Family friend, Kathy, giving me a break and caring for mom

Dear Francy; My wife is in late stages of Parkinson’s. She now sleeps a lot and her speech is very impaired. I can not really understand her or what she wants from me. Her ability to be mobile is gone and I have to stay by her side when she moves. She does not eat anything but cookies and drinks only soda pop. The house is a mess, I am tired and mad most days. I know you help others with ideas, but what can you do for me…I’m just angry.

Anger, yes…who would not be angry when the person you have given your heart to for so many years…suddenly needs you the most, but you are unable to really help?

You just have to trust me this frustration and anger is called depression. If you have never had anymore than a few blue days in your life…depression may seem a fussy word for you. But you described just the situation that brings a person down.

See if this fits?

1. You try so hard to care for your spouse that you actually can ‘feel’ their needs. You know when they need to go to the toilet, eat, or what they say when they mumble. You try to think ahead to things that will keep them calm. This is very what mothers do with small infants; the ability to talk, does not mean there is no way to interact with another person.
   But/ if you go to the bathroom yourself, take a step out of a room or just fall asleep in your chair you miss the clue. You then feel like you have let them down. They’re in need, they have fallen, they have had an accident, they are crying from frustration…it feels like your fault.
2. You find that you are sleeping at the top of your sleep…any small noise wakes you up and you feel you have to go and check your spouse. This light sleep makes you feel out of sorts all day.
   Result/ you get very little sleep at all and almost no deep rejuvenating sleep. Therefore, you are just running on fumes most days and your frustration turns to anger towards yourself.
3. You try to  think of things to feed your spouse. As they lose their sense of taste they turn to sweet or sour foods. They eat less, so they are not hungry. They forget how to swallow well and you have to be right by them at all times to keep them from choking. They need water for flushing their pills and the toxins in their body, but they will not drink water. You try but they resist every road you go down.
   Result/ you don’t eat well yourself. You do not want to make a dinner for one, it feels like to much trouble so you grab easy choices to eat. Toast, sandwich, cookies, chips and other easy to eat food. They simply give you sugar highs and lows, upset stomach, weight gain or loss and you counter with more and more caffeine to keep you going.
4. You need to be there to move your spouse from point A to point B. Too unsteady to walk on their own, that means you have to jump up each time your spouse needs to move.
   Result/you have no time to your own self. You get pulled away from doing the washing, making beds, cleaning the house. You can not take time to walk out the door even to retrieve something from the garage. You feel almost trapped in the room with your spouse and your world gets smaller and smaller.
5. People tell you to get out and about. But preparing your spouse is so time-consuming. You have to clean them up, get them dressed, struggle with the upset they have on any change of pace to their day. Then you have to get yourself clean, dressed and ready to go.
   Result/ you forget your grocery store list, you lose your keys, you are late for doctor appointments or if you do go out to eat…the process is so upsetting, you simply find staying at home is safe and easier. Plus; one trip out the door, means 2-3 days of bed rest for your spouse and more work for yourself.
6. TV becomes the focus of the household. It will calm your spouse and give you that ‘white-noise’ in the background to rest your mind.
   Result/ you nod off during the shows and that reduces your night-sleeping ability. You sit in a chair and do not get real exercise so when you jump up to help your spouse you find you have a sore back, or achy feet.
7. When any moment of intimate talk with your spouse does take place, or even quiet time–you look at your spouse and remember old times, memories of places you have gone together, things you used to say to each other. You miss the little jokes you once shared, the songs you sang, the silly talk between you. You start to hate holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and you avoid the thoughts that bring out the pain.
   Result/ you get upset and emotional, then you get mad at yourself for being silly and you get angry. You walk around the house just thinking of what you can do to change things and yet, come up with no answers.
8. You wake up with an idea for your day; maybe you have a household repair that has to be done or a chore that has to be attended too. You have it in your mind, how you will go about the repair, or what tool or part you have to buy to make the repair. Then you start to care for your spouse. The morning personal cleaning of them, their breakfast, their pills, adjusting their chair or couch area, the whole process and then you realize that the day is half over. You have had no time to do the chore or to leave the house to get the tool needed.
   Result/ you get upset with yourself that you are getting nothing done around the house. The place looks messy, dirty, and it is over-whelming.  You start to pull back and force yourself  not to look at the mess, not even think of the repair. You just protect yourself from disappointment by ignoring your surroundings.
9. You have had a stomach upset for a few days, you know you do not feel right. You get so busy helping your spouse and dealing with anyone coming over to help with the house that your own health is coming second.
   Result/you slowly become weaker in your own body. You start to have more problems. You feel allergies, problems with your bathroom habits, your own cleanliness. Everything seems to go downhill. You would go and get yourself checked-up with a doctor but the ability to be free to leave the house is so limited you just put it all on the back burner.
10. Your family or children come over and when they do your spouse rallies up and looks so much better. They see a person that is doing well, maybe in a good mood and wonder what all the fuss is about when you call them.
    Result / your relationship with the family and old friends starts to go down. You call them less, you rarely ask them to help you. You know they are busy and so you simply cope. You feel upset towards others that don’t understand

All of the above things equal a care giver that is burnt out, tired, feeling helpless, angry, upset and that all twirls together into high stress and depression. It does not mean you are a bad person, or that you are not strong, or that you are not doing your best. It means that you need help.

HELP – HOW CAN I GET SOME OF THAT?

• March your bottom into your doctor’s office and tell the doctor you need help. Let them know you are tired, upset, worried and simply have emptied out your energy pool. Let them look you over. Let them see if your weight, blood pressure, sugar levels, energy, strength and emotional issues are understood and treated. That way you can continue to care for your spouse with a renewal of energy and creative ideas to help them. You get strong, so you can be stronger for your spouse.
• Call a ‘family and close friends’ meeting. Explain you need to have some time to breath away from the house. You need help with a few hours here and there to take your mind and body out the door and away from care giving to ‘just be you’. Let them come up with ideas; maybe they will offer to come and help, maybe they will offer to pay for in-home care. No one knows what you are going through until you share. I had to share and when I did I was shocked at how kind and loving my family and friends were to me.
• Call a professional. There are companies that your doctor or friends can recommend to come into your home and help with different chores. If you are on a strict budget, do not worry…the companies that do this work, know all the ways to get paid. They will know how to bill you personally, through your insurance, through a local or state funding, or other means. Give them a call; it will cost nothing for them to come and give you an evaluation. They will tell you what you need and work within your budget. If nothing else get a bath lady to bathe your spouse so that chore can be done fast, professionally and allows you the rest while they do so.
• Ask the doctor to advise you of an elder care social service. This is really nice. They are trained people who know how to find different services in your area that are free. They will help you get things done. They can advise you and you can alway say NO…but to know that there are people out there that will help you is so important. I have personally gone to the local hospital and worked with the social worker there. Hospitals are very community oriented and they want to advise you on services. There is no cost to go and talk to an Elder social worker.
• Call your local Elder social services in your area. They will hook you into things that your state can provide for you. Often there is food, care, energy bill relief and medication money available from your state. It is a wonderful service and your tax money, all the years of your working life, have paid for these services. You are not talking anything from anyone – the state wants their residents to be safe and well cared.
• Let neighbors and your faith community know that things have now gone into over load…do not be quiet. No one can help, if you don’t tell them your efforts and challenges. The help will be for you and your spouse…so speak up. Veteran’s, service organizations like Elks, local community services, fraternal and union orders, there are so many people who are waiting to give you a hand. Reach out…talk – tell them you have needs.
• Hospice is a free service for those who are on a life ending journey. They will come to your home and make an evaluation and give you ideas of how to use their services. If it is not time yet, they will check-in with you every couple of months, if it is they will ease in the door and take over and give you so much more time to yourself. This service is so important and most people call them way to late. When you call they will come and offer food prep, cleaning services, medication, nurse services and the list goes on and on. Know that it is there…to allow you to return to the job you really have…the loving spouse. So you can have quality time during the journey’s end for your loved one.

The key to your situation is being brave enough to reach out for help. To talk, interact with others and to understand your personal strength is the key to good care for your spouse. You need to stay healthy and in a place of peace with your emotions. No one will take away the sadness of your situation, but they will honor it and help you find ways to work through the journey. I thank you for your loving care given to your wife. Blessings, francy

francy Dickinson with Missy

PS I am working on a care giving book for all of you…I’m excited to say it is scheduled for publishing in the next month. Yeah.

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Adding Mobility in the New Year

Dear Francy; My dad has had a hard holiday caring for my mother. He feels like his life is fading as fast as my mother’s life. He is worn out and simply feels frustrated with the doctors and medications that have been given to mother. I have asked him to get a new doctor, but he says it’s best not to rock the boat. How do you feel about changing doctors in mid-stream for a Parkinson’s patient?

I feel like you all deserve the best care you can get. If the family doctor is no longer making head way with your mother…then it’s time for a change. If you do not have a neurologist you need to do some research and get one. Get your mother in the door and ask for a review of her symtoms and a re-assestment of all her medications.

The world changes so fast and every year there are new medications. As a patient moves forward in their care they may need to change their general health medications or limit them down. Neurologists are like the geeks of the care world. They love to research the different meds and do an in-depth review of all the chemical compounds in the medications.

Let’s take another step; let’s get your dad thinking positive about his health and his own future. As a care-giver; the emotions of the spouse do make a difference in the quality of care. Depression is very real for those facing the onslaught of a constant down swing in the health of their life-long partners. Here are a few tips I use:

1. Get his own health check-up. Many times women are the ones that keep their husband’s health on track. If she is no longer able to do that sort of thing…it is up to him to make an appointment and get a full check-up in the New Year. Knowing his body is strong, or if a problem is beginning for him….he can add medication or a proceedure to deal with it and give him a feeling of well-being.
2. Depression is not a light issue. I talk about it so often because so many care-givers suffer with depression in silence. The family is concentrating on the care of the sick spouse and the other spouse just seems to slip under the radar. Pay attention to him and make sure he is taking his own medications, that he is eating well and he gets breaks from the 24/7 of care.
3. Freshen up the surroundings. If a home becomes a care place, it often gets very disorganized. That clutter of pills containers, bills, pillows, and care giving things can really get over whelming. Try to help him calm the place down. Many elders use their dining table as a place to put bills…get them into a spot that is sorted and easy to review. Get a spiral notebook so your mother’s care and notes can be kept in one place, not on little pieces of paper. Get the dining table free to be clean and tidy, get the living areas calmed down so the care giving and the patient can feel comforted not distracted.
4. Do phone checks. If you have other siblings have them call in the morning and you call at night. That constant check-in for just a couple of minutes will keep your dad feeling he is not alone and you can judge if he is in a good place day by day.
5.  Get your dad into watching a TV show, or radio program each day. Many times if one has a focus on something simple but distracting it can really lift spirits. It might take you to do a search to find a sports show, and interview show or a game show that your dad would get a kick out of viewing or listening to on a continued basis. This repetitive action gives the days a basis. When you are care giving around the clock…you tend to lose your daily clock. If you can replace that with something enjoyed by your dad…he will look forward to it each day.
6. Exercise for them both. No matter what stage your mother is in her journey, she needs to move. If she can still walk…she needs to do so, if she can only do transfers she can do hand and feet circles and lift small weights. Your dad can take a walk in the back yard for 10 minutes while your mother is napping. That way he is close, but still feels the fresh air and moves his body back and forth. I do this on a daily basis. It may not be a fancy walk in the woods, but it gets me moving, breathing and rests my mind with the quiet of the outdoors in my own backyard.
7. Have your dad change his daily drinking of coffee to one cup a day and then switch to tea. Most older men have problems with prostate issues. They do not understand the way that coffee pulls on their body and if they make this change it will help them. Running back and forth to the bathroom is very exhausting when you are busy giving care. Keeping an eye on this issue is important there are medications that can help and it should be talked about.
8. Watching skin care. Lots of elders tend to stop bathing as much as they used to. It means that the skin can break down and so they need to set a ritual. I have an every other day shower rule for my Georgie. He gets his shower and his legs and arms get a good moisturizer so the skin stays healthy. Then he has the next day off.  Take note of the bathing in the home. If your dad has trouble with bathing your mom…get a ‘Bath-lady’. This in home service is worth its weight in gold, they will come once or twice a week and bath your mother. They are trained to bath and check for any sore spots on the skin. They interact with the elder and do their hair and moisture treatments. They are a great choice of added ‘in-home’ care.
9. Ask family to give your dad an afternoon or evening off each week. Make sure he has plans. No staying home; kick him out the door to go to the store, have coffee, visit a friend or do a hobby. This simple rest from the care giving can save the mental, emotional and physical health of a spouse giving care.
10. Make sure your dad is wearing comfortable, clean and new clothes. Lots of elders tend to stop shopping for new things. All of our minds need to have new things in our lives to keep us feeling good about our self. We need to get our hair done, our face and teeth clean and our clothes looking good. Just because they are in their home most of the time, does not mean they get to ignore their personal appearance. Men often do this and it will affect their emotions.

I think that the beginning of the year is a perfect time for anyone to review what has been working in the past and what has not been working. To share it with family and the health care team they work with and make changes. Your mother deserves quality care; new medications, new supplements, new food intake, more water and other fluids and movement…could change the stage of her health.

Your dad deserves some space to be his own person. Encouraging him to do a hobby or see friends is just as important as his giving care to your mom. He needs to keep his own life pattern so when your mother passes…he will have a reason to live on in peace.

It’s never too late and no one is ever too old to make decisions to empower and improve their lives. Encourage your dad to make some changes this month. Often, the thought of change itself; is hard for someone in the middle of giving care. Help him with your spirit and love…it will make a difference for both of your parents.

Blessings on all you do for your mom and dad…thank you for your care, francy

Francy with her Bichon, Missy

PS My new book on senior care is coming out this winter…I’m excited to start sharing it with you and help with more care giving tips.

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Our Holiday Home in Washington State

Dear Francy: Mother is nearing her end, she is in bed full-time and can only see out to the back yard. This holiday is pretty sad for us. Do you have some ideas for those stuck in their bedrooms?

The end of life journey is never easy…but making it a joy in bits and pieces is something we can all achieve if we give it our creative thoughts. So here are ideas that I have used and the elders have found enjoyable.

IDEAS TO CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY SEASON WITH YOUR ELDERS IN CARE:

1. If a bedroom is by the bathroom, it’s a great place to put the special hospital bed. But if the home has more  activity or a view from the front of the house…move over that sofa and put the hospital bed in that front room.
2. Once a hospital bed is ordered from hospice, it is usually understood that there is a three-month care range for the elder to experience. So, this move of putting the bed into a special room with a view, or a large TV or just where the action is —-is a great choice. You can also move the bed around in the bedroom to face a window so they have a view…when they are bed-bound.
3. Often commodes have to be used anyway…walking to the bathroom is a trip that becomes too long- even if it is within 20 steps. So, don’t worry…just pick a place the elder would feel good to be in during the day and nite.  (If you have to move furniture…do it!  Take it out to the garage or basement area so there is room for the senior to get up and move around to a chair or commode with their walker or wheelchair.)

HOLIDAY DISPLAYS:

Outside Light Show for Elders

• Set up an outside light display for the Elder’s window…so during the day they have a small tree in their room —but at night the lights become a fairyland outside their windows. Seniors often have trouble sleeping nights– with pain and worry–so a lovely outside display really makes it special.
• If you don’t have a holiday light display; ask around, get a friend or a neighbor to share their display of tree, deers, etc with you for this holiday season
• After the holiday add a peanut feeder for the squirrels or a birdfeeder for the birds in a cold winter weather -that way the activity of the window and view gives the senior a way to meditate and rest
• You can leave little fairy lights on after the holiday to go through the cold and snow of the winter. Just a little twinkle lights on a bush or tree by the window adds wonder

TURN OFF THE TV…
AND TURN ON THE HOLIDAY MUSIC

• When you feed the Elder their dinner, or do their night-time procedures—turn on the holiday music. This is a great way of celebrating old memories and holiday traditions, to surround the senior in music. Find a Traditional Holiday Music channel on your Dish or Cable, or find a local radio station that features holiday music through the week before Christmas.
• Ask a friend, or a neighbor to include your senior in their cookie list. So the senior gets the flavor of homemade cookies and each evening has a nice treat to enjoy before bed. Add cocoa in a nice fun Santa mug and peppermint candy cane sticking out the top of their morning coffee.
• Take note of the different holiday traditional programs on the TV. Just like you would with the kids, think of your seniors and make sure they are able to enjoy the specials. The favorite movies would be; Miracle on 32^nd Street, White Christmas and many more. Each year different singers have specials and there are cartoon specials like; “Charlie Brown’s Christmas” that add a happy note to the day.
• Note that ordering a new TV Dish or cable so the senior has a variety of channels to enjoy when they are bed-bound is a caring thing.
• Think about the senior’s heritage. Our family has a Danish Christmas Bread flavored with cardamom and my mother always looked forward to it. There are other traditions of cookies and different dishes that are special for the holidays. Taking time to ask; what is a good memory for the senior???  is a perfect way to add love to the difficult time of illness over holiday time.
• Do not forget those gifts; a pair of slippers, a new robe, a fun hat or throw to keep the senior warm…all of those are usable and kind to give as a healing joy.  Never forget that all seniors love chocolates…and chocolate dipped fruit, or small seedless mandarin oranges or sweet apples.
• Watch things that are hard to chew because most people in pain do not have good teeth

SPECIAL THINGS FOR SPECIAL ELDERS:

• Asking a local church if they would visit with a caroling group, or young people dropping off some soup- or holiday treats…would all be appreciated.
• Family members that are very small could dress up and bring over a nice arrangement of greens so the house smells great and the kids can play in front of Grandma.
• A telephone listing can be made special if someone shares their SKYPE with Grandma and she can ‘SEE’ grandchildren or great grandchildren from a far.
• A scanner can be used in the elder’s living room and pictures placed on a thumb drive so the family has copies of old pictures. Then place the thumb drive in a slide show frame so the elder can see old pictures run through their show —each evening.
• Teens can bring over their laptops or tablets and let grandpa see his old house on Google Earth, or view the lights on Broadway, or pic out a cam-pic from their old village in their parent’s home in Europe or Asia. Even more ideas from those that love their Internet…yeah…fun stuff.

Home bound, bed bound, does not mean…that you cannot open the world of love and memories for the senior in care…give it your creative ideas. You may just make their holiday the best they ever had…blessings, francy

Hey stay tuned for my two new care giving books…they are due out in January…

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Thank you…and Happy Holidays…francy

Family helping family with loving care

Dear Francy; My parents are fighting my mother’s dementia. They are on a very small budget. Dad has Social Security and $250 in a small pension. Mother has only social security, which is half of dad’s. Dad is so afraid of the future. How can he keep giving her the care she needs, with no money for professionals to help him?

First he needs guidance. The best place to find it is through the Aging Department in their local social services. He needs to go with you and just visit the offices and get a case worker to talk to him. She will guide him to what the state can do and what the local agencies can do. You will be surprised at the many people who are trying to help elders with care. Doing this is never negative, it is real and you will have a good idea of the steps that will need to be taken as the time moves on.

Now, here are some ideas of how to help your parents:

1. If they have a home that is paid in full they can go and get money from the government in a reverse loan. This will give them the house value cash and leave the home for your dad to live in until he is no longer able to do so without a monthly payment.  Yes, some don’t like these loans but they are legal and using a company that you find with good BBB reviews on it, is the ticket. Then your dad would have money for a care giver occasionally. Always ask a professional their advice before you sign the papers, but get someone to come and talk to you about the process. You need to inform yourself as much as you can.
2. If their home has an extra bedroom, they rent it out. But instead of money, the person will give care-giving time.  This is perfect for a college or technical student. This means you need to set rules for the person using the room. They have to have reference letters or names to check and full list of duties has to be in print for them to sign. Kicking them out will happen if they over-step the agreed upon rules.
3. This will give your dad a little free time, even a few hours a day. To get out of the house and let him calm down.
4. He will hire a bath lady. That is a first step in any in-home care. These ladies are trained to be upbeat and caring and will do a bath in no time and have your mom powder fresh and back in her favorite chair with tea in her hand and a smile on her face. To me they are miracle workers.
5. Next your dad will either get his own circle of friends or re-join one. He needs to go out once a week to have coffee with them, or play poker, or golf or whatever is his pleasure. He will either have a family member, his border, or a paid in home worker watch your mom. This will give your dad a mental release and time to vent to others.
6. Keeping your dad well with trips to his doctor so his stress does not affect his heart. Keeping him well feed and involved in the family, not feeling alone.
7. You read and you read about dementia…get your mom into a neurologist so she can get any meds that might help her. Then stop all other doctor visits, its pointless to keep her body healthy when her brain is dying. I know this is hard, but it is what has to be done. Get yourself on a dementia support group online. So you can vent and keep your mind as clear as you can.
8. Ask your family to cover for your dad…make merry. Keep the visits and the home as upbeat as you can. Play calming music, use smiles and keep your mom in a bubble of safety.
9. Feed your mother good food, with sugar treats throughout the day. Keeping the energy and sugar level high can help to keep her calm. Don’t be afraid to ask for sleeping pills for her so your dad can get a good sleep, too.
10. Always ask for help; ask your doctors, your local faith center, your city services, your community center, your senior center, your welfare office. Do not be too proud to get help

George carefully stepping down into our living room

Dear Francy; My mom and dad have hit the age that they both need care. Dad is younger than mom but he took a fall and has a very bad back. Mother is suffering from heart condition that really limits her ability to do around the house and go out. She is on oxygen most of the time and is so tired she is unable to care for dad. I have been trying to do things for them, but I have 3 teens at home and I am almost sick from exhaustion. What can I do now?

Well the secret is always in the money isn’t it? If you have money to hire in help or even a limited amount you would be wise to get a house cleaner. At least the house itself would be tidy and you would not have to do that part yourself. Alternatives are getting family members to come and clean for less. We have a young mother with her baby that cleans for my sister. She is her grand-daughter so she pays her a little bit and the cleaning and visiting with grandma is all done together. If your parents have a faith-based life with a community attached, call and see if they have a retired lady or young mother that would be willing to clean each week for a small amount that you can afford. Just remember; it has to be clean. So when you get someone in…tell them what you want them to do. Make a check off list and make sure it is done to your liking. If not explain and see if they can improve or get rid of them. You can not afford to pay someone to sit and talk and have a sandwich instead of washing down the shower and tub. Be strong on any help you bring into your parent’s home.

The next thing, that makes all the difference in the world, is a bath lady. Every single senior will get ticked-off at the thought of having one. But when they come; they will spend hours telling you how wonderful the bath lady is – I can not explain it. But I have seen it so many times. If they come and help your mom with a shower it is done so fast that its like a miracle. The heart patients are so receptive to this because it is exhausting; showering on their own. You find well trained bath ladies at a professional in-home care service. They will come and do a free review of the home and needs…and talk to you about their services. You can use as many services as often as you can afford; but even if you are low on funds…make a bath lady a priority she will add quality to the care being given. (PS she also reports any mark or problem with your parent’s body as she washes them. It helps to know if they have a bad skin spot where they are sitting…or a bruise or an open wound.)

Walk through their home with a good friend of yours. Tell your friend, it has to be a safe and practical for your parents. As you

Putting up handles anywhere that a fall may happen

walk through the family home…think of how to add handles to places that need support if they have to bend down or step up. Take away throw rugs or things on the floor. Remove clutter of newspapers and stacked books or hobby things. Clean it up, make it safe. How are they getting out of bed? Do they need a shower bench or handles in the bathroom? Does their kitchen need to be sorted so the everyday things are at a closer reach. Be strong…make good, wise changes and let your friend use her eyes that are not clouded by years of loving the home and it being ‘your parents’ place’.

Talk to your own family and tell them you need help. What could they do each week? Could they all come over on a Friday after school and get the yard cleaned, the garbage out, the wash carried up or down stairs, the bed changed….you know if you figure out that every Friday…you have a storm of duties and you all work. In two hours you will be free as a bird for the weekend.

Go and fix meals for the week in one night ! Don’t tell me this can not be done, I do it all the time. It just takes planning and saves you so much energy. Stay there for dinner that night and have the family over for dinner. Make it easier for you to be in one place, at one time. Then buy nice Rubbermaid dinner containers and store the dinners for the week. You can freeze a few left over dinners. This way your parents just microwave the meals and eat good home cooking each night. A big soup, a nice slow cooker meal, pasta, a pre-cooked roasted chicken for a couple of meals. Come on, you can do it! They add their fruit and salads, cookies and treats. You get it all done in a swoop of one evening. It may take some thinking, but you will see it is doable and easier than coming over every day.

No matter how smart and bright and gifted your parents are at this time. Take over the care of their medications. This one item could extend their lives. You simply have to gather up all their meds and find out what they are and why they are taking them. You write it all down and take it to the pharmacy where they will explain the medications. Then you list what is needed every day for each. IMPORTANT:  You then add in the supplements that they should both be taking, Vit D – 1,ooo units per day / Multi-vit for seniors / Vit C – 1,ooo units / Joint compound 1-2 pills per day, per person. Ask the pharmacy when you ask about their meds if those supplements are OK to add. Now, once a week you fill up their daily pill containers. They never again worry about what pill when. You handle it all and simply leave the container there for them. Remove their pill bottles to a large bag in the storage room. You will now make the call each month to order the pills and try to buy them for a 90 day amount. Use a pharmacy that has a computer and call back system. Give them your cell phone, they should be able to call you once a month and tell you when they are ready for pick-up. Picking up pills and the worry of doctor OK’ing the Rx is a nasty chore, so make sure the pharmacy is up to date. (I use Walgreens and like their price and their computer program.)  This is a key issue to care for seniors…medications are understood and given on time, every day. Make sure you mark the weekly pill containers with their names (I use nail polish or stickers) This way; medication is given to keep the pain away and keep their body functions going without the ups and downs of missing medications —-bodies feel and act much stronger. If they have to take food with their meds, make sure you get them into the habit of having a yogurt or small apple sauce container before they take their pills.

Don’t be afraid to change oxygen delivery companies. One of the biggest problems with oxygen is poor service or delivery. If your mother needs to use her portable containers…she needs them. For her to wait for them is not acceptable. Make sure the oxygen machine is one that moves up to 10 and adds a little moisture so she keeps feeling strong as long as possible. Medicare pays for this service so make sure the money is spent on a company that is reliable.

To review:

• General cleaning of the house; like kitchen and bath is done weekly or twice a month by another person. Family, friend or professional.
• Bath lady is hired min. once a week to give your mom a good comforting bath.
• A clutter free area for a walker and ease of use is made by you and a friend as you clear up the house. Adding safety touches anywhere that a problem may arise.
• You enlist your own family to help on a weekly basis. You give out chores and they all go to work in a flurry of activity. The yard, the garage, the garbage, the wash, the big items that need repair are all handled and you can relax.
• You choose a day during the week to come and make dinners. You will be shopping for the food, have a menu plan at hand and then hit the kitchen. To make it easier you have your husband and kids join you that evening for dinner at the grandparent’s home. This is the slow cooker meal or the big pasta dinner. Leftovers and other meals are placed into nice storage containers that freeze and chill well. Salad mix, fruit, cookies, nuts, pies whatever their favorite treats are left behind. DONE = a week of meals for them to choose and microwave. Yeah.
• You take over their medications. You know and understand what they are and how they work and what time of day to give them. You buy new and load up the big pill containers for the week and your parents are now safe and snug as bugs in a rug.
• Check the service companies that are providing the oxygen, medications, bladder control or diabetes equipment. Make sure they bill properly to medicare and that they are easy to use. Do not be afraid to change. You may have to have the doctor re-write prescriptions, but this is just done once and then the ease of using a business that is good with their customer care is essential as your parents move into more and more use of medical equipment.

Our Hobo 'Mac'

How a photo can save a dog’s life by francy Dickinson

We lost our little hobo, Mac, in June…after being our sweetie pie for 15 years it was heartbreaking. Every anipal parent understands the loss of a family member..lots of tears are shed. For us; it had another layer of sadness because my husband has Alzheimer’s and any change sends him into confusion and any emotional hurt can actually take away from his brain function. Mac’s passing…was a very bad time.

I wanted to wait…just to catch our breath and think about our little westie/schnauzer mix that we had found on a trip over to my mother’s all those years ago. After a big search his family was not found and we kept him as our adopted hobo. Four years after Mac game to us,  a new little Bichon came into our family. A bouncing six month old Missy…walked in the door and stole all of our hearts, even Mac’s. She was his little sister and he took care of her and told her what to do every day of her life. He would start each day telling her to get up and go to the back yard with him. Then during the day, he would lead her through a long list of play, front door duty, mischief and napping. Always the leader Mac protected her on the one hand and told her to sit and be still on the other. As Missy would always say; “Brothers!”

After his passing ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’  Missy was left alone and very silent. Her quiet personality was stuck in an empty day that melted into another empty day. I was worried. She stopped eating, stopped playing with her toys and would just lay by the front door window and watch for her dear Mac to come back home. Not wanting Missy to be alone and sad and not wanting my husband to be without a lap dog to relax him and give him joy….the hunt for a new dog was on. But where to begin?

I looked around on the net. There’s a lot of pets out there and I was totally confused. Then a dear friend of mine, involved with anipal rescue,  gave me a tip. She said there is a group called “Golden Oldies” a pet rescue that finds older animals (8 yrs +) for older families. Yeah!

My search was now guided in the right direction. I did not want to worry about a young dog with my husband’s condition. No potty training and chewing to go through…I was pleased to learn of the organization and found the different websites to be easy to use. But, I did have a problem with the photos that were placed for the pets. Since I was not able to run around and ‘look’ at the pets that were listed from all over the United States…I had to depend on the photo and the copy to find my next life partner.

Some of the dogs did not even have a photo available and others were so poorly

Mal-Shi 10yrs old Needs Home

taken that you could hardly tell what breed they were. I wanted a small anipal, a boy, over 8 years and below 20#. I am a senior with a back problem and I did not want to have a problem picking up our dog. I love to give hugs and my husband loves to have the dog on his lap – small was key. We also needed a calmer personality in the dog, so I had a few breeds in mind and began my search.

Many of the dogs had physical challenges from nasty homes or advanced age and many of them had personality challenges from losing their family. I was not worried about a challenge but I needed just the right mix. So, when I hit on a website from my own state and found a picture of little dog with a tennis ball in his mouth I was drawn in to look closer.

Looking at the picture the dog had a tennis ball in his mouth and I figured he was about the size of our Bichon, Missy. They would be well matched in size. The description was vague. He was 10 years old and needed a new home, he had some problems with his teeth and loved to play ball. Sounded bouncy and fun…so I called.

It had not been my first call, I had called many of the listed dogs and gotten people that did not know the dog I was calling after, or could not tell me much about their personality or past. I really wanted a dog I knew a bit about so it would fit our family. I did not want a dog that would not fit and have to be ‘tested and returned’. I thought that would be the worst thing to do for a sweet dog that needed loved…to reject them after they had come into the house. So, my calls were made and I was just surprised at the ability of the different services to give me information.

I was somehow pulled tight into the picture of the dog with the tennis ball, inside a play-pen. I felt this was a dog that needed my love. After talking to the adoption people and planning a meet and greet…I was ready. I drove an hour to get to the meeting place and then waited another hour until the dog arrived. I was quite surprised at the size, he was tiny only six pounds. He was a mixture of Mal-Shi. A shy quiet little guy with a strange potty band around his private parts to keep him from squirting. His back left leg had been damaged in a fall and he drug it along as he walked. He had spent his life in a small play- pen during the day and then in the arms of a loving mother after she returned from work. They told me he had nervous pee problem and bad teeth, but they had just been cleaned.

I found out that photo of the tennis ball in the dog’s mouth was a tiny little ball..not a real sized tennis ball. I did not know there was such a thing, nor had I ever had such a small dog. My heart took over and the dog came home with me that day. Little Kirbee was in for a big surprise.

Our home has three floors of stairs and a big fenced backyard. Missy is a playful pup that demands a lot of dollie and ball playing during the day. Potty pads on the floor are fine, but big boys learn to go potty in the back yard and so Kirbee had his work cut out for him.

Changing his food to a full protein mix of Nutro small bits of Lamb n Rice and adding Missing Link would be a must. Missing Link is a supplement that I have always used with my older dogs. It gives them more energy and helps their arthritis pains. Then I added a great supplement called Proden Plaqueoff  that works on reducing plaque build-up on the teeth. We put down a rule of NOT picking up Kirbee before 4PM…he had to move. And move he did…falling in a heap and sleeping after hours of play.

Kirbee his first day in dad's lap

The first week was exhausting for the poor little thing. Hobbling up and down stairs, trying to retrieve small balls and finding brand new toys to squeak and chase. Kirbee used his potty pads well, but started to slowly understand that going outside to potty was regular and often. Slowly week after week, that back leg got stronger. The foot got exercised into more solid footing and before we knew it, he was flying ahead of Missy to go out to the back yard each morning. Now, he is demanding toy time from us…he follows us around with his ball in his mouth and we are expected to keep up with him!

Naps are spent on dad’s lap and daily walkies find Kirbee in dad’s basket of his walker. If you would like to see one of their walks here is a little clip.

Little Missy has found her new brother quiet and easy going. He has cozied up to her side by her favorite front door window to watch the neighborhood activities and share her dollies. With all the dogs that were available for us, we found just the right one and it was all because of that silly photo of a dog with a tennis ball in his mouth.

It was such a great joy to find that a kindred spirit was featured on the “Sunday Morning Show” on CBS.  News Video of Amanda Jones , a professional photographer, was featured with her pet photos. She has started using her talents to take wonderful photos of dogs that are ready for adoption. These photos show the dog in a perfect light, so the pictures can be used on the Internet and bring interested new families into the pal’s life. The amount of dogs adopted from good photos is staggering. Just a simple click. A simple good photo featuring the ‘best side’ of each dog…has made the difference. Each time Amanda snaps her camera… a dog’s life is saved. She personally works with a small adoption organization and she has dramatically raised their adoption rate!

Amanda is now training other photographers to give their time and support to this issue. She is asking them to take up the cause of an animal adoption group and do the photos for them. Photos that show the inner cute, cuddles and love of each anipal. Photos that capture the heart of the family and bring them together for a ‘forever home’- match. Watch this great piece and see what you think.

Are you a person that loves to take pictures? Could you spare an afternoon every couple of weeks to take pictures of anipals that will SAVE THEIR LIVES? If so, go and visit Amanda Jones’s website and find a group of adopted anipals to help. You could change lives just with a click!

Seniors need to have something to hold and love. Loneliness adds to health challenges. Change your life — give your love to a senior pet. Let the senior pet that has no one to care for them, that has been left behind– find a home filled with hugs and love from you. Find out more about Golden Oldies and enjoy a great dog info blog.

We found our little angel…and now we’re blessed with two sweet dogs and days filled with laughter and kisses. Not bad for two old goats like George and I…

Our Kirbee and Sweet Missy

Blessings, francy

Caring for Parents thru End of LIfe Issues

My kind brother-in-law has just passed and I wanted to share some thoughts about what to do “after” the passing.

You think about the now when you are in the middle of care-giving. You worry about the medications, the water intake, the pain levels, the transitions to the commode, the pillow adjustments. Ice for a dry mouth, cold press for a fever, light message for aches…light music for calm and 20 minute visits from friends. You try to keep down the exhaustion of all-nite care that wakes up to all day care. You make the calls to Hospice; you arrange for bath ladies, cleaning staff, nurse visits. You listen to the oxygen intake and check for the machine PSI levels. You grind up the pills put them in applesauce and encourage the patient to swallow. There is a lot on your plate..out of hours…you are living moment to moment…so when the end comes…you sit back in dis-belief.

Are they gone, you wonder? As the breath is no longer straining…the quiet starts to settle down. The patient’s body is relaxed and the usual noise of the activity is gone. Or maybe you wake up with a start; realizing that you have not checked the patient in 20 minutes and you paddle over to their side to find them unusually quiet. It takes a few moments to have the mind set…that they are gone. Fear may come at first, but really the odd feeling of ending comes over you. You take in your breath, you touch a body that is now simply empty.

That is the odd feeling that comes next…you realize the body that had been so full of life and fight for life…is now empty. If you have not experienced being with a body of a person that has passed, it’s always hard the first time. But I wish I had the words to tell you it is NOT scary, it is very right. You just know; the fight is over and the final breath has been taken and it is time for peace and quiet.

You may think you have to run to the phone and call for help. But its best to just take a deep breath and be calm. You can touch them…they will still feel warm to touch and you will adjust their hair and fold their arms…or close their eyes. If they are in bed you can adjust the bedclothes to be tidy, if they are in a chair you can cover their lap with a blanket like they are just resting. Make them ‘presentable’ is what I think – so the family will see them and feel the experience is not so sad.

Your loved one is gone now, on to their next step through the door that appeared to them in the end. There is no rush to do anything. Caregivers are so tired at the end of life journeys that they need to just take time to regroup their mind before they take actions. You can just sit next to the body for a while, or take a little nap until the time to begin the calls starts. There is no race now, there is no time limit…you move on your own schedule and experience your own feelings in the quiet.

Dying at home, when you use Hospice is considered a normal death. You can call your family and let them know the senior has passed and tell them if they want to view the body, they need to come by within a couple of hours. If it is early in the morning and I find most of the deaths happen very early in the morning from 1-4AM…you can simply wait a few hours before you call and wake up your family. They will be expecting the call..they will react differently each one. You call only your immediate family that would want to view the body before it is removed.

Then you call the funeral home that is going to take care of the body. You ask them to come and pick up your loved one and give them a time. That way your family can come and see the body and then the funeral people will remove it into their care.

The next step is totally individual; I start to move around and clear up the immediate area. I remove all the pills, lotions, salves, patches, oxygen, needles or any other care giving things. I put them into the trash bags. Your next call is to hospice and they will take down the death time and ask you when you would like all the equipment to be removed. It’s best to ask them to pick up the equipment the next day because today will be very busy and you don’t want to miss the truck that will come to load-up the bed, commode, wheelchair, etc. They will also tell you they can not take the pills or other medications back. They have been charged to the Hospice account and paid for and they are yours. But they are very, very dangerous and before you have people coming in and out of your home…you need to remove the medication and put it into a plastic bag.

Here is a website that will explain what to do with the medications: Consumer Updates > How to Dispose of Unused Medicines http://1.usa.gov/pmCfsR

Now the basics have been done:

• You have remained calm and taken your time to inform immediate family of the passing.
• You have cleared the area around the body and adjusted the body for viewing.
• You have called just immediate family members to come and view the body and told them the time range.
• You have called the funeral home and made a time for the body pick-up.
• You have called Hospice and reported the death and time and asked them to schedule a pick up of all the equipment the next day.
• You have cleared out all medications and understand how to carefully dispose of them before others start to come into your home
• You call your own spiritual support, what ever your tradition or faith requires of you to do. If it is cleaning the body; wait to do all of that with those that will join you for the ritual. Don’t over do…you are tired and you need to remain calm and just live the moment of quiet between you and your loved one.

Firestation 13 visiting an old chum

It is hard to decide when to call for help when you are in the middle of care giving. My brother –in-law was moving downhill with his cancer and the veil of pain and fear were starting to blur. After years of fighting lung cancer, the fight seemed to kick into high gear fast. There was no day/date stamped on him anywhere to know when to call for that extra help that Hospice gives.

The idea of Hospice had taken over my sister and brother-in-law and they felt it was like saying; “the end”. It kept them from the call for help and they suffered alone as the daily tasks of living were beginning to close in around them. As his breathing got more and more difficult, his mind lowering in clarity from reduced oxygen – it was making days, night sleeping and common chores harder and harder to achieve.

Finally, the day came…when there was no ‘feeling better, tomorrow’.  The call was hard for them to make and the first visit of the home nurse was tentative. Did he want a special bed? ‘NO’ Did he need a walker? ‘NO’  Their conversation was rough, short and difficult for all concerned.  The Hospice nurse had been down this road before, she knew the signs and she just told them she was there…it was their choice and they would take baby steps together.

Within just a few days of that first visit; the situation had worsened and another call was made to Hospice. This time the services were really needed and they started to roll in the door. The cancer was making him feel so weak that he was unable to go into the bathroom alone. Walking was impossible and eating had long-lost its appeal. His oxygen levels were so low that he was unable to catch his breath.

The fear and worry that my sister felt, watching him suffer, was overwhelming. Hospice could hear it in her voice as she called them backed and asked how they could help her. This time the flood doors of care suddenly opened.  Out poured professional help that was organized and calming.

Hospital bed loaded down with memory foam mattress and adjustable controls moved into the front room. The home had a fabulous view of the Tacoma harbor and the sun filled every inch as they moved out furniture to make a place of honor for the bed. An ‘over the bed’ table was adjusted in place so it could be used to hold his basket of personal tools. Finally he could sleep in a bed instead of in his chair. His chair was honored with a gel cushion to give his thinning body comfort.

A commode was put into place by the bed during the night and over the toilet during the day to give arms – used to steady and help with standing back up. A wheelchair; small enough to go thru tight places and still hold his tall frame securely was delivered. A new oxygen machine that would dial-up to 10 PCI and add a little water to the mix to keep the nose moist while using the air was set up.

During the next week, a cleaner arrived to scrub down the shower and vacuum any dust away so my sister could concentrate on care of her husband, not the worry of keeping the house clean. The nurse arrived to take down the medications and adjust them for pain relief and put all the pills for the week into a larger daily pill container marked with four times a day. The pills that had once been on every table in the living area were now brought into order and ease of use. No more confusion or missed pain medications, it was all organized to remove the confusion. Very intricate information was written down in a simple and easy to read hand for my sister to administer the morphine at just the right time during the day. A list to write the timing and the result of the dose was established and put in a place that was easy to find and use. Common nursing tips and transfer training were also shared.

Food suggestions and how to’s were left so the small intake of food for my brother-in-law would be productive and comforting. Explanations of how to use ginger ale for stomach gas and calming was added into the mix.  Simple suggestions and easy to do things that made a huge step up in the care giving and comfort level were carefully explained and examples shown.  The change in comfort was immediate and the feeling of panic and worry began to be replaced with confidence.

The bath lady arrived…after first being rejected as a privacy issue…she was now welcomed and able to prove her skills in giving a bath to someone who could hardly move or breathe without great labor. The bath was finished in quick order and a light massage was given. My brother-in-law returned to his chair feeling clean, warm and relaxed.  A simple service that a trained professional gives can lift the spirit. Instead of the worry that their son had gone through when he had changed the shower head and added the support chair. Then he had added his dad and tried to help him with the shower, the discomfort was high and the experience was exhausting. Not now. Now the bath lady has the senior in and out of the shower with time to spare.

A Chaplain showed up on the doorstep; just to introduce herself. Not wanting to intrude on comfort or spiritual issues…she just shared time with my brother-in-law and took in the family dynamics around her.  As she met each family member, she chatted easily and yet expertly with them finding their point of pain and bringing it up into the light.

Each time another issue came to a head, my sister was now able to call and get an RN to return her call and assure her of steps to take to keep the care in a positive mode. As the care became more intense, the time of sleep began to dwindle and the help line to the support system grew.

When talking to my brother-in-law the Hospice team noticed that he was a long time retired fire fighter in the city and they asked what station he worked. One of the team stopped by the Firehouse 13 in the north end of the city. A couple of days later, the large fire truck pulled up in front of the house and out came the young men from his old firehouse. Entering the house and standing around my brother –in-law they gave him support and respect of service.  They chatting about old stories and thanked him again for all of his dedication to his duty ‘in his day’. The view of those young men surrounding my brother-in-law as he carefully worked for each breath of air was so over-powering. Honor; it is so important…emotions and love are so dramatic. My brother-in-law was empowered by the visit – his heart soared high that night.

His adult children that had all planned a weeklong camping trip before the Labor Day holiday now put it on hold. They all rallied to the side of my sister. One stayed over at night; (leaving her family of a husband and two young sons) then returning to her own home to care for family during the day. Then she drove over to her mother’s at night to fix dinner and sleep so she could help with nighttime care.  Their son came over every morning early to prepare a good breakfast, fix anything that needed attention and give his dad help with the daily challenges. The other daughter (with a young infant that was sent to the day care) spends time with her family during the day to keep her Dad’s spirit high as he struggled through the pain.

The journey to life’s end, when you’re fighting cancer,  is never a breeze no matter how brave and how the patient fights. But, it can be easier and calmer when you just reach out and ask for help. Hospice is not the ‘end’— it’s the beginning of care and attention that assists a family and patient through life. It is as important as the highly trained pediatric care team is for newborns. It is just a call away – please make that call. Don’t wait for fear and exhaustion to take over and make the journey even harder.

At this moment, we are all working through the end of life issues with my brother-in-law…but now we are all a part of team that belongs to him. Each of us bringing our skills and special love to his side to ease his days and fill his nights.

Honoring all that served…even if it was a long time ago…serving our country, community and family counts. We thank you for your service and embrace your life’s story.

Here is to Hospice…and here’s to a caring family that understands just giving their time and love makes a difference in the journey towards life’s end.

Thank you, francy

George walking with Kirbee

George is still healing from the fall he took two weeks ago. The rib cage is feeling better, but it’s still sore and his bruises have turned to a mud-yellow. It was time to check-in with the physical therapist and the nurse practitioner to review his progress and give us guidance.

Alzheimer’s is a very emotional condition and even though we have doctor appointments that does not mean George wants to get up in the morning. His bed is a safe place from the world of confusion. Everyday is a battle to get him up and going without arguments and upsets.

First, I have to make sure he has an up energy. I start with only positive talk and a strong voice tone. I often take a few deep breaths first so I can pump myself up to hand out the energy to him. A special high protein meal has to be served on a day that he’s going out the door. His medications are given to him early so his dementia pills and Zoloft can kick in and keep him calm. Not to mention his bladder pills that help him from nasty runs to the bathroom all day. Once these pills are given and the meal is taken he already begins to feel better. I also talk to him during that meal. I tell him what we are doing, what is happening in the world and our family. I remind him of a special day or event and talk to him as if we are going on adventure; even if it’s just to the doctor’s office.

Once up and out of bed, I have to be next to him to guide him on his daily groom. He no longer showers without me in the bathroom. His Parkinson’s could kick in at any time and take his balance away so I am there to start the shower and get the water at a comfortable degree. I help him into the tub and then he takes over. When the shower is over; I’m there with a hand to help him out and get dry and attend to his personal needs with a reminder for deodorant and moisturizer cream for his legs.

I have already laid out clothes for the day that fit the situation. George gets very cold these days so even in the summer I have to think of light weight but warmth. Then there is the shaving, the whole teeth clean and another reminder for his face moisturizer with SPF for going outside. As he is grooming; I’m cleaning his glasses and talking to him in an up tone with excitement to keep him interested in his day ahead.

All through this process; he pauses and wants to rest or go back to bed. It’s very important for me to keep focused on his progress and keep him on task in a way that is not pushy – but encouraging. I check how he looks and give his eye brows a trim and choose shoes that are good for walking. Then I get him settled in the living room with the TV news so I can do my own personal groom.

The amount of time it takes to get George ready for an outing is really quite staggering. It leaves very little time for me to get ready and often I skip my own breakfast because the time simply falls away. There is my bag to fill with sugar treats if George gets upset and water for his never-ending thirst because of his medications. Then there is his binder with all his medical notes and ID’s to put into my bag. I must have all of the information because we use the Veteran’s for our health care and they need the numbers and names at a moment’s notice. Then its time to pull out the car and get his walker loaded.

His walker is heavy and really hard for me to get into the back seat. George would want to help me with it if he saw me struggling to get it in the car. I always do it ahead of time so he can get in the car and just relax, not be distracted with anything around him.  I have to remember to have the car cool or warm according to the weather or George gets upset and then I need to be prepared with my map if we are going to a medical office that’s unfamiliar. Luckily, we live very close to our Veteran’s health facility at American Lake. It’s just a short drive with no traffic.

I get George out the door and into the car without using his walker so it takes time to guide him and constantly talk to him to keep him motivated and interested in what we are doing. I give him input on what we will do “after” the appointment so he has something fun to think about, not fuss over the upcoming appointment and wait in the office before we see the doctor.

Once at the parking lot by the medical building I try to park as close to the door as possible so its easy for him to walk. The check-in can be quite complicated and I have to make sure he is seated and calm before I go up to the desk. Then I need to be ready with ID and if I have a letter of review for the doctor it is presented to the staff at this time, to be placed into his file. This way the doctor can pre-read the review of care questions or description of his latest challenges that I want him to address during the appointment.

It was our day for physical therapy appointment and our PT is a very nice man who addressed George with respect and walked him slowly to his office. Once there we reviewed George’s fall and his healing progress. The PT tested him for injuries and gave us a few suggestions for exercises.

This was our second appointment this week and I was busy asking questions of the PT about exercises and what areas I should address in the time coming up. As we finished the appointment, the PT told us that he really could do nothing else and it was up to us to do the exercises and address the physical declines that were coming up. My mind is always clicked into using the time I have with the medical professionals for questions and I was busy checking my notes and then we were walking out the door to the car.

I was getting George tucked into the front seat and trying to get the dumb walker back in the car. My mind running ahead at a stop at the store to get some pre-cooked chicken for dinner and asking George if he wanted an ice cream treat on the way home. I was thinking of getting home to the dogs and making a call to his sister about his appointment results. I was thinking of carefully getting the car backed out of the parking area when I was surrounded by disabled patients all backing out of their parking spots at the same time. I was thinking of the co-pay money and wondering if I had enough to get a few extra things at the store. I was thinking of George being left in the car alone when I ran into the store; did he look like he was calm enough to be left on his own? My mind was going a million miles an hour and I was checking my mirror and getting ready to back out of the parking spot.

George reached over and touched my arm. Reaching for my hand he looked at me and I noticed he had tears in his eyes. I stopped the car, pulled back in the parking space and put on the break and looked at him. He held my hand and squeezed and said. “He could do nothing else, that’s what the doctor said the other day. I think it’s just you and me now, Francy. They have given up on me.”

It hit me. I was so busy with my own mind, my own mental to do list, my own thoughts of the day..that I had forgotten the physical therapist’s wording. He did say he could really not do any thing more. George had heard that and taken it in and it had hit him. I had been so busy thinking and he was busy feeling. I had been worried about the full day and all that I had to do ahead of me and he was “in the moment”. I was busy being in charge of our outing and George was quietly absorbing his surroundings.

George had watched the other Veterans that were clearly in medical stress, and judged his own inability to walk well into the building. Feeling that he did not do well with his physical testing and knowing that there was no medication or treatment that was going to change his Alzheimer’s/Parkinson’s condition. He was coming to the conclusion that his medical team had given up.

We cried together. The loneliness of terminal illness is a very personal time. It hits you in different ways at different times. For George and I its a loss of little bits and pieces of his mind and who George has been in his life. It creeps in the door and sits there in silence until we can absorb it and process it. George was right; the medical staff had nothing else they could do for him.  He was in a decline and there was no stopping it. He had a taken a hard fall and was stunned by the pain of his recent injury when he had been such a strong and athletic all his life. Realizing that his body and his mind simply could not be willed to work…was frightening for him.

His medical team is still there. They are polite and helpful but they have no way to make him well again. All we can do is walk this path together and it does become overwhelming at times. We can  just hold on to each other and feel our way through the hurt. George pulled away and looked out his window. He was ready to go home. So I turned the car back on and began to pull out of the parking space…as I backed up George used a very quiet voice; “I’m glad, I’m not alone, Francy…I need you.”

Don’t let your seniors be alone when their medical team gives up. You may not be able to save the day…but you can save the moment. You can call your parent or family member and give them a giggle. You can stop over and give them a hug. You can put your busy day aside and give them a few minutes of your time. Your senior may know inside that their life’s journey is coming to an end; but they should not have to be on that journey without those that they love and have shared friendship with for years. Go and visit them, give them a reminder that love and friendship never end.

Blessings on you…francy

Friday Special Treat Day

Totally Yummy Easy Energy Shake

I am going to try to update you with a Friday Recipe treat each week. I like to do easy recipes for those living alone, shut-ins, and those that are on real tight budgets. So, you will have a lot to choose from as the weeks go by.

George is getting more and more into shakes instead of solid foods for all his meals. He likes his in the mid-day. Alzheimer’s and it various medications can take away the feeling of hunger. That means its extra important to keep him filled with good food at the right times of the day. He has lost his taste and smell…they have gone down to almost nothing…so to give him a treat that tastes good is not easy. This shake has worked so well for him.

A good energy shake has protein. Now I like to keep protein drinks around so he can have something to give him a Boost during the day…but you can have a can of protein powder on your shelf too. The powder is less expensive and you want to buy a small box not one of the giant sizes. (we leave those big boxes of protein powder for the body builders) I suggest you get the Vanilla flavor so you can add fruit or chocolate, or even some coffee to flavor it in your shakes.

The good news about this shake is that it is easy to do with the new frozen fruits. I don’t know what they are doing, but this new flash frozen fruit is really adding high quality to the shakes. I get a medley of berries and use a couple for nite time treats…and add a cup of them to this shake and I have plenty for a few shakes. I find them at Walmart or Winco very inexpensive and it means I can serve the shakes all through the year. The frozen fruit adds to the taste and the feeling of an ice milk shake that George adores. This is a winner.

You will see that I add a few little things like 1/2 container of yogurt (flavor of your choice) for its rich taste and good probiotic. Then I top that off with a hit of Metamucil…it will add a little bulk to your drink and you will never know it was there!

My brother-n-law is loosing his teeth and they are very sore. He is fighting cancer and it’s not the time to dedicate to dental work. So his food needs to be soft and easy. This is a perfect shake to give him the feeling of a treat with nothing but good stuff in it.

Yes, you can use sugar…but I think we can all use a little less of that and a sugar substitute is so easy to use and no worry over diabetes. You can just do what you like and make it your own treat. You can make it and divide it into two for two people or give yourself one in the fridge to grab at night when you are tired.

This shake is perfect for your day time cooler that I like you to have by your TV chair, too. You will see that changing eating habits is not as hard as you think. If you cooked for 6 and now there are only 2 of you…or if you have lost your spouse and have to prepare food for just yourself. This type of thing is just the ticket.

As a caregiver…take a look at the protein in this drink. Different protein powders give you different measurements. Your senior really does need that protein to keep alert and muscle strong. So try to work a shake in at least twice a week, if not once a day. Adding a banana and other fruits is great too…but the frozen fruits to make this like a milk shake.

Here is the connection for the recipe and you can print it off easily from my recipe page. You will find a lot of family recipes and Shut-In recipes on my page too.

Click Here to Visit and Print Recipe

Shut-In:/ Easy Senior Energy Shake Recipe

• You have a choice here choose one:
•    1 Energy drink like Boost (vanilla flavor) OR
•    1 cup low-fat milk, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder
•    Then add to it, in blender:
•    1/4 cup citrus fruit juice of choice (I use lemon)
•    1 small pack of Splenda sweetener
•    1/4 tsp vanilla
•    1 cup frozen mixed berries (this needs frozen ones)
•    1/2 container of vanilla yogurt
•    1 tsp Metamucil (optional but good for you)