it. I gathered the tray and did not allow myself to be upset if she did not eat one or more of the things I had fixed. Attitude of cheer and happiness and talking about good things and leaving the TV on something light and easy to watch while the senior is eating….it all goes together in a package.
  12. When you have children you learn to stick veggies into anything so the child gets good stuff to eat. Well that is what you do for a senior. If you have spaghetti then you put shredded zucchini in the sauce and no one will know. You put protein mix in the gravy. You take the bologna out of the package and put it into the processor with protein powder, mustard, pickle relish and mayo and let the blades bring it down to a simple chopped meat spread for a great sandwich treat with lettuce or sprouts. Be creative and smart…give the senior good food, with little packages of surprise goodies inside.
  13. Talking, just let the senior know you are doing your best and you are tired and need their help. You need them to try as hard as they can to eat at least a few bites of the things you bring to them. If they can not finish it, fine, but they need to think of eating as a job and do the very best they can so you can all enjoy life together. You are apart of a health team, you and the senior have to work together to make days filled with good food, exercise and happy thoughts. It can be a challenge, but it is how life is lived to the best each day. I know you can do it, just keep trying and understand that your energy to make them eat good food, has to be matched by their willingness to continue their care with you in their life. If they can not help you, then a change is going to be made. That honesty about your rules of the home and your care giving- given in calm moments not anger….is what has to be done so the senior knows good health can come from good nutrition.


My husband loves French Toast so I do it once a week and I give him much more than what it looks like on the plate. So gather in the ingredients and put this recipe together so the senior gets even more than they know from eating it.

3 Eggs   – 1/4 cup of milk with a scoop of protein powder or use vanilla supplement drink  – 1/2 tsp vanilla – 1/4 tsp cinnamon –
1/2 tsp sugar or 1/2 packet of sugar substitute – 2 slices of good sandwich bread

Mix the egg ingredients in the blender until they are foamy and pour into a pie dish. Prepare a large skillet/grill with spray oil and heat to medium. Have the egg mixture close to the pan and use a good pancake flipper to dunk the bread into the egg mixture. Get both sides of the bread good and moist and then transfer to medium hot pan for browning. Turn the two slices of bread over and when both sides are lightly browned – dunk the bread back into the egg mixture and re-coat. Then put back into the skillet or grill and continue cooking. Repeat this until the egg mixture is all used up and the two pieces of bread are well coated with layers of now cooked eggs. Lower the heat and cover the bread for a minute to puff up slightly.

Serve on plate with a fresh fruit topping, syrup and always sprinkle with a light dusting of powdered sugar for a festive appeal. If you have some whip cream in a can use it, just like in a breakfast diner, make it look as good as it tastes. This is such a yummy meal and it is loaded with extra good things and means that even if they eat one piece they have loads of protein. If your senior loves bacon, use it on the side and if they love a special fruit just buy frozen in the winter.

Hope all of this helps, it has always been successful for me. My seniors always respond in a positive way to my cooking. If you are not a cook…then take time to buy a simple Betty Crocker cookbook and use it as your guide. Don’t be embarrassed to make your skills improve in order to help the senior and your family eat more and eat healthy. Blessings, francy

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